I felt like my legs were going to collapse from with under me. I felt my face start to sweat and my heart felt like it was beating in my throat.
"Nessa, what is this?"
I hear his voice start to go a little frantic, and I knew I needed to tell him the truth. I just felt ambushed and knew my time had run out. I tried to form the words but they just wouldn't come out, then I started talking without even thinking.
"It's not mine."
"Nessa, it was in your bathroom, in your apartment."
"I-I was told to not tell anybody, but it's.. Raelynn's."
I didn't even think about the words I was saying. I just started telling him lies, like it was second nature at this point.
"She is really scared and freaking out so please don't tell anybody."
"So Raelynn is pregnant?"
"Yes.."
"And Mav doesn't know?"
"No, but I think she's going to tell him soon."
He paused and didn't say anything for a second.
"Phew, I was really worried for a second. I thought you were pregnant."
"Yea... that's crazy."
"We would have had problem."
He started walking to the trashcan to throw the test away.
"Uhm.. why would it have been a problem exactly?"
"We're not even 20 yet, Nessa. Plus we just started to rebuild everything. Having kid is the last thing on my mind."
"Haha.. yea.. same."
I went over and sat down.
"You good? You look like you're gonna faint."
"Yea..I'm fine. I'm good."
"Okay, well I'm gonna head home then."
"Okay. I'll talk to you later."
"Okay."
He kissed me on my head, and then walked out.
I sighed and then sank into the couch. I had the one chance to tell him the truth and I blew it again. At this point, I had dug myself so far down that not even the truth could save me. I got up and went to bed.
NEXT MORNING
I got up and looked over at my phone.
Cade✌🏼
meet a my place at 2. we need to talk.
I groaned and rolled back into my bed. I knew that he wanted to finish up what happened in the studio yesterday, and there wasn't anyway I could avoid it. If I ignored him he would either keep asking or just show up. I felt a pit in my stomach and then hurried and rushed over to the toilet. My lies were taking over my life, and as much as I wanted to tell the truth everything would unfold faster than I would be able to keep up with. I stood up off the floor and stood over my sink. I splashed some water on my face and then just looked at myself in the mirror. I took a deep breath and then got in the shower to start getting ready.
MY OUTFIT
I finished up my makeup and then walked out of my bathroom. I picked up my phone and looked at the time.
1:30
I took a deep breath, and grabbed my keys and walked to my car. I got in and headed over to Cade's. A million things were running through my head. I didn't even know how I would even begin to tell him. Before I knew it I pulled into his residence parking garage. I sat in my car with the air conditioning blasting in my face so I wouldn't puke or pass out. I sat there and just thought about everything that happened the night of my song release party. I went through the what-ifs like what if I never went after Z and just stayed at the club or if I never went over to Cade's that night. I felt a tear fall down my face. There was so much that had happened since I met Z and I never thought that it would take me here. I sat there for another second and a buzz from my phone that. snapped me out of my thinking. I looked down and saw Cade's contact.
Cade✌🏼
you can't keep ignoring me, Nessa.
I looked down and saw a tear fall onto my screen. I wiped my face, and got out of my car and got in the elevator. I stood there and waited until I got to his floor. I walked out and walked to his door, and took a second and then knocked. I felt like I stood there for an eternity. I heard some footsteps and I felt my heart sink. I thought that I could just turn around and run down the stairs and just get into my car. Before I could move he opened the door.
"Hey."
I stared at him for a moment and didn't say anything. I felt so much anxiety and was completely overwhelmed. I just wanted to run away.
".....I-I can't do this.."
I started to back away, but he gently grabbed my arm.
"Nessa."
I looked down and saw the tears fall onto his arm. I looked up at him, and he looked at me and then pulled me into a hug. I tried to hold in the tears, but I broke down in his arms. I felt him pull me closer, and. I just continued to cry. I lost track of time, but eventually I got myself together. I pulled away and looked up at him.
"Nessa, talk to me."
I kept looking up at him, and then I brushed past him and walked into his apartment. I walked over and sat on the couch. He kept looking at me and then shut the door and walked over and sat down.
"What's going on?"
I sat there and looked at the floor.
"Nessa, please. You're scaring me."
