Kylie
It's been two weeks with Kevin and Denise and I fucking hate it here. They don't let me do anything until my face heals, but thankfully today is the day i get my stitches out. Demi picked me up to take me to the hospital to get them out and we haven't spoken to each other since i bailed out savy.
Demi and Nick really aren't giving into this, I need to leave and fast. So I either do what I have to do to go home and get my shit back and then leave or I can leave now and just not worry about anyone anymore.
"You look healthier." Demi softly smiled, "thanks, I'm not allowed to leave the table unless I eat all my food." I deadpan,
"Maybe we should do that at our house."
I let out a fake laugh "that implies you're actually going to let me go home."
"You're coming home of course, just don't know when." She sighed, "when you and dad think I'm not a drug addict any more."
Demi held in her breathe "exactly."
She parked the car and we walked in to the hospital, she checked me in and now we waited to get the 40 or so stitches removed.
"Kylie Jonas Lovato?" A nurse called out, then me and Demi stood up and followed her. She took my weight and height then took us back into a room.
"Okay, if you could change into this so it'll be easier for the nurses." She smiled hanging me a blue tissue shirt and blue tissue shorts. Good thing I my band aids on my arm, on. I did as I was told then laid down on the table.
The two nurses came in and prepped all the stuff they would need. "We're going to start with the ones on your legs and stomach." The taller brown haired nurse smiled. "Okay."
Demi stepped out for a call and left me by myself.
I could feel them ripping them out of my skin and it was the worst, most uncomfortable feeling ever.
"Are the cuts on my face going to scar?" I asked, "they will, but they'll be small scars." She then pointed to my face "the one on your cheek, is going to run under your jawline to your chin. That's the longest and worst one. The one on your nose will run across the bridge but is small. Then your forehead will also be a longer but less visible." The nurse explained, "oh okay."
Demi entered the room and took a picture of me. I didn't really care, they bandaged all the cuts that are now closed.
They then sent me on my way with bandages. It took about an hour and half, I know Kevin Senior has a lot of work for me to do.
"Wow, you look a lot better. The bruising is going down." Demi smiled looking at me, "Yeah I know." I shifted facing away from her in the car.
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I've been stuck here for 3 weeks now, I get drug tested every week and everything comes out clean except weed. But it's not because I smoke, it's because it's still in my system.
I haven't talked to any of my friends who I assume don't care about me anymore. I'm one lonely individual.
"Kylie barn time!" Kevin senior yelled snapping me out of my thoughts. I rolled over screamimg into a pillow, then falling off my bed and standing up. I could do the whole routine with my eyes closed, it actually annoys the fuck out of me.
I walked the horses out of the barn letting them go on the fenced 10 acres. I then went to clear all of poop out of the barn.
"fuck." I mumbled, "hm what was that?" Kevin asked.
"I said FUCK!" I announced screaming fuck, "follow me."
I set down the shovel and followed Kevin Senior to a pile of hay. "This is is approximately 50 pounds." He pointed
To the hay, "Okay and?" I sighed
"Pick it up and put it over there." He pointed a good 10 feet away. "Are you kidding me?" I scoffed.
He just looked at me with a stern face, "god your so IRRITATING!"
He laughed "now you have to bring it back."
"WHAT!?"
I rolled my eyes, and struggle to grab the hay. I then pushed it across the grass using all my might in me.
Once I was sweating my ass off, I then pushed it back to Kevin senior. "Perfect now finish your chores in the next hour, we have church."
I sighed and collapsed to the ground as Kevin senior walked away. I mentally flipped him off, and smiled at the satisfaction it gave me.
/\
After church I had therapy, they drug tested me and my therapist recommend that if I feel like I need to self harm to make something beautiful instead- like music. So I might actually try that, "Kevin can you drop me off at my parents?" I asked. "Is demi home?"
"Yeah She should be."
"Okay."
He drove me to my moms and walked inside with me to make sure demi was home. Which she was, I gave her a hug and then headed to the at home studio.
After hours of trying to write a song I had come up with an opening. I poured my heart into this song.
"I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I'm not enough
Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up
Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low?
Remind me once again just who I am, because I need to know"
I continued to write,
"You say I am loved"
At this point the whole song came easy.
"When I cant feel a thing"
"You say I am loved when I can't feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
You say I am held when I am falling short
When I don't belong, oh You say that I am Yours
And I believe (I), oh I believe (I)
What You say of me (I)
I believe
The only thing that matters now is everything You think of me
In You I find my worth, in You I find my identity, (ooh oh)
You say I am loved when I can't feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
And You say I am held when I am falling short
When I don't belong, oh You say that I am Yours
And I believe (I), oh I believe (I)
What You say of me (I)
Oh, I believe
Taking all I have and now I'm laying it at Your feet
You have every failure God, and You'll have every victory, (ooh oh)
You say I am loved when I can't feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
You say I am held when I am falling short
When I don't belong, oh You say that I am Yours
And I believe (I), oh I believe (I)
What You say of me (I)
I believe
Oh I believe (I), yes I believe (I)
What You say of me (I)
Oh I believe (oh)"
(Originally by Lauren Daigle)
I looked at my masterpiece and signed my name and then Demi opened the door "are you writing?" She asked.
I nodded, "it's been a long time."
Demi
"It's been a long time." I sighed, she looked down at the paper and shrugged, "my therapist says if I feel like harming myself that I should write down what I'm feeling. Like into music or something."
Immediately it felt as if I had been hit in my gut with a baseball bat. Kylie's been self harming and I didn't know? How oblivious am I! I swallowed hard "h-how long?"
