Declan's POV
I don't think a boy has ever held my hand for this long. I am completely overwhelmed. My head is still spinning from my experience in the bookshop. I have never known people like that. Where I come from people are polite and know that their words have consequences. I am afraid I may have been a bit rude but she was pushing a bit too hard. I hope Davy didn't take offence that I spoke to her the way I did. I look over at him as we walk. He is slightly shorter than me. His hair looks so soft, I feel like running my hands through it. When he looks at me I have no idea what to do with myself. I feel awkward and shy. I am used to feeling assertive and confident when I am with other boys but this is David, he's not just a silly school boy. He's all man to me. We have been walking for a while in a comfortable silence that I am too scared to break. I can't believe how close I'm living to him now. My grandparents house isn't too far from the bookshop. I don't think I have ever had to sleep on a couch because there is no room for me in the house. I wonder if he's feeling as awkward as I am. He seems so confidant, like he doesn't have a care in the world. He kissed me in front of people, he wasn't ashamed or scared. Being in his arms made me feel less scared. I think I should break this silence. I take a deep breath.
"Davy...?" I ask. Great, now I've started talking and my mouth is so dry, I have no idea what I should say next.
"Yeah Dex?" he says. He's looking at me with those eyes.
"I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to be rude," I say. Was that stupid? I should have said something else.
"You weren't rude. People here are just kinda different, you know? They say exactly what they think and feel and we try our best to protect each other. So not rude. Just... Please don't take offence. Have of the rude stuff people say here they don't even mean," he says. It might be difficult not to take things to heart. It's something I have always struggled with. When people say things in a joking manner, about the very things I actually do think of myself. It makes me think that they think those things of me too. Like the fact that they said it, is proof.
"I suppose you would think the people I have grown up with are rude. I think I'm just a bit sensitive, especially after everything that's happened," I say. I wish I could stop thinking of my father. Earlier in the bookshop when I got heated, I couldn't help but think of how much I sounded like father. It's like he was speaking for me. As strange as it may sound, I do miss him.
"I know. And you know what... None of these people mean anything to me if I had to choose between you and them. I love you and you should know that by now," he says. How have I gotten this lucky?
"I do know that Davy and I am so thankful for you," I say.
"There's just something I need you to know. Before we get to my house," I stop walking, bringing him to a halt next to me.
"What? Should I be scared?" I ask.
"Honestly? I don't know. I just don't want you to have another culture shock without being prepared. It's just... My life is quite different than yours. Don't expect anything fancy. Take the least fancy house you have ever been in and tone that down with like a million, okay?" he says. I wasn't expecting much really, I haven't even thought about what his house may look like.
"I must say my grandparents aren't well off either. I have been sleeping on a couch in a tiny living room. I won't expect anything grand and I don't think I would want to. I want to be with someone real. You're real Davy," I say.
"Well, get ready for reality then. That's my house," he says.
"Reality... it has always been some kind of mystery to me. As long as I have you next to me, I think I can handle anything," I say. I look at the small house and wonder about the other people that live here. Not in a bad way, but I am curious.
"Well, I wish you luck then. No mysteries here. But just incase I will stay next to you the whole time." he says.
"I should bloody hope so! You can't abandon me," I say. I hope that didn't sound horrible.
"Yeah, otherwise Rosie might bite you. That's if Alice doesn't get to you first. Or god forbid, my mother," he says.
"Tell me do you enjoy biting too?" I ask.
"I might show you once we are alone in my room," he says. I know I am blushing, I wish I could control that.
"Something to look forward to then," I say.
"Let's go then. It's cold out here and I have a sneaky suspicion that you might be hiding a really hot body under that Burberry you're wearing." he says. If I wasn't blushing before now I certainly am. Hot? I hope he thinks so.
"I wouldn't say hot, but I will happily keep you warm," I say. That was so lame. We carry on and the silence falls over us again. I could slap myself. I am so awkward. I highly doubt anything that comes out of my mouth is attractive.
"Shall we go in?" I ask. It really is getting chilly out here. I am happy with my choice of clothes. This turtle neck is keeping the biting wind off my neck.
