Tahari
It's been a few days since Devin's home going and August appeared to finally have peace with it, on the outside, that is but at times, I knew that he wanted to break down but he wouldn't let it happen. He haven't been trying to go out to avenge his death or anything. He kept at the same routine these past few days. He'd go to his mother's house for a peace of mind, sit around with his friends and shoot the breeze. Smoke to ease his mind and drink to numb the pain.
Of course we would converse but being that I've grown to know him inside and out, he wasn't okay. He tried to convince me otherwise but I knew better than that. He wasn't at peace, mind over matter. He was trying to convince himself that this was just a dream. Another nightmare that he was trapped inside but it wasn't, it was reality. It was nothing more than the painful reality that he was afraid to accept.
He hasn't spoke on Devin since the day of his home going and I knew not to even bring him up because I could only imagine how he was feeling. I know I lost a friend, well an enemy; different circumstances. All in all, I had to be his strength. Also, I had to be mindful.
11:35 am...
August and I woke up early, about 8:00 this morning, to shower, dress down and lay around while it would rain, off and on. I was tangled in the unkempt covers of the bed while watching American Horror Story: Murder House. August had been in the living room, writing away. I'd often hear him humming in certain harmonies, something that I've learned that he'd often do. I left him to it as I kept my attention on the television.
After a while, I couldn't help but hear August cell chime and not long after, he answered. Tuning out his conversation, I moved in a more comfortable position due to the tenderness of my breasts. Placing my attention back on the television, I fell into the show as it became more interesting as the episodes went by.
As time went on, I found myself in the same position, tuning into the eerie series. A hard knock at the front door sounded which made my heart skip a beat. Calming down, I heard August answer the door, followed by a muffled conversation.
Not too long after, I heard the front door close and with that, I heard the creaking of hardwood floors sound. Walking in, August gazed at me before the television. "Say, why you still watchin this weird shit lady?", he queried never taking his eyes of the events that were taking place on the show.
Furrowing my eyebrows, I gazed at him as he gazed at the tv screen with disgust. "It's not weird, it's good and so interesting. Like a drug. You want me to start it over so we can watch together?", I queried softly.
Gazing at me, he furrowed his eyebrows. " Naw, I'm cool on that", he said before climbing into bed, spreading my legs and laying his head on my stomach. "Watch that shit by yourself", he said nonchalantly in response.
Running my fingers through his soft curls, I spoke. "How you feeling?", I queried as I began softly playing with his ears.
Closing his eyes, he gently wrapped his arms around my body as he continued to rest his head upon my stomach. "I'm good lady", he said as I continued to play with his ears.
"I miss you", I said softly.
"What you mean, I'm right here", he said before speaking more. "I know I might seem distant even while bein under the same roof but I told you, when I was dealin with my ex, when I lost someone special to me, I needed her. I wasn't the same and that's because I was dealin with pain.", he said in an exasperated tone before continuing.
"Lady, I'm not pushin you away but you know why I'm not bein all lovey dovey and shit. I already let you know that if I didn't feel like talkin, just let me be but please be in my presence. I love you, so at least do that for me.", he said followed by a sigh. "I just deal with shit different and I apologize if it's makin you feel some type of way, uncomfortable but shit, a nigga goin through the motions again and right now, I'm tryin to have control of my emotions and not lash out and do somethin stupid, like I did back then. I'm tryin lady, ya heard me. I'm tryin. That's why I've been here with you majority of the time or what with my mama", he said and with that, I took in every word.
I understood completely....
"I miss you too", he said softly, giving me a gentle squeeze as I placed my attention back on his soft curls.
I couldn't really focus on the television anymore. "Who was at the door?", I queried as I continued running my fingers through his hair. "A client", he said softly as my playing in his hair made him sleepy as it always did. "Can you count the money out for me? I counted the shit but even after I do, still feel like it ain't all there", he said softly before softly laughing at what he said.
"Mmhmm", I hummed.
Noticing what was happening, to ease his mind, I began humming a certain tune that I'd often hear him randomly singing, This is for the lover in you as I continued to play in his hair and with that he spoke. "What you know about Shalamar lil girl?", he queried softly which caused me to let off a soft laugh.
"I know enough, I love old music but you knew that already", I said which caused him to chuckle a bit.
"You remember when we were in the living room, discussing the record player and the records I had and shit; I brought up Lenny Williams and ya ass gone say some who? Calm down", he said causing me to laugh.
"You love dwelling on the past Sina", I said softly.
"Yeah aight, keep on playin with a nigga and I'ma put ya ass on the porch lady. You ain't exempt to this shit, ya heard me", he said. "Act like you know, don't call me that shit", he continued.
