Jen's POV
"Pregnant? I can't be pregnant I haven't, we haven't, but I..." My mind was a complete blur right now. The only time I'd had sex was a month ago with Harry. I was still on birth control, so I didn't understand how this could have happened.
"I can answer anything you need Miss Taylor, I assume this was unexpected?" The doctor took a seat with us, and I couldn't think of a single question to ask. Everything was a complete mess in my mind, and Harry hadn't said a word since the results were given.
"I'm on birth control!" I said. I felt myself becoming emotional again, this had to be some kind of mistake, I couldn't be pregnant.
"Birth control is quite effective in preventing a pregnancy when taken daily, but it doesn't guarantee 100% protection," the doctor stated. I took my pills daily, at least I thought I had.
I thought back to that day, and I vaguely remember thinking I'd take the pill when I got home from the awards as I always took it before bed, not at all thinking I'd end up sleeping with Harry instead. I hadn't known missing just one would affect me, I was twenty two and never looked into that stuff considering I hadn't thought about having a child any time soon.
"I just don't understand, I've had no symptoms and I've had my period since that night!" I was so confused, and with Harry's silence in the whole situation, I felt completely alone in dealing with this huge news.
"It's common not to experience any kind of symptoms. A lot of women aren't even aware they are pregnant until about two months into the pregnancy. Periods are still common in the early stages of fertilisation in some women, which can also contribute to them being unaware of conception." I couldn't believe this was happening, this wasn't real! I had just assumed my stress and lack of eating had caused the dizziness and fainting, I would have never guessed there was something greater to it.
"So does my fainting have anything to do with the pregnancy? Is my baby okay?" I was now concerned for my child I had just been told I was carrying, and I felt weird referring to it as "my baby", but that's what it was, my baby.
Our baby.
Harry still hadn't said anything, he was still holding onto my hand, and every time I glanced over to him he seemed to be paying attention to what the doctor was saying. That was a good sign at least.
"Feeling light headed and fainting are symptoms of pregnancy, from what your friend has told me you seemed to be under some stress at the time, so that mixed with your high blood pressure could have contributed to your blacking out. As for your baby, I can bring up a quick scan to make sure everything looks okay, but your blood work shows your hormone levels are fine, but just to be safe we'll have a look inside. If you'll just follow me into the room, I'll set it all up and put your mind at ease Miss Taylor." The doctor stood and Harry helped me off the bed, wrapping an arm around me as the doctor lead us to another room.
"I'll just be a minute, take a seat up on the bed and we'll get started once I get back!" I nodded and Harry helped me up, retaking a seat next to me holding my hand.
"You haven't said anything, what's going through your mind?" I finally broke the silence between us.
"I just don't know what to say right now, it's a bit to process. How do you feel about it?" He was surprisingly calm, and that kind of eased my nerves a little bit knowing he didn't seem to be too overwhelmed by all of this and run for the hills.
"I'm shocked, I mean I didn't think that night would turn into this! When you asked if you needed to, you know, wear anything..."
"A condom!" He said for me and smiled.
"Yeah that, I assumed we'd be fine without it, I wish I wasn't so careless and took my stupid pill before I left, and told you to wear one!" I shook my head, and his smiled disappeared.
"Everything happens for a reason Jen, we should be seeing this as a blessing not a mistake, this is our child!" He may have been younger than me, but he was much more wise and mature about this.
I wasn't ready to be a mum though, I could barely look after myself, and the relationship with the father of my child was a complete shambles to say the least, I don't think it's something I could handle at this point. Harry seemed to be on board with the whole thing though, there was just a lot to consider.
"Okay are we ready?" The doctor walked back into the room and turned the screen on.
"You're comfortable with your friend being here Miss Taylor?" The doctor asked again. I hated the way he referred to him as my friend, he seemed to be more than that to me. But I guess that's what we were at this point, friends, friends that were having a child together.
"He's the father so I'd like him to be here," I informed the doctor and he seemed surprised.
"Oh my apologies sir, congratulations!" Harry gave him a small smile and head nod as the doctor prepared me. The jelly like liquid was cold on my skin, and made me wince at first contact, and this was making it all the more real right now.
