Kaycee.
Tahani and I spent the day binge watching Friends until our eyes gave up and forced us into bed. I was hit with the realization that I had to come back to reality now, and I knew Tahani felt the same way because she had tried to talk about Sean all day ever since I replied harshly to his text. No more laughing over Ross's ridiculous tan. No more crying over Phoebe giving up the triplets. No more judging Chandler for not liking dogs.
It was a nice distraction to focus on something completely different from my own life. Judging someone else and their mistakes. Sure, it was just a TV show but at least I wasn't drowning in my own thoughts about Sean.
"We've been taking turns getting mad at each other, T." I sighed as we slipped into bed. "We haven't been able to talk about this maturely because one of us always gets mad at the other when we try to apologize. It's so childish."
"I mean, we're talking about venting eight years of built up feelings here, Kaycee. That's...a lot." Tahani replied. "Of course you're going to get mad at each other."
"But this is different." I said. "I don't even know if we can get through this."
Tahani laughed, earning a startled look from me. "You guys can and will. That boy will give you all the time in the world, Kayc, for you to be ready."
"Is it unfair of me to want to focus on my career right now? Like, why does nobody understand that? And...I mean, sure, we're more than just partners but don't you think he overreacted just a bit?"
"I'm sorry, Kayc, but I'm with him on this one." Tahani said. "I could only imagine that you would feel the same way if the roles were switched. Tell me how'd you feel if Sean was approached by a girl and he dismissed you by telling her you're just his partner?"
I opened my mouth to defend myself back but clamped it shut instantly and stopped to think. Wow, if Sean was approached by a girl...I don't really even know what I would do.
"See what I mean?" She said, her tone calming and sweet. It was dark but I knew a smile was playing on her lips.
"But what he said at Zoi's class was pretty rude, T. He thinks that I lied to him when I told him the way I felt at the lake house. To have Sean say that, out of all people, to have Sean not trust me, that's like the worst it can get. I need him to understand that it's not one sided."
"He'll come around, girl. I promise. Maybe you coming here was a mistake today because he came to your house to see you."
"No, I don't want to see him right now. I was with him all day yesterday while rehearsing for Blake's song plus I even slept over last night. I was with him the whole of yesterday and we didn't say a word to each other so it's really not going to make a difference."
"Okay, take your time Kayc, but please don't wait too long." Tahani encouraged.
-xxx-
I was at Tahani's for about three days at this point, although I spoke to mom and dad every couple hours to check in. They were concerned, but I guess they understood that I just needed time away from Sean and the only person I really even wanted to be around was Tahani. We watched movies and cooked together, danced together, played some board games, went on walks...it was beyond relaxing. I knew she wanted to see Kobe as well but she still stayed with me.
On the other hand, though, I completely neglected my dance life which was starting to get a bit crazy. Tessandra bombarded me with messages about when to film because I cancelled day after day. I hadn't been to a class since what happened at Zoi's, which was much over a week now. I had my own commitments that I completely sidelined which I knew was only going to harm my own career.
"Kaycee, I need you to come to the studio and rehearse. Please." Tessandra begged me on the phone this afternoon, while I gestured for Tahani to pause the Friends episode playing in front of us.
"I will, I'm so sorry." I apologized.
"I spoke to Laura this morning since you had been ignoring my texts and she said you're free today. Please, come to the venue to practice." She said, her voice overflowing with stress, making it hard to refuse. "I'll pick you up if you need me to."
"Uh, will...will Sean be there?" I cleared my throat.
"It's a partner dance, Kaycee. He's going to have to be there." The sarcasm in her voice made me feel another level of guilt.
"It's just that-",
"Enough." She interrupted sternly, making my heart jolt. "You cannot let these personal issues come in between your career. It's, quite honestly, very immature and a risk, I must say. So you are just going to have to suck it up, put your ego aside and make it to rehearsals today because this is getting out of hand."
"Okay" was all I could mumble and continued mumbling as she went on about what time we're meeting at and what not.
"You two are not leaving till you get this dance right." Tessandra barked before saying bye and hanging up on me.
I threw my phone angrily on the couch and brought my hands up to my head, massaging my temples. I resisted the urge to cry with all my strength.
"I don't want to go!" I yelled.
"Kayc, you're not being fair. You're only thinking about yourself in this situation. You're hurting Sean, you know?"
"You know what, everyone seems to be so concerned about what Sean feels like and how I hurt Sean. My mom has been spamming me with texts about Sean and so has dad. I'm so sick of it. He said some pretty harsh things to me too!" I defended, getting even more agitated as angry tears begun streaming down my face.
"I'm sorry, but what he said to you that one day doesn't compare with the way you've been treating him for years."
That hit home. Tahani's words hurt. Sean meant more to me than anybody else, and everyone made it seem like I threw him around like garbage.
"I'm not saying you've been treating him like shit ever since you you first met him." Tahani was quick to explain. "But what I am saying is that he has...he's been hooked on to you since y'all first met. And maybe you were naive about it when you were younger but you're 16 now. You know that he loves you."
"Okay, and?" I snapped defensively. "Are you saying that I don't love him because you know, I do."
