"You scared us all," appa said, as he stepped in the room. It's the first time they are allowed in to see me. I'm not sure how long they had to wait to come in. This was the first time I was up, since I lost consciousness.
I had talked to the doctor before seeing them. My doctor told me I had lost conscious after giving birth due to the heavy blood loss. They hadn't allowed my family inside so I could rest. Now, I needed to take some iron pills and make sure to eat certain foods that would help me with blood production and to gain some of my strength back. They would test me for anemia but this was most likely an aftermath of birth, my body would slowly recover. The foods, she recommended, were growing on the farm or I could easily buy them at the local market. I'd eat it, gladly, to recover quickly.
I had been scared. The moments after hearing Jisoo could've been my last. It's not like the doctor told me I was in a grave state but my body felt so limp, feeble. It was scary thinking—that would be all I would know of my little Jisoo. Thankfully, I was up and ready to be the best father I could be. I was happy to be awake— the thought of not making it another day had been enough to shake me.
"Sorry," I apologized without second thought. I know, they must've been worried about me all that time. I couldn't help but be thankful that they had been patient with everything; regarding the pregnancy and all the other things that popped up. They were my forte when I couldn't do it on my own. I had so many things to be thankful for.
"It's not your fault. We're just happy you're awake and breathing. Jisoo is going to need you, we all are but her specially." Eomma understood all the commotion regarding the hours of childbirth. She reminds me that it's not only me that I had to worry about, I had someone who depends on me and that's my little Jisoo.
"Yeah," I sigh. "I can't wait to meet her. Doctor Bae said I could see her as soon as she got a nurse to bring her."
The doctor has told me a great deal of things, most of them good. I was happy to hear she was a beautiful, healthy baby. All the exams checked out alright for her and I would make sure she continued to be healthy. It was my job as her father to protect her and look out after her.
I'm waiting impatiently for the nurse to bring her to me, I'm still too weak to walk over to see her. Jisoo has no image registered in my mind except those of sonograms. I want to see her face to face and learn I've fallen in love with her a little bit more. I can't wait to see her. I've been looking forward for this moment since the day I registered that I would hold a baby in my arms. It's been months of patiently waiting.
My family is sitting, talking quietly among themselves. They probably see my nerves but I'm anxiously ready to meet my baby. When the door opens, my heart stops, it has to be the nurse bringing her. It's not them, I see Jimin walking in with a smile and flowers. The disappointed doesn't take long to follow but the nurse behind him brings hope. The nurse brings her in and Jisoo looks so small. How could I carry her small frame in my arms?
She takes my breath away. I'm in love again and it's not with a man, it's with my daughter, my world. I look around and see how Jimin and the other look at her lovingly. The love in Jimin's eyes, I want to capture it in a picture. I can't help but want the picture of the two.
The nurse, as if she read my mind, sets Jisoo in his arms. It's so perfect that I want to cry. I'm so damn emotional. I knew then and there he would do anything to protect her just like I would. She was loved already.
"Happy birthday, Jinnie," he whispers, as he carefully sets Jisoo in my arms. I see my chubby baby girl, eyes closed, no trace of hair on the top of her head, so small, so fragile but also mine. She's the most beautiful baby I ever seen. And she's all mine.
"Oh." Is all I manage to say before I choke up, the tears stream down my face. I know, I just know she's my everything. If anything ever happened to her I would break, I couldn't be without her. My small Jisoo will need the best of me, to protect her, love her, cherish her. I know I'll do anything and everything in my power for her. I'm a father.
"Jinnie, don't cry." Jimin side hugs me and finds a place to stay by us.
"She's so beautiful. Jisoo looks identical to you, she surely will take after you," eomma says. It gives me hope knowing I won't be reminded of Mister Jeon every time I see her. It's not like I'd hate her for it but she was mine. We didn't need him in our lives, we would be better without him. It's a selfish thought to want her all to myself but I was the one who wanted her. He never wanted this. I'd be doing him a favor.
This wasn't about Mister Jeon anymore, it was about my daughter. No matter who she looks like, she'll continue to be loved and cared for. I would her parental guide, her family, and friend.
