"Miss Wilson?"
I just stared at the doctor for a little bit. I didn't know what to say or to think. I had finally been able to deal with the fact that I wouldn't be able to go back to dancing like I used to. Now it's a possibility after all, and I had no idea what to think. I enjoyed singing and was looking forward to investing my time into that.
"Miss Wilson?"
"Uh.. yes.."
"Did you hear me?"
"Yea.. yea I heard you. I just don't understand. I thought dance wasn't going to be a possibility anymore."
"Well, the odds of you being able to perform at your full potential were very slim when we first examined your injury. The tissue and muscle around your knee seemed far too damaged for you to regain full range of motion like before, but now your knee is healing in a way we didn't expect."
"I-I don't know what to say.."
"I know it can come as a shock to most patients and might be hard to come to grasps with, but you are a very lucky woman, Miss Wilson and this is great news."
"Yea..."
"Well, I'm going to run the papers by the front desks, but if you don't have any questions then you're good to go."
"Uhm.. no, I don't have any questions. Th-thank you."
"You're very welcome. Have a good day, Miss Wilson."
The doctor grabbed his clip board and walked out the door. I sat there and just stared at the floor. I had no idea what to think. The thoughts just rushed through my head. I grabbed my keys and walked outside the office. I got in my car and sat there for a second. I grabbed my phone and called my mom.
"Hello."
"Hi, sweetie."
"Hey, Mom."
"What's up?"
"Uhm.. I just finished up my follow up appointment and the doctor gave me some news."
"Okay..."
"Uhm.. they looked at my x-rays and.. they say that uhm.. they say I'm going to be able to dance again, Mom."
"Shut up!"
"Yea.."
"Vanessa, this is great!"
"Yea.."
"I am so happy for you! Sweetie, this is amazing!"
"Yup."
"You don't sound like you agree..."
"I just.. you remember how I've told you like last week how I've been in the studio and just messing around with some stuff with Mav?"
"Yea.. he's your friend Raelynn's boyfriend right?"
"Yea, well I told you things were going really well and I was having a lot of fun and I honestly was considering focusing on singing."
"Yea?"
"Well now, this whole dance situation complicates things."
"I guess now you have to make a choice."
"Yea.. that's what I was worried about."
"Well, it all depends on what you love. Maybe dance isn't the same for you as it was."
"Yea.. I just don't know."
"As much as I would love to choose things for you and save you form this trouble I can't. We just have to trust things will work themselves out. Everything will be okay, sweetie."
"I guess.. thanks, Mom."
"I'll talk to you later, honey."
"Okay, love you."
"Love you too."
"Bye."
"Bye."
I hung up the phone and started to drive. I pulled up and parked my car. I heard and looked at my phone and saw it was Mav.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Nessa."
"Hey, Mav. What's up?"
"Remember when I told you I was gonna call some contacts I know and talk to them about you?"
"Uh yea."
"Well, I reached out to one my boys who's a dope producer and knows a lot of people in the industry. He heard some of the stuff we recorded and he wants to meet with you."
"Are you serious?"
"Deadass. I told you you had a serious gift, Nessa."
"Oh my gosh, Mav. This is crazy, thank you!"
"No problem. He said to meet at Yurth at 2 tomorrow."
"Okay. Thanks again, Mav."
"You ain't gotta thank me. Your voice was gonna be heard by everyone at some point I just helped you speed up the process."
"Thanks, I'll talk to you later and tell you how it goes."
"Alright. Bye."
"Bye."
I hung up the phone let out a sigh. Things just kept getting more and more complicated, but so many good things were happening too. I got out of my car and walked up and knocked on the door.
"Nessa?"
"Hey, Nick."
"Hey..."
He looked at me and noticed something was wrong.
"Hey, you okay?"
"No.. not really. Uhm.. is Zion here?"
"Uh.. no. Him and Brandon went to go get something to eat."
"Oh.. okay. I'll uhm I'll just come back later."
"Nah, come in."
I walked inside and sat on the couch in the living room and Nick sat beside me. I put my face in my hands and let out a deep breath.
"Nessa, what's going on?"
I explained to him everything that happened at the doctor's office and everything that had happened with Mav and the studio and the producer.
"Nessa, that's great news!"
"Yea.."
"Why don't you sound excited?"
"I.. I just I guess I didn't expect all of this to happen. I was ready to invest my time into singing, but this opportunity is huge and I didn't think things would move this fast. Plus I mean.. I made peace with the fact that I wouldn't be able to dance again and now I have to make a choice about what I'm going to do."
"Who said you had to make a choice?"
"Dancing is something I've loved since I was little, and when I danced I felt a feeling that no words can describe. Singing makes me feel the same way and maybe even better sometimes. I'm so thankful for this opportunity with this producer and happy about what the doctor said, but it just confuses things even more. I love dance and I'm so glad I'm going to be able to do it again, but what if I don't have the same feeling I got while dancing?"
"The only way to find out is to try it again."
