< imagine: After catching Louis in the act. You had been avoiding him at all costs- staying in your dorm room seemed to be the only way you could do that. Louis and Clem continuously attempted to talk to you. But you decided you were done with them.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
• you sat there in your empty room. Funny because that's how you felt, empty. Nothing- just a void of loneliness. no movement nor the will to do anything.
A shell of a heartbroken girl who only wanted to breathe for survival. Since food wasn't appetising at all... it made your stomach churn and reject.
• you had trusted Louis with all your heart.. you gave him space and agreed on everything he said. So how were you such a bad girlfriend that he needed to cheat on you?
• Were you not meeting his expectations?
Or was it that you weren't attractive??
After that thought, your last string of self-confidence washed away.
• why would he even lead you on for so long, gaining your love and trust along the way, only to smack it right back in your face..
It made you SO angry.. and sad. You were mostly sad..
You tried your best to be perfect for him, you really did.
But apparently your efforts weren't good enough it seems...
• your mind was screaming at you to leave your stuffy room- you were only suffocating in your thoughts. Maybe a little bit of fresh air would be nice..?
But the fear of bumping into either Louis or Clem shook you to the core with anxiety.
No.
• You'll stay in bed instead. What's it worth having to talk to them? It would only cause more anger and heartache.
Were it up to you, you'd never see them again. But that's impossible. You know fully well that once you step one foot out that door you would be exposed- exposed out of your comfort zone. You'd have to talk to someone and that is exactly what you're trying to avoid.
• Your cozy bed calling you back while you peer around the depths of the outside. Sadly knowing your luck, One of them will be prancing down the hall only to capture your nerve wracked in their sight.
• They'll come bounding over to you, explaining nonsense and non meaningful words.
And then.. you'd have to hear them trying to open your door whilst you cower.
The whole scenario played out in your head on repeat, causing you to feel more disgusted.
Why can't anything be easy? Why had everything gone to shambles in such little time??
• hopeless questions with no answers is all you're getting.
A sigh passing through your lips as you shakily stand to your feet- your limbs feeling like jelly from all the disuse.
Might as well at least walk...
• Sitting and moping in an emotional curled up ball will do nothing but rack you more with horrible thoughts. More worse case scenarios materialising, playing nonstop until you can't take it anymore.
But does it matter?
Who would care if you'd go crazy.
At least your last words as a sane person would be cursing about Louis and repeating how it's all his fault. Which it is his fault.
Will it be worth it to let yourself go?
You're already a hopeless mess. A broken heart bleeding continuously as your lungs struggle to breathe.
Why give everyone the satisfaction? The joy of seeing you go to shambles. An emotional mess of who you used to be.
You could make sure that Louis and Clem feel guilty for the rest of their lives...
But how happy will you be? Sure, seeing the people who caused you this much pain, suffering in their own wits would be absolutely splendid. However- it simply wouldn't fix the gaping hole in your heart. A hole that won't close no matter what you do.
So... it's come to deciding how you will somehow cope with all this weight dropped upon you. You're weighed down and afraid, while your thoughts only take the chance to viciously tear away at you. Glory and victory is what you'd give those demons.
A cry escaped you as you hugged yourself tightly, starting to feel more lonely with each second. You were standing so close to the door now.. it would only take for you to turn the handle and then you could roam. Outside your room~
A shiver coursed through you as your hand slowly found its way to the door knob your breaths quickening. The cold metal under your touch reminding you of the fear crawling under the fresh wounds.
Exiting your room seems like the worst decision you could make..
What's the worst that could happen though?
It would be easy for you to just walk away if anyone tried to talk.. and were you to unfortunately be caught by Louis- you could either give him a piece of your mind or save him the trouble and leave him stranded.
So his own thoughts can attack, rip and poison his mind.
That would be too easy though. To let him off easy by handing him over to his own vile demons.
But would he deserve to have you talk to him? Give him the slightest of attention that he seeks so much??
No way.
You were done with brushing things off as nothing. If Louis loved you, then all of this would never have happened. All this heart wrenching and tear spilling- simply won't be prying. It needn't exist if he hadn't gone off in the bed sheets with Clementine.
