Daylight had just broken through the windowpane. With rays of light bleeding onto the bedspread, I lied there having been awake for quite some time.
Sleeping was difficult these days. My conscience had suddenly emerged from the depths of my body and was working overtime, after having been locked away for so many years.
It also didn't help that my conscience had manifested itself into Maria and my son.
My son.
That still didn't roll off the tongue. I found myself almost hesitating to say it aloud. I hardly spoke of my family to my coworkers. My need for privacy trumped trying to form a semblance of a normal man. It was starting to raise some brows. In fact, for the first 3 months of my employment with Tulsa PD, they thought Maria was figment of my imagination.
For a second, it crossed my mind that perhaps I was imagining her, and it threw my psyche into a tailspin. It made me question whether I was sane or not. However, the moment she went into labor, she gripped my hand so hard that she fractured one of my fingers. I couldn't deny she wasn't real then and that this actually was happening, we were having a baby.
Two weeks after the birth, three of my coworkers dropped in on me to say hello. Southern hospitality they called it. The truth was probably along the lines of figuring out whether I actually did have a wife or whether I was losing it out here.
So much for keeping my family hidden.
Jordan, the baby, had just begun sleeping in his own room, and while Maria was fast asleep, I still couldn't catch a wink.
Maria had taken our time together to treat me. That was the issue with being married to a psychiatrist. She used every opportunity to dive deeper into my psyche. She knew me better than anyone, and I hated that.
After all these years, what I had done suddenly made me feel guilty. It seemed like a stain on my past, and made my stomach shrivel up at the thought of skinning and stuffing the girls. Whenever Maria was near me, it was almost hard to breathe because just the sight of her magnified my guilt. But when she was gone, my mind settled on the truth. I had saved those girls from the trenches of society. They'd been loved and cared for like they should be. This wouldn't have been accomplished unless I had taken them. Maria just couldn't understand that. Maybe one day I could make her see.
Maria shifted onto her side and let out a little sigh.
She looked peaceful. I should wake her.
I reached out, just about to touch her shoulder when a loud brisk knock rattled the front door. Maria's eyes flew open. Redness was inked across the whites meaning she actually hadn't slept much.
There were only two kinds of people that knocked on the door like that, girl scouts, and the Feds.
Maria jumped out of bed, yanking the closet door open. Tucked in the back were emergency bags in the event that we were ever caught.
I rolled out of bed and pulled her away with me down the stairs. There was no need to panic.
We reached the door together and I turned the knob pulling it back.
The Feds.
Now she could panic.
She gripped my forearm getting weak in the knees. Maria hadn't lost all the baby weight yet, so she was a little on the heavy side. I wouldn't be able to hold her weight and mine.
Two men in suits were standing on our front porch. They flashed their federal IDs and badges and came in without permission.
Well, this is how it ended.
The two suited men held stern gazes as she absorbed all the attention in the room. Maria never seemed shorter than today, standing between me and those men. Her stance was protective, but there was little that she could do.
I placed both hands on her shoulders to calm her down. She thought she was tough, but she couldn't take on two federal agents.
"How long did you think it would take before time ran out?" one of them asked.
I gripped Maria's shoulders to keep her from speaking.
"How did you find me?"
"Not that difficult. Her brother Jared reported her missing after her parents were unable to get in contact with her. Since we was a survivor of your antics, we felt inclined to find her. We spoke with the hospital and they were under the impression that she'd gone back to LA, but that wasn't the case, now was it? So we asked questions and one thing stood out. She was close to one person and that person was Zach Aleksandrov. If anyone would know where she went, it would be him. So we looked into him and found this place. He usually rents it out, but he hasn't been receiving payment from here in over a year, the length of time that Maria has been missing. In fact, the deeper we looked, the more information we got. Maria had protected you, lied to the police, and was the doctor treating you at Whitecrest under an assumed name. You can see how this looks bad for both of you, and the LAPD."
Would you look at that, the FBI could be smart.
"But that's not why we're here. Sit down." the other one ordered.
I led Maria to the sofa and took a seat as they did.
"I'm agent Valentine and this is agent Porter. We're here investigating a string of murders. I'm sure you've heard of them, men and women getting their hearts carved out and having them placed on their chests." Agent Valentine said.
"I'm not the one doing it if that's what you're getting at." I told him.
"Serial killers don't normally change their MOs. We figured you wouldn't be the exception." Agent Porter said.
I lightly grinned, proud of myself for having had such a pronounced MO that I was instantly cleared of all other crimes.
"What do you want?" I asked.
"We need your help finding her." Agent Valentine continued.
"Her?"
Oh, this was interesting. There weren't that many woman serial killers around. Although, I had escaped one not a year earlier.
"Yes, from the notes left behind and the way victims have been killed, we believe it's a woman. Women kill out of passion, and there is strong symbolism with the carving out of the heart. Not to mention that every note has lyrics from Hank Williams' song 'Your Cheatin' Heart.' Infidelity strikes a chord with women a lot more than men. She's called herself The Mistress, and that pretty much confirms it."
She'd named herself, what a power move.
"These are a lot of assumptions, what are the facts of the case?" I asked.
"All the victims have two things in common, accounts on MadameDaphne.com, and the women found alongside or after the male victims all were having affairs with said male. In fact, they were the last woman they'd had an affair with before meeting The Mistress."
