(Lapis POV)
I inhaled deeply. I hadn't discussed this in so long... Not even with myself it was such a difficult subject. So painful. So many memories.
"What is it Lapis? I won't be upset...you're everything to me." Peridot said, looking deep into my now pain stricken eyes.
"My war PTSD isn't just do to see a dead body...it's due to seeing her dead body." I folded my hands in my lap, my voice laced with regret and pain. But also I was cold, and angry. Peridot looked at me, her eyes like saucers, she nodded, signaling for me to continue.
"Jenny Kofi, was her name." As I spoke, images of her beautiful smile popped into my head, her hair, her perfect black skin, and the golden hoops that she had always refused to take off.
"Jenny...Jenny was my first girlfriend. We were best friends when we first met in training. Staying up late, just talking, helping eachother. We stayed that way until friendship slowly developed into more..." I clenched my fists, "We knew we shouldn't be together. We were it the army! We couldn't have picked worse people to be with. And we knew that. But it didn't matter. We had eachother. Nothing could hurt us. As long as we were together." At least that's what we told eachother. But it was a lie. A painful, almost destined to be broken.
Peridot kept her eyes on me, when unexpected to see jealous or hurt, all I saw was comparison, and sympathy. She smiled her gorgeous smile, telling me she was her for me, and to continue.
I sighed, tear in my eyes now, "But it didn't last long. We were deported into the war. But unfortunately...Jenny and I went on different trains. Jenny insisted I take the better of the two. She and I argued until she won. We kissed and said goodbye. Little did I know... it'd be our last goodbye. Our last I love you." The tears were now flowing down my face like waterfalls, tiny and always flowing.
"When my group arrived, people from Jenny's train were already fighting. I ran, I didn't fight. I ran and ran and ran. I had to find her. When I ran, I was blinded my smoke and fire, so I tripped. I tripped on a body, when I looked back it was the body of my dead girlfriend. Suddenly the war stopped for me. It didn't matter. I clung to her body until the light went black. Until I woke up in the hospital bed, my chest and arms wrapped....I lost it. Completely lost it." I chocked on a sob, my hands trembling.
"Oh Lapis..." Peridot grabbed me, holding me close. She mumbled sweet nothings into my ear until I calmed down.
"That's why I was so scared of my feelings for you." I told her, looking into her eyes. "I didn't want it to end like Jenny's and mine, or..." I swallowed hard, "like Jasper's and mine." I then explained the way she helped me, her promises. And I told her about the first time she hit me, and why.
"She was terrible..." Peridot mumbled, looking at her hands. She laughed coldly. "I can't believe I'm related to her!"
"Peridot. I'm terrible, too. That's another reason I didn't confess to you sooner. Jasper may have hurt me, but there is no doubt in my mind I hurt her too. I was cruel! I told her things.... tormented her...I was a monster too!" I said glaring at my feet.
"Lapis. Never say that. Not ever. You defended yourself. And I don't think your terrible, you are MY everything. Without you I could be dead. You keep me sane. You make me happy. Actually happy. Happier than I've felt in so many years." She told me, she gently pulled me back so we laid together. I felt safe. For once I felt safe. Safe with Peridot. Safe with my Peri.
(Time Skip)
(Peridot POV)
I looked at my phone, 7:56 a.m., I looked to my side. "Where's Lapis?" I looked around. Huh. She wasn't here, I assumed she left for class early.
But when I arrived...she wasn't there. Lapis almost didn't do anything without telling me. I forced myself to breathe. It's okay. I'm sure she's fine.
Class began and I felt myself dozing off, I already knew this. I was about to fall asleep when I received a message.
Lapis: Hey Peri, sorry for not telling you where I went. A minor family emergency came up. I'm not sure when I'll be back.
Peri: Oh! That's okay. Is everything alright with your family?
Lapis: Yes of course. I gotta go Peridot. Bye
Peri: Bye ;3
I felt myself breathe with relief. She was okay. However I found it strange that she had used my full name. Lapis didn't usually. I dwell on the thought, she said she was fine, so she was.
(Time Skip, One Day Later)
Lapis still hasn't come back...I felt so empty without her, no calls, no texts. She wouldn't respond when I tried to contact her, I felt my worry grow. Was she really okay?
A thought entered my head, "What if Lazuli realized she doesn't want to be with me?" I swallowed. I tried to keep the tears at bay, but it didn't work, I broke down, holding my knees and sobbing. "I need her...but she doesn't even want me!"
(The morning before)
(Lapis POV)
I woke to the sound of my phone, it was 6:38a.m. I stepped out if bed, not wanting to wait my peaceful Peri.
"Hello?" I muttered sleepily.
"Oh baby, I'm so sorry, didn't mean to wake you~"
I hissed under my breathe, I knew that voice. Squaridot. "What do you want?"
"Well, can you pleeaaasse come shopping with me?" She begged.
"No, Squaridot." I dead planned.
"Aw c'mon! I'll make sure you're back by 5!" She whined.
I grunted, getting rather irritated, "Fine. By 5 got it?!"
"Yep! Cya Lappy!"
