Shelly is all smiles when I mention dinner with the Dalton family. Sam seems excited too, and she hugs me before heading back to her house to change clothes. I tell her to go ahead and put a bag together. There is no way I am letting her go home after dinner tonight. I don't know how this is going to go, but I have a feeling I'm going to need her.
"I'm going to run to the store and get a bottle of wine. Be back shortly!" Shelly calls out to me before she walks out the door. She seems better today, and I am glad.
I head upstairs to kill some time. I open the blinds in my bedroom to let in some natural light, and snuggle up in the bed to read. I am close to finishing Love in the Time of Cholera. My novel has turned dark, and Fermina's husband has just died. Of course Florentino rushes to her side and declares his unwavering love for her. The next several chapters are filled with the two of them trying to rediscover their feelings for one another. It is interesting to look at love through the eyes of two elderly individuals. For them to finally have each other so close to the ends of their lives, it really is a tragic love story. I was not expecting to have such an emotional response to this book.
I have seen the underlined quotes throughout the book from someone before me. One passage they chose to underline cause my emotions to swell even more.
"The heart's memory eliminates the bad and magnifies the good, and that thanks to this artifice we manage to endure the burden of the past."
The words are beautiful. I turn to the last page, and see a few lines written on the inside of the back cover.
No matter how strong you may be, there will always be someone out there who can make you weak. They will lift you, soar with you. Then, without even trying they will destroy you. - BD
My heart drops when I see the initials beside the heartbreaking words. I know it can't be him. But what if it was him? I pull out my my phone and immediately dial Sam's number.
"Hey!" she says, answering on the second ring.
"Does Beau go to the bookstore?" I blurt out.
"What?" she is clearly confused.
"Does he go to Vellichor?" The exasperation in my voice apparent.
"He used to go there a lot, but I doubt he still does. He doesn't exactly seem to spend time reading anymore. What the hell is this about? You are being weird, Katherine." she says, and I know she is annoyed.
I sound ridiculous, and I know it. "I'm sorry, I'll explain later. I'm just being crazy."
We chat for a few more minutes, and then hang up. I can't shake the feeling that it was him that wrote those words. It's literally a cautionary tale against love. There is no way this is a coincidence. What turned him so cold towards love? It had to be something.
I walk to the balcony, and step out into the brisk afternoon air. His blinds are drawn and the door is closed. I wonder if he is there, just beyond the wall. I imagine him laying on the bed, drowning out the world through headphones and loud music. Or maybe in place of music he is reading a novel from his collection. I remember the art pads from his desk, and the thought of him gently sketching the horizon causes my body to tense.
I'll just go over there early. If he is in his room I will knock and I will ask him about the passage in the book. The idea in my head seems like a solid one, but once I think on it I see the possible obstacles. What if Thomas is home? How will I explain needing to speak with Beau alone in his bedroom? Or his mother and father? They would probably assume the worst of me.
I lean over the railing and try to see if there are any cars in the driveway, but have no luck. I could say I forgot something there from the party. No, he doesn't allow people into his room. He probably isn't even home. I walk inside and begin to pace around the room. I just need to know what happened to him. I need to know why he doesn't believe in love, or happiness even. I need to know why he is the way he is.
Before I can talk sense into myself, I stalk towards the Dalton's home. I stand in front of the door, and debate whether or not I should just open it or knock. I am so stuck in my own head I don't even notice Abigail staring at me through the glass. Her small hand waves when my eyes meet hers, and I smile meekly. She slides open the door.
"Whatcha doin?" the little girl asks me. Oh I wish I knew.
"Um, is anyone home?" I ask awkwardly.
"Yeah..." she answers, and I feel like a complete idiot. Even this seven year old thinks I am some creep.
"Thomas? Is he here?" She shakes her head no, and I relax a small bit.
"What about-" I pause, trying to work up my nerve again. "Beau? Is your other brother home?" I ask, my voice barely a whisper.
"Mhm, he's asleep. Want me to get him?" the innocence in her voice is endearing, and I smile.
"Um, no. I just need to get something from him. A book. He's letting me borrow a book. I can just go up there and grab it really quick." I try not to make my statement sound like a question, and she shrugs.
"Sure, okay!" and with that she bounds off back towards the large television in the living room. I realize I am still holding my breath, and I release it loudly.
I quietly make my way up the stairs, and stop in front of his door. I still have time to turn around. I don't even know what I plan on saying, but I just have so many unanswered questions. Not that he owes me an explanation... I can only hope that he will let me in. I raise my hand to knock, and then pause again.
"Dammit Katherine, just do it." I huff under my breath. I knock quietly, so quietly even that I am not sure he could even hear it. I wait a few seconds, and then try again. This time, a tiny bit louder. Still nothing. I wrap my hand around the cold metal knob, and begin to turn it slowly. I push open the door, and slip inside before closing it immediately behind me. I cannot risk anyone coming up the stairs and seeing me.
He is there, on the bed. I was right. There are headphones in his ears, and I can hear how loudly the music is turned up. He jumps when he sees me, and yanks out the headphones. The shocked expression on his face makes my stomach turn, and any nerve I had worked up is immediately gone. What the hell was I thinking. This was a terrible idea.