Verklempt (adj.)
Completely overcome with emotion.
( Continuation... )
Chapter 46
Jimin automatically closes his eyes when he heard some of the staff said, he needs to get ready and he'll be performing on the stage in 2 minutes.
He put his right hand on his chest to calm his pounding heart and allowed his breathing to relaxed. Upon, remembering the encouraging words that Lisa told him earlier, it made him somehow believe in his self.
Jimin mumbled a small prayer before shaking his trembling hands. He encouraged himself for the umpteenth time before one of the staff approached.
"It's showtime."
That's the cue when one of the stage lift started descending to the main stage and white smoke erupted the whole area.
Jimin was never a coward nor easily frightened but seeing the sea of crowds made his knees slightly trembled but a certain woman flashed into his mind and that's where he smiled whole heartedly as the background music of a dark themed violin and piano filled his ears.
"Naege Malhae..."
リサ
Chaerin didn't know how it feels to lose someone she loves, she doesn't know how hard it is, she doesn't have the slightest idea how the pain feels unbearable to get through, but seeing her half sister now is more than enough to make her feel what agony is. Her eyes can't even stay open at the moment, she just wanted to runaway and avoid the sight in front of her.
But Chaerin, couldn't just leave her sister alone here. She weakly step forward, forcing herself to approach her grieving sister.
Lisa's knees failed to stand still. All of the strength that she gathered just to see Jennie earlier, had vanished into thin air. Lisa's cries echoed to the empty hall way as her shaking hands covered her face, how can this be so painful? Death is even easier to deal than this torment that they put her through.
"Why did you leave me, Jennie?"
"You promise."
"You promise, you wouldn't leave."
She sobbed her heart out, the brunette didn't even care if some of the people passing through will look at her in pity. She doesn't care, she fucking lost Jennie. She fucking lost the meaning of her life.
She felt her sister engulfed her into a warm embrace and Lisa cried even harder, hoping that the pain will lessen even just a bit but who is she kidding? The pain feels like it will stay permanent.
"What is she doing here?"
Chaerin look up and she saw the scowling face of a woman.
"Mrs. K-kim..."
The woman who's on her early forties glared at her crying little sister.
"You have a thick face to show yourself here. After what you've done to my daughter?!"
Suddenly Lisa's arm has been tightly gripped but the latter didn't even flinched, it felt like she's staring on a corpse eyes if only her tears weren't there.
"Mrs. Kim, please don't make a scene here."
Chaerin tried to take her sister away from the woman's wrath.
"If you didn't want a scene, take your sister away from here!"
Mrs. Kim pushed Lisa to Chaerin, and the brunette started trashing to her sister's hold.
"No, no, no.. Please! I wanna see Jennie."
Lisa suddenly put her knees down to the floor, in front of Jennie's mom as she tried to hold the woman's hands but Mrs. Kim was fast to take it away as she look at the young girl in full disgust.
"Why would I allow you to see my daughter when you caused this to happen?!"
"Mrs. Kim nobody wanted what happened."
Chaerin is helping Lisa to stand up but the young one stubbornly push her sister away and beg the woman again in front of her.
"Please, auntie. I wanna see Jennie."
She reach for the woman's hands once again but Mrs. Kim steer away.
"Do not touch me! Filthy bitch, It's all your fault! My only daughter is dead because of you! You could've just stay away, Lalisa and maybe none of this would ever happen."
Every words that came out from her girlfriend's mom painfully struck to her already dead heart. She thought the excruciating pain had numb her but no, it is more terrifyingly terrible.
She's right. I was the one who's at fault. Oh God, why didn't you just take me instead of her?
"I'm sorry."
She cried in despair as she successfully take a hold on Mrs. Kim's hand, her voice was full of sadness and regret.
If only she could turn back time, she will do everything to save her. Even if it cause her life.
"Leave."
One word. It was all that it takes to get Lisa scared. Her eyes are wide like saucers and she is in panic.
"Please... please I really wanna see Jennie."
She is shaking her head and begging. She doesn't care if she will look pathetic to her girlfriend's mom. She will do everything it takes to see Jennie again, even just a glimpse.
"Get your sister out of my sight Chaerin."
Voice were firm and serious, as Mrs. Kim forcedly take her hands away from Lisa's.
"No, no. Please... please.."
