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chapter eighteen
After all of us eat together, I head to the cafe to work.
I hope I don't see Seojun today because it would be really hard to resist not to break all of his damn bones.
Opening the door of the small cafe, I head behind the counter and put my apron on.
"Ahri?" Jaehyun calls out.
Quickly turning around, I tilt my head to the side, motioning for him to continue. "Why are you always late?"
Gulping hard, I debate what to answer. I knew that he would ask this, it was just a matter of time.
It's normal that my co-worker asks me why I'm always late, it's his job.
"I, um," I clear my throat while staring down at the floor, "I had some problems with my family."
The biggest reason why I would end up in hell is because of all the lies I tell.
"Oh my god," his eyes sadden, "I'm sorry for asking, I didn't mean to—"
I cut him off quickly, my eyes widening as I realize that it was a bad lie to tell. I should've said something different because if he finds out, he will be really mad.
And the truth of all lies come out one day.
"No!" I unintentionally raise my voice, "it's fine really, let's just work."
He nods his head slowly but a small smile paints his face after some time. "I really admire you for working, going to school, and dealing with problems," he states sincerely, his dimples poking into his perfectly sculpted face.
My lips turn downwards. I hate lying to people. I'm not even good at it.
I'm sorry, Jaehyun, really.
"T-Thank you," I look down in embarrassment.
"Let's get to work now!" He beams a wider smile and heads to work already.
"Yeah," I mumble, nodding my head and walking to the tables to serve customers.
After some time, Jaehyun calls my name out. "Ahri, could you come to the kitchen, please?" He yells from the cookery.
"Coming, Boss!" I yell back at him while striding inside the cooking area.
Opening the door, I see Jaehyun and the boy-whose-name-I'm-not-going-to-say, desperately trying to bake a cake in the messed up kitchen.
"What did you do?" I ask Jaehyun, my eyes wide as they roam over the dough-filled counters and gazing at the boys who have flour all over their bodies.
"We tried to bake a cake," Seojun mumbles exasperatedly, trying to pat the flour away.
"No one asked you," I state, disgust evident on my face as I disagree to take a look at his face.
I sense him staring at me, but refuse to gaze back at him. Before it can get any more awkward, I ask Jaehyun, "what do you need my help for?"
"The person who bakes all the cakes just went home right now and we can't cook," he sighs tiredly, "can you bake some?"
"Wait," I hold my hand up, "do we only have one cook?"
"No," Jaehyun shakes his head, "but the other one got sick and didn't attend work today."
Sighing loudly, I push both of them away. "See how a real chef does this," I confidently state while putting ingredients into a bowl to make some dough.
"How many and which kinds should I make?" I ask Jaehyun.
"Do all kinds of cakes we sell," he replies, gazing at me in positive shock.
"Okay," I mumble, my hands occupied with the dough.
"Thank you, Panda," Jaehyun chirps happily and hugs my side quickly, making his way out of the kitchen right after.
Unfortunately, Seojun decides to stay in the kitchen and watches my every move. "You really are good at anything," he mumbles while looking down.
Scoffing loudly, I ignore his presence completely.
"I'm sorry, Ahri," he looks up.
Biting my inner cheeks, I stubbornly respond nothing.
"I really am sorry, Yona, I mean it," he whispers beggarly.
Stopping my actions, I gaze up and lock my eyes with him fiercely. "For what are you exactly sorry?" I ironically question him, "you did me wrong so many times, I don't know what you're sorry for."
His dark eyes sadden and the corners of his lips turn downwards, building a small pout. "You know what I mean—"
"No!" I cut him off, "that's the thing, I never know what you mean or what the reason is behind all of your actions against me!"
"Please, forgive me," he begs, his eyes filled with desperation.
Staring at him for what seems like forever, I shake my head slowly. "I can't forgive you that easily," I mumble, focusing myself on making the cake again.
He stares at me but fortunately decides to leave the kitchen.
Sighing in devastation, I put the dough in the oven and head back to the counter to make many more.
After many hours of work, I exhaustedly head back home.
What am I going to do now? We won't get to debut and I can't go back to my grandma's.
Where should I go? I have no home.
Opening the door of our shared dorm with my head hanging low, my legs trek me to the kitchen to eat something.
Taking out the a yogurt and a spoon, I sit down on a stool and start eating it.
"Ahri, are you okay?"
A new voice startles me and I quickly look up to lock eyes with Jin.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I mumble and continue to eat my meal.
He stares at me for some time and after a while, he opens his mouth, "guys, get in the kitchen. All of you!"
Looking up confusingly, the kitchen is soon filled with all the members. "Sit down," Seokjin orders and everyone takes a seat on a stool.
