The next morning I woke up with drool on my face. I didn't remember when I slept but I felt tired as soon as I woke up. I definitely remembered crying for hours before sleeping. Shiv and Ashwin were going to arrive in London in the afternoon. I was determined that I won't go back, my parents would have to think about my life before that deal.
I got up from the bed and walked towards the bathroom but I felt a sudden urge to throw up. I ran to the bathroom and emptied the contents of my stomach. I didn't even eat anything last night, I thought. Then I remembered why I didn't eat and then I understood why I threw up. I was pregnant. I also had a very important decision to make about the situation.
Either I could go for an abortion or I could have the baby. I really didn't know what to do. Shiv was going to arrive and I had to tell him about this. I just didn't know how.
I cleaned up the bathroom and took a shower which made me feel a little bit relaxed but my mind was going at the pace of a thousand thoughts per minute. What would I do? If I had the baby, what will I tell everyone else? How will I manage? And will I be able to get an abortion? Abortion meant killing the baby and I didn't think I will be able to do that, but did I even have a choice?
I got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my body. After moisturising and doing light make-up, I put on a pair of black skinny jeans and a black cropped top with a halter neck. I wore a maroon coat over it to shield me from the cold weather of London city. Putting on my black ankle length boots, I made my way out of my room.
Sanjana was sitting on the dining table, having cereal for breakfast. I gave her a smile and walked over to her.
"Good morning." I said. "Still jet lagged?"
"Good morning to you too. Not too jet lagged but I still have a headache." She replied.
"Where's my asshole brother?" I questioned her. He was nowhere to be seen.
"He's still sleeping. I tried waking him up but he said he needs his beauty sleep and it was still too early to get up." She chuckled.
"Sounds like him. I get it though. He's been travelling a lot. New York then India then London. It's a lot of travel." I was true. He was going around a lot. He was probably jet lagged from when he came to India and then we took him on another flight to London and he still had to go back to New York.
"Let him sleep. I am going out I will probably be back in an hour or two." I said while looking at the clock in the living room. It was 8 a.m., still pretty early but I needed to get some fresh air and clear my mind about everything.
"Okay. Come back soon. Be safe." She replied. She didn't even ask me where I was going this early in the morning on a Sunday. That was a good thing though. I didn't want to explain everything to her. I wasn't ready. I knew her and she knew me. If I told her I was going out for a walk, she would have understood that something was wrong and I didn't want to lie to her, she was my best friend.
I took my car keys from the key holder near the main door and walked out of the flat, muttering a goodbye to Sanjana.
I walked out of the building and to the car parking. when I reached my car, I saw a girl almost my age stepping out of her car and walking to the passenger side of the car. She bent down and when she came back up, she had a child in her arms. The little boy was around a couple years old, peacefully sleeping on his mother's shoulder. She tried to shut the door of the car as quietly as possible and walked away from the car. She locked the car only when she was across the road and at a place where the beep of the car locking could not be heard loudly. So much for keeping the boy from waking up. It was beautiful watching a mother do that. It made me realise that I could have this with a child of my own. I had the opportunity. But there were a lot of hurdles. This was a child I was talking about. A whole-ass baby.
If I did keep it, what will I tell everyone? My parents will probably cut all contacts with me. That wasn't much of an issue but they were still my parents, I cared about their reputation, and mine. I will have to leave work. I will have to tell Shiv, I didn't know how he would react, and I will have to run after the baby once it was in this world, taking care of it, being up all night when it won't stop crying. My life would be miserable.
But it would be worth it. Having someone who will love you unconditionally, it would be worth every bad bit of it. I didn't want to be like my mother. She never cared, I wanted to care. It had been just fifteen days since my baby was conceived, but I felt a connection to it and I didn't want to let go of it. I decided I will love my child unconditionally, no matter who stayed by my side and who left.
I will have this child and I will protect it at all costs. I thought.
.
I didn't even realise that I was sitting in my car, in front of the mall. I didn't even remember how I got there. But I got out of the car, locked it and made my way to the mall. I was willing to do anything other than sit in my car and think about everything all over again.
