"What brings you here Fiela?" Jimin asks with a quirky smile.
"My appointment,"
"Ah I see. Take a seat dear child," he warms up with a smile already taking a pen and note book in his hand.
The therapist. You would never find me here but lately I've been so out of it that I needed professional help or at least some word of advice.
Jimin is the best at what he does and Andrea always said he was a good listener. "Therapy is viewed in different ways to people. A normal human being would think that they can solve their problems all on their own and another normal human being would resort to detaching himself or herself from the world and problems. But the reality is a person needs to be heard before reaching a breaking point. Therefore therapy is a healing power of higher excellence and is recommended to everyone."
I smile at how focused and attached he is in explaining what therapy is. "Yeah but it's costly,"
"For you Fiela, I charge free," he says with a bright smile.
"Really?" I rub my arm feeling happy. "Thank you Jimin,"
"No problem, but only for the three day trial," he says before getting serious again. "What I offer is basically the start of a treatment or problem, then we go on to meditation and redemption. I will then alter you into a deep level of focus on a spiritual level almost like a hypnosis, only if needed. But I doubt you want to be hypnotised,"
I bite my lip listening to everything he's saying. "After hearing my problems, you'll reconsider the last part,"
"Let's begin shall we," he clicks his pen jotting down something on his page slowly nodding his head.
He gets up quickly walking to me and adjusting the chair gently helping me relax on the chair that's making me look up to the ceiling.
"What seems to be the problem?" He asks from his chair. "If you feel the need to close your eyes you can, if you feel the need to cry you can. Nothing is restricted here. Commit yourself to the process and trust it,"
I nod my head closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, thinking back to where this all started.
"You don't have to force anything out just allow yourself to be free with your words and they will flow out of your mouth. Don't think, let it go," Jimin advices.
"Okay.. Uhm. Well I'm getting this memory. This memory of my wedding day. I remember standing at the alter looking at Jungkook.." I smile slightly. "At the time I was so happy yet so confused, because right there in front of me was the man who I had declared I'd spend the rest of my life with...and uh.. at the same time the man I also loved was beside me telling me to say the vows. I honestly thought that Yoongi and I would be together forever but it didn't turn out that way." I sigh lightly already feeling a bit guilty. "I... I'm... I don't like this." I declare. Already revealing something so deep within me has my heart beating fast.
Jimin's calm voice cuts through the silence after a while. "Always opening up from the start helps you to reveal yourself more and hidden uncertain feelings. You're doing good, it's not bad. You're trusting the process,"
"Okay.." I bite my lip continuing. "So the day I told Yoongi that I was getting married to Jungkook.. I kinda wanted him to react and...I don't know...maybe realise he needed me and all that but instead he told me that what I felt wasn't love but lust. He said that if I didn't remove my eye from him then I'd ruin the one thing that would save me. And that was Jungkook.. After Yoongi told me that, it took me a while but eventually I realised that Jungkook was there to save me from the worst version of myself. He... He transformed me you know. I wasn't always like this..ha. I wasn't even the way I am right now. I would've been a bad person on my own. Always wanting things I shouldn't want and maybe even neglecting my own child but no... because Jungkook was always there. He was like my saviour. Always ready to give me a helping hand or advice or even just a generous hug. I guess I took the chance and jumped right into his open. It was the most beautiful experience of my entire life I won't lie. I know that I love him very much..his arms are always there to support and balance me. He makes me feel important you know. Everything about him is wonderful- he makes me so happy that at times I don't even feel the need to stand because I know he's already standing for me. I love how every morning I start my day by looking at him and already knowing that I never want to leave his side." My heart shakes just thinking back. "Oh gosh at times I feel crazy.. it's either I'm crazy for him or I'm just crazy.. Of course we've had our ups and downs, some major, others just not worth it, but never has it made me feel insecure until his childhood friend came back in his life." I swallow the bitter taste in my mouth. I slump in my seat already realising that my mind has led me to the topic of Hwasa.
