Okay y'all. We are in the Endgame now so spoilers. Obviously, I can't exactly do Endgame word for word since it's still in theaters so bear with me.
-AP
••••
I was attempting to feed Benjamin when everything started to shake. Like shake-shake. I stood up, holding Benjamin close to my chest. Steve came out of the bathroom, his whole beard situation completely gone. Part of me wants to yell at him, but I simply just throw his discarded shirt at him. I wrap Ben's blanket around him tighter, standing up. The shaking and the loud noise scared my son, making him start to cry. I try to soothe my son.
"I'm not staying here, so don't even tell me to." I tell Steve over my shoulder before walking out of our room, not bothering to put my shoes on. Pepper, Tasha, Bruce, Rocket, and Rhodey are already running outside, but since jostling a baby like that isn't ideal, so I just simply fly after my team and soon my husband as he catches up. I'm holding my son to my chest, watching a brightly lit individual lowers down a ship. My heart is beating loudly in my chest as I land beside my husband. His hand finds mine quickly. The lit individual lowers the ship down and the brightness goes away. A blonde woman just looks at us, dressed in a blue suit.
"If this even looks like it's going to go south, I want you two to go inside, understand." Steve says softly to me and I simply nod. I'm not going to bother arguing with him. Suddenly, a set of stairs is lowered from the ship. Benjamin starts crying and so do I when I see who comes down the steps with help from a blue woman. I move forward, holding my son close.
"Tones?" I speak out as my husband helps my brother down the steps. He looks so gaunt, so skinny, so weak. Tears roll down my face as I walk forward. It's the first time I'm seeing him in over three years so everyone steps aside for me. My brother looks at me, eyes filling with tears and I throw an arm around him, carefully hugging him.
"You're never allowed to leave me again, okay?" Tony tells me and I nod, both of us crying. My brother looks down and sees his nephew for the very first time and he sob-laughs, "Baby Stark-Rogers, huh?"
"His name is Benjamin Howard Stark-Rogers." I tell him, stepping aside so Pepper can hug Tony. I bounce Benjamin carefully in my arms, kissing his forehead.
"I lost the kid." Tony tells us suddenly and I still. Steve puts his hand in the middle of my back. I knew that Peter Parker was most likely gone, but it still hurts to know that the teenager was gone. Especially since I know how close my brother and the kid had gotten.
"We lost almost everyone, Tony. We lost." I tell him and my brother looks from me to Steve. You can practically feel the tension between them, the anger radiating of off my brother. Luckily, Pepper walks up and embraces my brother. Steve rests his hand of the middle of my
-
"It's been twenty three days since Thanos came to Earth." Rhodey says as the faces of the missing, or vanished appear before all of us via holograms. I'm sitting beside my brother, feeding Benjamin.
"World governments are pieces. Peyton's been meeting with the UN, but that only does so much. The parts that are still working are trying to take a census and it looks like he did-he did exactly what he said he was going to do. Thanos wiped out fifty percent of all living creatures." Natasha clarifies. The new girl looks upset. Tony isn't really paying attention, he's just sort of rambling.
"Tony, I'm going to need you to focus." Steve tries to calm my brother down. I hold my breathe, looking from my husband to my brother.
"We needed you, as in past tense. Needed you too, sis. That trumps what you need. It's too late, buddy. I said, "We'd lose." And you said, "We'll do that together too.". Guess what, Cap? We lost. You weren't there." Tony says as he stands up. Both Rhodey and I stand, ready to break up this fight. He's ripped out IVs? Oh Anthony...
"Tony just sit down." Rhodey says, trying to get him to sit down. It's heart breaking to see my brother like this. He breaks out of Rhodey's hold and I can't exactly do anything with a baby in my arms so he just moves past me, getting into Steve's face.
"You know she's great by the way. We need you. You're new blood. A bunch of tired old news, I have nothing for you, Cap. I got no coordinates, no clues, no strategies, no options. Zero. Zip. Nada. No trust. Nothing." Tony says, pulling off the arc reactor like thing in his chest and putting into Steve's hand, "Here take this. You find that, you put it on. You hide." That is when my brother, one of people I love most in my life collapses. I am completely useless, but I do use my powers to stop him from completely falling down.
-
"Bruce gave him a sedative." I tell them, catching the ending part of their conversation. I had just walked back in after going to change Benjamin's diaper. I had make sure my brother was okay before doing anything else. It seemed that not everyone else did the same. They were all surrounding a hologram of some planet.
"So lets get him. Use them to bring everyone back." Blonde lady says, like it's completely obvious. I blink, holding my sleeping son with one arm.
"Just like that?" Bruce asks and I look at my husband. He isn't thinking these things through-not at all.
"Yeah. Just like that." Steve responds and I pinch the bridge of my nose. I especially don't like the way blondie is looking at my man.
"Even if there is a small chance that we can undo this. We owe it to everyone who is not in this room to try." Natasha breathes out like it's so simple. Oh my God. They aren't serious. They can't be.
