Tears Fall, Heart Hurts
My dearest Prince,
I woke up and as I have gotten in the habit of doing each day, the first words out of my mouth were good morning Prince. I was and have remained sad every since waking. I received some new Pinterest pictures of you and scrolling through them was taken by surprise by your amazing beauty as I am every time I look at one of your pictures. I had coffee took some medication for the bronchitis I have managed to come down with and ate some toast and jam. I faced the world without you in it once again and it has become a dreadful place with that knowledge always in the front of my mind.
On April 21, 2016, my heart broke. As I was driving to work that morning, I heard of your death on the news. I couldn't believe it. Some cruel person was playing a prank. We had just seen you hosting a party at Paisley Park a few days before, and while you looked thinner than I would have liked you to, you did not look ill. And then they confirmed the news. I was on the freeway and began crying so hard that I had to pull over to the side. My hands were shaking and my eyes so full of tears it was hard to see. I finally got it together enough to get off of the freeway and to turn around and go back home. I stayed glued to the TV for several days listening to the breaking stories about you. Listening to the tribute music. Crying for the loss of a man that I loved and truly had dreamed of meeting and talking with, even if he didn't or couldn't love me back. I remember the many hurts you had brought me through with your music. I thought of how when no one was there to hold me as I struggled to raise my daughter how somehow you seemed to be. Your words gave me hope and comforted me...you understood my pain and Prince, I understood yours and that made all the difference. My birthday was three days after your death and it was the saddest one I have ever had as I realized how empty my world seemed without you. I have not gone to what has become an annual celebration of you, your music and your artistry at Paisley Park yet. It is held every April. Somehow walking among your things, seeing your images with which you lived, the furniture on which you sat, the instruments that you played that now sit silently as a testimony to your passing still seems too painful for me to endure. I hope to be able to go one day before my own death if only to witness Paisley Park becoming what you wanted it to be, a museum that attests to your life of making music, but I am not ready yet.
Prince my heart has never really healed. It is not like I try to be sad, it, like the love I have for you, just is. I look forward to the day I slip away and hopefully find you standing there to greet me. Please do not be offended if I hug and kiss you hello. I really just need and want to give physical expression to feelings I have felt for so very long and never had a chance to share with anyone...with you. So today, I will once again sit with my feelings and feel them alone and write this letter to you wishing that you could know how much I love you and how much I wish I had known that man that you were...somehow, I think that would have helped me...and I think that it might have helped you too.
I love you Prince and I always will,
Marie