The next few weeks leading up to going to Hogwarts were about the same. You had a mental schedule that you had been following to keep yourself in line. 1. Wake up and try to sneak some food. 2. make food for your father. 3. End up getting beaten. 4. cut. 5. sleep.
Today was the day before you had to go to Hogwarts. You had pretty much stayed in your room all day, packing. You didn't have that much to pack, but what you had to pack, you needed. You had hidden your 2 razors in a makeup back, hoping that no one would check there for anything. Your father had been sleeping most of the day, due to him staying up all night with friends. You had a small cut on you cheek from when your father got mad at you for burning the food you had tried to make them.
You sighed and looked at your clock. It was 5 pm. You decided that it would probably be a good idea for you to make dinner so tonight's beating wouldn't be worse than usual.
You walked into the kitchen and started making spaghetti. You didn't bother making any for yourself, because you knew that you wouldn't get to eat it. You served it into a bowl and cautiously walked over to your sleeping father and lightly shook him awake. His eyes shot open, and he kicked you in the stomach.
"What did I say about waking me up, rat?" he said.
"Not to do it..." you mumbled and handed him the bowl. He ripped it out of my hands and started eating it. You took the moment to quietly slip back into your room. You grabbed your 3rd razor and made 10 cuts in between your healing other ones. You loved the pain and stings that came after you drug the blade across your arm. It made you feel less numb inside and distracted you from the bruised your father gave you. You sighed, cleaned up the blood and plopped on your bed.
The next morning you got up around 11:30 to wake your father up to drive you to the train station. You didn't find him in his room, but instead in the car waiting for you. You grabbed your trunk and got in the backseat.
The 20 minute car ride was quiet, until you arrived.
"Get out, and don't bother coming back for the holidays, I don't want to spend my holidays with a freak like you."
You opened the door and made your way to platform 9 and 3/4. You had watched other kids run into the wall so that's exactly what you did.
You ended up on the other side face to face with a train that kids were boarding on. You saw as other parents were hugging their children, goodbye and tearing up. You had to admit, you were a bit jealous. You had never had that in your life. Your mother had died when you were 2, so you never really had a proper childhood.
You tried to ignore the parents as you boarded onto the train and walked into an empty compartment. You tucked your knees to your chest, and closed your eyes. You sat there for about a minute when 3 boys walked in talking.
"So, what house do you think you'll get sorted into?" A boy with jet black hair asked.
"Probably Slytherin, though I want to make my parents annoyed so I'm hoping for Gryffindor." another one said.
"What about you Remus?"
"Hopefully Gryffindor,"
"What do you think you'll be in?" It took you a moment to realize they were talking to you. You had learned about the houses in one of the books you read, and you would probably be a Gryffindor.
"Gryffindor......." you mumbled quietly.
"It seems we have a shy girl on our hands, does the pretty lady have a name?" The man with shoulder-length hair asked.
"Sirius! You're gonna make her feel uncomfortable!" The person who's name seemed to be Remus said.
"What? I just asked her name!" 'Sirius' said.
"Y/n....." you said.
"That's a very pretty name," Sirius said. That's a lie. I'm not pretty, my name's stupid. (Your name is probably amazing, it's just for story purposes)
"T-thanks," you stuttered quietly.
"Your welcome."
"I should probably introduce everyone. I'm James Potter, This is Sirius Black," He points to the long haired boy. "Remus Lupin." He points to the brown hair kid.
"Hi." You said simply.
You ended up chatting with them for the rest of the drive, until you had to leave to change into your robes. After you finished changing, the train had stopped. You went to the train compartment to find out that they had waited for you. You went to grab my stuff when James said,
"They will bring it to your dorm for you," You set it down and nodded.
"Do they go through it?" You asked quietly.
"No, why?" Sirius asked incredulously.
"No reason," You said quickly. Remus gave you a look of suspicion. You looked down in case he saw something in my eyes or something.