"What is all of this, hyung?" I ask the oldest while gazing at him in a perplexed manner.
"I know that this is all hard for everyone," he starts, "so, we'll talk about our feelings and thoughts."
"Again?" Jimin whines.
Huh? What are they saying?
"Yes, again. Namjoon, you start since you're the leader," Seokjin demands.
"Okay," the rapper obeys like it's a normal thing to talk about feelings so easily.
He thinks for some time but opens his mouth nevertheless, "I'm scared that we maybe won't get to debut. I can't go home after wasting all of my money on music. My parents won't accept me again," he lowers his voice.
The atmosphere in the room changes completely and in instant. It's like the light that gives us hope can't be seen because it's hidden by a shadow that darkens our souls.
"Me too," Yoongi speaks up, "I've put everything and anything into this whole idol thing and I can't go back home if this doesn't work out."
"I would disappoint my parents completely. They gave all of their money just so I could live my dream," Jimin whispers while looking down at the table.
I stare at all of them with a dumbfounded face. Do they do this often? Talking about feelings randomly and without embarrassment?
"I even begged the staff members to convince my parents because they would disagree. I'd have to continue working at the farm while living a poor life," Taehyung tells us in a quiet tone, "my parents didn't even know about all this."
"My mother could finally brag about me. I was finally something different than a handsome face but then it doesn't work out. Finding a talent that I'm good at made me so happy. Discovering that I can sing made me burst out in happy tears," Seokjin states, his vulnerability showing.
Me and Jeongguk stare at them with a sad expression. I hate seeing them like this and I can't do anything against it.
Soon, all eyes turn towards us and our eyes widen as we notice that we gained all of their attention.
"Do you want to say something, maknaes?" Jimin asks.
Since Jeongguk and I sit next to each other, we turn our heads and our eyes lock. Quickly shaking both of our heads, we refuse.
"Aren't you tired, Jeongguk?" Namjoon asks my fellow maknae.
"No, hyung, I'm not tired. I'm okay because I'm strong," he states in a quiet voice, insincerity evident.
Yoongi wants to speak up but before that can happen Jeongguk adds, "but my biggest burden is knowing that my hyungs who take care of me and look after me are burdened by difficult hardships."
Not daring to look into their eyes, I slowly nod my head and agree with his choice of words.
Me and Jeongguk do have something in common I guess.
"It saddens me and it feels like a big stone is laying on my shoulders when I see how vulnerable and burdened all of you are," I continue his statement.
We sit in silence as the members are staring at me and Jeongguk in shock.
"It's okay if we go through dark times," Namjoon begins, "it's just important that we go through it together and have each other's back. I'm glad that we could speak about our feelings once again."
After our leader finishes his speech, we all stand up and head into our room to sleep.
After changing into some pajamas, I enter the bedroom to see the maknae line bickering.
"Just let Ahri have your bed," Taehyung sighs loudly.
"No!" Jeongguk disagrees while shaking his head in refusal, "that's my bed!"
Jimin speaks up, "she's a girl, Jeongguk. Be a gentleman—"
"No, what is mine is mine—"
I quickly go between them. "No, I'll sleep on the couch," I declare.
"What?" Taehyung is quick to disagree, "you're not sleeping there—"
I cut him off. "Tae, I'll sleep in the living room. Plus, I don't think that everyone would feel comfortable if a girl sleeps in their room," I articulate.
Before Jimin and Taehyung can disagree, I cut both of them off. "Discussion ended," I state and take a blanket and a pillow.
Though I then realize what I just did as I walk out. My eyes widen. I just cut off someone two years older than me.
While doing that, the male maknae gets death stares from the two older boys. "What?" Jeongguk asks confusingly.
"Dumbass," Jimin mumbles while tucking himself in his bed to sleep.
Soon, all the boys are in their beds.
Heading to the living room, I neatly place the pillow on the head of the couch and lay myself down with a blanket above me.
Drifting away to sleep slowly, I'm captivated in a dream.
"Why would you kill him, Ahri?"
Turning around swiftly, I see my brother staring at me with irritation and sadness in his eyes.
Holding up my blood-stained hands in surrender, I'm quick to disagree.
"No!" I yell, "I didn't do it!"
The police enter the room and stride towards me.
My breathing is shallow as I think of something to do.
With a quick heartbeat, I close my eyes and the blade in my hand meets flesh.
Screaming loudly, I fall on the floor and clutch the spot I stabbed myself at
( AUTHOR'S NOTE ! )
idk why i always mixed up "in confusion" with
"confusingly" lol i was dumb back then sorry