A Goal, A Punch, A Kiss
Only thing that my mind allowed me to think at that very moment on seeing those words coming from Antoine was-
Why is he dedicating the goal to you?
Isn't he with Crimsyn?
Where is she?
Are you sure he is saying this to you and not to her or anyone else?
I immediately turned around to check if Crimsyn was sitting here or whether those words were meant for someone else or not. I satisfied myself by telling my doubtful mind that she was not and I looked back at the field towards him with a huge smile on my face.
Alex pointed out that I was on the big screen. The cameras had probably turned towards me after Antoine had dedicated the goal to me. I was a little embarrassed but I was too overjoyed to acknowledge it. What mattered to me was the he made a goal and he dedicated it to me even after I had accidentally played with his feelings. It showed that probably... just probably... he still felt the same way as he did before that god-awful incident at the wedding took place.
Antoine returned back to the match and so did the result of the players. 75 minutes in and Antoine once again had the ball. He kicked the ball hard and passed it to Mbappe. Mbappe took the shot and...
It was now England 2- France 2.
Now things in the stadium got real tense for only 10 minutes were left on the clock. The ten minutes passed extremely quickly with everyone rooting for their respective team to make a goal. Now currently we had another eight minutes of extra time. If the either of the teams failed to make a goal in these eight minutes then there would be a dreaded penalty shoot.
The ball was still in France's possession. Everyone in the stadium was going crazy. I was also going crazy because the only the question that I could ask myself was do I want England to win or Antoine?
Varane's header caused the ball to get passed to Pavard, who in turn passed it to Pogba. Pogba passed it to Matuidi, who shot the ball but England's goalie managed to catch it. A little dissatisfaction had surrounded the French side but it was not for long, because within seconds, the ball now happened to be in Olivier's possession, who passed it to Mbappe and he passed it to Griezmann, who made a killer yet graceful scissor kick and...
Everyone wondered only one thing- goal or no goal.
The goalie divided to save the ball and looking at this, Antoine's hands went up in dismay probably thinking that it won't be a goal and they would have to enter into the penalty round.
Only one-minute left on the clock and only this one shot could determine the fate of this scary match.
And... HE SCORES!!
What a historic moment for all in the stadium! The site of the goal was just unbelievable. Antoine had made history that day and I just couldn't stop my self from being happy for him. The French side had won and England had lost undoubtedly, but I think when the referee blew the whistle, I knew for sure how I felt.
I was happy... extremely happy. Not for France, but for Antoine. There was not a speck of sorrow in my heart. I was happy to see him happy. Yes, I was sitting on the losing side and yes, I didn't get a chance to tease that newly married couple, and yes, they would probably rub it in my face for all their lives, but all that didn't matter... what only mattered was Antoine's victorious smile.
If I forgot to mention, he also did dedicate this goal to me. I guess it was just my lucky day. I wished to run down and hug him tightly but I wondered what Crimsyn would think or what the world would think. But when Antoine and my eyes met the whole stadium seemed to disappear. The flashes of the camera, the cheers of the audience... everything vanished. It was only as if the two of us were there. The trance caused by his eyes was such that, even without me trying, I got up and I had started walking towards the stadium ground. But a phone call pulled me out of my hypnosis. It was Justin's and I knew exactly what he wanted to say.
I picked up the call and before he could say anything, I spoke in a disregarding tone- "Yeah, yeah, I get it... you won, we lost. You were right, we were wrong. Your team is the greatest team that has ever walked on this planet... blah blah blah blah... is there anything else you wanted to add?"
"yeah actually... are you alright?", he said a little concerned.
"Yeah I am. I mean its just a match. I'm sure England will play well the next..."
"I'm not asking about the match. I'm asking about whether you are fine after... you know... Antoine and stuff?" he said cutting me off in the middle of my statement.
