Josh was right.
The next week is a bad week.
With him working overnight and me working in the morning, we're on opposite schedules. He's free when I'm working and he's working when I'm free. It's a long week. We text each other when we can but it's just not the same. I miss him terribly. I look forward to Friday all week since we agreed I would spend the weekend with him.
On Friday, I accompany Cassie to her little niece's school. It's Career Day and she chose Cassie to come in to speak in front of the class. She invited me earlier in the week and I didn't have anything better to do so I said why not? and got out of work early. I have been using the gym as a distraction in the evenings. Even I don't recognize myself. Josh has made a miracle in me.
"My brother is an architect and his wife a banker and she chooses me," Cassie smiles. "I'm obviously flattered but you can imagine how they feel."
I smile. "I'm sure they understand."
She laughs. "Yeah, right."
I haven't stepped foot on an elementary school since I was an elementary student. I find myself enjoying the environment. Seeing little kids in classrooms in their little uniforms. I have a weird sense of deja vu.
I wait in the back of the classrooms with the other adults and enjoy the presentation. Cassie is wearing her nurse scrubs making her look super professional. She should be very proud of what she has accomplished. I look around the classroom and find myself thinking about what it would be like to be an elementary school teacher. I know I gave up on the illusion in becoming a teacher long ago because of the pay but I'm old enough to know that money isn't everything. I know it would be a very rewarding job. I decide to look into it.
"That was great," I say to Cassie when it's all over.
We decided to have lunch after and came to a pizza restaurant. It's a beautiful day out and it makes it even better in knowing that it's Friday. It means I get to see Josh.
"Yeah, thank you for coming."
"Of course," I say then look down at my phone when it vibrates. It's a text from Josh: can't wait to see you tonight. Don't be late.
I smile like an idiot as I text him back.
Excuse me, I didn't know we had an appointment.
My phone begins to ring a second later. I stand up and look at Cassie. "Sorry, I have to take this."
"No worries," she smiles at me.
I answer as I make my way outside. The glass doors are right next to where we're sitting so I don't have to go far. "Hey."
"You do have an appointment with me, missy," Josh says on the other end. "For the whole weekend."
I laugh. "How did you manage to get the weekend off again?"
"Changed a few shifts."
"Great," I smile. "I really miss you."
"I miss you more. I booked something for us."
"Where?" I ask excitedly.
"Just a resort somewhere."
"Where though?"
"Somewhere." He chuckles. "Just be ready. I'll pick you up tonight."
"Can't wait."
"Believe me, I can't either."
"Okay, I have to go I'm having lunch with my roommate. See you tonight."
"Alright, be careful, bye."
"Bye."
I hang up then walk back inside. Cassie is looking at me with a smile on her face. "What?" I finally ask.
"You're seeing someone, aren't you?"
I smile reaching for my cup of water. "Maybe."
She gasps with a smile. "You can't even deny it! Is it serious?"
"It's fun," I say then shrug. "He makes me feel good."
"That's all that matters." Cassie agrees.
"How are you doing? We haven't really had the chance to talk." I ask, trying to change the subject.
"Good," She says slowly. "Time is the cure to heartbreak. All I can do is wait."
"Very true."
"So tell me more about this guy," she says with a smile.
I look at her and consider telling her the truth. Do I know her good enough to guess her reaction? She was there at the very end of my relationship with Brad. She saw me cry for him and running after him. What is she going to think of me when she finds out I'm now sleeping with his brother? I'm not an angel but not everyone needs to know that.
"Not a lot to tell," I finally say. "Like I said, we're having fun."
"Fun?" She wiggles her eyebrows. "I'm guessing the sex is great?"
I blush. "The sex is amazing. That's all I'm going to say on the subject."
She laughs. "Fair enough."
I change the subject to avoid talking about Josh. I'm scared I'm going to slip and say something. We actually have a nice lunch. It's nice to go out and be present in the moment. Often times I find myself hanging out but my mind is a thousand miles away. I really like Cassie. She's very easy to talk to and she gets my humor which is rare because I'm very weird.
We get back to the apartment at around seven in the evening. I take a long shower, thinking about Josh. I really cannot wait to see him. I have no idea where we're going so I pack a little of everything: a pair of jeans, shorts, two blouses, a long-sleeve, a sweater, and even a bikini because who the hell knows what we're going to be doing. I change into leggings with a blouse and slip on my Vans. I'm ready just in time. Josh sends me a text to let me know he's outside.
I smile and grab my bag. "Heading out!" I call out as I'm passing Cassie's room just so she knows I'm leaving. "Bye!" She calls. I head out the front door and lock it before heading out to the parking lot.