Pressing my lips together, I spoke. "You act like that's not your name", I said softly. "You let everybody else call you that", I continued.
"Lady, be quiet ", he said which caused me to softly laugh.
I reached for the remote and turned off the television. As silence fell amongst us aside from the rain against the window pane, I couldn't help but hear light snores coming from him as he held on to me. Laying there for a while, I decided that I was ready to get up. Just as I gently tried to get out of his grasp, he spoke. "Where you goin?", he queried softly.
"I'm about to get up and make you something to eat", I said softly.
"Wait", he said before continuing. "I wanna stay like this a lil longer. Haven't felt this comfortable in a while. I need this right now. Let's talk", he spoke and with that, I relaxed my body as he continued his hold he had on me.
Gazing at the ceiling fan that spun, he spoke. "I know we spoke about marriage and havin a family of our own someday but I wanted to ask you if it ever crossed ya mind that ya feelins might change on a nigga?", he asked which caused me to furrow my eyebrows. "I just don't know if I could take that, ya heard me", he continued.
"August", I said softly as I gently moved out of his grasp, sitting up which caused his position to change.
He was now lying on his back, his head was on my right thigh. I gazed down at him. "I am so deep in love with you August. So deep that I wouldn't even look in another man's direction. You're my first everything and you will be my only everything. There's no doubt in my mind nor my heart that we weren't meant to be together. There's only one me and you", I said as he gazed up at me, as I gazed down at him.
Placing the hair that was draping along the side my face behind my ear, I continued to speak. "You epitomize the closest thing to the perfect balance of characteristics a man could have and I want that, I want you. I love you August and I'm not going anywhere and that's my promise to you. A promise I vow not to break. I want to marry you, I want to have your last name, I want to be your wife, I want to bear your children. I want to raise them in our new home. I'm ready to live that life with you", I said followed by a chuckle as he kept his attention on me.
"I'm ready for me and our children to welcome you home from working 12 hours of being a gynecologist", I said which caused him to laugh a hardy laugh.
"You almost had a nigga in tears talkin that cute shit and you just had to fuck up the mood on me. Aug ain't gone be no gynecologist. I told you why.", he said which caused me to laugh.
"Yeah, you said that would turn you off about alot of women but you got me, so go a head and be turned off", I said before I bent down and placed a soft kiss upon his forehead.
"Give me a kiss man, stop playin with me", he said and with that, I bent down and kissed his lips, upside down.
"There you go lady", he said and for the first time, he seemed to be himself and I'm glad that I brought it out of him. "Let me ask you somethin", he said before continuing. "What you you gonna name our child? Whenever this all start, what you got in mind?", he queried gazing up at me. "I just never thought I'd be talkin about anything like this and now that we're here, I just wanna know.", he continued.
Gazing all over his face, I spoke in response. "Lathan", I said softly. "Girl or boy, I love it for both", I continued.
"Lathan", he repeated as he took his eyes away from me and began looking at nothing in particular. "I love it too", he said before sitting up and getting out the bed completely.
Gazing at me, he spoke. "What you wanna eat lady?", he queried.
Gazing at him, I smiled a bit before biting my bottom lip. "I'm in the mood for you", I said softly.
"Yeah whatever, what you wanna eat?", he queried not phased by what I said to him.
Laughing a bit, I spoke. "Homemade burgers and homemade fries", I said before speaking more. "Why you acting like you don't want me to taste you?", I queried, swinging my legs from the bed before standing up and walking towards him.
Taking him into a hug, I gazed up at him. "You don't want me?", I queried.
Gazing down at me, he spoke. "You get one or the other", he said followed by a slight chuckle. "If we do that, I ain't gone feel like cookin afterwards, already gone have a nigga peelin potatoes and shit. Starve or fuck, the choice is yours lady", he said which caused me to laugh.
Nodding my head a bit, I spoke."Food please", I said softly.
Placing a gentle kiss upon my forehead, he spoke. "That's what I thought", he said before continuing. "If only ya people knew that I done turned out they little girl", he said before breaking our hug. "I'm about to get this food together for you", he said before leaving the bedroom.
Shaking my head due to his previous comment, I walked over to the dresser and gazed at my reflection before grabbing my paddle brush. I began brushing through my bone straight hair and just as I sat my brush down, I couldn't help but notice a black guitar pick. Furrowing my eyebrows, I picked it up and gazed at it closely. It read A.A in gold. As a million questions fled my mind, it took me back to when I first saw his "i do myoozik" tattoo. Placing it down, I continued to brush my hair and as I did so, my cell chimed from the nightstand.