"If we do this, how do we know it's going to end any differently than it did before?" Bruce asks and I move to sit, wanting to listen before I speak.
"Because before you didn't have me." Space chick says and I narrow my eyes at her. This bitch. Like we didn't risk everything. Puta.
"New girl, everybody in this room is about that superhero life. And if you don't mind my askin', where have you been all this time?" Rhodey asks and he is the only other one that's being smart here.
"There's a lot of other planets in the universe and unfortunately they didn't have you guys." She tells us, like that explains everything. Thor gets up from his bowl of bread. He walks up to the woman, both of them sizing each other up. The God holds his hands out and I can only pray it doesn't go through the walls again. Luckily, it does and it flies by Blondie's head.
"I like this one." Thor says with a smile and that's where I have to stop this whole mess. I stand, chair scraping against the ground.
"I am the director of the Avengers and I say you guys aren't going. You can go ahead and go do it, Envy Adams." I say in a very authoritative voice, my eyes narrowing ever so slightly on the new blonde woman. My team looks at me as I hold my new son, but it's my husband who speaks out.
"Pey, you don't understand-This can be our chance to reverse all of this-" He starts, walking towards me. I narrow my eyes at him.
"I'm sorry, you don't think that it's a weird that this plan seems ridiculously easy? Something is off about this plan and none of you guys want to see that." I tell them, shaking my head at them. Of course, they look at me like I'm the wrong one in this situation.
"We need to take this chance." Natasha responds and I pinch the bridge of my nose. Steve looks at me pleadingly. I feel sick about this whole situation.
"If you guys want to go and get killed or just make this situation worse-go on ahead." I say and the others go off to do what they need, but Steve stays. His blue eyes soften as I move to sit on the couch, holding Benjamin close. My son is still sleeping, throughout my whole tirade.
"Pey, we have to-" He starts, but I quickly cut him off with a glare. I shake my head at him.
"I am already mad at you for shaving your beard off, not to mention I'm angry because you told me that I wasn't even allowed to go with you guys because I need to take care of Ben. This really isn't helping." My words are blunt as I look at him, "Steve, you guys are walking in blind. I don't understand how you guys don't feel sick about this whole situation. You're a father now. You have to think of what might happen."
"I don't want our son to live in a world where Thanos is alive, Peyton." Steve tells me, his voice thick with emotion. I know he doesn't want to think about dying out there in space, but he's making a choice here. I look down at the sleeping baby in my arms before looking back at him. I feel like want to cry, but I just can't. My throat is thick with emotion, the type that makes your throat hurt.
"You better come back. You have to come back. For the both of us." I respond, holding my Ben to me. Steve leans forward and kisses me, his hand carefully cupping my cheek. Kissing him without his beard felt really weird, but it was fine. He pulls away and leans down to kiss Benjamin's forehead. We say "I love you" and he's gone way too soon, first to put his suit on then to go to the ship. I don't get up to walk outside to see them off, because I know I'd cry. Instead I sit down with Pepper near my brother, still holding my sleeping Benjamin.
"Well by the look on your face, Rogers made you mad too." Tony tells me weakly, IVs going in and out of him. I smile at my brother, shaking my head ever so slightly. The sedative was supposed to keep him knocked out, but apparently it wasn't strong enough to keep him out.
"Of course he did. He's very good at angering us." I say somewhat jokingly. Tony smiles, looking from me to Pepper.
"Look, it's two of my four favorite people in the world." He says, attempting to cheer us both up, "Well I guess three out of five. I'm adding Benny to the list." Tony smiles at ever so slightly. I nod, standing carefully.
"That's good to hear. I think I'm going to put him in his crib and get some sleep. I don't want to be worrying next to you all night. You two catch up, okay?" I tell him and Tony rolls his eyes. I kiss his forehead before carefully walking to Steve and I's bedroom. I carefully put Benjamin into his bassinet beside my side of the bed, shutting the door softly, and quietly moving around the room to get dressed for the night. I pull on one of Steve's shirts before kneeling beside the bed. I clasp my hands in prayer and shut my eyes.
"God, please let my team come home safe. I understand that me, with my ties to Satan, is pleading with you to let my team return home safe. Please, please let them come home safe. I don't know what I will do if they didn't..." I pray before going full Catholic, "Our father who art in heaven...."
Maybe an hour or two into my much needed rest, FRIDAY alerts me that the ship the team was in had landed. I don't get up. I don't have to. Nothing was fixed, nothing at all. Instead, I look at Benji's bassinet and wait for Steve to come in. He does so maybe ten minutes later. I can tell he's upset by his footsteps as he walks in. They're so heavy and since he has so much on his mind, he forgets even trying to be quiet. Steve stops and I can feel him looking at me.
"I told you so. You can all inform me in the morning. Go shower and get sleep. If you wake up the baby, Tony won't be the only Stark angry at you." I tell him before shifting in the bed. They should've just listened to me.
I think that's when it all went shit, Steve and I. Maybe there was a reason why he left me-maybe that's what made him think that life with me wouldn't be as grand as he thought.
Maybe that's why he leaves.