"Since the first rape, well a few months before."
I let out a huge breathe "Why didn't you come to me!"
"because we-we weren't and aren't exactly on good terms! You gave up on me and sent me away for fucks sake! You know how it feels to be givin' up on? HORRIBLE!"
She then pushed back her long sleeve shirt revealing 3 big huge band aids. Then she rips them off, I gasp at the sight. Fresh cuts, purple and white scars, ones just begging to scar over cover her entire fore arm. "These- these fresh ones and this deep one - this is the deepest I've ever gone. I thought I was gonna die. When I cut this deep I was thinking about you. The rest of these are all because of you, and nick, and Kevin Senior, Denise. Always making me feel like complete and UTTER SHIT!" She roared.
"You and dad sent me away not even 15 hours after I was raped! I needed YOU! I needed my MOM to hold my hand and give me hugs to tell me It was going to be okay! But you weren't there! You gave me away as if I meant nothing, you- you didn't even think TWICE about it! I've been stuck in my own mind and you know how TERRIFYING that is!? I want desperately to get better and be able to sleep without having night terrors, and be independent again, but how can I when my own two fucking parents gave me up?" She yelled while sobbing.
I took a step back, "You-you have night terrors?"
She scoffed "that's all you have to say?"
"I have them every goddamn night and they take me back to when I was laying naked with my arms zip tied behind my head. I feel everything- I wake up screaming and crying uncontrollably and you know who's there? NO ONE! I have to calm myself down, which takes hours. I have to tell myself it's going to be okay when I know it's not."
I let soft sobs leave my mouth as my daughter walked past me. I felt like a failure, I failed my daughter. I believe her when she says she wants to get better, but does she mean from drugs or being independent again? I can't do this, she's right I gave up on her. I didn't want to deal so I gave her to her grandparents. The most strict, not up to date people when she needed ME.
I walked over to the piece of paper she left and looked at what she wrote. I couldn't help but cry even more, then it hit me my daughter isn't acting out because she's trying to make our lives living hell. She's acting out because she's broken, she's sad - more then sad she's depressed. I made her feel as if she was nothing.
Will I ever be able to have a relationship with her again? Is there any way I can help her?
Oh god what should I do?
I immediately turned to my phone and called my husband.
Nick: hey baby what's up?
Demi: We're coming.
Nick: what do you mean love?
Demi: our daughter is broken, and we broke her.
Nick: she's not broken dems, she's being a teenager - acting out - rebelling against us.
Demi: no nick you don't get it. I just talked to her and she's badly hurt by us. She thinks we gave up on her, she's - she's cutting herself Nick. She showed me and she pointed to the deepest cut on her arm - which probably needs stitches but she pointed to it - and said 'when I cut this deep I was thinking of you.' SHE CUT HERSELF BECAUSE OF ME, NICK!
Nick: she probably just said that because she wanted to hurt you.
Demi: FUCK NICK LISTEN TO ME! SHES NOT ACTING OUT BECAUSE SHE WANTS ATTENTION OR SHE'S REBELLIOUS, SHES ACTING OUT BECAUSE SHES FUCKING BROKEN AND DEPRESSED!
Nick: well what do we do then?
Demi: she comes home right now. We need to get her out of the area, like go on tour with you then when it's over we move to Beverley hills. She won't be able to get drugs on tour, then when we move she won't know anyone. A fresh start.
Nick: well, I'm not sure if i want to move. We can talk about it when you get here. Right now we're stationed in Texas. Are you going to get a jet?
Demi: yes, I'll pick Hannah up from school and then I get a jet for tonight around 7? Then around 9 or 10 we will be there.
Nick: okay, is max coming? I'll be there when y'all land.
Demi: yes max will come and okqy my love, I will see you in a few hours I have to take Kylie to Kevin Senior and Denise's for her stuff then get Hannah, I love you.
Nick: I love you baby. See you then.
I hung up and grabbed the paper and went to Kylie who was making herself a sandwich.
"Your time at your grandparents are over, you're coming home - well kinda. We're going to go on tour with you dad." I said wiping my tears.
"I'm coming home?" She looked at me, "yes baby. You're proved that you can be drug free, I trust that you won't do them or bring them into my house."
"I promise!" She yelled running to me and giving me a huge hug. I hugged her back, "Okay well since we're flying out to Texas you need to go pack now and we gotta pick up Hannah."
"Some of my stuff is at their house."
"Okay, we can go there because it's on the way to pick up Hannah."
She nodded and I grabbed the key to my jaguar and we left.
/\
I walked inside Hannah's school receiving a lot of looks, and kids trying to walk up to me. I took a few pictures with some kids then went inside the front office. "Hi, I'm Demi Lovato, I'm picking up my daughter Hannah Jonas Lovato." I smiled, "of course, perfect she's in lunch. You can go ahead and get her." The front office lady handed me a visitors pass and I thanked her then walked into the school.
I hated schools, they give me the creeps. I walked into the cafeteria where I swear to god when I opened that door every eye was on me. "It went silent and then I saw my daughter stand up "mom!" She cheered and then slowly chatter started again. "Hi baby, I'm taking you home." I hugged her and then picked her up letting her sit on my side. "Why?" She asked as I walked back to the front office
"We're going on tour with daddy!" I smiled, "all 3 months!?" She said excited. "Yes ma'm!"
I unenrolled Hannah because it would be too much school too miss and I was just going to enroll her at the online school Kylie is at. "Okay last stop Kevin Senior and Denise." I cheered getting into the car.
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