Placing my paddle brush down, I made my way over to the nightstand. Grabbing my cell, I gazed at the familiar number that wasn't saved, my heart skipped a beat. My hands began to shake as if I had hypertension. I took a seat upon the bed before answering the call, I slid the phone to my ear.
"Hello", I spoke softly.
"Hey baby, it's so good to hear your voice"...
Closing my eyes shut, the tears that were threatening to fall managed to seep through. "It's good to hear your voice too mama", I said as I opened my eyes and wiped my tears away. "I've missed you", I said sincerely.
"I've missed you too baby, since your father turned your phone off, I just had to figure out how to get in touch with you. I didn't know Jade's number so I stopped by her house this morning and she gave me your number", she said before continuing. "Can I see you? We can go out for lunch or smoothies, please. I just need to see you. I just have to", she said desperately which caused more tears to fall.
"I'd love that. W-we can go out for smoothies.", I said softly. "Two Chicks Cafe, like we used to go", I continued.
"Yes baby", she said softly. "Should I come get you or are you meeting me?", she queried.
"I'll meet you there, I just need a few hours. I'll text you and let you know when I'm leaving out the door", I said in response.
"Alright, I'll be waiting. See you soon", she said and with that we said our goodbyes.
Placing my cell back where it was, I wiped any tears that were lingering away. As the aroma of well seasoned homemade burgers and fries lingered throughout the house, I heard muffled music coming from the living room.
I stood from my seat, letting my bare feet hit the cool hard wood floors. I stepped into my house shoes and walked out of the bedroom. Making my way down the hall as the hardwood floors creaked beneath my feet with every step that I took, the beginning of Knockin Boots by H-Town sounded throughout the speakers of the stereo.
Walking into the kitchen, August was multitasking, cooking. Smiling at the sight, he didn't even realize that I had walked in and with that, right on cue he began to sing as if he was the only person in the room, effortlessly. "Last night I thought to back to when we made good love. Listenin' to some Marvin Gaye, all night long", he sang as he flipped a patty which caused me laugh softly which caught his attention but my presence didn't phase him. He continued. "Now I want that old thing back", he sang effortlessly as he did a slight 2 step as he continued which caused me to laugh at his antics.
As the song continued on, I walked to him and wrapped my arms around him. Resting my head against his back. He began singing once again. "I feel so good when I'm near you. That's why, I always wanna be close to you.
I'm so addicted, I'm so addicted
To makin love to you, baby
All night long, baby... all night long, long, long, long", he dragged and with that I closed my eyes as he gently continued his 2 step. Enjoying him, I felt that I loved him even more, more than I ever did at this very moment.
As the music continued on, he was trying to finish getting the food together but being that I was holding on to him, it was tough. "Aight, you gotta let a nigga go before you get ya ass burned", he said but that never phased me, I didn't let him go. I just laughed a bit.
He sighed. "Man, move ya ass back fa this grease pop you in the face lady. Get off me.", he said in an indignant tone as he began placing the fries on a newspaper to drain the grease.
Finally letting him go, I tended to the burgers. Turning the eye of the stove off. I walked over to the fridge and grabbed everything that we'd usually put on our burgers and sat it along the countertop. Placing the cheese upon the hot burgers so the cheese could melt, I grabbed plates from the cabinets before taking the burgers from the pan that was still hot. I began making the burgers up. "My mother called me", I said, catching his attention as I continued.
With Voyage to Atlantis by The Isley brothers playing through the speakers of the stereo, he spoke. "What happened", he queried gazing at me before placing his attention on cleaning up behind the slight mess he made.
I sighed. "Well, she told me it was good to hear my voice. I heard so much emotion behind everything she was saying to me. Since she couldn't find a way to get in touch with me because my father had my phone turned off, she headed to Jade's house to get my number.", I said followed by sigh. "I really missed her", I said never taking my attention from what I was doing. "She asked if we could meet up today", I continued.
Grabbing one of the plates that I had finished, he placed some fries on it. "So are you gone go head and meet up with her, ya know, sit and talk and shit?", he queried.
Stopping what I was doing, I gazed at him and spoke. "I mean... I don't know.", I said followed by a sigh. "What do you think I should do?", I queried softly.
Placing the plate he had on the table, he grabbed the other one from me and placed fries upon it before placing it on the table. Leaning against the counter, he spoke. "Lady, you and I both know the answer to that. Meet up with ya mama and talk to her. You miss her and she misses you too. You only get one and despite the bullshit that happened, that's ya mama and she's tryin, shit, it won't hurt. No need for any grudges, resentment, none of that. Life too short man, love on ya mama and let her love on you. Since ya pops ain't on that", he continued.
