Trigger warning: dysphoria
•••••
"Alex! Alex!" I hear someone hissing at me from the foot of my bed.
Rolling my eyes, I hiss back, "What?!"
"You're gonna be late for school!"
I'm what?
I shoot up in bed, seeing my brother standing at the foot of my bed. I glance at my alarm clock.
8:12 am.
I scoff, "School doesn't start until 9!"
"No," James begins slowly, "That was Orlando. We're in New York now, remember?"
I gasp. I completely forgot we had moved!
See, when your parents move you around the country constantly, it's kinda hard to keep track of where you are at all times.
"Oh, shit!" I jump out of bed, hearing a mumbled 'Watch your profanity' from James as I rush to the bathroom to brush my teeth.
As soon as that's done, I push my brother out of the room so I can change.
Trying not to look down or at a mirror, I take off my pajama shirt, grabbing a baggy sweater I wear to help hide the fact that I'm not so flat-chested anymore.
Eventually, though, I can't fight the urge to look in the mirror any longer. Who I see staring back at me makes me frown.
There, in the mirror, is 15-year-old Alexa Hamilton. She has a feminine face with a sharp jawline. She has a small waist and large hips. She has breasts and a female's reproductive system. Because she's a girl. I'm not a girl.
My name is Alexander. Alexander wouldn't have this stupid girly face. Alexander doesn't have boobs or a vagina or get periods or have a small waist or big hips because Alexander is a boy.
I begin to tear up as the thoughts overtake me. I suddenly begin feeling nauseous as I stare at this body- the body that I'm trapped in.
I run to my bathroom, vomiting everything I ate the night before. My nose crinkles at the stench as I wretch, trying to get it out of my system.
Suddenly, James came back in through the door. "Alex are you-" he stopped as he saw me. "I'm gonna go get Ma," he decided slowly.
Martha, my adoptive mother, suddenly came into the bathroom, looking worried sick. "Alexa, Dear, are you alright?" I cringed at the name, tears running down the bridge of my nose and falling into the toilet.
"Y-Yeah, I-I'm fine," I manage to choke out. "I-I just got nervous... a-about going to a new school..." I decide, allowing myself to be lifted up and walked to my bed.
"I don't want you to fret any longer," Martha spoke calmly, handing me my sweater as I attempted to cover myself.
I get like this sometimes. I learned it was called "Dysphoria" just a few years ago and it's a real pain in the ass. Occasionally, I'll feel... ok with how I look. Other times, I can't stand it. Sometimes, I'll manage to glance at myself and not care. Others, I'll throw up from how disgusting it makes me feel.
I sigh as Martha lectures me about how a new school will be a "good experience". I know she's only doing it because she thinks that's the actual reason I vomited.
I smile and go along with it, as to prevent her from worrying about me further. I love her like a mother and I never want to scare her like this- I'm scared that one day her poor heart won't be able to take it.
Eventually, she allows me to leave the house after force feeding me scrambled eggs. I don't even like eggs.
Smiling a little at the silly thought, I continue my trek to my new high school. I would've made James drive me, but he had already left- met a new group of guys and wanted to hang with them before school.
I sigh, walking a little faster. I suddenly get the feeling that I'm being watched. Trying not to turn around to check, I walk a little faster and the feeling slowly fades. That was weird...
I shake it off to nothing as I finally make it to the front gates of the school.
Taking a deep breath, I walk through the doors.
High school, here I come...
•••••
Word count is 721
Hope you all enjoyed the chapter! It was a lot of fun to write. That's all for now, guys- have a good day/night! Baiiii