"It's okay to cry. The sky does it too."
MAYA
Minutes after the group session, I found Cayden by our locker. The hood still over his head, he was quickly taking out his books as if he was in a hurry to get the hell out of here.
Bree was standing next to me. Students were passing by, shoulders bumping against mine. Chatter and laughter filled the void in the endless hallways. So many people, so many voices, and so many laughs, but only one's mattered to me. Only his.
The voices and laughs were drowned out by Cayden's words echoing in my head.
Reading Maya's diary gave me a weird feeling. I found a friend in that diary and it made me hate and love her at the same time.
I swallowed hard. I could feel more of his words lurking in my my mind, haunting and scarring.
She died in my arms. Heck, I sat in the pool of her blood for the longest 10 minutes of my life, staring at her lifeless face and waiting for the ambulance.
I could my heart thumping so loudly in my chest that for a moment, all the people and voices around me were swallowed by a darkness that wrapped itself around me. The only sound I could hear was my rapid heartbeat and the only person I could see was Cayden, hidden behind his hoodie and cold gaze.
Inhaling a deep breath that felt like an echo between the walls on either side of me, I took a small step forward. Two steps, three steps, and four steps.
Now, I was standing on his right side as he took out his books from our locker and furiously shoved them inside his locker. All of them. One by one.
Everything I wanted to say and ask, the way I wanted to reach for his hand, the way I wanted to look at him, it all disappeared and my mind went blank when his head snapped to me and he said, "We're done. I don't want to be friends with you anymore. Stay away."
I blinked once, twice.
What?
I almost didn't recognize him or his voice. He sounded so different. So lost and so broken. So outraged.
Bree's frown dissolved into her mouth falling slightly open, brows pinching together in confusion.
Despite all the change in him, I still reached my hand to touch his arm, but Cayden flinched as if my touch burned him. "No. Stay the fuck away."
A mix of horrified and terrified, I took a step back and stared at him in disbelief.
Was he really ending this? Ending us? But why?
Wordless, I stared at him with my feet glued to the floor. Cayden shoved his books into his backpack, slung it over his shoulder and piled up the last remaining three books in his hand. After slamming the locker door shut, he was about to storm past us, but the last person he probably wanted to see right now stepped forward, blocking his way.
Cayden's shoulders tensed, face turning paler than it already was. His expression hardened and his gray eyes turned stone cold by the sight of his ex-best friend.
I caught a glimpse of his bandaged hands balling into fists.
"I know you're mad at me, but don't take it out on her," Nathan told him, his voice quiet and easy as if he was trying to avoid angering the beast.
At first, Cayden ignored him, but when Nathan's hand touched his shoulder, he disintegrated.
The next thing I knew, Cayden was gripping Nathan's collar with his fists and pushing him up against the wall. "You're a fucking piece of shit! You ruined my life! My whole life!"
His yelling froze every person and killed every sign of chatter and laughter in the hallway. Cayden's hood fell off his head and the light shone upon his face creased by dangerous rage, eyes blazing with an ignite mixed with fury and pain.
Cayden was a boxer. Nathan was an athlete. This was not going to be pretty at all. However, the collision never happened,
because the impact was one-sided. Cayden was the one who threw the punches at his face and in his stomach. Nathan didn't fight back.
Bree and I were immediately pulled away from them by Owen when two jocks who turned out to be Connor and Cole, tried to tear Cayden off Nathan.
"Hey! Get the fuck off him!" Connor shouted as he and Cole both yanked him away from Nathan who's back was pinned against the lockers.
In the hallway, every student had frozen in traumatized shock and all eyes were locked on the town's bad boy throwing punches at the defeated golden king of the town.
Surprisingly nobody was chanting "fight, fight" or laughing at the scene in front of their eyes. They were all scared. Owen was scared. Bree was scared. I was scared. Some had their phones up though, capturing it all on camera.
Cayden managed to tear off Connor and Cole from their strong grips around his arms and threw himself at Nathan once again. Still glued against the lockers, Nathan's nose was bleeding, and his cheek had turned red as Cayden kept punching him on the same spot over and over again.
