Jen's POV
Walking through Heathrow a year later felt like de ja vu. The same coldness took over my body once the wind hit me, everything looked the exact same, and there were even a few paparazzi lingering around. The only difference this time was there was no Harry waiting for me to take me in his arms and tell me we'd make this work.
A part of me hoped inside once I turned the corner to where I saw Harry last time, that he would be there. Deep down I knew he wouldn't be, but I guess when I saw he actually wasn't it became real that he wasn't mine anymore, and I had no right to expect him to be there for me.
"Are you okay?" I felt Mason's hand on my back.
"Yeah why wouldn't I be?" I pushed the thoughts of Harry to the back of my head and tried to mask my disappointment.
"Well I saw your face drop once we turned the corner. I know you were hoping he'd be here!" I knew he'd notice. Mason knew me better than anyone. Since Bella was around the apartment less, I saw her less, and Mason more. He'd grown used to my mood swings, and knew exactly when something was up.
"Who Angus? He said he'd meet us out the front. You know how the fan's and pap's get when Angus and Gemma are out in public together!" I knew he was referring to Harry, but I didn't want to talk about him.
"Yeah Angus, that's exactly who I meant," he said in a sarcastic tone. "Are you sure it's okay I stay at their place too? I don't mind staying with a mate!"
"No silly, they said they're more than happy to have you stay! They have a spare room, you don't mind sharing a bed with me do you?" I nudged him. Angus and Gemma insisted I stay with them while in London, and they said Mason was more than welcome to stay also. It would be good to see them both again, I really missed spending every day with them since leaving the tour.
"A little late to have problems with it, not like we've never shared a bed!" He laughed. Whenever he stayed over he always stayed with me. It wasn't weird, it was comforting to have another body next to mine if anything. It may have been weird to admit to others, but sometimes just before I fell asleep I pretended like it was Harry next to me, and things were still how I wished they were.
"Well look what the cat dragged in!" Angus's voice grabbed my attention, and I saw him leant up against his car with Gemma leaning into him.
"Angus!" I screeched and ran over to him, jumping into his arms. I was happy to see my best friend again, I guess I didn't really know how much I missed him until now. It felt good to see a familuar face in a town that seemed so foreign to me now. This was no longer the city the boy I dated resided in, this was the city the boy I used to date resided in, full of memories I tried so hard to forget about.
"It's so good to see you again babe! I've missed you!" he squeezed me, and let me down.
"Angus move, my turn!" Gemma pushed him out of the way and hugged me tightly. It wasn't at all awkward to be hugging the sister of my ex, it was more soothing if anything to be able to hug someone so close to him if I couldn't have him.
"Hey Gem," I said pulling away. She looked the exact same as I left her, except her hair wasn't her usual pink, purple or blue I was used to, it was just blonde. Even with make up on, all I could see was Harry's face when I looked at her.
"I'm so happy to have you here again finally! It's been way too long! You too, Mason right?" she looked past me to Mason who was walking towards us with our bags.
"Let me help you with them mate! Good to see you again!" Angus jogged over to him and shook his hand.
"Thanks, you too! I should probably thank you for taking my job here so I could get back to Australia!" He smiled at him.
"No drama's, hope you're looking after my Jen though!"
"Yeah, she's a great girl!" he smiled at me. Angus and Gemma didn't know Mason's sexual orientation, I didn't feel it was my place to tell them, so they were probably curious on our relationship status too. "Yeah I'm Mason, thanks for letting me stay with you guys!" he extended his hand to Gemma, and she brushed it off and hugged him.
"We hug here in England, no need to be so formal! You're more than welcome to stay whenever you're in town, if you're a friend of Jen's than you're a friend of ours!" I was happy Gemma was being so welcoming of him. Since she didn't know if Mason and I were anything more than friends, I was a little weary she'd be dismissing of him considering I used to date her brother.
"Thanks guy's, I really do appreciate it! Jen talks about you two all the time, it'll be good to actually get to know you for a few days!" he helped Angus load the car so we could go. It was early morning and we had rehersal's for the show tomorrow night, this afternoon. I needed sleep, even for a few hours, so I just wanted to get out of here.
Well, sleep was my excuse, but the sooner we left the sooner I could leave the place that held the memories that meant the most to me, yet made me ache inside at the thought of them.
...
"I'll show you up to your room!" Angus grabbed my bags, and Mason took his, walking up the stairs to the room we'd be occupying.
"It's good to have you back Jen, we really have missed having you around, and I know Ha-" she stopped herself from finishing her sentence.
