Jen's POV
"I can't f*cking believe him!" Gemma huffed as she watched her brother walk out.
As hurt as I was, and as much as it killed me inside that Harry had walked out without a word to me, I kind of understood why. He was under the impression Mason and I were dating, I didn't help that assumption by holding his hand right for Harry to see.
"I'll go after him!" Niall made his way down the stairs.
"No, I'll go!" Being brave, I decided I should be the one to go after him, explain to him nothing was going on between Mason and I. He would have to believe it if it came from me.
"You're sure you want to go after him when he's in a mood like that?" Gemma asked me, showing her concern.
"I think i'm the only one who can calm him down right now, as ridiculous as that may sound considering I'm the reason he left, but I know why he left, and I should explain everything."
"Do you want me to come?" Mason squeezed my hand. His comfort was always appreciated, but this was something I had to do on my own.
"No, I'll be fine. I mean, what's the worst that can happen? He might tell me to piss off but it's not like he can flee the building, he has to perform," I shrugged, acting like a million butterflies wern't floating around my stomach right now.
Angus, Gemma, Niall and Mason all gave each other worried glances at my decision, but nodded when they too realized I should be the one to go after him.
"I'll be back," I excused myself, lifting the bottom of my dress to allow me to jog over to the door.
The foyer was empty, everyone had already made their way inside since the show was about to begin, so it couldn't have been that hard to find him. I looked around and reached three dead ends until I saw a door which lead to the balcony outside. As I got closer I saw Harry's back to me, his head bowed down, clenching the railing in his hands.
I let my dress down, shaking my hands out to calm myself down, took a few deep breaths in then finally worked up the courage to open the door.
His head popped up at the sound of my heels against the concrete floor, and he glanced at me sideways before turning away to wipe his face. I didn't say anything, I didn't know what to say. I hadn't spoken to him in over four months, nothing I could think of was worthy enough for our first words of communication again. I couldn't exactly say "Hi, how are you?" because I could see exactly how he was.
The silence between us was deafening, and if neither of us said anything soon I don't think I'd be able to handle it anymore.
"Answer me one question," he finally spoke, still not making eye contact with me.
"Mmm?" I hummed, not trusting my own voice right now to speak.
"Do you love him?"
"What?" I asked him surprised that would be the first thing he would say to me.
"You heard me, do you love him?" he repeated.
"Of course I do, he's my best friend!" I answered him.
"You don't think you moved on too quickly?" Who did he think he was judging me for moving on with my life, not that I had, but to his knowledge I had.
"What makes you think I moved on?" I asked, growing annoyed he still couldn't look at me.
"Please, I've seen you uploading photo's with him for months, I saw you with him in bed yesterday, and today you're flaunting your relationship right in my face! Why do you think I think you have moved on?" The tone in his voice didn't sit well with me, and I was just growing extremely angry with him right now for speaking to me like he meant nothing to me and I just moved on with the next guy.
"No, I thought it was better to move on rather than mope around forever, you know since you obviously meant nothing to me, so why not jump into bed with the first guy that would have me? You're right!" I said sarcastically, knowing this would strike a nerve. I seemed to do that best with Harry, I knew all the right buttons to push.
"Do not patronize me Jenelle!" He snapped his head to look at me with a look of anger taking over his normally relaxed face. The face I missed so much right now.
"You always jump to your own conclusions! You don't even let me explain before you make your mind up about something! Gemma tried to explain what you saw yesterday but of course you wouldn't let her! It's like you enjoy being miserable!" I was angry at Harry, but I was angry at myself for talking to him this way. He had a right to be upset, I still hadn't even denied I was dating Mason yet.
"I enjoy being miserable? Are you serious? These last four months have been the hardest of my life! I don't enjoy waking up every day with this ache in my heart, and like a part of me is missing! I don't think anyone enjoys that feeling Jen! I'm not like you, I can't just find someone new and move on to fill that gap in my heart, I can't just pretend like you're not all I want. I'm glad you could move on so fast, and I'm happy he seems to make you happier than I obviously could, but don't you stand there and tell me I enjoy feeling this way!" He scolded me, and I could literally feel the anger in his voice claw its way through my heart.
"You have no idea what you're talking about! You have no idea what I've been going through since we broke up!" I said through clenched teeth. I was about to lose it any second. One more shot fired my way and all self control over my emotions would be lost.