He moved around his little camera searching around for what he was looking for, "Ah here we go," he stopped on a section of my stomach, and I couldn't see anything.
"What are we meant to be looking at?" I asked him confused.
"Nothing just yet," he laughed at my eagerness. I had no idea about anything to do with pregnancy, I thought we'd at least be able to see some kind of little human in there, that just showed how ignorant I was to the whole thing.
"Do you know when you would have conceived?" He asked me, and I knew exactly what date it was.
"January thirteen," I informed him.
"Yes that looks about right, so you're almost five weeks along, so you are a month into your pregnancy!" He informed us.
"So what exactly are we looking at?" Harry asked the doctor, his eyes squinting trying to look at the screen.
"See this little dot here?" The doctor zoomed into the picture on the screen, and outlined the dot to us.
"Yes," he responded.
"That's your embryo, it's only developing right now, you'll be able to see more at the end of weeks six and seven. By your next scan you'll be able to see a lot more, and possibly hear a heart beat," we both nodded like we understood, I couldn't speak for Harry but I was still a little confused with the dates and such.
"So when is that scan?" I asked.
"Just give me a minute to calculate your due date and I'll be able to tell you when you should come in next." He started typing away on the computer, and I had a thousand things running through my head, "I can't do this" seemed to be the one reoccurring the most.
"Your due date is October twenty." The doctor informed us, and Harry smiled.
I was happy the mood was lifted. I slowly felt like we were getting to our old selves again, but I couldn't base one small moment on how this would all pan out. The fact of the matter was Harry was still in a band that was constantly on tour, I would never ask him to choose me over his career.
"I'll write you up a referral for your first prenatal scan at the front desk, that should be anytime after eight weeks, but in the meantime I suggest trying to relax and keeping your blood pressure at a normal rate, otherwise congratulations to the pair of you," the doctor stood and handed me some wipes to clean myself up.
"Just go to the desk when you're ready, lovely to meet you both, I wish you the best of luck!" He shook both our hands.
"Thanks for everything doctor," I smiled at the nice man.
"Yes thank you, we really appreciate it!" Harry added and the doctor left the room. Harry insisted on cleaning me up himself, taking extra care on my stomach.
"You know there's nothing there yet, so you won't be hurting it!" I laughed and pulled my top back down.
"I know, but I like to be gentle with you that's all," he helped me back down from the bed, and laced his fingers through mine as we made our way to the desk.
I filled out some paper work and the lady handed me some documents with my referral, and directed us to a wall of pamphlets and advised we took a few to educate ourselves. I think I took every pamphlet that had a baby on the front and all the ones with the word pregnancy in it. Harry took a couple that were directed to the fathers specifically.
We hadn't exactly discussed all of this yet, but he seemed to be happy about the the whole thing. I still didn't know what to think, there were a lot of things to consider, and I still didn't feel like I was ready to become a parent. If I decided to not go through with this, I had to think fast before the baby developed. It was a conversation I needed to have with Harry, and from first impressions of his reaction to the pregnancy news, it wasn't going to be an easy one for him to understand from my point of view.
I took one more pamphlet on pregnancy termination and we made our way over to the waiting room.
"Darling are you okay? Why didn't you call me on the way over here?"
"Mum I'm fine you didn't have to come!" She pulled me into a tight hug, and I shook my head at Ava for calling her down.
"What happened? What did the doctor say? Harry sweetheart good to see you!" My mum made me laugh when she shot out fifty questions at once, then managed to turn her attention to something else mid interrogation.
"Nice to see you too Lauren!" He hugged my mum, and she thanked him for bringing me here and looking after me.
"Why have you got pregnancy pamphlets in your hand?" Ava whispered surprisingly.
"Obvious reasons, please don't tell anyone I haven't even wrapped my head around it yet!" I begged her.
"Oh my god Jen! That's exciting news!" She kept her voice down while my mum was still talking to Harry.
"Is it?" I didn't see how it was exactly exciting as of yet, everything was still completely up in the air. I wouldn't feel excited until Harry and I had a proper conversation and talked about all our options, only then would I be able to feel any other type of emotion to this other than anxiousness.
"Jenelle what do you have in your hand?" My mums eyes darted down to the pamphlets in my hand.
