Demi
Every beep that came from Wilmer's heart rate monitor was a saving grace.
He was supposed to wake up hours ago, it was now nightfall after they had lowered he sedation. Thankfully, my mom saw I was about to break, and offered to bring Sobieda and Balbino to the cafeteria to get coffee and something to eat. Once they filed out, I let my head drop into my hands with a defeated groan.
Despite my best efforts, I had allowed a balloon of hope to fill in my stomach that Wilmer was going to be fine, and everything was going to be okay again. The despair was crushing- especially with the weight of the new life in my stomach. I needed with Wilmer like I needed air, no matter how unhealthy it was to say. The only way I could stand the long months and cold nights of Wilmer being deployed was to lie there and picture how it would be once he finally got out, when we could finally start our lives together, this was never part of the plan.
A groan made my head snap up, and I saw Wilmer's head roll to the side. I got up slowly, as if any noise could send him back over the edge of consciousness. His eyebrows twitched and I sank down onto the edge of his bed.
"Wilmer?" My voice was so soft, I didn't know if he would even be able to hear me.
His face twitched again and his lips parted a bit, then- "Demi?"
I silently thanked God and leaned down and pressed my lips to his forehead. "It's me, baby. I'm right here."
"It hurts." He practically whimpered, and I reached over to hit the nurse button on the wall.
"I know it does, I know. You got hurt, baby." I put my hands on his cheeks. "Look at me." He squeezed his eyes shut then they fluttered open and the resolution in me finally broke so my own eyes filled with tears. "You got hurt," I whispered, and stroked my thumb over his cheek, "they needed to operate on you. You're lucky to be alive."
"What happened?"
I swallowed hard but thankfully the nurse came in to save me from answering his question. She gasped when she saw Wilmer's eyes open and she smiled widely at me. "I'll get the doctors."
"He's in a lot of pain." I said to her, although I didn't take my eyes off of Wilmer. "Please have them give him something."
"I'll let them know."
She left, and I took a deep breath. "Do you remember anything?"
"We were at my parent's." He mumbled, and his eyes slipped closed again. "I... Why can't I remember?"
"Sergeant Valderrama?" Now the crowd of doctors were here with Dr. Connors leading them, and I quickly stood up so they could crowd around him. When I moved out of the way though he reached out for my hand and I quickly intertwined our fingers and stepped closer to him. "How are you feeling?"
"My head hurts a lot." Wilmer could speak barely louder than a whisper and one of the nurses handed him a cup of water. "I'd ask if I got shot, but that happened before and this feels even worse."
I dug my teeth into my bottom lip- I wasn't in the mood for humor, but some of the other doctors cracked a smile.
"I do apologize for that. You came to us in quite a state. Do you remember anything?"
"No." He whispered, and I squeezed his hand.
"You experienced an episode of your Post Traumatic Stress diagnosis triggered by Fireworks on the Fourth of July-" The doctor trailed off when Wilmer jerked his head to me, then winced but his eyes dropped to my stomach and his body relaxed.
"The baby is okay?"
"The baby's fine." I spread his palm over my belly and tilted my head down at him. "I've got my own team of doctors."
Wilmer rubbed his hand over my bump, then looked back at the doctors. "Sorry."
"Not at all, your episode was triggered by the fireworks and from my understanding you ran into the woods surrounding the home you were at. You were there for almost three days before a search party found you unconscious, my guess is you'd fallen or passed out from exhaustion. You hit your head in the fall, and it started a minor brain bleed that caused you to disassociate, meaning you didn't remember who you were. In your case, you remembered your military background, but the memories that faded were of your personal life." Wilmer looked at me again but I had to keep my eyes on the doctor to keep myself together. "We received clearance from your wife to perform the surgery, and it was extremely successful."
Wilmer was quiet, and I didn't blame him. I couldn't imagine processing all of this.
"I didn't remember you?" He finally asked, and looked up at me. "At all?"
"You were bleeding into your brain, we're lucky that's all that happened." I shook my head. "I'm so glad that's all that happened, and that you don't remember it."
"We've given you some intravenous pain medication so you shouldn't be in pain for too much longer. The bandages around your head should be fine to come off as the sutures are healed now." As Dr. Connors spoke, a nurse came forward and started unwrapping the gauze around Wilmer's head." We've got a long road of recovery here, but your vitals have been holding steady and I truly believe we will successful in helping you, not just physically, but mentally."
At that, Dr. Reyes stepped forward and gave me a small nod. "Sergeant Valderrama, I'm the chief of psychiatry here, I wanted to take your case personally. I'll be setting you up with a colleague of mine who was also in active duty overseas, and has treated thousands of veterans with a PTS diagnosis."