Taking in everything, I spoke. "You're right", I said before grabbing to glasses out of the cabinet.
Placing the glasses on the table, August took a seat at the table. Grabbing the pitcher of koolaid out of the fridge, I poured us both a glass of koolaid before putting the pitcher back in the fridge.
Gazing at him, he watched me closely with that same unreadable stare that I've grown accustomed to. Awaiting for me to take a seat at the table so we could say grace and eat together, I took a seat.
Reaching over, he gently grabbed my hand. Bowing our heads, we both our eyes. I spoke. "For the meal we are about to eat, for the man that made it possible, I am thankful for him as well as the meal he has prepared. Amen", I said softly before we both opened our eyes.
Feeling August's gaze on me, I knew that just by looking at me that I was uneasy about meeting up with my mother. "Lady, it's all in ya body language. I know it's nerve wreckin and shit cause you left on bad terms but she reached out to you, it says alot and I still think you should go ahead and sit and talk to her. Rekindle y'all relationship.", he said before continuing. "I know when I'm at my lowest, I always go lay my head on my mama's lap and tell her everything damn near. Some shit that I can't tell everybody. I remember when I went over to her after deadin niggas the night you got shot. I couldn't think of anywhere else to go to clear my head, I went to my mama. Told her everything I've done. Drenched in ya blood, with a broken heart because right before a nigga left out with m-my yungin D-Devin", he said before sighing.
"A.j hit my line tellin a nigga that Jade told him that you could've died that night and that hurt my heart, bad and it was killin me that I couldn't be by ya side and I had to be with my mama. I told her my reasons and she was the first person that I admitted it to, the first one to know that I loved you", he said before continuing. "You need ya mama I can't stress it enough.", he said to me which I took in.
Without being able to give a verbal response to that because he was right, I nodded instead and that was followed by a sigh.
After a moment of so, I picked up my burger and took a bite into it. It was so delectable. So good that I closed my eyes for a moment and as soon as I opened them, I caught August gazing at me with a slight smirk as he chewed his food. Swallowing his food, he spoke. "Gone head, say it's savory, you know the lil shit you always sayin", he said which caused me to softly laugh.
Pressing my lips together before speaking, I spoke. "It is savory", I spoke sincerely. "What did you season it with?", I spoke softly before taking a fry and popping it into my mouth.
He leaned back in his seat a bit and smirked before speaking. "Shit, nothin too major, just let the shit marinate in a lil purple drank, sprinkled a lil coke on it, just for a lil kick", he said nonchalantly which caused me to gasp.
"August", I said before he interrupted.
"Calm ya ass down", he said in an indignant tone. "I know ya ass ain't that gullible to think I'd do some crackhead shit like that. I seasoned it with got damn seasoned salt, ya heard me", he said before continuing with his food which caused me to laugh a bit.
My mind was all over the place...
After a while of eating and random conversation, I found myself washing the dishes that we used as well as the few in the sink. Once I finished up, I dried them off and put them away before leaving the kitchen.
Walking into the living room, my eyes landed on August who was sitting on the couch, rolling a blunt. With his attention on nothing but that, I walked down the hall and made my way to the bedroom.
With nothing more than his t shirt on, I opened the closet door and searched for something to put on for the day. After settling on a tank top and some jeans, I got dressed since I took a shower not too long ago.
Stepping into some sandals, I took a seat on the bed and bent down to buckle the straps. Sitting up straight, I sighed before grabbing my cell from the nightstand. I texted my mother and told her that I was about to leave out the door. Stuffing my cell into my pocket, I walked into the living where August was now half way through the blunt he rolled prior to me heading into the bedroom. Gazing at him, I caught his attention. With low eyes due to the high that was settling in, he spoke. "What's up?", he queried before dumping the ash of the blunt into the ashtray that rested upon the wooden coffee table in front of him.
Walking over to him, I took a seat upon his lap and rested my head in the crook of his neck as he continued taking pulls of his blunt. "You gone end up smellin like cat piss lady", he said in reference of the strong aroma of cannabis that he was smoking but that didn't phase me. "You ready to see ya mama?", he queried before taking another pull.
I nodded. "Could you take me?", I queried softly.
As the smoke lingered from his mouth as he exhaled, he wrapped his left arm around me slightly before leaning forward and putting out the now roach of the blunt. Without going back and forth with me about why I couldn't drive myself there, he spoke. "Let me up", he said and with that, I stood to my feet.