"Madame Daphne the affair website." I said.
"How the hell do you know?" Maria cut in.
I placed a hand on her thigh and gave it a squeeze. Shh.
"We believe that she's using that site to contact her victims. We've found messages exchanges between the victims and someone screen named DirtyLittleSecret. We have to assume that's her. She killed again last night; the body was found in his office. He was a psychologist. According to his interactions on the website, she was his first contact. The FBI will be holding a briefing very soon, and this information will be released. We've contacted the site, but Madame Daphne won't give up their client list, it violates their terms of use. There's no way to find her identity, even if we got a warrant. It is completely protected. So that's why we're here. You help us and we'll help you."
A sharp cry from the upstairs bedroom interrupted the conversation. Maria excused herself to check on the baby.
"Tell me agents, will you be releasing her screen name and her hunting grounds to the public?" I asked.
"Not her screen name, but we hope that revealing the link among the victims will scare the site into giving up their client list. We can't risk scaring The Mistress going into hiding by exposing her screen name. It's all we've got."
"Aren't you afraid that by withholding her screen name you're putting innocent lives in danger?"
"Since when do you care about innocent lives?" Agent Porter asked.
This much was true.
"What if releasing the link scares her? She could move onto a new site, or completely change the way she meets her victims. I did. I used to stalk them in person, and then my former lieutenant introduced me to the dating app."
"There are a million things that may scare her into hiding or cause her to switch up her tactics, but this is a risk we're going to have to take." Agent Valentine said.
"How will you help me?" I asked.
"...You'll get off scot-free. We won't arrest you right here in front of your wife if you help us, and we get to put away a serial killer."
Maria was stepping down the stairs with the baby in her arms. It was an easy choice.
"It sounds almost too easy. What do I have to do?"
"You're going to have to go undercover and register on the site. You have to attract this woman, which means you'll probably go through many women until you get to her." Agent Valentine explained.
They looked over their shoulders at Maria who was standing at the entrance of the living room. Jordan was nestled in her arms, his eyes closed, and already falling into another deep sleep. Maria's brow was cocked, her gaze resting solely on me. I had to admire how she managed to set tension in any room.
"As I'm sure you can understand, judging from the weddings rings on your fingers, my wife will not be too happy about this assignment."
The agents glanced down at their hands.
"You two look young, meaning you've been married for only a couple of years, most likely to college or high school sweethearts. You've been on the force for say 2 or 3 years and this is your first big case. You like to believe that you have a unique style of solving cases, so you're coming to me. Your superiors were not happy about this, considering I'm wanted in two states, responsible for the murder of 5 girls, the kidnapping of another, the murder of a patient while serving my sentence, and escaping a federal facility. I am the holy grail of serial killers, and I'm sure you'd love to put away The Mistress and me. It's what careers are made from. So, I'm going to ask you again. What's in it for me, because it's not exoneration."
Agent Porter shuffled uncomfortably.
"No, our director is not happy about it, and exoneration is not on the table as of yet. We wanted to come talk to you first, to ensure that we'll have your full cooperation. If he sees that you're willing to work with us, perhaps he will agree."
"So he doesn't know that you're here?" I asked, a smirk making its way across my lips.
"Don't be a cocky asshole. This is our offer, take it or leave it. If you leave it, we arrest you right now." Agent Valentine snapped.
Maria's eyes widened.
"I won't agree until I know that exoneration is guaranteed. Until then, feel free to take me in." I said, extending my wrists out for them to handcuff me.
They stared at me, seemingly battling with themselves to actually arrest me and risk me not cooperating or letting me call their bluff. The agents stood and walked towards the door. I guess it was option two.
"We'll be in touch, and you better not disappear. We found you once, we'll do it again, and this time, we will take you."
I thanked them for coming and asked them to shut the door behind them. Maria was still visibly tense and from the look in her eyes, if she wasn't holding Jordan, she would be yelling at me right now.
"Why didn't you take the offer? Now we're going to have to run again. Where are we going to go?" she asked.
"We're not going to run, you heard me say I wouldn't cooperate until exoneration was 100% on the table. I'm doing this for you and the baby. I think we've been through enough to where you should trust what I'm doing." I replied.
"It's not about that. They found us." Her tone was desperate.
I understood this, but there was nothing that could be done now.
"To be fair, Maria, we didn't exactly fall off the face of the earth."
"Kris, they could out you to the police department. You could lose your job. You could still go to jail!"
Jordan stirred in her arms at the sound of her elevated tone.
"We're going to be fine. As soon as they promise exoneration, I'll help them find this woman." I assured her.
"I don't like this." Maria said, shaking her head.
"You don't have to be jealous."
"It's not about being jealous! This woman has killed many people, men and women. She's good at what she does."
I cocked a brow at that. She realized what she had said. I decided to bite my tongue for the moment. In the months that we'd shared a home and gotten used to having a baby around, it became clear that the only thing keeping Maria together was completely blocking out who I was.
It amazed me how easily she could forget what I'd done, and what I'd almost done to her. She hated any reminder that I was capable of taking a life as much as I was capable of making one. But right now, she'd been reminded again.
The Mistress may be good at what she did, but so was I.
Helloooo! How is everyone.
I just finished reading Feral by Jamse De Monaco and BK Evenson and I'm mad AF.