Lisa begged with her tears contagiously falling to her cheeks, Chaerin put her arms around her torso as she pull Lisa away from that place, away from Mrs. Kim, away from Jennie, the one she just lost...
"I'm sorry, my lali. We need to go."
Chaerin apologized the moment Mrs. Kim was nowhere in sight. She was heaving hard from pulling her younger sister away when Lisa spoke.
"Why eonnie... I just wanna see Jennie. I'm not even asking for a long time, it was okay to me even just a spare seconds just to see her. But why? what did I do wrong? Is loving a sin? Is it that unforgiving?"
That was the time she lost her sister. She left along with Jennie and Chaerin couldn't do anything to save her, she felt useless.
Scary isn't it? When childhood had already abandoned you. When the game that you used to play was already gone. When your favorite person had already closed their door for you and you are left alone.
Childhood had left you all weak and scared on that narrow room with no lights or window pane.
It's suffocating and dark but you cannot do anything.
That.
That was she felt when Jennie left her.
Lisa has a frown on her face while watching Jimin's live debut on stage and every minute that she's listening to him singing, the frown on her face grew bigger.
She was unconsciously gripping on the music sheets that her Jiyong oppa gave. They were recording a demo song when Jimin called her and after that she was fast to open the flat screen TV that is on the wall and watched Jimin perform for the first time.
She was enjoying his performance the first seconds when sudden familiarity hit her.
It was too familiar that her heart skip a beat. Unwanted images flashed to her eyes and fear went visible to her eyes.
She bit her quivering lips before stuttering the words that no one expected.
"Oppa, they stole my song."
It was soft like a whisper and there's hesitation in it. Probably, because it was now Jimin's song. She doesn't want to ruin it for him, not ever.
"What?"
Jiyong who's busy listening to their record demo come in a halt. He put his headphone down and incredulously look at Lisa.
Did he just heard it right?
Lisa shifted her gaze to Kwon Jiyong, as she nod her head so slowly.
"The song that I wrote back when they locked me up at the asylum."
She talked, shifting her gaze back to the TV screen. Jimin just finished his song and she heard the loud clasped of the crowd.
He did it well...
She must've been proud of him if only the song isn't bugging her in every excruciating ways.
"Oppa, they're using it against me! They can't do that. That's my song!"
There's a panicked in her voice and Jiyong figured out that she's having anxiety attack right at the moment.
He was alert to stood up and went to seat beside the panicking girl.
"But Lisa, nobody knows that, isn't it?"
He tried to comfort her by drawing circles on her back.
"Won't you help me take it back?"
She look at Jiyong with hopeful eyes, somehow seem to forget about the blond haired man that they just watched on the TV earlier.
Jiyong heaved a sighed as he look at the girl who he always treated like a real blood sibling.
"It's Jimin's debut song. Would you really want to do that? I thought you care for him, that's the reason why you delayed your debut right? It's because you don't want to go against him."
That caught Lisa's attention. She stared at the man without knowing her tears are already rolling down to her cheeks.
"He sang it beautifully."
Lisa breathed, Jimin's smile flashed to her mind. She remember how beautiful his smile was while talking about his dream. It's very genuine that he looks like a little child full of love and passion, and it was a very fragile sight that Lisa was scared to let go. She fear that she might break him along the way.
"It was like he was sharing a part of your pain right? The agony and the despair, he portrays it very well."
Jiyong commented while recalling what he saw on his performance earlier. He gotta applaud the young lad, he got what it takes. Especially his moves and there's something about his voice that makes him very special to watch.
"I may be the one who wrote the song but Jimin is meant to sing it."
"To sing it for you, Manoban."
Jiyong agreed as he patted Lisa's head and pulled her close to him to comfort his little sister.
"Try to talk to him about that matter, maybe he can help you withdrew the credits, after all it was you who written it and knowing Jimin? He always stands on what is right."
He comforted, and just like the heaven approved what Jiyong just said because Lisa's phone started to ring.
They both look at the caller and Lisa look at her older brother, Jiyong nodded his head as he stood up and gave her some privacy.
Jimin is calling...
Lisa swipe her phone as she shakily put it on her ear.
"Noona?"
She heard the enthusiasm on his voice and somehow behind her uneasiness she felt her lips tugged upwards into an unknowing smile.
"Jimin-ah, you did great."
「 Can I touch your heart？
I want to touch it but it keeps slipping through my fingers, someday, someday. 」
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Soundtrack: Crystal Snow - BTS ♪