Wilmer glanced down, and I knew he felt uncomfortable with his mental health begin discussed in front of everyone. "Maybe that's a topic for later, he just woke up."
"Of course." Dr. Reyes smiled and stepped back. "I'll be back in the morning."
Dr. Connors cleared his throat once he left. "I understand you must be exhausted, but we'd like to run a few more tests to make sure we got the entirely of the bleed so it won't turn into a clot. There's a bit of a line for the CT machine right now, so it'll be a while before we come to take you upstairs." Wilmer nodded and Dr. Connors looked at his colleagues. "Let's give these two some time alone."
Once they all filed out Wilmer slowly looked up at me and I felt a tear slip down my cheek. He pushed out his bottom lip and I couldn't help but smile and lean down to kiss him softly.
"I love you so much." I whispered against his lips, then kissed him again. "But don't ever do that to me again."
"I'm so sorry, Demi." He reached up and put his hand on my cheek. "I should've been putting more work into therapy, I should've-"
"That's not what matters right now." I interrupted, and leaned into his hand. "What matters if you're here, and alive, and you can put in the work now."
"I will." He vowed, and I saw the resolve in his eyes that had been there the day he married me- he truly meant it. "Now kiss me like I'm not going to break."
I smiled and skimmed through my nails through his hair- careful to avoid where I knew his stitches were, then I bent down and kissed him deeply, the way I'd been dreaming of kissing him for the past few weeks. Wilmer put one hand on the back of my head to hold me there and I wanted to burst into tears all over again. After a long lingering moment he pulled back but didn't let go of me so my face stayed close to his.
"I love you," he murmured, "I told you I'd always come back to you."
At that moment, Sobieda, Balbino, and my mom walked in, and Sobieda let out a shriek that made Wilmer clap his hands over his ears and she rushed to his side.
"My son, my son." She murmured over and over as she kissed his forehead and cheeks. "God has answered my prayers."
Wilmer smiled softly. "Hola, mama."
Balbino walked over and put his hand on Wilmer's shoulder, silently exchanging a moment with Wilmer like only these two men could. My mom was crying hard when she came and hugged me, then Wilmer, then me again.
"Always keep the faith, baby." She said fiercely in my ear, and pulled away to smile at me. "Always."
I nodded and looked back at Wilmer who was still being showered with hysterical kisses by Sobieda. The feelings inside me were so conflicting- I was ecstatic that he'd woken up, but I knew there was still so much more that needed to be done, and there was such a difficult road ahead of us.
Eventually, hours later, the doctors came to take Wilmer up to get a CT Scan, and both of our parents hugged us goodbye before they left to go to the hotel they'd been staying in. I sat down in the armchair next to the window that had become my nook over the last few weeks, and I leaned my head against the cool glass.
Now that the Wilmer was awake, I was able to fully process what happened, instead of being in crisis mode and not allowing myself to think about the reality of what could happen to him. I felt so emotionally drained, I wanted to curl up here and resurface in four months with a healthy husband and a healthy baby. Absentmindedly, I rubbed my hand over my belly and smiled to myself when I felt a kick, as if to remind me that wasn't possible, and that I needed to work hard for both of those things to happen.
I woke up to the lights in the room turning on and I lifted my head to see them wheeling Wilmer back into the room. I rubbed my eyes then checked my phone and saw it was nearly three in the morning- I'd only slept for about half an hour.
"How did it go?" I asked, and stood up to walk over to Wilmer again.
"They'll come in to talk about the scans in the morning." The nurse told me, then finished setting up Wilmer's bed and said goodnight before walking out of the room.
Wilmer turned his head to look at me and I smiled and put my hand on his cheek. "Hi, baby."
"Hi." He murmured, and closed his eyes. "Were you sleeping?"
"Just for a little bit."
He tugged on my arm, but I hesitated- not wanting to move any wires. "I don't think that's allowed-"
"I don't care." Wilmer tugged again and that was all I needed to cave in and climb onto the hospital bed- careful not to touch any wires, and I laid my head down on his chest. "This helps more than any medication they could give me." He murmured, and kissed my forehead.
"Liar." I narrowed my eyes playfully at him. "That pain medication is definitely impairing your judgement."
"That's our excuse then." He smiled and kissed me softly. "I love you, Demi."
I felt myself getting choked up again, and I leaned my forehead against his and put my hand on his neck. "I love you so much."
He spread his hand over my belly and took a deep breath. "This is going to be hard."
"I know." I put my hand on top of his and rubbed my thumb over the back of his palm. "But it's going to be worth it."
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Thank you all for your patience, excluding Riz.
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-Rachel