He walked down the hall way towards the bedroom. After a minute or so, he walked back into the living room with his shoes on, as well as a hoodie and a hat. Grabbing his car keys from the coffee table, he grabbed his gun from the table as well and stuffed it into the frontal of his pants.
Walking towards the front door, he opened it and we both walked out. "Lock the door behind you lady", he said and with that, I did as I was told before following him down the few steps of the porch.
Approaching his car, we both got in. Fastening my seatbelt, he put the key into the ignition and started the car. Putting the gearshift on R, he backed out of the driveway before putting the gearshift on D and driving off into the streets of New Orleans. "Where to?", he queried never taking his eyes off the road.
"Two Chicks Cafe", I said softly in response before gazing out of the window at the ongoing traffic.
With so many thoughts running rapid through my mind, I grew nervous. I never thought in a million years that I would ever be experiencing this. She's my mother, so why am I feeling this way? Goes to show you how I've always felt about being afraid of time...
I'm afraid of time...
As I gazed out the window, August reached over and grabbed my left hand with his right and intertwined our fingers. Giving me
a sense of relief, he squeezed my hand a bit and with that, I unfastened my seatbelt with my right hand and slid over. Breaking our hand holding, he placed his right arm around my shoulder as I leaned into him for comfort.
Keeping his attention on the road, he placed his attention on me for a second before placing a gentle kiss upon my forehead.
He made me feel better. More relaxed...
As time went on with the silent ride, aside from the traffic that was amongst us. We finally made it to our destination.
Two Chicks Cafe
901 Convention Center Blvd
109, New Orleans, LA 70130...
After finding a park, I gazed at August. "You dropping me off?", I queried.
Turning the car off, he spoke. "I'll be out here lady", he said before continuing. "If I end up leavin, I'll text ya line", he continued.
Nodding my head, I took in what he said before sliding over back to the passenger's side. Opening the door, I got out of the car. Closing the door behind me, I walked the small parking lot until I made it to the entrance of the familiar cafe. Walking in, the inviting aroma of food filled the air. With my eyes roaming the familiar place, I spotted my mother sitting in a small booth.
Making my way over to her, I caught her attention and she had this inviting smile upon her face. Feeling my heart skip a beat, she stood to her feet from the small booth she occupied and just as I walked closer, she held her arms out and I met her embrace. With so much emotion weighing in on me heavy, I knew that I missed her love more than anything. Moving her right hand gently up and down my back, she gently rocked us side to side. I didn't care who saw us, it was only me and my mother in this room at this moment.
"I've missed you so much baby", she finally let out before slightly breaking our hug. "Let me look at you", she said as she took in my appearance.
It haven't been long since I've seen her but it did in fact feel that way. Especially since we left things on a bad note. It seemed as if I had lost my only parent because I became content with not having a father any longer but I felt that I needed my mother more than anything.
"You look so... happy", she said before breaking our hug completely. Reaching over towards my face, she moved the strands of hair that was in my face behind my ear. Taking her hand away, she gestured for me to take a seat. "Sit down, let's talk", she said and with that we both took a seat.
Sitting across from one another, the waitress made her way over to us and asked us if we were ready to order and we ordered our usual smoothies before saying our thank yous. She left us alone to converse...
Gazing at me, she spoke. "Tahari, I want to apologize for what I did and said to you. You were right, I had no right to open your card and read something so personal. Everything I said was out of anger because you were lying to me and I was there defending you against your father's assumptions on what you had going on. It felt like a slap in the face and I just lost it", she said sincerely.
Taking in every word she said to me, she continued. "I just hated knowing that you were out in the streets doing God knows what with some drug dealer that your father wants to put away.", she said followed by a sigh. "Tahari, you could have lost your life while being out in them streets running behind him or even end up missing like Briana", she said as her heavy accent grew thick. "I know you love him and I know when you said your speech during graduation, you weren't speaking of your father. It was August, am I right?", she queried.
Gazing down at my hands, I nodded before gazing up at her. "Yes, you're right. The speech was about him and I do love him. I love him with everything in me", I said softly as she gave me her entire attention. "Despite this reputation that he has and the things that daddy may have said about him, I won't let that man slander his name nor character. He's been there for me when daddy wasn't there. He taught me so much more than what you may assume because of how his name is dragged through the mud. He bought my prom gown, he showed up to prom for me mama. He was happy for me when I got accepted into LSU and even before that he said if I didn't get the full scholarship that he would put me through college. He's been there like you have every step of the way. He showed up to my graduation when my own father didn't show up. He was there when you told me once I left, I couldn't come back. He picked me up and let me stay with him. He was there for me, for me and nothing else.", I said trying to hold back my tears. "After Briana put her hands on me, he taught me how to defend myself. I've learned so much from him that my father couldn't even teach me. He was always cheering me on and getting on me about my grades if they weren't right. I love him and I don't care who don't agree with it because this is my life and that's all that matters at this point.", I said which caused her to nod.