For now, Jisoo was resting with the rest of the newborns. The nurse was kind to grant us extra time and promised to bring her back around when it was feeding time. As for me, I would stay the night for observation and be discharged sometime tomorrow. Jisoo would most likely come home with me too. We'd both go home to rest and get to know one another but first the nurse gave me a quick course on her care. Of course, I'd already taking some classes and I had the world's best eomma to help me out too, it was just hospital procedure.
"Jinnie, you were given the most beautiful gift life can give today. I'm so proud of you. You did this, basically on your own, you're strong." My Roma's words carried sentiment. "We're just so proud of you. You did what was right, we'll continue to support you anyway we can. And to celebrate we'll have cake and an amazing banquet tomorrow." My eomma promises.
I nod, her words had gotten to me. There may be some truth to those words, I did this when I had doubted myself part of the time. I had done what I thought was right and haven't looked back— not really. I haven't regretted the decision to leave the life I had behind. Perhaps, I must be doing something right.
Appa yawns which causes a domino effect. They must be very tired after a long day. A day of waiting along with the emotions that come with all of this craziness, and being in a hospital is something most people hate. I've caused them enough stress. They deserve some rest.
"It's getting late and you're all tired. Don't say you're not because I know it's been a long day. You should go home." I'm quick to realize that visiting hours are almost over, when I look at the clock. We've been here for hours but they probably felt it longer than I did.
"You should go home. I'll be okay. There's no need to worry." I try to persuade them. They look hesitant to leave. I try to think of something to put them at ease.
"I'll stay— I'll keep Jinnie company." Jiminie volunteers. It's like they been waiting for him to say it. They stand up willing to leave and I'm a little shocked that's all it took.
I look at Jiminie who's smiling at me. Apparently, he knew them better than I did. They trust him more than I cared to remember or perhaps it's like having one of the family members accompanying me. He had gained their trust, their love, he was like another family member.
It's a small process of hugs, kisses, words promising to come tomorrow morning before they leave. It was good to have them but I realize how tired I really am. Jimin and I could use a nap or just sleep until early hours of the morning. It's Jimin and I, just like when we were kids. It's so natural and organic, pleasant like a sunny day. I'm thankful to have him in my life.
"We should probably sleep too," I say. I try to scoot over to one side of the bed to make room for him.
"Don't worry, I can sleep on the couch. I'll go ask for a pillow and blanket." He leans in to stop me. I smile and stop moving.
"It's okay. There's no problem. We can sleep together. It's small but it'll do. If you want go ask for another pillow, I'll wait," I say. It's not the first time we share a bed. There was nothing to be shy about.
"Okay." He smiles and heads out to see if he can get an extra pillow. I turn on the television to try and stay awake waiting for his return.
It only takes a few minutes before I hear a knock on the door. I wait for him to step inside but he takes a little long to open the door. It's unusual and it couldn't be anybody else. The last time the nurse checked on me, she said to press the call light if I needed anything.
"Jinnie?" I hear and it's not Jimin. I turn to look at Hyungie by the door with a large bouquet of flowers and a small gift. He smiles when he sees me. I can't help but feel happy to see him. I thought, I wouldn't see him until tomorrow.
"Jinnie, I missed you. I tried to hurry up when I heard the news. You look good. Is she healthy? You must be tired." He walked over to kiss my forehead, before he carefully places his bouquet next to the one Jimin brought me.
I want to say something but I'm still shocked to see him. He made the impossible happen. I was positive it wouldn't be until tomorrow that I'd see him. He didn't say anything, he just looked at me. He smiles beautifully, just how I remember. He places the gift in my lap.
"Happy birthday." The echo of a second voice is heard. I turn to see Jimin holding a small cake. I'm surprised he had another surprise for me. The flowers has been more than I could ask for. I'm not the only one surprised, they both are too. I only noticed Jimin's first. He was surprised to see Hyungie.
There's a change in the air, I can feel it. They both look at each other with this look I can't decipher. Why do I get the feeling like I missed something? What did I miss?
February 26, 2019
Thanks for the support in the previous chapter. I know most of you are supportive and I love you for it.
BTS V-Live is about to start so I'll just leave this here