"It's your fault! It's all your fucking fault! I fucking hate you! You did this to me! You ruined me!" He kept shouting over and over again till Mr. Standall and the principal pushed through the crowd and gasped by the sight played out before them.
Cayden's yelling and crying combined together rang through the silent air, breaking me brick by brick.
Finally, Connor, Cole and Mr. Standall together succeeded in pulling Cayden off of Nathan.
"Cayden! Calm down," Our counselor said, honey brown eyes filled with concern.
"Let go of me!" Cayden furiously yanked free of Mr. Standall's hand grip around his arm, startling him. "Don't fucking touch me!"
The principal gestured Connor and Cole to back away from Cayden, which they did. Afterward, Mr. Standall grabbed his arm once again and wrapped his other arm firmly around his back, dragging him away from the crowd.
They pushed past students who had finally warmed up to Cayden. Now, they hurriedly scrambled to the side with terrified faces. Heaven, who somehow found herself relating to Cayden, and Grace, who told me Cayden was really cute a few days ago, both looked genuinely frightened when he stormed past them.
I spotted Hope in the crowd, deeply frowning at Nathan. A type of concern I had never seen on anybody's face for Nathan was painted across her face.
As they walked away and took a turn to the left, disappearing out of our sight, I still heard him in the dead silence of the hallway. His pained whimpering and vulnerable cries as if his bullet wounds that had slowly started to heal on his heart, ripped open again.
When they were gone, the principal ordered everyone to clear out the hallway and go to their respective classes. Mumbling and whispering to each other about what just happened, students shuffled past us, leaving Bree, Owen and me behind with Connor and Cole.
I jumped to Nathan who staggered towards me. Gripping his shoulders, I winced by the sight of his bruised cheek and nose bleeding, blood dripping down onto his shirt. "Hey, are you okay?"
"Go," he croaked, pressing his palm against his abdomen where Cayden's fist had collided a few times.
"What?" I breathed, panicked.
"I'm fine. Go. To him. Go."
I shook my head. "I can't. He doesn't want to see me. It will make everything even worse."
His voice came out a hoarse whisper. "Don't let him see you. Check on him from afar. For me. Please?"
Wincing painfully, Nathan looked more desperate than I had ever seen him.
My heartbeat raging on, I exhaled a trembling sighed. "Okay. I'll go."
"Connor and Owen, back to class. Bree and Cole, can you two take him to the nurse?" Mrs. Davison said while tapping on her phone's screen a few times before pressing it against her ear. As she walked away in the same direction as Mr. Standall and Cayden, I heard her softly say, "Amelia? Hi. There's been an incident with your son and Nathan..."
Connor patted Nathan's shoulder before he left. Bree quickly took Nathan's side while Cole appeared on the other, putting the wounded basketball star's arm over his shoulders.
When they left, Owen touched my arm, causing me to look up at him. He frowned. "Hey. You okay?"
I tried to sound strong. "Uh, yeah. I'm just going to check on Cayden. I'll see you in bio soon."
"Okay. See you there."
After Owen left, I knelt down and grabbed Cayden's bag, slinging it over my shoulder before collecting the remaining books dropped on the floor.
My hands were trembling.
The distant echoes of Cayden's aggravated yelling and devastated weeping didn't leave my mind once.
~
Ten minutes after waiting behind a doorway a few feet away from Mr. Standall's office, Cayden finally stepped out of our counselor's office with his dad's arm around his shoulders.
I almost gasped when I took in Cayden's appearance. He looked like he wanted to collapse right there and then. His eyes were red and puffy, face tear-stained and strained. His bandaged fists were trembling and his fingers had turned even more blue and swollen.
They both sat down on the bench outside of the office. His dad's hand rested on Cayden's shoulder while Cayden slowly zoned out. He leaned his head back, eyes shutting and body freezing up. It seemed like the world around him disappeared and he fell inside a dark hole where he couldn't hear or see anything. For a moment, he went dangerously still, so still he didn't seem to breathe.
I felt pain stab me in the chest and my stomach lurched. What was happening to him?
His dad seemed calm as he rubbed his thumb gently on Cayden's shoulder blade. The collected expression on Kyle's face was the only thing keeping me from exploding of all the concern and agitation eating me up from the inside.