"Sure. My mom is probably worried already as well. I was supposed to let her know when I got to the bookshop and what time I would be back. You're sure your happy going into the New Year with me at my place? You sure you don't wanna spend it with your mom?" he asks. I think of what my night would like if I had to stay home.
"Let me paint a picture for you, of what my New Year's would look like. Since we are still staying with my grandparents, it would be my grandfather becoming aggressive with my grandmother and then passing out early, and I would have to watch my gran and my mother getting drunk and talking about her success. It will later turn into a drunken brainstorm for her next book. I think I would much rather be here with you," I say. I didn't mean to give that much information. I guess I am just sick and tired of this life. I can't wait for mother to find us another place to live. I don't know why we have to stay with my grandparents in the first place. It's not like father didn't leave us any money and my mother is a best selling author.
"Well, don't expect any alcohol in here. My mom splurged a bit on Christmas gifts I think, so I wouldn't even be expecting the usual five dollar drugstore champagne."he says. I am perfectly fine with that.
We walk up to the front door, he's still holding my hand and I am very thankful for that. He opens the door and a woman I assume is his mother comes storming towards us. She is speaking but I am so overwhelmed I can't make sense of anything. A small dog is yapping at our feet and a little girl is staring at me from around the corner. There's music playing on top of everything. I don't think I have ever seen a woman like his mother before. She is almost as rowdy in appearance as she is in personality.
"...was waiting for your message. You know how people get in this neighbourhood after dark, and heaven knows you still drag this poor boy around with you. Please tell me that Mister Graham wasn't drunk and naked yet, screaming from the porch. I mean really, that old man should learn not to start drinking before ten in the morning. Kitty Plum keeps on saying she is going to report him but she never does, which doesn't help one bit for the rest of us. I have reported him so many times, and the police just doesn't do anything. And hello my dear, come in. I can have an aneurysm with Davy for only bringing you here after dark. He should know better. Please don't worry. Not everyone living on this street is anything like Mister Graham. He is one of a kind. Mostly the people living here are nice people for the most."his mother says. I can feel a headache coming on and her dress isn't helping matters. She seems like a nice lady though. I hope I make a good impression here.
"Oh my gosh mom. Shut up for a minute and let Declan catch his breath. Mister Graham is not outside yet, and... why on earth are you wearing a dress?" Davy says. I can see her deflate a bit after Davy's comment. I reach out to her and take her hand.
"It is an honor to meet you Mrs Collins, my name is Declan. Thank you for having me here tonight," I kiss her hand and bow my head. "And your dress is lovely," I add.
"Why thank you. But really, call me Rusty. Everyone does. You take a seat and I will go and get us some hot chocolate," she says. Hot chocolate... my mother never encouraged us kids to drink anything but tea when in company. She didn't follow that rule herself though, she would be reaching for her third glass of wine by now.
Davy pulls me to the sofa and we sit. I run my hands through my hair, my nerves are getting to me now.
"I'm sorry about my mom. She gets a bit carried away. I think she's a bit nervous about meeting you with the dress and all. She's just trying to make a good first impression because she just really wants me to be happy. And give Rosie some time. She always stares at strangers for a while before she starts warming up." he says. I appreciate his words. He's trying to make me feel comfortable.
"I think your mother is lovely. She's a bit of a whirlwind but I can tell she is a kind hearted woman. To be honest, I'm extremely nervous too," I say.
"Well that makes three nervous people then. I was actually scared bringing you here. Fair warning. We don't serve our hot chocolate in Royal Albert cups," he says. I can't help but laugh.
"What is it with you and Royal Albert?" I ask. I think I will be getting him a Royal Albert one day.
"I don't know. Because you like tea and you come from the Hamptons. I saw this movie once and this old lady was like: 'I'm sooo sorry James, but I do not take my tea from anything except Royal Albert. I am no savage you know.'"
"What kind of movies do you watch?" I ask. I can't believe what I'm hearing. I try to hide my smile, because he is so adorable.
"They kind with really hot, posh guys. I've always had a thing for the accent," he says.