"I'm already behind in all my classes and everyone in my class is already started the scouting process and signing with agencies and making appearances. I already missed my audition so I can go on to graduate. I would never be able to catch up in time."
"No one is forcing you to stop dancing for singing or stop singing for dancing. I do both-"
"But you had to choose one, Nick. Whether you think you did or not you had to make a choice. You aren't singing and dancing. You had to choose one, and I don't know if I can. I would be starting all over. I had a plan when I moved out here and I knew what I had to do to get to the place I wanted to be. I don't have any idea how to pursue singing or start a career in it."
"You don't need to have everything figured out right now, Nessa."
"Yes I do! I don't have time to waste around and try and figure out my next move. I have to figure this out now."
"Then figure it out."
"And how am I supposed to do that?"
"You have to see if you have the same love for dance as you always did. You need to figure out the reason why you started to dance in the first place, and if you kept doing it because you loved it or because it made sense to keep loving it."
"Yea...you're right.
I paused for a little bit.
"I gotta go. I'll talk to you later."
I grabbed my keys and headed for the door.
"Where you going?"
"To figure out the reason why I kept dancing."
Nick looked at me and kind of smiled. I grabbed the door knobbed and paused and looked back.
"Thanks by the way. I needed that."
"Any time."
I headed out the door, and then Nick grabbed it and paused.
"Hey, whatever you choose your gonna do great."
"Thanks."
I closed the door and walked to my car. I sat there for a second and then I heard my phone ring.
"Please don't be anything about singing or dancing." I whispered to myself.
"Hello?"
"Hello, is this Miss Wilson?"
"Yes."
"This is Mandy Ramirez, Head of the Dance Department at AMDA."
"Oh, uhm.. Hi."
"Hi, I was calling regarding your knee injury from a few months ago."
"Yea."
"Well, your mother had recently informed us that you had a follow up appointment with your doctor and he gave you news that you would be eligible to return to dancing again. Is that correct?"
"Uhm.. yes."
"Well, as you may know that your class has progressed and some have auditioned for the contemporary class under Samantha Fryer which is a class required to graduate."
"Yea, the auditions were like three weeks ago."
"Correct, well we have considered your circumstances and the department and board at AMDA have decided to hold another audition for you tomorrow so you can possibly catch up with the rest of your class and graduate on time."
"Oh my gosh."
"We know it is short notice but Samantha is starting her classes next week and she gave the students a piece to execute at the first class so if you made the auditions we wanted to give you time to practice the piece before the classes started. We are aware of how much you have been working in your physical therapy and it helps that you were once at the top of your class with your skill classes. We thought you deserved a second chance."
"Oh my gosh. Thank you, thank you so much!"
"You are very welcome, Miss Wilson. But I have to stress that if you miss this audition you will not be able to catch up in time with your class and with as many classes that you have missed you might be dropped from the dance program at AMDA as a whole. We understand that your injury was completely out of your control, but AMDA has an strict attendance policy, and yes, you have been attending your core classes, but not being able to attend your talent courses has put you far behind and either changing your major or restarting the program would be required, but the classes required for you to restart have already been filled by freshman. So this is your last shot, Miss Wilson."
"I understand."
"Remember you have to prepare an original piece to perform in the audition. The audition will take place at 2 tomorrow in Room C in the dance complex."
"Tomorrow at 2?"
"Yes, is that a problem?"
"Uhm.. no.. No, not at all."
"Remember this is a class required for graduation so if you miss it you might have to reconsider your major at AMDA. We believe in you, Miss Wilson. Don't let us down."
"I won't. Thank you so much, Mrs. Ramirez."
"You're welcome. Have a good day."
"You too."
"Bye."
"Bye."
I hung up the phone and let out a deep breath. So many thoughts were rushing through my head. I was so thankful that I had another shot to actually dance again and catch up with my class, but I kept thinking about what happened with Mav in the studio this week. I had so much fun and loved what we were doing and wanted to keep doing it. I was lost and confused, but I drove to my apartment and walked inside to change. I put on a baggy shirt and some biker shorts and some sneakers. I put my hair up and grabbed a water bottle. I went outside to my car and drove to campus. I walked to the dance complex and walked inside and looked for a private room. I walked inside and saw Raelynn working on some choreo.
"Nessa?"
"Hey, sorry I didn't know this room was booked. I'll go find another one."
"No, no. I was just finishing up."
"You sure?"
"Yea."
"Thanks."
"No problem. Mav told me about how your studio time went."
"Yea, he helped a lot."
"I'm glad everything went well. You're really good, Nessa. I know I know that people have told you that, but you are really really good, and a voice like that shouldn't be kept to yourself. People need to hear you, for real."
"Thank you."
Raelynn turned around to fix her hair in the mirror.
"It's been awhile since I've seen you in here."
"Yea..I just had to figure some stuff out."
"Well, I'll let you do your thing."
Raelynn grabbed her bag and water bottle and headed for the door. Before she walked out the door she paused.