•••
*CLICK!*
The door closed shut
You were now outside your room, Scared as all living hell. The fresh air felt amazing! A cold draft breezing across your bare skin causing goosebumps to rise. It was nighttime surprisingly, since your room thankfully had thick enough curtains you weren't able to tell if it was day or night. And no.. you were too bothered with your swirling thoughts and insecurities to stand up and find out what time of day it was.
You inhale the crisp air of the night with a small half smile, Though your slight contentment was soon deprived as soon as you heard the sound of another door opening not too far away. You started to panic more than you already were, about to dash back into your crowded room.
But you had conjured up so much confidence to be out here right now... the process of opening that door and stepping foot out that room was agonising and painfully slow.
So why must you throw all your progress to huddle back in that small isolated room of yours?
You take a deep breath and walk step by step- heading towards the direction of the kitchen.
It wasn't really a proper kitchen.. just a spare room with stacks of food and drink supplies, though, Omar claimed the room to be a kitchen nevertheless.
You suddenly realise you're hungry at the thought of appetising snacks. Your stomach begging you to intake food to vanish it's dreadful emptiness. So you decided that paying a visit to where most of the food is kept was mandatory.
After what felt like years of walking blindly in the darkness- you had finally reached the kitchen, home of all the glorious food.
You weren't feeling too hungry so something light would be just fine. Your eyes straining to scan places in the dark— but thankfully some of the moonlight that shown through the windows was enough to provide for your sense of coordination.
You only bumped into few things before reaching a shelve where most of the snacks where held- quickly crossing something random and briefly examining it before shrugging.
You didn't grab anything too special or appealing but it was the least you could eat to quiet your hungry stomach.
Soon you were heading back to your room rather fastly- Just wanting to be hidden away back into the depths of your enclosed space.
But something felt off as you slipped down the hall- your snack now being devoted while you trotted along.
A nervous feeling settling upon you the closer you got to your goal of running into your dorm.
You were now standing in front of your door. But what left you stunned... was that the door was opened just a crack. Opened.
You repeat in your head with a shiver, now wishing your lock had a key to lock the door with from the outside.
Hesitating, you breach up enough courage to burst through your door- it lightly slamming against the wall. You stood in a stance of full wariness, now the feeling of uneasiness growing and more prominent.
You gulp when you hear a voice that you would wish so much to forget entirely...
"Hello, darling."
What. The. Actual. Heck.
You felt immediate rage bubble up inside you. Your snack now finished as you quickly swallow the rest of it. You weren't about to waste your precious item of food over some idiot who decided to invite themselves into your room. An idiot who you regretted ever loving.. giving your heart to and cherishing.
You heaved with rage, staring at his vague silhouette.
"I know you hate me.. and I know that being here is only making things worse, but—
"Get. Out." You cut him off with an icy tone.
Meaning business.
"Hey, please—
"No. And how dare you even THINK you could call me 'darling'!?" Your voice increasing with sound. "Also who told you it was okay to enter people's rooms without their permission? I go to get food because I'm fucking STARVING, and I return to find a disgusting rat in my darn room!"
A sigh escaped Louis, "look I'm here to apologise and explain.." a heard him take a step closer, "I'm sorry. I really am—
"Oh what? You're sorry because you hurt me?? Or are you sorry because your dumbass got caught cheating and now you only have ONE girl to mess around with?" You growled.
"At least let me explain—
"You ain't explaining SHIT!!" Your voice screeched. "The only thing you'll be explaining is, why the hell you think you have the right to be in the same proximity as me and spreading your bullshit."
Louis sighed again but more louder and prolonged. As if HE'S finding this stressful...
"Good, Keep that up and suffocate." You hiss, crossing your arms. Almost smiling to yourself at your own words- it reminded you of something A.J. would say. Maybe he's rubbing off on you since you spend alot of time with him.
"Come on... you don't mean that" Louis pleaded.
You shook your head and pointed to the door even though he couldn't see those actions, "I very much do. Now leave."
"No.. please give me one more chance!" He begged, you could sense he walked closer causing you to back away instantly.
"What? One more chance to screw me over?? Yea no thanks, I'll pass on that." You said in a monotone-like voice.
"I can promise you that I won't hurt you again.." jeez he just never gives up?