"Can we talk about it at home? I just need to talk to Harry for a minute before he goes!" I asked her, not wanting to tell her she may or may not be a grandmother in eight months time, in this waiting room.
"Sure, I'll meet you at the car honey it's just outside. Thank you again for bringing her Harry, please come by before you leave the country!" She hugged him. My mum always loved Harry, and still had complete faith that we would eventually get back together.
"I promise I will!" He replied, and she gave Ava a hug goodbye and left.
"Well I better head back off to the office, I don't want to see you back there today, I'll see you on Monday!" She gave me a hug and said goodbye to Harry and left.
"Harry I'll meet you at car," Paul said. "Hope you're feeling better Jen," he nodded and left the building, leaving Harry and I to talk alone. I hadn't even noticed he was here, I wondered if he had heard Ava and I talking.
"We should probably talk," I turned to face Harry.
"We should," he agreed.
I was nervous to tell him all my thoughts, I just hoped he understood.
...
Harry's POV
I couldn't believe she was pregnant. When the doctor said those words it's like everything around me had shut down, and I had entered some kind of alternate universe.
After the initial shock wore off the only emotion I felt really was happiness. This was the girl I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and now she was carrying my child. All I ever saw in my future was her, being married and having children. I didn't think it would happen this soon, but I did believe everything happened for a reason.
I was a little disappointed the scan didn't really show us much, I was anxious to see a little human growing inside of her, and hear it's heart beat for the first time. I hoped this brought us back together, the thought of her still not wanting me after this, and not raising our child together killed me.
We sat outside the hospital in the little garden at some table and chairs, and she placed her pamphlets out in front of her before speaking.
"Some news huh?" She gave me a small smile, and I reached for her hands taking them in mine.
"The best, you know all I've ever wanted was you and a family with you, granted I didn't think I'd be a dad at twenty one, but I don't care about that. All I care about is you, and the little one in there, you're my family now." She didn't looked as thrilled as I expected her to, I knew this was a lot for her, she was the one that was having the baby while I only had to sit back and watch.
"I'm sorry I missed your birthday this year," her head dropped.
"That's the least important thing right now Jen, who cares about it! I'll have plenty more for you to attend, and by next birthday we'll have someone new added to the guest list," I laughed and I saw a small smile spread across her face.
"Are you sure you're ready for this Harry? This is a big thing, it's not just something little. It isn't about just me and you anymore, there's another person to consider now!"
"When are we ever ready for anything in life? I've told you a thousand times how much I love you, I'm 100% committed to this, and I'll support you along the entire way. Are you..having doubts?" I knew she wasn't exactly thrilled about the news, but I didn't think she was against the pregnancy in any way.
"I don't know, maybe?" She bowed her head down, and my eyes trailed down to where our hands were joined. I looked over to her stack of pamphlets and my eye caught one particular one about pregnancy termination, and I was confused as to why she even had that one.
"What's this?" I lifted it up confused.
"I just want to read it that's all," she reached over and took it from me, tucking it back into her pile.
"Why do you need to read that?" I was a little angry, but kept my voice at a calm rate, I didn't want to argue with her and jump to conclusions like I normally did.
"I just want to consider my options!" She sat back and frowned at me like I'm the one that had said something wrong.
"What options? What are you trying to say here?" There was no way she would even consider terminating this pregnancy. This was our child, I was entitled to have a say on whether it should enter the world or not, and in my mind there was no options, we were having the baby and that was that.
"I'm not ready to be a mum Harry, and I'm sure you're not ready to be a father! We're not even together, and you're constantly touring and busy with the band how am I meant to raise this child alone while you're gone? I have a lot to think about before I start picking out colour schemes for a nursery and stocking up at babies R us!"
I couldn't believe what she was saying right now, she really was considering not having this baby.
"You're not killing our child Jenelle, this is my baby too I should have a say in this!" I was finding it hard to bottle up my emotions right now. She was the most infuriating woman I had met, but also the most reasonable, and right now she wasn't being that.
"This is my body, what I decide is my decision not yours!" She stood from her seat and collected her things and stormed off.
I wanted to go after her and tell her she was being unreasonable and selfish by saying I had no say, but she had fainted once today because of the stress I put her under, I wasn't going to let that happen again.
