(picture of Cassandra Santiago)
• • •
By the time we head back to Wayne's place, it was nearing sunset. We had dropped by Frolio, a frozen yogurt store after grocery shopping, which turned out to be a terrible mistake because during the forty-five minutes we spent chatting and laughing there; we completely forgot about the groceries in the car boot.
And of course, there was ice-cream. Tubs and tubs of Ben & Jerry's.
None of us had thought to check on the shopping bags when we got back to our cars. But reality came crashing down, or in this case —liquidified ice-cream came dripping down in a horrendous mess when the guys helped to unload Wayne's car boot.
Surprisingly, Cass was the calmest of us all. As soon as the scene unfolded, she took off into the house, making a dash for the kitchen. She couldn't find whatever she was looking for though, seeing as this was probably only her second time here. She yelled from the open kitchen, but nobody responded as we stood with our mouths wide, unsure of what to do while we flickered our gazes between the puddle on the cement ground and the mini flood in the boot itself.
"Bloody hell!" Wayne shouted, taking out more and more plastic bags of grocery from his car. Almost all of them were contaminated, except a few packets of chips that required wipe-downs at most.
There goes two hundred bucks.
"Where do I find a mop and pail?" Cass questioned when she came out of the house. I was beyond glad that someone knew what they were doing and was taking charge, because I was more than unhelpful at this point. I was standing there, watching.
It's not that I don't do housechores. In fact, I do. I actually find vacuuming and dusting therapeutic. It's a pretty weird hobby but sometimes when I get bored, I enjoy cleaning.
However, I've always had a problem with cleaning up food mess. Sure, if it was simply just a dropped fried chicken, just throw me a wet rag. But what the hell do you do when it's sweet, sugary liquid mess? And one that's flooded in a car, might I add. Anywhere that we bring the bags to would dirty the surfaces and the ground, making everywhere a sticky mess.
I remember one time when I was baking cupcakes and had clumsily knocked off the bowl of batter, together with a half-opened bag of flour on the tiled floor. It was a disaster. I thought I was clever to take the mop, but not only did I made it worse, I ruined my mom's favourite mop.
"It's in the back, c'mon." Carson led her into the house again. They prepped the tools needed, which was some towels, a pail of water and a dry mop. Seeing as I was practically useless, they gave me the job of picking out the stuff that could still be salvaged.
Turns out, we had to dump all the vegetables, meat and frozen food which were now —unfrozen. Zac accompanied Wayne to the workshop, both of them driving their individual cars so they'd have a ride back; seeing as we had no clue how to clean up his boot. Drew, Carson, Cass and I then took off in my car, driving to the nearest supermarket so we could pick up groceries again.
The guys had offered to make dinner tonight, so Cass and I are now lounging in my room after an eventful day.
"I always knew the Grays and your brother were close, but I didn't expect him to like, give them fingerprint access to his house." Cass comments out of the blue, referring to the new digital lock Wayne got a couple of days ago.
I spin myself around in my desk chair playfully, while Cass sits cross-legged on my bed. "Why? They've always had the key anyway, it's not so diffferent."
"Of course it is! They knew where the key was hidden, but they weren't given their own sets. You see the difference? Now they have like free access in and out. And that takes a lot of trust, y'know. They could come in high and drunk because pressing a finger takes a lot less effort than fumbling with a key."
"Well, they've been close for like what, three years? Besides, I think the amount of time they'd spent staying here pretty much makes this their home too." I say, wondering when I can say the same about this place.
Cass sighs, leaning back against the headboard. "Sometimes, I look at them and really envy. Why is it so damn hard for me to have friends like they do? It always seems so easy for guys to have their close group of brothers, isn't it?"
I nod, agreeing with her. Guys usually hang around without dramas, and a lot less betrayal. The most dramatic one I've heard about different cliques of guys is when two of them sleep with the same chick. But somehow, the guys always make up with each other in the end. Had it been the same situation with females? All hell will fucking break loose.
Just like me and Yvonne, Cass and her ex-roommate.
"Hey, every time you say that, you make me feel like we aren't actual friends." I pout.
She sits up and faces me, a slightly more serious demeanor. "We are friends, Kelsey. But somehow I feel like you're holding back a lot on me. I know we've only just met a week ago, and it's not that I blame you for not trusting me yet. But like, I don't even know basic things about you! All I know is that you really like eating, just like I secretly do. Other than that? I don't even know why you don't date!"