"You feel crazy? Childhood friend? I assume his childhood friend is a third party,"
"Her name is Hwasa. I don't like her. Everything about her is wrong. Everything about her is... the version of myself that I would've become without Jungkook. The way she dresses to the way she talks, especially around him. I've only seen her twice but it's enough for me to know what kind of person she is. I can see her motives that she wants to take Jungkook away from me. Always calling him at night and just being so damn extra. I don't like her- I don't care if I'm judging her, I can't help it. What's worse is that he doesn't even seem bothered by it. Always telling me that she's his childhood friend over and over again, that when she's touching him or giggling in his ear or spending the entire night on the phone with him-" I stop myself as I feel my head is about to explode. "She's a homewrecker and I don't like having to force Jungkook to look at me because he naturally does that but ever since she's came it's always about her. I feel crazy because I just react and...it's so stupid. I end up making myself a fool and even looking like an insane idiot."
"Very interesting points you pointed out back there. Can I ask you, do you have anger issues? Or do know how to manage your anger?"
"I don't knpw.. but," I open my eyes rolling them. "It's not even about me being angry. It's him and her."
"Do you trust him?" Jimin asks.
My mind stops for a minute and I try to process what he's asking me. I do trust Jungkook- every bit of me does. I never will doubt that. I trust him but I don't trust her. I close my eyes and nod my head. "I trust him.."
"Do you feel the need to be breathing down his neck? In order to remind him that he's in it with you?" He asks. "If you know he won't do you dirty and he's arms are always around you, then why do you pay mind to this childhood friend?"
I open my mouth...
"I'm afraid... I'm afraid that the same way Jungkook saved me will be the same way he'll sweep Hwasa of her feet and in his arms."
•
Later on at night after Fiela's shift
The stars are out the moment I step foot out my car. Meaning that the weather isn't that bad or will not be bad for the next coming days. Unfortunately I have work for the whole week and night shift on Sunday- I'm not ready for any of it especially with these new teenage parents.
Don't get me started on their impatience and continuous nagging about stuff I've advised before- I could just chop my ears off one time.
My car shifts in next to Jungkook's black jeep, without realising it I praise the heavens that he's home and not out there doing investigations or spending time with that childhood friend.
The garage gate naturally closes by its self as I step out stomping on the soft grass onto the trails to the front door. I stick the key in the keyhole wanting nothing more but to lay down on my front and sleep.
"How is the house? Are you adjusting well?" Is the first thing I hear from Jungkook as I enter.
He's standing by the little table where we put the mail with his phone pressed to his ear.
"It's too small? Do you need me to buy you another one?" My eyes enlarge just as he chuckles. "Oh c'mon Hwasa I know you very well. You love it,"
Did he buy her a house?
"No problem, anytime." He says while turning around holding a bunch of papers. I check the time making sure to time him.
I walk through the hallway leaving him to speak on the phone with her.
The cheerful voice of my daughter's sets my mood a bit lighter. "Mummy!"
"My babies," I bend down hugging both of them as they jump on me. "How are you girls?"
"Fine," the say with big smiles.
"Look what Daddy bought for me!" Gemma announces. "Paint,"
"That's nice, did you make any paintings?" I ask getting up walking ahead of her to the kitchen, where I smell food.
"Yes. I made a portrait of our family,"
"Hey mum," Aufilea greets wiping her hands on her apron coming over to hug me. "Mum you look so cold and irritated,"
"Cold?" I ask setting my bag on the table.
"Yeah your face looks straight up annoyed- look what Gemma drew. She didn't include me in the picture," Aufilea complains. Gemma and Aufilea, I have no idea why there's such this strong tension between them.
Gemma for some reason doesn't like Aufilea and always excludes her from anything she does, where as Aufilea tries to be the bigger sister and be cool about it but I know it's hurting her.
"Gemma for the last time Aufilea is your older sister. Stop behaving rude towards her." I say tiredly tasting the soup nodding my head approvingly. Aufilea gleefully rejoices running to the other side of the kitchen continuing to cut the onions.
Gemma follows Aufilea, quickly hugging her legs before running out the kitchen.
I feel heavy arms around my waist and spot Jungkook still with the phone to his ear. He turns me around briefly kissing my lips and smiles. "Why didn't you greet me?"