"Gemma it's okay, you can say his name, he is your brother!" I laughed it off like hearing his name didn't kill me inside.
"Yeah but we know he's not just my brother, he meant alot to you too. I just don't want you to think things are going to be weird between us now that you're no longer together. I still love you like a sister," she smiled and assured me things were no different, and I believed her.
"They're not weird Gem, I mean, he's my ex but that doesn't change the fact we're friends. I can handle hearing his name and seeing his picture on your wall," I pointed to the photograph of her and Harry that was framed on the wall next to us. I missed looking at his face, and those dimples, and his green eyes, and..no I had to stop.
"You know if you want to talk about him to me you can, we never really spoke about you breaking up, and he's never opened up to me about it."
"It's just not something I like to think about, nor talk about, but thank-you," I hugged her before Mason and Angus joined us again.
"So are you guy's sharing the bed? Or we can set up a blow up mattress or whatever?" Gemma asked Mason and I. I think this was her way of asking if anything was going on between us.
"No we're fine to share," I answered.
"Oh okay," she looked from me to him as if she were trying to assess whether we were dating or not.
"We're not dating Gemma, we're just good friends," I answered her thoughts.
"It's none of my business," she shook her head.
"Really, we're not, I don't see him in that way, we'll never be more than friends, he's like a brother!" I tried to get through to her.
"Friendzoned!" Angus joked and Mason laughed.
"Jen, you can date other people, just because Harry's my brother you don't need to tip toe around me," Gemma wasn't believing me and I was growing frusterated.
"Gemma we're-"
"I'm gay!" Mason cut me off, and I spun to look at him stunned he would blurt that out. This was something he kept pretty private, but for him to tell Angus and Gemma, it showed he had my back and that meant more to me than Gemma believing me or not.
"What?" Angus and Gemma said in unison.
"Surprised?" he chuckled.
"I mean, yeah! Not that there's anything wrong with it, good on you man for being open about it, we just thought you and Jen were, I don't know? hooking up!" Angus acted surprised. It shocked me that he of all people hadn't tried to suss out my relationship with Mason a lot sooner.
"I'm not really open about it, I mean my family and my closest friends know but that's it. I just didn't want you guys to think Jen was trying to cover anything up," he explained to them.
"Please don't say anything to anyone, he's private about that!" I said to Gemma quietly.
"My lips are sealed, I'm extremely jealous you have a gay best friend Jen!" she made light of the situation, and all the tension ceased.
"He's the best," I turned and smiled at him and he placed his hand on his heart and sarcastically mouthed "aww".
"Guys I'm gonna head up stairs for a nap I'm dead tired!" he announced.
"I'll come, I want to have a sleep before Angus and I head off to rehearsals later! Wake me please!" I instructed him, and he and Gemma nodded and left Mason and I to head up stairs to our room.
I just hopped into bed in my clothes, I was too tired to change, and Mason did the same, only removing his shirt.
"So what was that like? You know, seeing his sister again face to face?" we both laid on our backs, staring up at the ceiling.
"It was hard, harder than I thought it would be. You know when we were at the airport I was stupid enough to think he'd be there waiting for me? I shouldn't have expected that though, we're not together anymore, and he probably doesn't even know I'm in town anyway."
I wondered if I'd see him at rehearsals today. A part of me hoped I would, but the other part hoped I wouldn't have to deal with it today. Tomorrow I would be able to prepare myself, and there would be more people around so I could avoid him.
"I would expect you to be a little upset, but you've been pretty strong so far! It wouldn't be normal if you felt nothing. You can't block him out of your mind and forget that you still love him!" I hadn't admitted to Mason I still loved Harry, but of course being the person who knew me most, along with Sam, he knew I still had feelings for him.
"I can try," I sighed, not entirely believing that's what I even wanted. A part of me wanted to see Harry, have him sweep me off my feet like he used to, and we could just pick up from where we left off, but a stronger part of me only saw red flags. We were over, we had been over for just over four months now. That's four months of heartache I've just started to heal from, four months of life without him being mine, and four months of denial that I didn't still love him when I knew I always would.
"What are you going to do when you come face to face with him tomorrow?" he asked me.
"Mason I honestly don't know. I really just, don't know," my voice cracked and I felt my emotions start to build up.
"Hey, come here!" He pulled me into him and hugged me to calm me down. "I'm actually surprised it took you this long to cry!" he chuckled and I couldn't help but laugh along with him. He was the perfect comfort for me, and it was times like this I was extremely grateful for having him in my life.
