I just stare at the indifferent expression on Mikaels face as he speaks of Maxim.
"You don't like him very much do you? Other than all this drama here, what's your issue with him?"
Mikael, "Maxim has no respect. That's it. I earned my place and the respect owed to me in this family. He hasn't. But he still expects people to bow down to him."
"Yeah I can't stand that kind of mentality either. Well I'm pleasantly surprised by how this meeting has gone down. But I think it's time for me to head back."
Mikael, "You shouldn't be riding without protective gear little one."
I sigh, "I know. I have to remember I'm pregnant now more often. Although I'm sure I'll be the size of a house soon and won't have any trouble remembering!"
We both laugh at that. I see Mikael smiling gently at me.
Mikael, "Even though you didn't love him the way he loved you, I'm glad Vladimir had you in his life for a while. Thank you for seeing past his past and giving him a chance to redeem himself."
"He deserved better than what Nikolai did to him. I wish I had done more to hurt Nik."
Mikael, laughing, "Trust me, having your balls ripped out is as bad as it can get torture ways, when it comes to men. You did good! I'm proud of you!"
I blush at his praise. What! I never blush. But my dad never told me he was proud of me. He told me I did a job well done. But never that he was proud. I smile sweetly at Mikael. He blinks. Then blinks again.
"What?"
Mikael, "You are absolutely breathtaking when you smile kindly. I'm not being a creep. Vlad was like my son, he loved you, I see you like a daughter. But you've been either angry or sad since you got here. I can see you're beautiful but didn't realize how stunning you are when you smile."
"Thank you Mikael. That's very kind of you to say."
He looks like he wants to say something, but then like he changed his mind.
"What? I can tell you have something to say. Don't hold back please. I respect honest conversation!"
Mikael, "I don't want to overstep little one. But I want to give you some advice. Don't push away your man, because you're scared of losing him!"
I jerk like he electrocuted me.
"You think I'm pushing Daly away?"
Mikael, sighing, "Yes. I did that with my first wife. Our life is dangerous. I was always worried about losing her, and I felt like that worry, that fear, was making me weak. So I pushed her away. With neglect, with words, and finally when I cheated on her. After she left me, I knew what I had done. But there's no going back from something like that. When I fell in love with my current wife, I swore I would not let fear rule me. And I haven't. I still feel the fear of loss, but I don't let it rule me!"
I sigh. "You're right of course. I know that's what I'm doing, but I can't seem to control it. How do you do it? What's the secret?"
Mikael, "Imagine your life without him. Without his voice, without his touch, without his smiles. Without his love. That will help you to calm."
I tried imagining my life without Daly in it. My breath seized in my chest and I thought my heart was going to crash through my rib cage it was pounding so hard.
Mikael, "Ssshhh little one. Ssshhh. It's ok. He hasn't left yet. Apologize. Explain. He will understand if he loves you as you love him!"
I calm, "Ok. You're right. Thank you Mikael. For everything."
Mikael, "I will leave now little one, and I will start the removal of my people. I will let you know how it is going, and when it is complete and safe for you all."
"Will I ever see you again?"
Mikael, smiling gently, "Ahh, who knows. Life is very unpredictable. Maybe I will come with my wife for a visit once these babies are here, yes?!"
"That sounds great Mikael. I'd love to meet the woman who handles you!"
We laugh together. He stands from the bench, leans over and gently kisses me on my forehead.
Mikael, "Be safe little one. And stop hiding your heart. Show your man trust. And let him love and protect you too, even if you don't need it. Us poor men need to feel needed. Ok!?!"
I nod but don't reply. I feel sad to see our time together ending. What's life come to when you feel closer to a Russian mob boss than you ever did to your own father.
I sit on my bike and watch Mikael head down the pier and hop into a speedboat that's docked there. With one last smile and a jaunty wave he's gone!
I sit there a bit longer, thinking about everything that we had discussed. I understood why Nik was scared of Mikael. Even with his kindness towards me, I could sense the power behind his genial facade.
I couldn't believe this situation was almost complete. That we were almost free of Maxim and his games. As that thought finally saturates my mind, I feel like a big weight has been lifted.
I start my bike and head towards my cousins house. I need to notify them of what's happened. I probably should tell Daly first, but once I see him, I don't want to talk to anyone else for a while. I just want to be in his arms. I miss my husband. I miss my love.
********************************
As I get to my cousins house, I see their front door fly open and a mob of men start running towards me.
A mob of mobsters! Lol! Ok, not the time to crack jokes. Obviously they're either very worried, or very angry, or knowing this lot, both!
I stop in front of Raf. Before I can say anything, Daly barrels past everyone and grabs me off my bike. He holds me close to his chest and just as I felt like everything might be fine, he places his hands on my stomach.