"Look, I know that dance has always been your focus and you are one of the best dancers I've seen, Nessa. But sometimes just because you've always done something doesn't mean that it's something you're meant to do."
I stayed quiet and slightly smiled.
"I'll see you later, Nessa."
She smiled at me and closed the door. I stood there a little bit then dropped my stuff in the corner. I picked up my phone and scrolled through Spotify to find a song. I looked through my playlist and saw a song that I used to freestyle to. I turned on All My Friends by Snakehips. I kind of stood there and listen to the song for a little, and then I slowly started connecting some random moves together. It felt like I was in a trance and I was just letting my body move to the music. It was the first time I had danced since the accident and I was a little sore but it felt natural. It felt like I was dancing for hours even though I knew it was only for like hour. I kept dancing and then I heard the door open. I paused the music and turned around to see Z in the corner.
"Hey."
"Hey."
"How did you know I was here?"
"I talked to Nick and I figured this is where you went."
"Oh."
I was out of breath so I went over to grab my water bottle.
"He told me about what happened at your doctor's appointment."
"Yea.."
"Is that why you're here?"
"The school called."
"The school?"
"Well, the head of the dance department."
"What did they say."
"She gave me an audition."
"For what?"
"An audition for Samantha Fryer."
"...Okay?"
"She's a huge choreographer and she holds an audition once a year for the dance majors. You need the class to complete your degree and graduate. If you don't make it, you have to restart the program and risk falling behind your class. The original audition was held like three weeks ago."
"So what does that mean?"
"They heard about what my doctor said and are letting me audition tomorrow at 2 so I could catch up with my class and graduate in time."
"Vanessa, that's amazing!"
"Yea.. I know."
"Why don't you sound excited?"
"Mav also called."
"Uhm okay?"
"He talked to a producer and he heard some of the stuff we had recorded in the studio and he wants to meet with me at 2 tomorrow."
"I'm not seeing the problem. Both of those are great news."
"I know they are, but now I really have to make a choice. This just confuses things even more. I don't know if any of the choices I'm making are right, and I keep getting this opportunities for both of them. When dance wasn't even a possibility the choice was so clear. Now I don't know anymore. I thought I found a love for singing and I thought I would always love dance. I thought that I finally let go of dance and going to record stuff in the studio would make me fall in love with something else. I thought that if I came back here I would end up feeling the same way I did when I used to dance."
"Well? Do you?"
"I don't know. I thought it would be so easy for me to figure this out but I don't know."
I walked over to the back wall with the mirror and slumped down to the floor. Zion walked over and sat beside me.
"Can I tell you something?"-Z
"Sure."
"There is no one like you, Nessa. There isn't a person who dances like you and sure as hell can't sing like you do. You have a gift like a serious gift, and which ever you choose your still going to have both of this gifts. Just because you choose one or the other doesn't mean you have to stop loving either of them. You don't have to sacrifice one of your gifts to pursue the other one."
"Whether I am gifted or not I can't have both, Z."
"Choosing and giving up are two different things."
I sat there and looked at the floor for a little.
"I'm gonna let you get back."
He pulled me in and kissed my forehand and stood up and started walking to the door. He opened the door and turned around.
"No matter what, I'm proud of you, Nessa."
"Thank you."
He walked out and shut the door. I got up and unpaused the music and kept dancing. I danced until it got really late. I figured out a routine that I really liked for the audition. I grabbed my bag and walked to my car. I got in and drove back to my apartment. I walked inside and sat down on my bed. I finally was able to sit down and really think about all of this. I thought a good night's sleep would help me make a decision so I went to bed.
NEXT MORNING
I got up and took a shower and made myself some breakfast. The whole sleep thing didn't really make a difference and I still had no idea what to do and the audition and the meeting were today. I walked over and sat on the couch. I had talked to a lot of people about it but there was one person I hadn't yet. I picked up my phone and texted Kayla and told her to come over. After a little bit I heard a knock at the door. I got up and walked over to the door to open it.
"Hey."
"Hey."
"So what was the SOS text about?"
I explained to her everything that happened since the follow up appointment.
"Damn."
"Yea."
"Well what are you thinking?"
"I'm not. It's all just a bunch of mush up there. All I've heard is to basically follow my heart which has helped nothing so."
"I mean I'm not very good at making life-altering choices, but I do know that you would know what the right choice is because it no longer would feel like a choice."
"Wow, that's good."
"Life-altering choices aren't my speciality but life-altering inspirational quotes are."
"Haha, very funny."
I sat there and looked at the floor. Kayla's words kept playing in my head. Then it all clicked.
"I think I finally made my choice."
"Wow, I didn't think that would actually work."
"What time is it?"
"Uh.. 1:30"
"I'll see you later, Kayla."
"Wait, but-"
"I'll call you later."
I grabbed my keys and walked out the door. I got in my car and started to drive. I pulled in and parked and I walked inside.