"Shut up! I think I'm just over tired!" my voice came out muffled against his chest.
"Let's get some sleep then," he still held onto me, and I fell asleep thinking about the green eyes I would have to look into once again within the next forty eight hours.
...
Harry's POV
At rehearsals, all I could think about was my impending reunion with Jen. I wondered if she was here yet or not. Usually the performers rehearsed in the mornings, then the presenters went through a run through in the afternoon, so chances were she wasn't here.
We were performing a medley of our older songs, then finishing off with a track off the new album. Every song reminded me of her. It would be bittersweet performing in front of her considering we were no longer together, and tomorrow would have been a milestone for us.
The boys were mucking around a bit, while I scanned the crowd of people in the stalls, hoping she would be here.
"You're looking for her aren't you!" Liam came up beside me.
"Yeah, I'm just anxious! She might not even talk to me Liam, we haven't spoken in months. If she walks right past me without a word I think I'll die inside, but if she does talk to me I think I'll die regardless. I can't just be her friend, I had every intention of marrying her Liam. I can't just pretend like she's not still the one true love of my life."
I knew the day would come for us to come face to face again, I just wished it wasn't in such a public place, and we were on speaking terms.
I blame myself for us not talking, I did it for her though. I knew she would end up resenting me if I kept pushing myself onto her when she was trying to move on, so as much as it killed it had to be done.
"I bet you guys will be back together by the end of tomorrow night," he said confidently.
"I wish," I sighed, spotting the 5SOS guys walking onto the stage. They had just gotten back from their break in Australia, and I knew Calum would have seen her while he was there. I just had to know if she had said anything about seeing me again.
"Calum, mate how are you?" I walked over to him and the group.
"Hi to you too!" Ashton chuckled and I apologised for my rudeness and greeted them all.
"You want to know about Jen don't you?" he read my thoughts, and I was annoyed with myself for being so predictable.
"Why would you think that?"
"Because you know I stayed with her over the break, and as good of friends as we are you haven't just approached me out of everyone and asked how I am, in months!" He was right. I had distanced myself from him since breaking up with Jen. Not just him, everyone.
He was just a constant reminder of everything in my past. He was dating Jen's sister, so whenever he was around all I could think about was Jen.
"Okay fine, I just want to know if she knows I'll be at the show tomorrow and if she's said anything about seeing me," I finally confessed. I probably sounded so pathetic right now, but I needed to know at least where Jen and I stood in the talking department.
"Yeah she knows you'll be there. She didn't really say much, I think she's worried you won't want to see her, she kind of said her piece then went to her room and didn't come out again until her friend come over and he took her out."
"What do you mean she thinks I won't want to see her? What makes her think that?" Why would she ever think I wouldn't want to see her, she was all I've wanted to see for the last six months since I said goodbye to her at the airport.
"Dude this is something you should talk to her about, she's my girlfriends sister which pretty much makes her family, I can't just go around telling everyone what she's said to me in confidence," it pissed me off how loyal he was, but at the same time I was glad he respected her.
"Calum I'm not just anyone though," I tried to plead with him in a final attempt to get some more information out of him.
"Harry just talk to her tomorrow, I know it would make her happy if you approached her, that's all I'm saying!"
"Right. Erm out of curiosity, who was this friend that came over?" Amongst the dagger through my heart from hearing that she thought I wouldn't talk to her, I did manage to pick up on him saying HE, her friend, took her out. I wondered if it was this Mason guy.
"His names Mason, he works with her," he answered.
"Does he come over often?" I knew this was none of my business, but it drove me crazy not to know who he was and what his relationship with Jen was.
"Harry I don't know, ask her about him I have to rehearse now, I'll see you tomorrow," he smacked my arm and rejoined his group. I felt like he was hiding something from me, and naturally I just assumed it was the fact they were now together and he was sparing my feelings.
I just had to get out of here, I needed to see a familiar face that wasn't my band or the 5SOS lads. My sister lived about ten minutes from here, so I decided that's where I would go.
...
"Harry you're back!" Gemma answered the door and hugged me tightly. I hadn't seen her in a good few months or so, and as much of a pain in the arse she was, I still missed her like crazy when I was on the road.
"Good to see you big sis! Nice place you got here!" I hadn't seen her and Angus's apartment yet, this was the first time I was really in town since they had moved in. Whenever I was on the UK, I flew over to Manchester and stayed home with mum and Robin. I couldn't bring myself to go back to the flat since my last night with Jen there.