"What you've been going through? I'm sure it's not as hard as me seeing you holding his f*cking hand, the hand which you still wear my rings on mind you, why? I wouldn't have a f*cking clue since they clearly mean shit to you. Do you even know what today is? Either you've forgotten, or you know damn well so you thought this was the perfect way to hurt me further!" He was looking at me waiting for a response. I knew today had some type of importance, but I couldn't remember why. Harry obviously remembered, and I hated myself for not being able to pin point what happened on this day a year ago.
"What are you talking about?" I asked him, giving up on trying to remember something I should clearly know.
"Of course you don't remember, why would you? You have a new date to remember now that you're with him!" He scoffed at my ignorance.
New date with him? I assumed he was referring to Mason, who he thought I was dating. I thought back to last year and this was around the time I had arrived in London, maybe a week and a half into the trip. Then it dawned on me, our anniversary. How could I have forgotten that? I hated that I had forgotten that!
"We would have been together a year today," I thought out loud.
"Ding ding, we have a bloody winner! So you do remember then? So you did try to purposely hurt me by throwing your new relationship in my face on the day that should have been one of the happiest of our relationship?" His voice had calmed down now, he sounded more hurt than anything. I hated myself for not remembering that date sooner, and I hated that he thought I was trying to hurt him, I would never want to hurt him.
"I'm sorry you think that," I said in a defeated voice. He had every right to be angry with me, and I still hadn't just worked up the courage to tell him I wasn't with Mason and I still loved him.
"Don't be sorry unless you mean it, which you clearly don't! You seem to be happy with this guy, so it was nice catching up but if you could excuse me I can't be here with you anymore!" He tried to walk past me but I grabbed his arm and spun him around.
"You don't get to do that Harry! You don't get to run away from me every time you don't want to face me! If you let me explain I would have told you I wasn't with Mason, because Mason is gay! I'm still in love with you, I always have been! I wear the rings because I can't take them off because taking them off mean's I'd have to let you go, and I can't do that! What you saw yesterday was the result of me crying myself to sleep over you, like I've done numerous times over the last four months, and Mason comforting me. Don't you dare belittle how i've been feeling. You are the one that has no idea how miserable I have been! You know what? I can't do this with you! If your intention was to break my heart more than you ever have, then congratulations! You succeeded!" I felt a tear roll down my cheek, and I lifted my dress again and fled from the balcony as fast as I could, leaving Harry standing there with the same gob smacked look he had on the second I told him I still loved him.
I made my way back inside, and thankfully the lights were off and everyone was engaged in the opening performance on stage. I could see Angus from the door, and I made my way over to him, taking a seat between him and Mason.
"Babe are you okay?" he looked to me as I grabbed a tissue from my clutch and wiped my tear stained cheeks.
"He's an idiot!" I sniffled, then recomposed myself.
"What did my idiot of a brother say now?" Gemma reached across and grabbed my hand.
"It's really not important Gem. I think we've said all we needed to say, now I don't need to see him again after tonight!" I knew that wasn't true, but right now I wanted nothing to do with him.
"I'm going to kill him!" She shook her head, and we watched him walk past us, and over to his seat which was a little down from ours.
I wished our reunion would have worked out better, but who was I kidding? We were Harry and Jen, our relationship was never easy, why would tonight have been any different?
...
The awards show was surprisingly entertaining, and kept my mind off Harry most of the night. Angus and I did a great job presenting, and I even managed to plaster on a brave face for the camera's.
Angus, Gemma and Mason convinced me to come out to the after party tonight, insisting I need to let loose and throw back some shots after the rocky start to my night.
"Hey stranger!" Ashton took a seat next to me and handed me some sort of drink. At this point I didn't care what, I was already tipsy and hadn't managed to think about Harry once since being here.
"Hey Ash!" I flung an arm around his neck. I hadn't seen him in a couple of months. He didn't visit Melbourne unless he had a show or appearance, and since Summer was in Sydney for the end of the year, he spent that time off with her.
"What's been going on? You did a great job on stage!" he praised me.
"Me? What about you? You guy's killed it with that performance! Your drumming was definitely on point tonight!" I laughed at my choice of words.
"Since when do you say things like on point?" He laughed along with me.
"I'm a changed woman, what can I say?" I sculled the content of the glass, and slammed it down onto the table.
"I hope you haven't changed too much, I kind of liked the old Jen!" He nudged me, following my lead and sculling his drink.
"I've just decided to live in the moment! No more holding onto my past, from now on Jen Taylor is a changed woman! And since I'm celebrating the new me, I think that call's for another drink!" I stood up. "What are you drinking?" I asked him.