"oh... you mean the dedications... well, we'll see about that in some time..." I said giggling a bit. I had a plan in my mind to figure out what was up with Antoine. I knew I had to find out whether he actually cared about me and hence, he dedicated those goals or was he just messing around with my feelings again. I hoped it would be the first reason... but the Antoine I had left 4 years back after that gruesome argument, and the one I saw at the wedding, made me fear that the second reason was more viable. As a result of the fear building up in me, I turned around and started walking back up to my seat. But a voice stopped me. I turned to look at the big screen, where Antoine was being interviewed for becoming the man of the match.
"you played brilliantly well Antoine. Splendid goals. I'm sure you did your country and people proud. Hence, I wish to know how you're feeling about this victory." Said the interviewer.
Antoine simply smiled. He then spoke in his heavy French accent," Yeah, the feeling is just not something that I can fathom or anyone on the team can. After every victory, there is a certain amount of joy that we feel, but today it's much more than that. There was a moment in all our hearts where we thought that the victory might not be ours today, but the second half showed a whole different spirit within all of us. We play most of our matches for the country that has made us what we are today, for the people who have given us so much love, affection, and respect, so, all our victories are because of them and also for them. The English team was brilliant, as usual, and gave us a tough competition. It is always fun to play against a team with such superior quality players. I really enjoyed today's match but next time I would prefer all the five goals to be made by France's."
"lastly, you became the man of the match... given the fact that there were so many players who displayed a spectacular performance... you of course had a tough competition for this award... so, if asked to dedicate this victory to someone special, who would it be?" the interviewer said with a smirk on his face.
I stood there listening motionlessly, hoping deep within that he would take my name, but that constant thought in my head kept bugging me- what if he does not take my name? what if he takes Crimsyn or someone else's name? what if he did dedicate those goals just to play with my feelings?
The fear in my heart, once again, wanted me to turn away but there was something in me that prevented me from doing that. I just had to know who he was going to dedicate his victory to. I just had to know who this special person was. I just had to know whether it was me or someone else.
Antoine smiled once again and for gazillionth time it made my heart fluster. In his sexy and heavy accent, he spoke, ever so calmly but also blushing a little. " well apart from my team, I would have dedicated this victory to my best friend, Veronica, who has come for the match, because without her supporting me, I would not have been here. But I am going to dedicate this victory to my 'to be born' child with my girlfriend Crimsyn."
WHAT!!! HIS FUTURE CHILD!! AND THAT TO WITH CRIMSYN!! HIS GIRLFRIEND CRIMSYN!!!
Hell was surely breaking out in my life and unlike the other tricky situations in my life that i have faced because of Antoine, I could really do nothing about this one. Probably, we were never meant to happen and probably, we had missed our chance. Probably, he never considered me as anything more than his best friend and I happened to pick up the wrong signals all along every time he smiled or got cozy with me. Probably, I got too carried away with my emotions relating to Antoine, causing me to now be in a zone where I could not comprehend a happy future with anyone else. Probably, because of this, I only felt attracted to Alex or any other cute boy but couldn't even dream about an average future with them.
My fears about him playing with my feelings had vanished, for I realised he never dedicated those goals to me in the way I thought he had. He, evidently, just wanted to be friends and nothing more than that. It hurt me terribly for some reason that he was having a kid with Crimsyn. I know I should have been happy for the couple, given the fact that they two were my best friends, irrespective of the fact that I didn't like to see them together. But I just couldn't.
I wasn't jealous or angry. Neither was I filled with hatred for the two. I was happy to know that Antoine had finally learnt the value of settling down with someone but currently, I was just devastated to know that this "someone" wasn't me.
I had a stream of tear roll down my eyes absolutely involuntarily. I didn't want anyone to see me this way. I quickly wiped my tears and turned around and proceeded back to my seat. I saw Alex look at me in very comforting way. It was meant to give me some relief from my current state but it just ended up making me feel worse.
Alex knew how I felt for Antoine and I knew how Alex felt for me. I knew he could understand very well how I felt currently because I made him feel the same way when I broke up with him. This realisation of me having made Alex feel so bad, was equally burdensome as the news of Antoine being a father.