"Thanks, come in, Angus and I are just watching some telly!" She lead me through to her lounge where Angus was seated reading through some paperwork.
"Well g'day mate!" I tried to mimic Angus's voice.
"Haz man! Good to see you again buddy!" he stood from his seat and hugged me hello.
"So what's new guys? I hear you're introducing us tomorrow night Angus. You better do a good job mate, no pressure or anything," I took a seat.
"Oh you know about that hey? I assume you know I'm not doing that alone?" The room fell silence, and Gemma hit his arm for hinting at a mention of Jen.
"Erm yeah, we don't have to pretend like she doesn't exist Gemma," I knew my sister still kept in constant contact with her, I wondered if she'd seen her yet, or if she had even come after all.
"I'm not trying to act like she doesn't exist, I just don't want you to be upset at the mention of her that's all," she explained.
"Have you seen her yet?" I asked without another thought. Gemma was an honest person, so I knew she wouldn't lie about it.
She looked at Angus as if they were both hiding something, and I was growing confused as to why that question was such a big deal. Either it was yes or no, but judging by their reaction I was leaning more towards a yes.
"Yeah I have, um I suppose I should probably tell you this though, she's here."
"I know she's here, she's presenting tomorrow she would have to be here," I laughed off my sisters ignorance to me knowing she would be in London.
"No Harry, I mean here here! As in up stairs!" I literally felt my heart stop beating for a second, and my lungs starved of oxygen. There was no way I was prepared for this. If she walked down the stairs right now I think I would absolutely die inside.
"Oh," is all I managed to get out.
"I probably should have told you earlier she was staying with us, I'm sorry!" she appologised. She had nothing to be sorry for, I was an idiot for not just assuming she would be staying with them.
I don't know why, but after calming down from the initial shock, and letting it settle in that she was in the same house as me, I had the sudden urge to run up the stairs and see her. I needed to, it had been far too long apart from her, and if I left this house without just saying hi, I'd regret it all the way back to the flat. I didn't want to return there, but I had no choice, I'd just stay in another room.
"So she's upstairs right now? Which room?" I asked my sister.
"Why?" she questioned me.
"I need to see her," I stood from my seat and walked over to the stairs.
"Harry I don't think that's a good idea right now!" she called after me.
"Which room Gemma?" I scolded her, growing extremely impatient with her.
"First on the left," she finally answered, and I saw her flash Angus a worried look as I made my way over to the room Jen was occupying.
I reached for the door handle, this was it. Six months apart lead to this very moment. She'd either be happy to see me, or she'd tell me to leave her alone. It was a fifty fifty gamble, and I was hoping to god she went with the first option.
I opened the door and my eyes darted straight to the bed she laid in. She wasn't alone though, she was with some other guy in his arms. He looked familiar, very much like the guy I had seen her in photographs with, Mason.
As if my heart wasn't already crushed enough, this was just the icing on the cake of my f*cked up life for the last six months.
It killed me to have thought she had managed to moved on with this guy, while I had been moping around missing her like crazy. I couldn't look at them anymore, that should have been me holding her in my arms, not him! He could never possibly love her like I do.
I closed the door and ran back down the stairs, wanting nothing more than to leave this house without a word. As I reached the front door Gemma called out to me.
"What happened?" She ran over and stopped me from leaving. I was furious she would allow Jen and her new boyfriend to stay under her roof, when she knew how much I loved her.
"You knew she was up there with him, and you let me go anyway! How could you allow him in your house Gemma? You know how much it's been f*cking killing me to be apart from her! You knew she moved on and you didn't tell me!" I scolded her, trying to hold on to my emotions until I left.
"I don't know what you saw up there, but it's not what you think!" she pleaded with me.
"I know what I saw and there's no explanation for it other than them being together! He's holding her how I used to, and how I should be!" I just wanted to get out of here. I was dreading tomorrow night even more now.
"Harry it's not what it looks like!" I didn't understand what she meant by that, but I didn't care to stick around and find out either, so I opened the door and left without another word.
I just missed how things used to be. When she was mine, and I hers. When seeing her made me lose my breath for all the right reasons, and made my heart beat a little faster whenever she looked at me.
I wished I could have forgotten her, and erased all of our memories so the sting in my heart right now could disappear, but I couldn't.
Missing her came in waves, and right now I was drowning.
Don't be mad at Harry for storming out without listening to the explanation. I didn't want Gemma to tell him, it's not her place to. It will be better coming from a certain other :)