I hung up the phone and threw on my leather jacket, black jeans, and Panic! At The Disco, crop top.
(Time Skip)
"This isn't the mall..." I observed, "Where are we?" I asked her, "Oh! This is our place, I needed to grab a few things!" She said cheerily.
I followed her into the nice house, I may have asked her where we were, but I already knew all too well. I knew this house. And one room in particular. I shuttered at the memory.
"Brb, okay?" Squaridot told me before zipping to her room, leaving me standing in the empty house awkwardly.
"I didn't expect you back so soon baby~" A voice purred from behind me. I quickly realized Squaridot and I aren't alone.
"Jasper. I'm just waiting for Squaridot." I said, trying to keep my voice from shaking. Jasper knew the effect she had on me. She knew how it still worked.
It wasn't soon before the larger woman had me pinned against the wall. "Jasper let me go. We aren't together anymore. Never again."
I saw fury flash in her amber orbs, "Lapis, Lapis, you'll always be mine, bitch! Nobody fucking wants you!" She growled.
I trembled a tear escaping my eye. "L-Leave me alone, J-Jasper." I told her, failing to keep my voice steady. Jasper's eyes flashed with something I knew all too well from her. Lust. She traced her hand along my hips. I whimpered and tried to push her off me, but of course, I failed with Jasper being much stronger than me.
Jasper continued to caress the length of my hip until a voice caught her off guard.
"Jasper? What are you doing to Lapis?!" Squaridot's horrified voice sounded from behind Jasper. I took the opportunity to jump out from behind Jasper's grasp.
"No so fast, brat!" Jasper growled as she grabbed my wrist. "And as for you," she said turning her attention to Squaridot, "Thanks for dropping her off."
Squaridot looked stunned, however she said no more when she saw the look in Jasper's eyes.
"Jasper, let me go!" I hollered, tugging at my arm, desperate to free it. I screamed again before everything went black. The sound of Squaridot's screams were the last thing I heard.
(Time Skip)
I woke up, a fierce pain lit throughout my head. I looked around as my eyes adjusted to the dark room. I tried to move, but I couldn't, I glanced down to see my limbs tied to a chair. I looked upon the room again, only seeing a door, and a lightbulb that hung from a wire the connected to the ceiling.
"Where am I?" I called into the darkness, recalling the events that happened not but a few hours ago.
"You're here. With me, brat." I cranked my head to see Squaridot and Jasper. I felt sympathy for Squaridot...I knew she was scared of the woman I used to call my girlfriend. I didn't take long until Jasper gave me my phone, "Tell the runt you're okay. Nothing more." She snarled in a managing tone. I did. There wasn't anything else I could do.
(Time Skip, 2 days later)
I didn't know how long I'd been here. There are no windows, no clocks. Jasper had told me she wanted me back. I told her no. I haven't seen her since, but I'm still here. Still alone. Still afraid. I thought of Peridot, her smile, her eyes, her freckles, her voice. Even if she isn't with me, she keeps me going, the idea that I'll get out and kiss her soft lips.
My thoughts were interrupted when Squaridot and Jasper came back. "Alright, listen here, Peridot has been blowing up your phone." Jasper smirked, "I want her to stop, so you're going to tell her something for me."
I glared at her, "I will do nothing for you!"
"On the contrary, you're going to be my girlfriend again, and break up with Peridot. Want to know why? Because if you don't, she dies. And the blood will be on your hands." Jasper said, her voice low, filled with promise. I looked at her in shock, the tears spilling down my face.
"Okay." I whispered, feeling my heart burst into a million prices. She smiled an evil grin and she walked to my side. She whispered in my ear what I had to say. I didn't want to, I didn't want to to hurt Peridot this way. But I had to. Because this is the only way Peri will hate me. The only way she'll be safe from Jasper.
I dialed her number and her beautiful, perfect voice answered.
"Lapis! Where are you I've been so worr--"
I cut her off, using my best cold voice I spoke, "Peridot. I don't want you to worry. There's nothing to worry about."
"Wha-what?! Of course there is! You haven't been answering and--"
"I didn't want to answer."
"Why?" She sounded so confused...it broke my heart hearing to words that came out of my mouth next.
"Because I hate you. I never loved you. Hell, I never even liked you. I just needed an excuse to get the fuck away from you." I swallowed back a sob as the tears continued. I heard Peridot's muffled sobs on the line.
"I...I knew it...." Was all I heard before I hung up the phone. I looked up at Jasper. I glared into her amber eyes. I hate Jasper. I hate her!
(Peridot's POV)
"How could she?" I cried in my head again. I stood there, phone at my side. The tears slid down my cheeks. I kept thinking of her. Of Lapis. I loved her! She hates me! I slowly sunk down to the floor, sobbing, I felt my body shake as I screamed in pain. Everything is lost. I never knew how much I needed Lapis until now.
My friends rushed in and I explained everything to them. Including Squaridot, who was looking as if she was on the break if tears as well.
I fell asleep that night, dreams filled out a girl I couldn't have. Dreams filled with pain and suffering.