Daly, "Are they ok? Did they get hurt?"
I stiffen up. He really doesn't care about me at all? Just the babies?
I try to remember Mikaels words. And so I try not to say anything cruel by lashing out. But I can't stand his hands on me. I pull away from him, and reply as calmly as I can.
"They're fine. I never got off the bike."
I turn my back on him. Still calmly I find Raf and Aiden in the crowd.
"We have things to discuss. Mikael was not quite what I was expecting. Let's go inside and I'll tell you all about what was said!"
They look at each other, then back at me and nod in agreement. We all make our way to the lounge.
I'm not sure where Daly is. I can't look at him right now. I'm hurt, but it was my own fault. I know how proud Daly is. He's not going to take my treatment or my words well.
I sigh quietly but keep my head up, not showing weakness. Not showing feelings. I'm going to get through this calmly.
Whatever happens, I'm going to be ok. Because I have to be strong and happy for my babies.
Once everyone is seated, I tell them all about my conversation with Mikael. Except for his advice about Daly that is. After I was done, it was quiet for a good few minutes as everyone thought about what was said.
Rom, "Do you trust him Sorella?"
I look at Rom in surprise.
"Since when do you care about my opinion Rom?"
Rom, sighing, "You have good instincts when it comes to people."
I scoff, "Sure I do!"
I throw Quinn a disgusted look, even though I try to keep myself neutral. He explodes out of his seat.
Quinn, "I'm sorry! So fucking sorry. People say stupid shit when they're scared alright! You know I didn't mean it. FUCK! I always fuck everything up!"
And he drops back into his seat and puts his head in his hands, head bowed.
The room is deathly silent, until I see Quinn's shoulders moving and hear him crying quietly.
Oh no! What the fuck have I done. He was just starting to heal. Just starting to stop blaming himself for the loss of his baby.
Now he's going to blame himself for me and Dalys problems. No! No more being a bitch. If I'm going to be a good mum, I need to learn how to express my feelings in a positive way.
I get up and kneel on the floor in front of Quinn. I'm not sure what's happening with everyone else. I've blocked them all from my senses.
I grab his hands gently and move them from his face. I hear him gasp in surprise when he feels my touch.
He looks at me. So much pain in his blue eyes. So much hurt. I use my sleeves to wipe his tears away. He's sitting like a statue. Barely breathing.
I look deep into his eyes. I can see the remorse there. It eases the hurt in my own heart. I lean in, kiss him gently on both cheeks, then I pull him into a hug.
For a second he does nothing, then his arms come around me and he puts his head on my shoulder and hugs me tighter. He keeps whispering, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry", while hugging me tighter.
"I'm sorry too Quinn. I overreacted. I'm struggling to control my mood swings. I'm feeling angry and happy and about 20 other emotions simultaneously. Will you forgive me too?"
He looks at me with his mouth hanging open. I move away.
"I guess not. That's ok. I behaved very badly!"
I'm about to stand and move away when he pulls me back into his arms and hugs me again.
Quinn, "Don't be stupid. You're perfect. It's your three monsters fault for making you crazy."
I can hear the cheeky grin in his voice even though I can't see it.
Daly, "Well if you squeeze any harder you're going to hurt those little monsters!"
I stiffen at his words, and Quinn gives me a slightly confused look, I just smile gently at him and ignore Dalys comment.
"Raf, I'm starving. What's for dinner fratello?"
Raf looks at someone or something over my shoulder, a frown on his face. When he looks at me his expression is clear.
Raf, "Whatever you and the monsters want! You did real good tonight with Mikael."
"Seriously guys, is that what we're actually nick naming my kids? The Monsters?"
Brady, "Come on sis, you know you love it! It totally suits!"
I laugh at his words and relax some more. I go out of my way to say a kind word to everyone at some point. Everyone that is but Daly.
I'm not trying to hurt him more. I'm just trying to shore up my walls so when we talk, I don't crumble to pieces.
We enjoy our meal together, Quinn keeps looking at me, almost like he can't believe I'm there and smiling at everyone.
But I see the slight frown and worry in his eyes as he looks from me to the person a few seats down from me.
I know it's Daly. I can almost feel his eyes boring into me. But he makes no move to talk to me, or to be close to me. I feel my inner tension tightening. But I don't know what to say to ease it.
We've just finished dessert when Colin can't take the tension anymore.
Colin, "Ok, what is happening right now? You seem happy Lex, but something feels off!"
I sigh. Of course something feels off. My husband no longer loves me. Or cares about me or my safety anymore. I'm just an incubator to him now.
I fucking hate feelings!