Loss of taste.
Loss of tiredness.
Loss of emotion.
Loss of hunger.
They aren't good things to lose, are they? Yet I've lost them all. Or close anyways, the emotion thing is like a lightbulb of which I can switch on and off whenever I choose.
It's like you slowly start dimming out. Thoughts like "I wonder what would happen if I just stopped drinking water" "I wonder what would happen if I jumped right now" and "I wonder what would happen should I just refuse to do anything" start invading your mind.
You think about it, linger on the sweet taste it brings.
And you continue walking, Acting as if it were normal. Like you hadn't even been thinking.
You're disconnecting.
People talk and you listen, but you don't hear what they're saying because it doesn't matter much anyways.
You go through the 8 hours of a school day supposedly learning something but you don't really retain anything after the test has been taken.
Like a light.
On.
Then off.
You don't change. People bring up college, leaving you wondering how you even lived this far and wondering what to do with your life because you didn't think you would make it this far anyways.
Thinking maybe a natural disaster, or stress and the diseases in your head would've killed you. Maybe you thought you would have caved by now and just crumpled to the ground.
And some days. You just think. I don't wanna live any more. And stay with the idea for longer.
You've disconnected from humanity.
You are free.
Or are you?
Is being trapped inside your head freedom?
Or is it worse? Worse than living? Worse than eating or sleeping?
Or is it just normal?