"I'm sorry, Kaycee, maybe you haven't treated him like shit since you were 8 but you've been treating him really badly these past few months." Tahani took a deep breath, knowing I was going to go off on her. "I'm not saying it's intentional, maybe you don't realize that you do it but girl, watching you do it hurts me. I can't imagine what Sean feels like."
I stayed quiet, not knowing how to respond to her attacks.
"Please, Kayc. Just apologize to him. You left his house without saying goodbye and you left your own house as well. That's inexcusable." She continued.
I didn't know what to say, and I was just too exhausted to argue. I wiped the last of my tears and grabbed the remote from Tahani to resume watching Friends. I needed a distraction.
-xxx-
Mom came to pick me up from Tahani's and dropped me off to the venue. She hadn't said a word to me the whole car ride and I knew she was mad. Although we did converse on the phone while I stayed at Tahani's, I knew she was very upset at me for leaving unannounced. If there was one thing mom made clear to me over the years, it was to never run away from your problems. And that was exactly what I'd done.
"I'm sorry." I say as she pulls up in front of the venue.
"I know you are, sweetie." She smiled sadly. "But what you did was so wrong, Kaycee. Not just to me and dad, but to Sean. And everyone else who has been counting on you. You really let Tessandra down."
"I know mom, I'm sorry."
"Well, thank you for apologizing but I hope you talk to Tessandra and Sean, honestly even the rest of the crew. I just...I cannot believe that you resorted to leaving home. That's not an okay thing to do. And honestly, Kaycee, it's a risk on your career. You're being very careless."
"But Sean-",
"You cannot blame this on Sean." Mom interrupted fiercely. "I'm sorry but this wasn't his fault."
"You have no idea what happened." I scoffed, slightly offended that she was defending him.
"Believe me, I know more than you think." Mom almost smirked. I squirmed uncomfortably, till I mumbled goodbye and made my way in.
Sean was already there, sitting in the corner with his phone and AirPods. Typical. It was needless to say that my heart skipped several beats as my eyes traced over him. His signature black hoodie and sweats. His jet black hair resting just above his eyes. Beautiful.
Tessandra, Blake and Tim were deep in conversation till they heard me come in. I could almost hear Blake breathe a sigh of relief, probably because he thought I wasn't going to show up. Tim shot me a warm smile while Tessandra didn't say a word to me. She gestured towards Sean and that was my cue to go talk to him.
"Five minutes." She stated as I walked past her to go to Sean, not even bothering to say hi. "I want you both here in five minutes."
I nodded and gulped my fear down. It was clear everyone felt the tension between Sean and I, because all of them evacuated the hall as if there was a fire or something. But, it was for the best. I wanted to be with him by ourselves just for a few minutes. I made my way over to him and stood in front of his engrossed self, eyes glued to his phone till his eyes instantly shot up to mine. He rose up from his feet, stumbling a little and jerked his AirPods off his ears.
"Hi!" He squeaked.
"Hey." I couldn't help but smile a little at his clumsy self.
"I didn't think you'd come." He chuckled nervously.
"Yeah, me neither." I said.
Sean half smiled in response, revealing the dimples that weakened every bone and muscle in my body. I knew he was just as happy to see me as I was to see him, but the ever so slight anger and pain shone behind his eyes very brightly. The dark circles under his eyes conveyed his lack of sleep and pimples broke out on multiple parts of his once clear and smooth skin. He looked terrible, if I was being honest.
"Kayc, I-",
"I'm sorry." I completed. "I'm really, really sorry."
"Well, you should be." He scoffed coldly. "You had me worried sick. I just...you did so many shitty things, I don't know what to be mad at you for."
"I know, I shouldn't have left like that." I mumbled. "I wasn't thinking straight."
Sean sighed and covered his face with his palms and ran his fingers up his hair, something he'd do when he'd get stressed. I tugged on his arm, trying to force him to look back at me. But he didn't.
"It's not one sided." I said, still holding on to his sleeve, as his harsh words from Zoi's class came running back to me. "This is not one sided at all."
"Kaycee, you don't-",
"To have you say that I lied to you at the lake house because I felt bad was a slap in the face, Sean. Why would you say something like that? I messed up by saying we're just partners, okay? I'm sorry!"
"I can't read your mind, Kaycee!" Sean exclaimed, jerking my hand off his sleeve.
"Sean." I whimpered, grabbing his arm again. "Stop."
I heard his breath hitch as I took a step closer and grabbed his other arm as well. He refused to look me in the eye. He stared blankly at the wall behind me, failing to acknowledge that I wanted to kiss him so bad.
Just do it, Kaycee.
I waited for him to avert his eyes back on me but he was adamant. He continued to stare behind me and I couldn't take it any longer. The next thing I knew, by some grace of God, I found all the courage in the world to get rid of the inches of space between us and set my lips on his. I felt his muscles relax as he exhaled, reciprocating the kiss.
It was another feeling by itself.
—————
I'm overwhelmed by all the content we got today, you guys. I'm shook.
Anyways, thank you for the support and I hope you like it :)