For my entire life up to this point, I've never wanted to anything to do with that man again. Although I was four when he left, with little to no memory of him, I never wanted to see his face again. Yet somehow, I just wanted to know more about him. Where he came from, what caused him to leave. The words from my mother left me appalled. I didn't really know how to process that information, and neither did she.
"Is he still there?"
My burning heart skipped a beat once more.
"He's waiting outside the house. He wants to talk to you on the phone. But I figured that the choice should be yours, not mine."
Then it instantaneously all came back to me. This man who I know quite literally nothing about, left my mom by herself with my brothers and I. While she balanced three jobs to put food on the table and a roof over our heads, has never tried to chase after him or demand child support. My so-called 'father' was never there for my first day at school, or my last one. Him coming back all of a sudden was a bit off for me.
"Tell that man I want nothing to do with him."
"I understand dear. I don't know how I'm going to explain this to Nico and Ben. Have a goodnight, I love you."
"I love you too, mom."
It was too late, the tears had already come through as if my eyes were the Niagara fucking Falls. 'Why couldn't I just had a normal dad?' My thoughts buzzed through my ears loudly. How would my life have different if I wouldn't just have a normal dad? I pounded on the wall I was leaning against which echoed around this empty house of mine.
At this point, I felt and looked like a gross mess of tears. My heart ached inside of my body, it ached of pain for my mother, along with the boys I grew up with my whole life. Also know as my brothers.
Ring... Ring...
I stood ever so silently, with my telephone against my ears as I waited for the person on the other line to speak before I did.
"Oh boy, I didn't get the wrong number did I? Is this Aubrey?"
My angel had come to the rescue. Even Rogers voice was incredibly comforting.
"Thank you for calling Roger, but I'm a fucking mess right now."
"Woah, slow down Aub. Start from the beginning."
Roger must have been so excited to tell me about everything in America, and all the concerts, and the after-parties. Instead, he has to listen to everything wrong in my life.
"I don't think I've ever told you think but ... long story short, my dad left us when I was four. And he-"
"Take it easy baby. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. You know that, right?"
"No Roger you deserve to know. Anyways, he stopped by my moms house today. And he wanted to talk to me. But I said I didn't want anything to do with him. Now I just don't know how to react to this situation."
"I know you don't want to listen to my pity but you don't deserve this Aubrey."
At a loss of words, I stayed silent. I couldn't follow up to keep the conversation going anymore.
"Also I've been meaning to ask you something Aub, for a while actually."
"And what may that be?"
I distance myself from the telephone, sniffing up the last of my tears.
"When I get back from America, how would you like to move in with me? A little house of our own, or perhaps a flat if you're that kind of person. What do you think?"
In the midst of thinking about it, I didn't stop once and think about what me and Rogers future might hold. My rent was always chasing me down and holding me back, so what did I have to lose?
"You know what? I'd love that, i'm in."
"Good, now don't get your knickers in a bunch when I keep you from sleeping every night with my lovely loud drumming."
"Oh piss off, I'm going to throw away all your drum sticks if you do that!"
The day was reaching an end as I stared outside my window, leaning in and taking in all the warm sunshine. Only a week in with Roger gone and I was already beginning to feel anxious. The lack of affection was slowly starting to kill me as I sat around, bored. Just me, myself, and my fretful thoughts.