I calmed myself down and made my way to the car Paul had occupied. We didn't speak on the way back to the stadium, I told him I didn't want to talk about anything that happened today, and he respected that. He didn't know Jen was pregnant, and I wanted to keep it that way for the time being.
When we arrived back at the venue, I headed straight towards an empty room to gather all my thoughts about today's events. How was I meant to play a show tonight with all this news hanging over my head. I wanted to talk to Jen, lay everything on the table, but I knew she had to calm down and process everything before I could do that.
I reached for the pamphlets out of my back pocket, and started reading the one about how to support your partner through her pregnancy. The couple on the front looked happy, like it was the best news that had been given, and I was envious that this wasn't me.
"Harry?" Liam walked into the room and took a seat next to me. I didn't look up, I kept reading. There was no section on how to deal with your partner wanting to kill your child without giving the father a say, and I was disappointed they failed to add that advice.
"What have you got there?" I heard Liam say, I looked over to him finally and his eyes were on my pamphlet, trying to read the front cover. "Why are you reading about how to support your partner through her pregnancy?" His brows were furrowed and he was clearly confused.
"Jen's pregnant," I told him. I hadn't planned on telling anyone about this, but I needed to talk to someone, and clearly Jen wasn't the person I could tell my feelings to about it.
"What?!" He said shocked. I knew he would be, even I was.
"Mmm, we only just found out at the hospital. We even got to see it, not that there was anything to really see it was just a dot, but still I created that dot!" I smiled thinking about it, and thinking about the first time we'd get to see our baby forming and hearing it's heart beat for the first time. That's if she didn't take that away from us before it could happen.
"Wow congratulations mate! How far along is she?"
"Erm he said about a month. We get to go back in a few weeks and we'll be able to see more, and hear the heartbeat and stuff," I told him.
"You don't seem very excited!" He stated the obvious. How could I be excited when I didn't even know if I would get to experience the things I was telling him about, because she didn't know whether she wanted to keep this baby or not.
"She doesn't want it Liam," I sighed, burying my head in my hands. I felt the familiar burn in my eyes and lump in my throat, it was only a matter of time before my emotions caught up with me.
"What do you mean she doesn't want it? What did she say?" He rubbed my back to try and calm me down, and I was grateful to have a friend like him in my life. He was like the older brother I always wanted, Gemma was an amazing sister, but I always wished I had a brother that would understand my point of view, and give me advice from a male perspective, and Liam was that for me.
I looked up straight ahead of me and wiped my face, "She wants to consider her options she said. She had a pamphlet on terminating pregnancy and when I asked her about it she got defensive and said she wasn't ready to be a mum." When was anyone ready to be parents really? We would make this work, I knew we could why couldn't she see that?
"Harry she's probably just shocked right now, I mean she just found out she's having a baby that neither of you planned. It's harder for a woman to process that kind of information than a man, because she's the one that has to go through it while we sit back and watch it happen. I don't think you should think too much of it mate, once the initial shock wears off you two will have to sit down and talk about it. I'm here for you, whenever you need to talk!"
Liam really was the best kind of friend I could ask for. He always knew the right things to say, and always made me see reason in a situation. Both him and Niall were my rocks through this whole Jen and I saga, and i'd never forget how much they seemed to care.
"I really want this baby Liam. I know I'm only young, and my careers at it's peak, but I love it's mother more than anything. The idea of a little person that's half me and half her running around, gives me the best kind of feeling. I know neither of us are ready for it, but we can be, together. I just hope she see's that."
"I think she will in time, I think you'll be amazing parents for what it's worth. Let's just hope it gets more of her genes than yours, because if it looks exactly like her that will be one attractive child!" He joked, and I was glad he found a way to lift the mood right now.
"Are you saying my child is doomed if it looks anything like me?" I laughed.
"I'm kidding mate, with her facial structure and your curly mop, that kid will be extremely blessed in the looks department!"
"I hope it looks like her, a mini Jen would have me wrapped around their little finger, just like their mother!" I smiled thinking about my child, hoping it wouldn't be taken away from me. I had faith in Jen, and I believed she would come around in the end.
She had to, this was our baby, our chance at a fresh start, and I would do anything to make her see the two most important things in my life were now her, and my baby.
Our baby.