Bringing my strawberry and banana smoothie and my mother's banana split smoothie to the table, the waitress told us to enjoy before walking away, leaving my mother and I to continue our conversation.
"Tahari, this is such a hard pill to swallow. I'm in a situation where I'm married to someone who wants to take away someone that our daughter is in love with. I want you to be happy nonetheless but this is just a lot to take in. I respect you because you're my child, you're a young woman, you're going to make your own decisions but I just don't want this decision to be a mistake", she said. "God forbid, I don't want you to end up heartbroken in case your father do end up taking down August for something", she continued.
Gazing outside the window where August was parked, I spoke. "I didn't make a mistake.", I said softly before gazing back at her. "I understand where you're coming from. I know you want me safe but what you're telling me is no different than me being targeted for being Murphy's daughter. Despite anything, I still walk with God. He made no mistakes and I'm content with everything. Please don't worry about me, just continue to pray for me as I do for myself and you. God will always put me where he wants me to be", I said softly.
Gazing over my face, she spoke. "You're right but no matter what, you'll always be my little girl. You're my only little girl and I can't imagine not speaking to you for as long as we didn't. I missed you, I missed hearing your voice.", she said sincerely. "I'm so sorry that I ruined your graduation day, hear? I hated that I put my hands on you and said the things that I did. It was out of anger. I also apologize for your father. For everything.", she said before continuing. "He tried throwing out your things but I got it all from him and packed it up for you", she said.
Taking in what she said, I spoke. "Everything?", I queried in response of what he tried throwing out.
She nodded. "Yeah, he tried to throw out your diploma", she said and with that, my heart sank.
Knowing that I worked so hard for my diploma. I was pushed hard by the both of them and for him to try and throw away my diploma as if it meant nothing said so much and if I didn't already know, I knew where I stood with him...
I sighed before speaking. "I love you. For always being there for me.", I said softly.
After a while of chopping it up, we were almost done with our smoothies. "So, when can I meet August?", she queried which caught me off guard.
I was glad that she had accepted the way I felt about August but never in a million years did I think she would ask that question.
Before answering her question, I grabbed my cell from my pocket and asked if he could come inside and with no questions asked, his response was, "Yeah"...
With door chiming from someone entering, I gazed behind me and caught his attention. Standing to my feet from the booth, my mother followed suite. Walking over towards us, I introduced the two. "August this is my mother Lannette and mama, this is August", I said softly.
Holding out her arms, he took the embrace. Closing her eyes, she rubbed her hand up and down his back. "Thank you for being there for my baby, hear? Thank you for loving her and keeping her in one piece. Out of harm's way", she said before breaking the hug.
Taking a seat, we fell in conversation...
"My upbringin was different from most and when push came to shove, I had to do what I had to do to defend myself as well as those around me", he said in response of my mother asking about his lifestyle.
"I never meant for the things that I've basically been forced to do to get this far but it's just the way the cards were dealt for me. I didn't ask for this reputation out here, ya heard me? If it's not someone out here tryin to do this and that to me, it's someone tryin to hurt my family, those close to me and bein a man that's about loyalty, I do what I know. My mother even sat me down and told me that I had to get out these streets before it be the death of me but it's better said than done. It's like a never endin cycle so that's why instead of goin cold turkey and chancin to get killed, I guess I have to leave all this behind but in a sense, it's still gonna be hard for me because then I have to worry about my family because I don't know who knows them, I don't knows who could be out here plottin, that's why I'm on edge about everything when it comes to leavin. I don't know how I can move on and be comfortable knowin anything could happen to my loved ones because of me. Out of spite", he said and my mother took all of that in.
"Listen to me August. Just like my baby told me earlier. God will put you where you need to be. I'm not on my husband's side about any of this because after all that you told me about what he said and done to you have me livid. And I now understand why you've been doing what you've doing however", she said holding up her hand before continuing. "It doesn't make it right. I want the both of you to move out of here and get a peace of mind without having to look over your shoulders. Y'all are babies and there is so much more than living in fear everyday. And August, you better continue to take care of my daughter. She's the only one that I have, hear?", she queried...