I reached the Starbucks that was inside the mall and ordered a coffee. After receiving my coffee, I started walking around the mall. I did need more clothes, it was getting cold and I needed to do winter shopping.
.
I was walking around the store, looking for sweater and winter coats. I tried a couple of them. I liked a beige coat with gold accents on it. Another thing I really liked was a grey V-neck sweater, it was oversized and it had silver threads woven through it. It was a good sweater to wear with skinny jeans for a casual occasion. I carried them to the billing counter. On my way, a section caught my eye.
It was the kids section. I walked towards it and noticed all the cute, tiny clothes for babies. The little shoes and frilly dresses. I didn't even realise that I was smiling. I kept the shoe that I was holding back at its place and decided to go back.
What was happening to me? The kids section never caught my eye before.
I got the coat and sweater and walked back to my car. I turned on the stereo system in my car and connected my phone to my car via bluetooth. I clicked play on my current favourite playlist and drove back home.
When I opened the door to my flat, I saw that Shiv and Ashwin were already there.
"Hey! When did you two arrive?" I asked, slightly surprised.
"Our flight arrived early, which is weird considering the rush at Heathrow." Shiv said.
"That's good." it was all I could say.
"You are finally back!" I heard Sanjana and she walked out of her room. "I was just about to call you. You said you will be back in a couple hours but you took three and a half. Where were you?" She asked.
"Um...I was at the mall. I just wanted to clear my head and somehow ended up there." I told her, pointing towards the paper bag I was holding.
"Cool. What did you get? Can I have it?" She asked.
"No you can't. Go and buy your things yourself." I said and rolled my eyes.
"Rude. Anyway, These two are here. What do we do?" She asked, looking at both the boys.
"I don't know. Where's the other monkey?" I asked.
"Oh he's still sleeping." She said, casually. I was out for three and a half hours and my brother was still asleep.
"Then wake him up." I said.
"I tried. Now it's your turn." She said and I groaned.
"Okay fine. Ashwin, come with me." I told him and walked towards our spare bedroom which was now occupied by my brother. He followed me and we entered the room.
I shook my brother and called his name but he was in a very very deep sleep.
"Okay, now this is where you come in handy." I told Ashwin.
"What do I have to do?" He asked, confused.
"Oh nothing. You are wearing men's perfume, right?"
"Yeah..." He was still confused.
"Good." I said and pushed him over my brother.
Vivan, obviously, smelled him. Trust me I've never seen him wake up that fast with a smile on his face.
"See, that worked." I said, smirking.
.
We all gathered in the living room. Ashwin and Shiv sitting on one couch and my brother laid out on the other, leaving me and Sanjana to sit on the wooden chairs from the dining table.
"So, we know that you aren't coming back with us. None of us wants that." Ashwin said.
"Yes, but they told both of you to take me back anyway. What do we do about that?" I asked.
"We will just tell them that you refused and we think it's better that way." Shiv suggested.
"Now that's a stupid idea we weren't looking for." I replied. "They think that you both are on their side. Remember?" I really wished my child wouldn't get a brain like his.
"Oh, right." he said and shut his mouth. He looked cute but really hot at the same time. At least our baby won't be ugly.
"What if Ashwin tells them that you two got engaged and need some time for the wedding. But we all know the wedding is not going to happen. The both of you can go your separate ways." My brother suggested.
"We can do that. We will tell them that Ashwin proposed and she said yes." Sanjana said.
"What if they don't believe it? Knowing my mother, she would need proof or else we would need to go back and get engaged." I stated.
"Then let's give them proof. We can take fake pictures. Like with him on his knee and a ring in your finger and we will show them the pictures. They won't think too much into it after that." Shiv suggested. I was amazed that his brain actually worked. He would be a weird father if I ever told him, and he agreed to it.
"That's a good plan." Sanjana said. "Let's go shopping then!" She squealed.
We all nodded in agreement. We would need a ring and a dress for me to wear.
And with that we got in our cars and went shopping.