It's dark out but I see Josh leaning against his pickup. He's still wearing his uniform. He looks hot, of course. He looks good in anything he puts on. He grins when he sees me and opens his arms. I walk right into them and hug him tightly. Finally. What a long week it's been without seeing him or feeling his arms around me. He kisses the top of my head before we pull apart and get on the truck.
"So? Where are we going?" I ask as he drives.
"We're actually not leaving until tomorrow," he says then glances at me and gives me an innocent smile. "Sorry, I just couldn't wait to see you."
"So you decided to kidnap me."
He chuckles. "Something like that, yeah."
I roll my eyes at him, smiling. My smile really couldn't get any bigger if I tried. We get to his apartment and he carries my bag. "So how was work?" I ask him as we walk.
"Tough." He sighs. "It was one of those days."
It occurs to me that I haven't really thought about what Josh and all the other firefighters go through in their every day jobs. They save people but they probably lose some too and that can't be easy. A good day at work is a day they get to go home at the end. I don't want to think about what a bad day looks like.
"Sorry to hear that," I say as we walk in.
He turns on the lights and locks the door. "It's alright." He reaches for my hand and pulls me to him. He puts his arms around me then leans in to kiss me. It's a slow kiss. A tired kiss.
I pull away and study him. "You look very tired." I trace the dark circles under his eyes with my finger. "Have you gotten any sleep?"
He half smiles. "I'm fine."
"You need to sleep."
He tightens his arm around my waist. "I need you."
I smile. "You're so stubborn."
We head down to his bedroom. I get ready for bed while he gets in the shower. I'm laying on the bed, watching The Office, when my phone rings.
"Hey, Mom." I answer.
"Hi, sweetie."
"What's up? Everything alright?"
"Oh, yeah, everything is fine. I just wanted to know how you were."
"I'm good," I say as Josh gets out of the bathroom. He's shirtless, only wearing his boxer briefs, and I allow my eyes to travel down his body. He's so damn sexy. "Sorry I haven't called. How are you? How's dad?"
"Good, everyone's good here. Are you coming tomorrow?"
I watch as Josh dries his hair with the towel then he walks to the bed and lays down next to me. "No, Mom, I'm sorry. I won't be able to make it," I say distractedly as Josh puts his arm around my waist. He kisses the crook of my neck and rests his head on my shoulder. I put my arm around him and trace my fingers on his back.
"That's alright, honey." She pauses. "Have you spoken with Brad at all?"
I frown. "No, I haven't. Why?"
"He-paid us a visit today. He talked about how much he missed you. You two were always so great together."
I look up at the ceiling, trying to control my anger. "Mom, he cheated on me. It's over."
"I know, I know. It's just sad that it had to end that way."
"Sure. Uh-listen I have to go. Take care okay? Say hi to dad for me."
"Okay. You take care too. Love you."
"Love you too, ma. Bye."
I hang up and set my phone down. "I can't believe him." I murmur to Josh but he doesn't say anything. I look down and realize that he fell asleep. How tired he must have been to fall asleep so quickly? The fact that he knew he was this tired yet he still went to get me because he wanted me here. The thought makes me want to cry but I'm sure most of it is from the anger I feel towards Brad right now. If Josh weren't sleeping on my shoulder, I would go and look for Brad right now.
How dare he go talk with my parents? What is his plan? Manipulate them so they can manipulate me to get back together with him? I've run out of patience with him. He's way out of line here.
I take a deep breath, trying to let the anger go because I can't do anything about it right now. I don't want to ruin my weekend with Josh so I know I'm going to have to wait. Brad will get a piece of my mind either way. He needs to stop this madness. He needs to stop being a child about this and let me go once and for all.
I focus on Josh's even breaths and I'm able to calm down. I turn off the TV and enjoy this moment with him. He feels so vulnerable asleep on my shoulder with his arm around my waist. I feel him breathing against my collarbone. I don't dare move. I don't want to wake him. He probably hasn't slept in God knows how long. He needs to be more mindful of that. I know he probably pushes his body to the limits in everything he does and that's not always a good thing for his health.
Josh and Brad are so different yet they share their stubbornness, their determination in the things they want. It's the reason they have never gotten along. Is that what I'm attracted to? No, I decide. What attracts me to Josh is his ability to make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world. He makes me feel wanted. These are things I value more now as a woman. It was different with Brad. He had the part of me that believed in true love, that believed in marrying your high school sweetheart.
It's a parallel. I've given them parts of me I'll probably never get back. No matter where this goes or where it ends, I'll always be bound to them... and they don't even know it.
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