________
After that sit down with my mother and August, I found myself sitting on the couch with August sitting between my legs. Oiling his scalp with coconut oil, we watched a classic movie, Paid N Full. With August giving his full attention, I couldn't help but think of the series of events that happened today. I was more than happy that despite how bad of a reputation August had, my mother kept an open mind and accepted him...
As my mind continued to wander, for some reason, the guitar pick just so happened to cross my mind. "August", I said softly hoping to catch his attention.
"What's up lady?", he queried.
Pressing my lips together, I spoke. "When I was brushing my hair earlier, I couldn't help but notice a guitar pick on the dresser and I was...", I said softly before continuing.
"Hold that thought", he said before standing to his feet. "Get dressed for me lady. Something casual", he said before walking down the hallway to the bathroom.
Furrowing my eyebrows, I stood to my feet and walked down the hallway and into the bedroom. Walking to the closet, I settled on a cream colored dress. Sitting it on the bed, I grabbed a matching bra and panty set out of my drawer before placing it beside my dress. I then put on a bonnet to secure my hair for a while.
Walking towards the bathroom, August was brushing his teeth. Paying him no mind, I turned the knobs and turned on the shower. Taking my clothes off, I placed them in the hamper before stepping into the shower.
Squeezing the Ivory body wash into my wash rag, I began to scrub my body gently. Washing the day away. As I did so, I couldn't help but hear August humming an unfamiliar tune. As he did so, that and the shower relaxed me as a whole.
After I finished up in the shower, I turned the knobs and turned off the hot water. Reaching for my towel that hung over the shower rod. Drying off a bit while in the tub, I wrapped the towel around me before stepping out of the shower.
"Lady", August said as he lined himself up in the mirror.
Stepping into my house shoes, I spoke. "Yeah?", I queried softly.
Gazing at me through the mirror as well as what he was doing, he spoke. "Could you line a nigga up in the back?", he queried.
"Of course", I said as I wrapped the towel tight around me before grabbing the crate from the corner and placed it behind him.
Handing me the clippers, I began to line him up as good as I could. I always got nervous doing so but I did pretty good per usual.
____
After an our and a half of getting ready, we were in the car and off to our destination. I wasn't too sure about where we were actually going but August was always full of surprises.
Leaning into him with his right arm around me, I took in his scent as he drove with his left hand. With silence hovering the car, I took in the relaxing moment. Being under him, I felt loved as well as safe. "You good lady", he queried never taking his attention off of the road.
"Yes", I answered in response...
Without saying another word, he continued to drive the evening streets of New Orleans.
As time went on, we pulled up to a building with a parking lot that was almost full...
Neutral Ground Coffeehouse
5110 Danneel St, New Orleans, LA 70115...
After finding a parking spot, August parked and took the key out of the ignition. Sliding over, I got out as August did the same. Grabbing August arm and walking towards the entrance of the building, he stopped. "It's some good lightin over here", he said before gazing down at me. Pulling a way from my grip, he spoke. "Stand right here lady", he said and with that, I stood in front of the entrance. "You lookin like you wanna marry a nigga", he said as he took out his phone which made me laugh.
"Let a nigga get a picture of you lady", he said and with that I held a straight face and posed for him.
"Lookin good as fuck", he said before biting his lip a bit at the sight of me.
Smiling at him, he opened the door for me before stuffing his cell back into his pocket. Walking in, the aroma of coffee and incense lingered in the building which was dim lit. Decorated with couches and small tables, I noticed a performance going on upon the stage in the center of the building. Open Mic is what I believed was going on. The atmosphere was therapeutic, very calming, extremely relaxing.
Finding a small couch and table that no one was occupying, we took a seat and got comfortable. As everyone including August gave the poetess that was on stage their full attention, I unintentionally tuned her out and gazed at my surroundings. Taking in seeing a full house of couples enjoying themselves, I smiled to myself before gazing at the young woman recite her poem, a powerful poem might I add.
Once she finished, the building sounded of snaps and here and there whistling. Smiling at the sight, I also snapped my fingers along side August.
Once the noise calmed down, I leaned into August and spoke. "What made you think to bring me here?", I queried holding a soft smile as I would gaze at what was happening amongst me.
Gazing at me, he spoke. "I remember when you told me that you were a closet poet and that time you sent me a poem you made. I just figured that you'd enjoy this, ya heard me and I've always wanted to come here and you gave me more of a reason to come here. I wanted to experience this with you", he said in an indignant tone before gazing at me with that familiar yet unreadable stare.
Taking my attention away from him, I gazed at my surroundings once again before gazing back at him. "Thank you August, thank you for everything", I said loud enough for him to hear and with that, he gave me a wink as well as a slight smile.