"Does my accent please you then?" I ask.
"Oh... Everything about you pleases me," he says. I am about to reply when I hear someone cough behind us.
"Hot chocolate is served," Rusty says. She sits down and watches me as I take Davy's hand for support. "I am so sorry to hear about your daddy's passing Declan. I am sure you momma is devastated beyond belief. I mean, this must be a very big change for the two of you. Do you have any other siblings? Davy tells me you're living with your grandparents for the time being. I wish Davy could have had grandparents. They are such wonderful forces in life. But his daddy's parents passed away when Davy was only a baby, and mine hasn't... well, they haven't spoken to me in an even longer time."she says. I'm not sure how she managed to get some many questions in before taking a breath.
"Thank you for your kind words, my mother has... her ways of coping. It is a rather big change for us, my grandparents are very accepting of us but we can't stay with them for much longer. My brother James is doing everything from his side to help us find a suitable place to live," I say. I don't really know how to speak to her, or how to answer her questions.
"Okay, well mom. We'd better by off to my room," Davy says. I am caught off guard by his suggestion of going to his room.
"You go ahead David. I'd like to have a word with Declan. In private." she says. Now I really am nervous.
"But mom. Come on now," Davy says.
"David Joshua Collins. Don't make me tell you twice."
"It's alright Davy. I don't mind," I say. Though in truth I am shaking like a leaf.
"Just don't embarrass me mom. Please." Davy says. I don't really want him to leave me but I suppose his mom has a right to say what she needs to say.
"The sooner you leave us, the sooner you can have him back," she says. David leaves the room and I am alone with Rusty.
"Okay, so let's cut the polite crap and get right to the chase. What's your intentions with Davy? Do you love him? What's the deal?" she says. I'm not sure how to react.
"I assure you, I truly love him. I have never loved anyone in the same way I love him. Intentions? I... I just want to make him happy," I say.
"Look, normally I wouldn't even have this conversation with a boy he is into, but I know my son. I put my baby boy on a plane not too long ago, and he came back a wreck. He's finally getting his life together again after never even leaving his room for weeks because of your little breakup thing. I'm not gonna lie to you. I was scared for my son. The same way I was scared for him after he broke things off with Tom. I just don't want him to get hurt again, so I'll level with you. I can be the sweetest person you have ever met, but when someone screws my children around I become a lioness and I will tear the one who hurt my baby limp from limp. Do we understand each other?"
"Davy didn't tell you what actually happened to me did he? I didn't hurt him intentionally, I would never hurt him on purpose, I was sent away against my will. There was nothing I could do. I don't want Davy to hurt like that ever again and I will do everything in my power to make him happy. He knows I love him, and my love for him is true," I say.
"I'm just saying that you should make sure your shit with your family is all together now. Davy's a special boy. When he loves, he loves with all his heart and soul. I can promise you right now that he has already been thinking as far as marriage. For him it's all or nothing, no matter what he does or who he is with. But when that everything is ripped away from him he falls down and he falls hard, and I just don't want that for him again. I want him to be happy. I will do anything in my power to be happy, but I also know where you come from. I can smell the designer perfume on you, and Davy's just not that kind of boy. I have never been able to even give him a portion of what he really deserves in life, and while I told him that money isn't everything and that love is, I also know that in the real world our worlds wouldn't normally mix. I just don't want you to start missing the cute, posh, prep boys from home and hurt him. That's all. And I am not saying this so that you can feel bad, I am saying this because I care for him... and you. If you are with him you should consider yourself my son as well," she says. I know she doesn't know but I am being pushed a bit too hard now. My heart is beating too fast and I can feel an anxiety attack coming on. I have never done well with conflict. Her words are making me angry and sad.
"I... I accept where you are coming from Mrs Collins but I feel like I have a right to say something now. I have no control over my family, it is not in my power to get their shit together as you put it. I am in this world just a boy. I did the best I could in my situation, I didn't look at other boys. I have no time for the boys in my old life. In my opinion I have nothing to miss about that life. I have dropped out of school, I have had to live in extremely close proximity to my alcoholic mother and my father just died. I wouldn't be here if I didn't love Davy. He is the only reason I am still alive right now. So as much as I appreciate your concern for your son, it would be nice if you could trust me," I say. I am shaking and I can feel the tears coming. This is all too much too fast. I need to be strong in a world I fear. I have never been the strong one. What would James do in a situation like this?