I looked up at him and paused.
"When I met you, I didn't know that any of this was going to happen. I didn't plan for... us to happen."
"Nessa, what's going on?!"
"I'm..I'm so sorry, Cade."
I felt the tears start to roll down my cheeks again.
"I didn't mean for this to happen."
He then got this look over his face like he saw a ghost, and then I knew that he realized what was going on.
"Nessa, please don't tell me."
I felt the tears start to come faster.
"I'm so so sorry, Cade."
He got up and starting pacing back and forth. He kept going back and forth for awhile and then he stopped.
"How far are you?"
"I-I don't know. I took a test like two days ago."
"And it took you this long to say something?"
"I'm sorry I was kind of trying to figure my shit out and which one of you I was going to talk to first."
"What do you mean which one?"
I realized that I never told Cade about what happened with me and Z after I left the party.
"Nessa, is this kid even mine?"
"I...I-I I don't know."
"What the hell do you mean you don't know? Who the fuck else have you been sleeping with!?"
"Cade, stop!"
"Nessa, this isn't some argument over some random shit. This is a fucking baby we're talking about!"
"Don't you think I know that, Cade! Don't you think I fucking realize that!"
I grabbed my phone and keys and started walking the door. I opened it and Cade came behind me and slammed it shut.
"Are you insane!"
"You don't get to storm out when this concerns me too. You try to run away from a lot of shit but I'm not letting you run away from this."
"Well, I'm not gonna stand here and get yelled at for who the hell I sleep with as if it's any of your business. When we can talk about this like adults let me know."
I pushed his arm away, opened the door, and ran down the stairs. I walked down to the parking deck and got in my car. I slammed my car door and held my tears back. I started my car and drove back to my place. I took a deep breath and then got out of my car, and walked inside. I put my keys down and turned the lights on. I turned around and almost peed on myself.
"Omg!"
"Hahah, hey. Did I scare you?"
"Yea, you did."
"Sorry. I wanted to surprise you."
I looked over and saw dinner was set on my table, and a vase of roses was on the counter.
"Zion, what is this?"
I heard my phone ring and looked down and saw Cade's contact. I looked at it for a second, and then denied it.
"You looked off today, and I know we decided to go slow, but I wanted to do something special for you."
I heard my phone ring again and denied it again.
I looked around and started to tear up.
"I'm sorry, it probably was too much-"
I rushed over and pulled him in and kissed him.
"I love you."
"Are you okay, Nessa?"
I chuckled through my tears.
"Yes, I'm good... now. I just..I love you so much."
"I love you too."
I kissed him again over and over until I couldn't anymore which was for awhile might I add. I just never wanted to let him go. I just wanted to stay in that moment forever because I knew it was gonna come crashing down soon. I let go and just look up at him.
"I'm gonna go change and then we can eat okay?"
"Okay."
I kissed him one more time and walked to my room.
"I'm gonna look for a movie to watch after, okay?"
"Okay."
I took off my clothes and put on one of Z's t shirts and some leggings. I heard the house phone ring.
"Hey, Z can you get that!"
"Yea, one sec."
I looked for my brush and brushed out my hair, and heard the phone ring one last time and then heard it stop. I put some deodorant on and then walked out of my room.
"Sorry, I was texting the guys and missed it."
"You're fine. It was probably my mom. She'll just leave a message."
"Yea."
"Oh, let me go grab my charger."
I walked back into my room and grabbed a charger and heard a voice coming from the living room. I walked back to the living room.
"Who are you talking to?-"
I was stopped by the voice who was talking and I felt like my life was crashing in front of me. I looked over at Z and he had the same look on his face. We both just listened to the voice on the voicemail box finish speaking.
"Nessa, I'm sorry for how I acted earlier. I know that this is really hard on you, and whether the baby is mine or someone else's I'll be here for you. Please don't shut me out this time, Nessa. This kid is mine as much as it is yours. And even if it isn't I'll be there with you every step. Please call me back. I....I love you."
I heard the voicemail shut off and closed my eyes and let the tears roll down my face. Everything that I tried to keep inside exploded right in front of me. I looked at Z and saw him look down at the floor.
"Zion.."