I roll my eyes, catching her hint about what I said earlier in the day. I haven't been upfront about myself, and that's entirely true. Cass had told me about her ex-roommate, her family and even her school life, yet I haven't told her anything. I haven't told her where I came from, why I'm not in good terms with my brother and nothing about my past.
"Alright, I get what you're trying to start." She gives me a sheepish grin and pats the space next to her, so I move across and make myself comfortable on the bed before narrating the long-ass story that I haven't told anyone in awhile.
"So this no-dating thing started after I broke off with my ex, J. We were together for one and a half year. He was the second boyfriend I had, and well, we were high school sweethearts. But let's not go into details there. Basically, things started going haywire after our first anniversary. I always knew he had a bad temper and it didn't shock me when he smashes things out of anger. But the violence slowly directed to me. It started with pulling at my arm, then shoving me, throwing things at me, then it became slaps and punches. Despite that, I stayed. And then about two months later, I found out I was pregnant. I was only about two to three weeks pregnant then, according to the digital test kit. When I showed it to him, he went berserk.
We were seventeen, turning eighteen then. And it was understandable that none of us were ready to be parents. But he was so, so mad. At me. Don't judge me, but I was ready to abort it. Eventually, I didn't have to. He went all full-on beating, kicking me while I was writhing on the ground. It was the worst abuse out of the two-month period. Every time he hit me, he'd end up consoling me, promising me it was out of impulse and I believed him. We always ended up having make-up sex after. But that day, he asked me to get out of his house. After beating me up with cuts and bruises, he told me to fuck off.
So, the next day, I had excruciating cramps. Then the heavy bleeding came and I knew I miscarried it. I took a couple days off school, citing fever but in actual fact, I was recuperating from the miscarriage and the beating. When I went back to school a week later, we hadn't been talking then. I told my then-best friend about everything, including the abuse and she sounded completely indifferent. Honestly, I still loved him then, and if he came begging me to take him back, I think I would have. But imagine my surprise when I went to J's place wanting to retrieve my stuff back, only to catch my decade long best friend stark naked, lying below my boyfriend —who had yet to thoroughly break things off with me at that point, while the latter was fucking her on his bed." I sigh, taking a break to catch my breath. Somewhere along the story, tears began rolling down my cheeks and it became harder for me to replay the same scene again in my head.
Cass notices my tears and quickly go to my drawer, flipping open a few of them to look for facial wipes. She finds them, then takes one and dabs it gently on my face. Giving me a solemn smile. I know somehow, she relates to the story seeing as her ex-roommate left her for her ex too. I allow her to gather me in her embrace.
"Hmm, so after that episode, I set up rules for myself. You'll see me in parties, flirting and making out and what not, but that's just purely sexual. I've had a couple of one night stands, to uh, you know, satisfy my needs. But I always, always pick strangers." I confess, feeling slightly vulnerable that I've given up so much about my past. Heck, that was almost all of it.
"Strangers?" She holds me by my shoulders, studying my face. "I do have one night stands too, I'm not judging. But instead, I pick people whom I actually know, or are friends with. Why do you choose strangers?"
"Because there wouldn't be the awkward tension," I answer honestly. "I make sure that they're always too tipsy to recall my name or face. It's really just fuck and go. I don't ever give them my numbers or social media accounts. Albeit, there were one or two that tried to find me again somehow. But I never get back to them. I won't allow myself to have that tiny little chance of being too close, and falling again."
"I see. But is it necessary that you avoid having male friends at all?"
"Well," I consider. "I wouldn't mind having male friends, if it's strictly platonic. But how can we make sure of that? Although I must say, Drew and the Grays are and have been the closest males to me after an entire year."
"Right," her grin grows wider. "How do you know you wouldn't feel anything for either of those three, then?"
"Of course not!" I defend myself. "They're like, big brothers somehow. And with Wayne around? I sort of know he's not going to let that happen, especially not with his friends."
"Keep telling yourself that, girl!" Cass pats the top of my head. Then she leans in and whispers softly, "I'm just going to lean back and watch my prediction come true."
I push her back down the bed and she chuckles. "I'll show you you're no fortune teller, Santiago. So, are we like best friends now, or what? You realize that I just told you something that no one else knows, right? And that's my deepest darkest secret already."
