Beautiful

Grey (9)

Kaycee.

Tahani and I spent the day binge watching Friends until our eyes gave up and forced us into bed. I was hit with the realization that I had to come back to reality now, and I knew Tahani felt the same way because she had tried to talk about Sean all day ever since I replied harshly to his text. No more laughing over Ross's ridiculous tan. No more crying over Phoebe giving up the triplets. No more judging Chandler for not liking dogs.

It was a nice distraction to focus on something completely different from my own life. Judging someone else and their mistakes. Sure, it was just a TV show but at least I wasn't drowning in my own thoughts about Sean.

"We've been taking turns getting mad at each other, T." I sighed as we slipped into bed. "We haven't been able to talk about this maturely because one of us always gets mad at the other when we try to apologize. It's so childish."

"I mean, we're talking about venting eight years of built up feelings here, Kaycee. That's...a lot." Tahani replied. "Of course you're going to get mad at each other."

"But this is different." I said. "I don't even know if we can get through this."

Tahani laughed, earning a startled look from me. "You guys can and will. That boy will give you all the time in the world, Kayc, for you to be ready."

"Is it unfair of me to want to focus on my career right now? Like, why does nobody understand that? And...I mean, sure, we're more than just partners but don't you think he overreacted just a bit?"

"I'm sorry, Kayc, but I'm with him on this one." Tahani said. "I could only imagine that you would feel the same way if the roles were switched. Tell me how'd you feel if Sean was approached by a girl and he dismissed you by telling her you're just his partner?"

I opened my mouth to defend myself back but clamped it shut instantly and stopped to think. Wow, if Sean was approached by a girl...I don't really even know what I would do.

"See what I mean?" She said, her tone calming and sweet. It was dark but I knew a smile was playing on her lips.

"But what he said at Zoi's class was pretty rude, T. He thinks that I lied to him when I told him the way I felt at the lake house. To have Sean say that, out of all people, to have Sean not trust me, that's like the worst it can get. I need him to understand that it's not one sided."

"He'll come around, girl. I promise. Maybe you coming here was a mistake today because he came to your house to see you."

"No, I don't want to see him right now. I was with him all day yesterday while rehearsing for Blake's song plus I even slept over last night. I was with him the whole of yesterday and we didn't say a word to each other so it's really not going to make a difference."

"Okay, take your time Kayc, but please don't wait too long." Tahani encouraged.

-xxx-

I was at Tahani's for about three days at this point, although I spoke to mom and dad every couple hours to check in. They were concerned, but I guess they understood that I just needed time away from Sean and the only person I really even wanted to be around was Tahani. We watched movies and cooked together, danced together, played some board games, went on walks...it was beyond relaxing. I knew she wanted to see Kobe as well but she still stayed with me.

On the other hand, though, I completely neglected my dance life which was starting to get a bit crazy. Tessandra bombarded me with messages about when to film because I cancelled day after day. I hadn't been to a class since what happened at Zoi's, which was much over a week now. I had my own commitments that I completely sidelined which I knew was only going to harm my own career.