"Bourbon and Cola!" he smiled up at me, shaking his head at my announcement that I was starting afresh in life.
I nodded and headed over to the bar, ordering Ashton's drink and my choice of Tequila. That stuff always sent me over the edge, and I hadn't had any since I was in the US. I was celebrating, or really just trying to forget my argument with Harry, and Tequila seemed to be the best option to do that.
As I waited I looked down at my rings, playing with them trying to remember the time's Harry had given them to me. I hated that I was still thinking about him, but I couldn't help it.
"Could you pour another Tequila while you're at it mate!" A familiar voice spoke next to me.
I looked up to see Harry standing next to me, leaning on the bar.
"Did you mean what you said before? You know, about still loving me?" He asked me as the bartender gave me my drinks.
"No I just said that for dramatic effect!" I rolled my eyes, sculling the shot.
"You can drop the attitude, it's cute but it's infuriating!" He chuckled, taking his own shot into his mouth.
"Is something funny? I don't recall making a joke!" I rose my eyebrows in surprise at his sudden change of mood.
"I missed your sassy mouth, it always managed to turn me on!" He smiled the smile that always made me weak at the knees, since day one.
"I'm happy for you!" I rolled my eyes again, ordering myself another drink.
"So is Mason really gay? Or was that to just shut me up?"
"He is! And I would appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone that! It's not something he promotes!" I drank my second drink in the space of a minute, really feeling it this time.
"I can't believe I was jealous of a gay guy," he laughed, and I really resented his arrogance right now.
"That gay guy was there for me through the toughest time of my life Harry! Without him I probably wouldn't have even been strong enough to come here! So don't you dare belittle him and label him as just some gay guy!" I scolded him and walked away towards the exit to get some air.
"Jen wait!" he called after me, following me outside. There were people making out everywhere, I'm sure if the paparazzi were here they would be having a field day snapping photos of America's pop princess making out with some rapper dude. I rolled my eyes and pushed passed them to an empty spot on the terrace.
"Jen I didn't mean it like that!" He pressed a hand to my back, touching me for the first time in six months.
"You're an asshole when you're drunk!" I turned to face him, allowing his hand to slip from my body.
"And you're feisty when you're drunk baby!" He smiled down at me, stepping closer.
"Don't call me that, i'm not your baby!" I folded my arms like a child. I missed him calling me that, and hearing it again made my heart beat a little faster, but I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of knowing that.
"You'll always be my baby, whether you like it or not!" He tucked a stand of hair behind my ear, and I was starting to lose my breath like I always did when he touched me like this.
"I'm not just going to forgive you for how you spoke to me earlier!" I tried to hang on to all my self control, but it was slipping away with every inch his face was getting closer to me.
"I'm sorry for earlier, I over reacted! But you can't tell me you wouldn't have reacted the same if you saw me in bed with another girl you didn't know, then saw me the next day holding her hand!" He was right. I would have reacted the exact same way and he knew it.
"I would not have, I would have let you explain!"
"Baby come on, we both know neither of us are rational!" His lips were inches from mine, and I could practically taste the tequila mixed with mint on his lips.
"When were we ever?" My voice trembled at the anxiousness of our impending kiss.
"True!" He laughed, his hot breath fanning my face. "So you did a good job introducing us earlier!"
"Oh my god, just shut up and kiss me already!" I wrapped my fingers around his neck and pulled him into me, pressing my lips to his.
His mouth covered mine, lips warm and firm and familiar. The only ones I wanted, and longed for for the past six months. His hands cupped my face, holding me to him.
My fingers eased into his hair, and I stroked my tongue against his. The taste of him was as necessary as the air I breathed.
The feel of his hands on me ignited everything within me, all feelings of longing, lust and passion returning that I tried so hard to forget about.
The groan that came out of him, holy shit, I missed that sound. My hands dragged at his shirt, trying to pull him closer. We had some serious time to make up for.
"We have to stop," he pulled away.
"Why?" I asked between panting breaths.
"Because I don't want to do this while there's like ten people around us dry humping each other. I've waited far too long for this moment, and I want to do it right!" He said looking into my eyes with such an intense gaze, I could barely even breath looking back at him.
"What do you suggest then?" I asked him.
"My place? I haven't been in that room since, you know, our last night together, it only seems fitting my first night back would be with you."
I may not have known exactly what I wanted, and how I felt about being back with Harry in such an intimate way, but all I did know is in this very moment all I wanted was to be with him, only if it was just for a night.
"Okay," I nodded, and grabbed onto his hand as he lead us to the night we had both waited six months for.