"Best friends?" She laughs, harder. "Not until the day that you rescue me when I need a tampon."
———
At dinner, the six of us scatter around the large, rectangular dining table and savour the huge feast. There's two whole roast chickens, potatoes, vegetables, and nuggets and fries as sides. On top of that, we have new Ben & Jerry's for dessert.
"Have you talked to her yet?" I overhear someone say in the kitchen as I pass by to the bathroom.
"Nah. There's never really a right time." My brother responds. Zac and Wayne volunteered to do the dishes earlier, so I figured the person talking to him is most likely Zac.
"You'll have to, regardless. Don't let this drag on." I peek around the corner and spot Zac patting Wayne's back.
"I know, I know."
What was that even about?
———
"Never Have I Ever?" Drew suggests as all of us lounge in the living area. I lie flat on the L side of the couch together with Carson who's squeezing in the space with me, while Cass sits next to me and Wayne next to her. Zac and Drew takes the space on the loveseat beside the couch.
"Oh, jeez. I know you well enough to know the things you've done." Wayne says in an uninterested tone, shutting down yet another idea of bonding game. Truth or Dare was previously suggested too but all of us couldn't be bothered to think of dares for each other.
"Really, now? Okay, tell me, how many times have I done anal?" Drew smirks, shaking the bottle of unopened Martell in his hand.
"For fucks sake would I know the details of your sexual life?" Wayne rolls his eyes while Drew returns him a cocky shrug. "Fine, fine. Let's do this."
"So, we drink if we've never done the deed or if we've done it?" Cass clarifies.
"Drink if you've done it." Carson answers from beside me.
Zac and Drew proceeds to arrange six shot glasses, one for each of us. We then move to sit in more of a circle so we get a better view of each other.
"Okay okay, since I suggested this, I'll start and we go clockwise." Everybody nods. "Never Have I Ever... ate animal organs."
All of them picks up their drinks and down them, except Drew and I. I've never liked the taste of intestines or kidneys, livers and all that shit. Just even the thought of it makes me gag.
"Seriously, Kel? Mom always used to cook pork liver."
I smirk, cupping a hand over my mouth and edging closer towards Cass where I pretend to whisper to Wayne who's next to her. "I always spit them out." I say in a hushed tone and he chuckles, shaking his head.
"Never Have I Ever ate pussy." Carson admits confidently. This time, Wayne, Zac and Drew drinks their shot while Cass and I looks at Carson curiously.
"Woah bro, I sure as hell didn't expect that." Zac chuckles from across us.
"Is that a choice or..?" Cass voices out the question on my mind. Carson simply shrugs with a half-smile.
"You're missing out, dude!" Drew throws a piece of lime in his direction.
"Um," it's now my turn. "Never Have I Ever done anal?" This game has taken a kinky take. At that, Wayne is the only one to take a shot.
"Seriously?" He glances around us. "Now I feel like I'm the weird one."
"Wait, lemme guess," Drew taps a finger on his chin. "Bianca?" Wayne rolls his eyes but his silence has proved him right. Cass and I cringe at the mental image.
"Moving on!" Cass starts. "Never Have I Ever fucked someone while/who's on menses." Drew takes a shot.
"Oh eww, you nasty."
"Hey! To my defence, it was done in the bathroom. Not so bad when the water's raining on us." He lowers his gaze to my empty shotglass then to my grinning face. "Kelsey hasn't drink a single round!"
"Not my fault I'm demure!"
"Wayne, you're next. Give it your best shot!" Drew cheers my brother on. He thinks for awhile then shoots me a sly smile.
"Never Have I Ever ate dog poop." He smirks while I scowl. This mother fucker has the audacity to remind me of what he'd done to me years ago. I glare at him, pouring myself a shot before gulping it down at once —my eyes never leaving his aquamarine ones.
"Jesus, do I even want to hear about it?" Cass scrunches her nose.
"No," I say at the same time Wayne says "yes!"
"So second-grade me thought it would be hilarious to prank my little sister," he ignores my warning glare. "Y'all remember how there was a period when flower pot ice creams were a thing? That's what I did. It was just a tiny little bit though, and young Kel actually asked me why it smelt funny. I told her that's what fertilizer smells like." He breaks into a hoot of laughter together with the others.
There I come to a decision. One of these days I'm gonna introduce him to a plate of damn faeces.