"Yea you're right. You won't hurt me again since I'll be FAR away from you!" You snap back.
"N-no.." his voice cracked. You could imagine tears falling down his face. But of course you assumed they were fake- why would he cry for real if he never cared enough about you to cheat with another girl? And most importantly, Clem.
"Get the hell out of my room. I don't want to be near you... disgusting excuse of a man." You fumbled around in the dark trying to find anything that could be used as a weapon.
"You don't mean that.." Louis mumbled, almost sounding heartbroken.
"Look I'll explain anyway whether you like it or not. Clementine and I were in the greenhouse looking for potting mix that Mitch had requested for someone to retrieve—
He stopped in his sentence. You however decided to let him continue about his "explanation".
"I don't even know how it happened, but we were in a moment and Clem a abruptly confessed her feelings to me..."
He stopped again, as if waiting for you to comment.
"Then... she kissed me— and I kissed back.
I felt something with her.. like I was enjoying the intimate moment and beginning to form feelings too." Louis huffed with a stressed tone,
"And one thing led to another.. we were so caught up with bliss that before we knew it, her and I were bare of our clothes and getting heated." He finally finished.
You just stared at his silhouette with a perplexed expression. It all seemed like a made up story.. half of you wanted to believe it, but the other half knew better to know that this whole facade he's just told was complete and utter bull.
"Well? Are you going to say anything.." Louis trailed off.
You felt anger boil within you once more. "How does a KISS turn into a full on fuckfest?!"
"I don't know!! Like I said, it all happened so fast I barely knew what was happening" Louis exclaimed.
"That's a lie Louis. How do you not know what's happening once you're undressing yourself??" You say expectedly, "when you see Clem bare of her own clothes in front of you?"
No answer.
"Did I not cross your mind at all? Your back then, girlfriend??"
And though you may not know it. But these words, 'back then girlfriend' that you spat out at him caused a huge pain to grow and radiate in his chest. His stomach twisting as he was filled with guilt.
He felt even more horrible knowing and convinced that he had no chance getting back with you- you have made that explicitly clear to him. But he still held onto a sliver of hope that just maybe, just maybe he could win your heart back. It was alot to ask from you but he genuinely wanted a second chance.
Or maybe forgiveness would be enough if he wasn't lucky enough and couldn't hold you in his arms anymore..
He'd cope with being on good terms with you and not being in a relationship, but he simply couldn't imagine being able to function without you in his life at all.
"You did cross my mind, of course you did! I love you with every fragment of my existence."
You scoff at his words, "obviously not! God why do you keep spewing out lies?" Your harsh tone causing Louis to wince, though, you weren't able to see it.
"No! Why would I lie?" Louis argued with hurt a voice. "I never stopped loving you—
"Yes you did. When you were moaning Clem's name" you cut him off.
No response.
'Wow okay then! Just go quiet as soon as I state more facts.' Your thoughts churn.
"I'm done with this. I'm done with YOU and I'm done with this conversation. Now leave my room and don't bother talking to me again." Your tone full of venom with an icy undertone.
You weren't messing around, you were serious. And Louis now finally understood that as he meekly nodded with his head hung- making his way to your open door.
"Just know.. I'll never stop caring for you. All this stuff between Clem and I.. i never meant for it to happen. So I'll once again say sorry for causing you pain- I hope one day you can forgive me." He inhaled a shaky breath,
"While I'll wait patiently for that day."
And with that. He gave subtle nod before closing the door behind him.
At least he had enough decency to close it...
You thought to yourself. Most of your anger now slipping away and replacing with dwelling sadness, Tears unnoticeably began to spill down your cheeks- you had done the right thing to throw Louis out. If he could be easily lured to adventuring into other girls pants, by a KISS, then there was no way you could trust him enough to take him back.
It was only the smartest way to deal with the situation,
To simply erase him from your life. From your feelings and from your rely source.
You may feel a little empty and lost without him.. but once a guy cheats— he is tainted.
Corrupted by the nature to continue with the actions. And you weren't dumb enough to fall for the trap.
•••
Farewell past lover... you were great, up until you decided I wasn't great myself.
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A/N: this PART. 2 was a request by the majority of y'all, so I hope I delivered well.. :)
Thank you for reading! <3