I motion to the phone by his ear. He nods with understanding. He excuses himself and I watch him as he leaves the room turning back to Aufilea. She smiles and shakes her head.
"I thought he was with you on the phone," she says. "Ever since I came home he's been on the phone,"
I close my eyes feeling annoyed already. I'll give him an hour. If he's still on the phone then... the heavens must be with him because all of hell will be with me.
•
"Thank you Aufilea for the food it was so delicious," Gem says with a big smile jumping from her chair taking her plate to the kitchen.
Gemma nods her head. "I'll paint that you're the best cooker,"
Aufilea smiles proudly looking at me. I grin placing my hand on her head allowing my fingers to comb through. "Good job,"
"Oh come on mum, you're making me feel like my food usually tastes horrible?" She chuckles a little.
I shrug my shoulders placing the remaining dishes altogether. "Yeah well you're food is greasy at times. Remember that time you messed up the spaghetti. But till today I ask myself how could you have screwed up that spaghetti?"
Aufilea quickly frowns. "I didn't screw it up,"
"Yes you did.." Gemma whispers. We both laugh when Aufilea starts complaining going with the plates to the kitchen. She goes upstairs coming back down with more dishes.
"Where's that from?" I ask.
Aufilea looks to the plate and back at me. "Dad said I should bring his food up to his study instead,"
I say nothing standing up holding Gemma's hand as we go to the kitchen helping Aufilea and Gem to clean up the dishes. Gem stands on the stool removing the soaked dishes from the water with her rubber gloves and hands to Aufilea to wash off, before leaving it in Gemma's hands so that she can dry it off. I put all the dishes back in the drawers, as well as cleaning around the countertops.
I send them all to their rooms and I head up to Jungkook's study slowly hearing him laughing. Jimin's words linger in my head but my own thoughts cloud over what he says and all I can think about is what I want to do to that phone.
I enter his study seeing him on his chair holding his phone to his ear facing the back. I walk up behind his chair quickly grabbing his phone from the side seeing the hours they've spent talking. I move away as Jungkook looks back turning his chair around. "What the- Fiela please,"
I shake my head keeping my eyes on the phone, still hearing her speak.
My lips produce no words as my hands feel very heavy by the weight of the phone and that voice. I rush in anger as my hand violently throws his phone against the wall watching his screen crack up.
"What the?" He stands up in shock. "Fiela!"
"What are you gonna do?" I question walking infront of him. His jaw is clinched and his eyes are tightly shut. He walks past me to the floor squatting.
"You missed supper because of her. I did warn you about spending an hour with that girl. Four hours? You guys spent four hours talking. What the even hell were you-"
"Fiela." He stops his motion on the floor, standing up barely looking at me. "Get out."
"Why?" I pace over to him taking his phone again throwing it over to the other wall watching it as it breaks.
He grabs my shoulders shoving me to the wall.
I push him back shoving his chest. "Why are you getting angry? Because I broke your phone or because you didn't finish talking to her? I will destroy that phone if it means you stay away from her."
"Stay away? Do I make it a big deal when you're with your Pastor?" He looks me in the eye forcing me back against the wall. "Are you mad? Are you actually going mad?"
I push his hands away from my shoulders. "Mad! So you have the right to spend hours on the phone with another woman and I should what? Wait around for you? That's what you're on about?"
He just stares at me completely enraged and bewildered.
"I will not take that! Not from my own husband! If you're wondering who that husband is, it's you. I will not take it. Not from you!" I point hard on his chest. Pushing him back hard, I stomp over to his desk banging on his table. "And then you'll tell me, oh no I was working? I don't even see you working anymore!" I open all the drawers shaking my head.
"Fiela-" he says but I'm quick when opening the window throwing his other spare phone out straight to the concrete floor. "What the hell! Fiela! Are you high? Are you on crack!"
He grabs both my hands but I yank him away. "Crack?! You think I'm-" furiously, I leave his study. Heading to our room completely angered and laughing in anger. I lock myself in the toilet placing my hand on my stomach feeling uneasy. I begin crying after minutes of panting hard. He didn't even understand why I did what I did, calling me mad and asking if I'm on crack?
I groan in pain rubbing my stomach again.
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Chapter 11