Amelia stepped out of Mr. Standall's office and caught me peeking at Cayden from the doorway a few feet away. Our eyes met and my gaze fell to the floor.
Please don't make me leave. Please don't make me leave.
A part of me believed she wouldn't drag me away from Cayden. Not when she knew how much I meant to him. How much he meant to me.
She approached me with a soft smile and embraced me. I didn't realize how much I needed a hug till she rubbed my back and I exhaled a deep breath before closing my eyes for a mere moment.
"Hi, dear. Are you okay?"
Drawing back, I shrugged. "Is he?"
Amelia glanced behind her shoulder once to have a look at her son before looking back at me again. "He's having a blackout right now, but he'll be okay once he gets home and rests."
I blinked. "Blackout?"
She nodded. "Due to his depression, he usually has them after anger outbursts. He falls into this darkness where he can't see or hear anything. He just needs to be in a calm environment right now and with someone who can be there for him when he gets out of the blackout. Just like his dad is with him right now."
I peered over Amelia's shoulder and saw Kyle now periodically brushing Cayden's hair away from his eyes. Cayden had sunk down a little, head still laid back while his whole body was still, chest slowly rising and falling. He looked like he had been detached from the world around him.
I swallowed thickly, twice. I literally felt my heart ache in my chest.
"If whatever happened today had anything to do with me, I'm so sorry-" She cut me off by quickly shaking her head.
"-Maya, no. This isn't your fault in any way. As his mother, I'm telling you that you are the best thing that has happened to my son in a really long time."
He is the best thing that has happened to me too, I thought of saying out loud but failed to open my mouth.
Tucking strands of her silky black hair behind her ears, her gray eyes saddened and she sighed. "Today was just an episode gone wrong."
"What...What do you mean?"
"As you know, Cayden hasn't been doing well the past few days. This morning, he was feeling better so he decided to come to school. He told me he wanted to share his story at the group session today. That he was ready. Judging by what happened, I don't think he was and digging up painful memories form the past triggered something in him, causing the outburst. Nathan talking to him after the session must've pulled the last straw of everything he was holding inside."
"I'm not happy about him hurting Nathan, but I am happy he yelled at him. Said everything he was holding inside for two years," she added, a soft smile appearing across her face.
When Amelia caught me peering at Cayden constantly, she took my hands in hers, hoping to give me some sense or reassurance, comfort, and...hope.
"Hey. Don't worry. He'll be okay. He just needs some time for himself. I'm sure he'll call or text you in a few days," she said, softly.
I decided to not share with her that Cayden told me he didn't want to be friends anymore. That was something I needed to fix between me and Cayden myself. Figure out why he said what he said.
So instead, I nodded and pressed out a stoic smile. Amelia returned the smile and gave my hands a comforting squeeze before letting go to make her way back to her son.
I left before Cayden got out of his blackout. Before he noticed me. Before he saw me. It was when I was on my way to biology, I realized Cayden's backpack stuffed with all of his books was still slung over my shoulder. I wanted to run back to them, but instead, I returned back to his and my locker and put his books back inside. All of them.
Afterwards, I closed the locker door and rested my forehead against it. My eyes slipping close, I inhaled and exhaled deeply. My fingertips were twitching.
I had lost too much in the last few years. My dad, my mom, my happiness, and myself. I was not going to lose Cayden. I refused to let that happen. Cayden's broken expression clouded my vision and the second I felt the tears form in my eyes, I forced back a sob.
Don't cry.
Don't cry.
Don't cry.
Suddenly, my phone vibrated in the pocket of my jeans. Pulling it out with a trembling hand, I threw a glance down at the enlightened screen. It was the unknown number again.
It's okay to cry. The sky does it too.
I tightened my grip around my phone till my knuckles turned white. My jaw clenched and I gritted my teeth until I felt the tears sting the corner of my eyes. I felt my legs buckle beneath me. And then my sobs carried through the vacant hallway.
***
Author's note: Hi guys! Chapters are being shorter than usual now because I don't want to squeeze too many happenings in one chapter. It overwhelms me and I'm sure it overwhelms you guys too. Sorry to those who are lovers of long chapters, but I feel this way is better, and I feel more comfortable writing shorter nowadays. Plus, faster updates :)
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