"You are stronger than you look Declan. But trust is also earned. I will give you my trust with David, and I will also be here for you no matter what. Just make sure that I can keep on trusting you. Just like you, David has also been through a lot. Things he might not have even told you, I am sure. I know very well love has no guarantees, and once I had to choose the love of my love over my family. Just... try not to break him heart and I hope he does the same for you. He better because I will tear him apart if he uses you or hurts you intentionally in any way. So, I have said my say and I will back down. I just wanted you to know where I stand in all of this, and I don't want to lose my son. Maybe, someday, when we are all alone I will tell you something I have never told anyone, not even David. Maybe then you will understand. But for now I think Davy's waiting for you and worrying that I might be serving you for dinner," she says. I'm not sure how I manage to take in any of her words. I am breaking and I need to salvage this. I stand up and hold out my hand to her. I try not to notice how I am shaking.
"Well, I look forward to earning your trust," I say. It's all I could manage, hopefully it is good enough.
"I look forward to that as well. David's door is the first one to the right," she says as she shakes my hand. I let go and awkwardly turn to leave.
"Declan... Before you go," she says. My heart drops.
"Yes?" I ask.
"I really am sorry about what you have been through. No child should be put through anything like that. And thank you. Thank you for bringing the light back into David's eyes." she says. I hide my face as I feel the tears surfacing.
"Thank you. May I ask where's the loo?" I ask.
"The first door on the left, but come here first. Let me give you a proper hug,"she says. I freeze. I don't think I can handle that right now. I turn towards her and make my way over. She pulls me into a tight hug. I squeeze my eyes shut and try to keep these emotions in check. The only person allowed to this part of me is Hazel. I could really use her support right now. I am being weak. I take a deep breath and take a step back as she lets go. I leave the room and head for the bathroom as fast as possible. I close the door behind me. I sit on the side of the bath and hold my head in my hands. I will not break. I can't, this means too much. Lord knows I will be the reason this won't work. My emotions always get in the way. I stand up and look in the mirror. The blasted mirror always showing me what I know I am. Nothing, a big fat nothing. I close my eyes and try to pull myself together. I think of my father and his strength. I clear my throat, straighten my clothes and walk out of the bathroom. I can do this.
I make my way to his door and I knock.
"Come in."
I open the door and find him sitting on his bed.
"Hi," I say. I hope I don't look as bad as I feel.
"Come here..." he says. I walk over to him. He pulls me down onto the bed and I rest my head on his lap.
"This is the moment I have been waiting for. Just you and me together. Alone," he says. This is what I have been waiting for too. I turn over onto my back and I look at him. He traces my lips with his finger, he then drags his finger over my nose and around my eyes. I am so calm now. How is it possible that he has this affect on me?
"This is perfect," I say.
"No... This is a normal room, and I am a normal guy. You in this moment is what makes it perfect. You are the one that's lighting up this room," he says. I am taken by the sound of his voice, especially being so close.
"I never know what to say to you, you encourage speechlessness in me," I say.
"Well, talking is about the last thing I want to be doing right now. I want to kiss you so badly, but I don't know if I will be able to ever stop once I start," he says.
"Then kiss me," I say. My heart is beating so fast I'm scared it might explode and I may die before his lips reach mine. His lips brush against mine, I reach up and allow my fingers to run through his hair. Just as soft as I imagined. I pull away and maneuver myself so that I am sitting in front of him. This time I lean in for the kiss but he's the one who deepens it. I have both my hands in his hair now. I'm losing myself in his kisses and I never want to be found. He pulls away and plants feather light kisses over the two small moles on my face.
"Stay the night. Not just until the countdown. Stay the whole night. I want to wake up tomorrow morning next to you," he says. I am drunk on him and I don't think I would be able to go home without getting my fill.