You and the others. walked out to a bunch of boats. Sirius and James sat next to each other, with You and Remus on the other side.
The boats led us to a HUGE castle that was simply stunning. It had light grey brick towers, and a big open entrance.
"It's beautiful...." You said quietly, not meaning for any of them to hear me. Remus looked at you and replied,
"I know, right?"
"Mhm," You said.
You guys ended up meeting a strict-looking women named Professor Mcgonagall, who told us that we would be called by our names and then the sorting hat will be placed on our head, to choose our house.
"Black, Sirius!" she called. He walked up to the hat and sat down. After a few moments it shouted,
"GRYFFINDOR!" Gasps came from the Slytherin table, as the Gryffindoor table erupted in cheers.
"Lupin, Remus!" He did the same and the hat immediately shouted,
"GRYFFINDOR!"
"Potter, James!"
"GRYFFINDOR!"
"L/n, Y/n!"
You walked up to the stool and sat down on it. The hat was placed on your head.
"You're very brave, not all that cunning, extremely smart, loyal, so you'll be....."
The room fell silent.
"GRYFFINDOR!" You gave a sigh of relief and sat next to Remus.
After Dumbledore explained the rules, a ton of food appeared on the table. You grabbed a roll and slowly nibbled on it, knowing that you had to make your body used to eating slowly. You looked at the other boys plates. They were completely covered with food. Remus watched you slowly eat the roll with concern. Concern? No way. He wouldn't care enough to be concerned.
"Aren't you gonna eat more?" he asked.
"Nope," you replied. By this point, James and Sirius, had also noticed you not eating very much.
James whispered something into Sirius' ear. Sirius nodded and whispered something back. They probably talking bad about you. You brushed aside your thoughts, even though they really bothered you.
"Y/n?" James said.
"Mmhm?" You replied, telling them to ask.
"Do you starve yourself?" He asked. Goddammit, you knew someone was going to ask that question. You sighed and said,
"No, why would I starve myself?" Your voice was filled with nervousness.
"First of all, I personally, I don't know why anyone would starve themselves, and second of all, you've barely have anything on your plate, and it's been 6 minutes and you're not even finished with that roll, which would normally take a person 1 minute to eat."
"Okay," you said choosing your words very carefully, "Well I do not starve myself, and I have no reason to."
"Then eat more than a tiny roll," Sirius said. They still didn't understand. You simply couldn't. Your body wasn't ready for that kind of sustenance yet.
"I can't," you said.
"Why not?" Remus asked.
"I...." you decided whether or not to tell them. Your dad would probably kill you if you did, so you decided against it. "I just can't. If I could I'd eat a lot more than just a roll, but I physically, can't. Don't ask why, I just can't."
Sirius eyes when from, "I told ya so" to full blown concern. Remus and James' eyes seemed to have the same emotion.
"You know Y/n, if you're ever in danger you can tell me, you know that right?" Remus said. You knew you couldn't tell him. It would just cause problems. You put on a fake smile and nodded.
After eating you and the other Gryffindoors were lead up the stairs and to the dorms. You were fascinated by all the colors and the intricacy of it all. You said goodnight and headed to the girls room.
After you thought everyone was asleep you grabbed your makeup bag and headed to the bathroom. You found a lockable stall and sat against the wall. You pulled out your razor and started dragging it against your skin.
1 cut for being stupid
another cut or making them worry about you
3rd cut for being a failure
4th one for not talking
5th cut for being weak.
You watched at blood poured down you arm. Your arm was stinging, but you didn't care. You kept telling yourself you deserved it. When your arm started to feel numb and you felt light headed you grabbed some toilet paper and tried to stop your arm from bleeding. It took about 30 minutes for you to fully get it to stop. You walked out and made sure no one was there before cleaning your arm and razor under the sink with water. You slid the razor back into your make up bag and headed back to your bed before passing out.
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A/N
Sorry for this chapter being so long, I just had a lot of ideas that I had to cram into one chapter.