Alex extended his arms towards me and embraced me in a hug. I was trying to be strong by not crying but when he held me, I couldn't contain my sorrow. I cried more than I ever had. Alex's warm hug gave me a reminder of home and family. I realised that probably it was necessary for me to go back home to my parents and hit the restart button before I damage myself any further. I decided that I would leave the stadium and head straight to the airport and catch the first flight back to England because I just couldn't stand being in this city or anything that would remind me of or link me to Antoine.
I broke from the hug wiping my tears. Alex didn't say anything knowing that I needed my time and privacy. I walked away with my belongings. I walked out into the field as I had a crew pass. I just felt it necessary to congratulate Antoine on his victory and on being a father before I leave. I didn't want to continue having a bitter relation with Antoine. This time I was going to fix it and end the toxic relation under any given circumstance.
Everyone on the field was celebrating. I was searching for him but I couldn't find him. I looked around for him. Some footballers smiled back as if they recognised me probably because Antoine showed them my pictures or spoke about me. I was about to go up to them to ask where he was when I felt a hand on my shoulder.
The touch was familiar. The feel of the hand was extremely dear to me. The touch of an innocent and simple childhood away from complications is all I could remember. I knew who it was but I suddenly froze and couldn't turn to face him. I wanted to but I knew I would cry and just over complicate an already complicated relation. I no longer knew what he meant to me. It was relation which wasn't existent but yet it always found a way to hold me back more than it did before.
I didn't turn but instead, I was turned. I wasn't making any sort of eye contact with him because my eyes had already started welling up. He lifted my chin with his tender finger and there I was looking into those eyes with which I wished to spend the rest of my life with. He was a little flustered himself as he looked at me. I punched him in the arm hard and in a cracking voice I said-"You've become so famous that you couldn't pick up a single call. Forget picking up, you could have at least answered back once to the million messages that I sent you. I didn't even need you to talk to me. I just needed you to listen. That kiss meant nothing. Alex meant...."
Antoine pulled me to the side before anyone could question him about me. He sighed and before allowing me to continue to speak, he hugged me tightly and said-" I'm so sorry. I reacted in an extremely weird way that day and over the last few months. I love you and that's all I know. I don't care if that Alex is hurt, because all I know is that I need you to be in my life forever and ever. I want to have kids with you, grow old with you, and do everything with you. I want you to be part of my victories, wearing my jersey and not someone else's. I want to be part of your success and I want to see the world with you because everything just seems so amazing with you, different with you, happy with you. Be with me because I can't spend another second without you."
His words should have made me feel happy. I had been waiting for the almost five years to hear him say this to me. I was single and hence I wouldn't have had a problem to say 'yes' but....
But he was with Crimsyn and was about to be a father.
Irrespective of whether I couldn't stand the idea of the two starting a family together, I couldn't do this to Crimsyn or their unborn child. Every child deserves a warm and happy family like the one I had or the one that Antoine himself had. I couldn't take away that happiness from the baby. I would always prefer to be a part of Antoine and his child's life in an effective way rather than in a destructive way. Hence it was important now to take a rational decision. A decision from the mind over a dominant heart. If Antoine and I were meant to be, it would happen, but just not now or probably, not in this life time.
I flashed an honest smile and kissed him on the lip, making sure no one saw. The kiss we shared was the best kiss that one could ever have. A Kiss that was not possible to be described with words. I could feel the fireworks and the passionate love lasso around the two, binding us together stronger with every passing second of the kiss. If I stayed any longer in the kiss, I would not be able to do the right thing for him, for Crimsyn, for his kid but mainly for me.
I broke from the kiss, ever so rapidly, against my wish and simply said one word without looking in his eyes, softly yet boldly- " No."
Saying just so much I walked away, not looking back even once at him, not seeing how he must have been, not telling him about the fact that I was leaving for England and not confessing what I truly felt for him.