After some time, the next act made her way on stage. A little woman who wore her hair in neat box braids took a seat upon a wooden stool as the musicians were ready to play the instruments I'm assuming. With everyone giving her their full attention including August and I, she leaned into the mic and began to speak.
"Hello, my name is Kiana Ledè, the song I'm about to perform is titled, I choose you. I wrote this song a while back, when I found the love of my life and I wanted to share it with you all. My emotions, my happiness.", she said as he adjusted the mic a bit. "I know that some of you may be able to relate to this song.", she said before continuing. "I'm a bit nervous, this is my first time performing", she said and with that, the music began.
"Your smile, your voice
Creeps inside my heart with everything you do. I have no choice
Loving you is all that I know how to do", she sang effortlessly and with that, I followed every word and leaned into August.
"Even when you knew it was heavy
You was still holding me up
Even when you were in pieces
You would hold me together
Even though I was your baby
You always saw the fight me
When no one there was there to hold my back", she continued on...
"Don't you know that I choose you over anybody else
When you're not around it's just bad for my health
I'm good on my own, but with you I'm something else
You're telling me to choose up, but I already choose you", she sang effortlessly as some couples stood from their seats to go close to the stage and dance to the heartfelt song.
As she continued, I sighed as comfort weighed down in on me heavy and I felt that I needed to hear this beautiful song. I closed my eyes as I took in every word. My mind drifted off to the very first time that I told August that I loved him...
And just like that, the song was over and I heard the crowd roar. That song had to hit home in the best way for so many of these lovely people.
Once things calmed down, August spoke. "I'll be back lady, a nigga gotta take a piss", he said nonchalantly before walking off. I waved him off.
While everybody began conversing amongst themselves, I couldn't help but notice a familiar couple but I couldn't put my finger on where I could've seen them before. Furrowing my eyebrows at the thought, I took my attention off of them and sighed. Still awaiting for August. I was about to get up and order me a iced coffee but I stopped...
"Oh yeah, oh yeah
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah
Uh, uh, uh"...
Gazing at the stage, August was sitting on the wooden stool on the stage, with a black guitar upon his lap.
"It ain't no secret that I'm different since you ain't around me, that's you, you, you
Promise I won't tell nobody how you got this side of me shining through
They ain't gotta know what we do
You got the magic and I gotta have it
Just for me and you
Just for me and you"...
Singing in the harmony he's been humming all day, I gave him my full attention as couples began to snap along to his singing.
"Come here lady", he said and with that, I didn't hesitate to get up from my seat and make my way over to the stage.
Standing in front of the stage, he gazed down at me and continued singing.
"I couldn't hide if I tried it, girl, you got shining as bright as the sun
And I'd be lying if I didn't say that I'm thinking you might be the one
In case you didn't know, girl, I'm in it
I knew what it was from beginning
And when I say I don't want nobody else but you. Hope you know that I mean it"...
"Baby, I won't tell if you won't tell.
Even though it's hard to stop myself from standing on a roof, saying I'm in love with you. Girl, but I won't tell if you won't tell. But emotions, I don't hide them well. I try but there's no use, you see, I'm in love with you
It ain't no secret... no
It ain't no secret, nooo
It ain't no secret... no
It ain't no secret, nooo
It ain't no secret", he sang effortlessly, giving me his full attention.
"Girl, are you scared to admit that your love is the shit? That's on me, me, me
There ain't nothing you can do, and nothing you can say that would make me leave. Even if I went blind, I couldn't deny that you were the one for me
Cause you're the only one I see
Cause you're the only one I see", he continued to sing to me and with that, I felt myself tearing up because he was always finding a way to make me smile.
Not being able to contain myself, I got on stage and with that, he put the guitar aside and continued to sing acapella while taking me into his embrace. The crowd clapped along to his singing as he held me tight is his arms. Still sitting on the stool, I stood between his legs as he expressed himself to me, through a song in front of all of these people.
Crying into him, he never stopped. "Lady, I won't tell if you won't tell", he sang and with that the crowd repeated after him.
"I won't tell if you won't tell", the crowd repeated again.
"Even though it's hard to stop myself from standing on a roof, saying I'm in love with you. Hari, I won't tell if you won't tell. But emotions, I don't hide them well. I try but there's no use, you see, I'm in love with you
It ain't no secret... no
It ain't no secret, nooo
It ain't no secret... no
It ain't no secret, nooo
It ain't no secret"...
_________
"Baby while we're young we should just have fun
We should just do whatever we want
And tell everyone that we fell in love with each other"...
_______