Camping for Morons ✓

By northbynorth

606K 28.1K 10.1K

Peryn Foster loves cheerleading, America's Next Top Model and camping. So, when her best friend suggests a ca... More

00 : NOW
01 : NO BEE GEES PLEASE
02 : DREW BARRYMORE CAN SUCK IT
03 : BOSCO THE BASTARD HITCHHICKER
04 : BAD NIGHTS AND TERRIBLE MORNINGS
05 : FAT MONKEY HEART
07 : BEAUTY AND THE GEEK
08 : DON'T CROSS THE BRIDGE, BURN IT
09 : SHE'S BERRY HIGH
10 : WORST RAP GROUP EVER
11 : RETURN OF STANLEY THE POCKET KNIFE
12 : RACE FOR YOUR LIFE
13: WE SHOULD GO CAMPING AGAIN
00 : EPILOGUE

06 : SWIM BITCH OR DIE TRYING

26.7K 2K 618
By northbynorth

Camping Tip # 7: You need to bring a first aid kit. This is an essential item to have when you're camping and please, please make sure at least one person in your team knows how to carry out any emergency first aid procedure. You don't want some guy's death on hands do you? Or worse, a law suit.

Jack grabbed a hold of my hand and turning on his heel he ran, pulling me along with him. Oliver was already zooming past us. How the hell was he was so fast? He never did anything exercise related and yet he was the fastest in the group.

"Holy shit!" I shouted, "is that a fucking wolf!"

"No!" Oliver said and quickly glanced behind him, "it's about four fucking wolves!"

This only made Callie screamed louder. We zipped through the trees, everything became a blur and my heart drummed painfully hard in my chest. Fear propelled me to move faster. I was not going to die today but I really didn't think we could outrun them.

"This way!" Jack shouted as he took a dramatic turn to the right. "I've got an idea!"

I heard the sound of the rushing water before I saw it. There was a huge river ahead of us and I suddenly understood his idea.

I shook my head, "no!"

"Are you crazy? No fucking way!" Callie panted, she glanced at him and then at the speeding wolves behind us, "yes fucking way!"

"Wait, what?" Oliver said, "what's the plan now?"

"We're going to jump into the river!" I told him.

Oliver's hazel eyes widened, "No fucking way!"

"Listen!" Jack shouted over our panicked conversation, "we can't outrun the wolves, so unless you want to get eaten, follow me!"

He headed towards the river and since he was holding onto my hand so tightly, I followed him. We came to the edge of the rushing river, Oliver zipped past us and jumped straight into the water without a moment's hesitation. Callie leaped in after him with a terrified scream, but I had come to a halt. My eyes were wide and it felt like my heart was going to burst out of my chest from how hard it was beating.

Jack looked at me. "Peryn," he said, "do you trust me?"

"What? I - "

"Do you trust me?" he repeated. I could barely hear anything over the sound of my heartbeat.

I stared at him, "yes but Jack -"

"Get in the fucking river you idiots!" Callie screamed. Oliver and Callie had latched onto a large chunk of wood that had been floating on the water. "They're right behind you!"

Movement snapped back into my limbs. If it was possible I held onto Jack's hand tighter and ran forward, we jumped into the river together just as the pack came barking and gnashing near our feet. All the air was knocked out of my lungs, the freezing water swallowed our bodies. I started panicking when I noticed Jack's hand had left mine. I couldn't scream or the water would flood into my mouth. I kicked my legs as hard as I could and swam up to the surface. I was coughing and sputtering as my head whipped back and forth.

"Peryn!" Oliver shouted.

I looked to the left. I almost sank back down from sheer relief when I saw Jack, Oliver and Callie all clinging to the large chunk of wood. Callie and Jack reached over and grabbing both my wrists, they hauled me over. I floated next to Jack and tightly held onto the wood. Callie and Oliver were on one side of the wood and Jack and I were on the other. The river was quickly carrying us downstream. We were all soaking wet and breathing hard. Jesus. The water so cold, I was starting to shiver. The wolves had stopped chasing after us, they were standing on the edge of the river, barking and looking angrier than before.

Oliver laughed and pointed to the wolves, "yeah, fuck you! Fuck you dumb mongrels! This is what you get don't mess with humans! We're the dominant life form on this damn planet for a reason you little bitches!"

Callie frowned, "Oliver can you stop calling crazy bloodthirsty animals that are trying to kill us little bitches?"

"Why?" he said, and shouted loud enough for his voice to echo, "they are little bitches! Every one of them!" he laughed again, "we're smarter than you will ever be! We won you dumb bitches!"

"Uh, I don't think it's time to celebrate just yet Oliver," Jack said, his wide eyes were glued ahead.

We all turned to see what he was looking at, Callie gasped, Oliver's jaw dropped and my eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets.

"Oh my God," I whispered.

There was a waterfall several feet away and the river was carrying us straight to it.

"Oh, great idea Jack!" Oliver snapped.

"I didn't know there was a waterfall here!" Jack barked at him, "did you want to get eaten by those wolves?"

"Does it matter now? We're going to die!"

Callie was panicking, "there has to be a way we can get out!"

"How the hell are we supposed to get out Callie?" I said, "We are floating on a junk piece of wood in river that's moving like two hundred kilometres per hour! There is no way we can get off!"

Callie sputtered, she held onto the log with one hand and used the other to push her soaked blonde hair out of her eyes, "what the hell are you talking about Peryn! This river is not moving at two hundred kilometres per hour!"

"Oliver we're not going to die!" Jack shouted.

He snorted, "last time I checked you weren't psychic Jack!"

"Neither are you!"

"If I wanted to, I could totally somersault off this log and jump onto dry land!" Callie said.

If I wasn't so terrified for my life, I would have laughed in her face. "Bullshit!"

"It's not bullshit!"

"Oh yeah?" I said, "Then do it Callie! Go on, somersault off this log and jump onto dry land!"

She huffed, "I don't have to prove anything to you Peryn!"

I pointed a finger at her, "that's because you can't do it!"

We were all so busy arguing with each other we failed to notice that we were getting closer and closer to the waterfall. I was shouting at Callie and Callie was shouting at me. Jack was shouting at Oliver and Oliver was shouting at Jack. It was a really messy situation that benefited no one but the four of us were so deeply engrossed in our nonsensical arguments that we seemed to forget the real danger we faced.

It was only at the last second, when the sound of the rushing water became almost deafening and drowned out our angry voices that we realized we had reached the waterfall. We were pushed us off the edge and we all fell. I opened my mouth to scream but water swallowed any sounds I could make. There was the distinct feeling gravity disappearing and the feeling of crashing through a mix of spilling water and cold air. I felt my organs spin as I fell. I thought I was going to die. I expected to land on cold hard ground and my head to split open, instead I plummeted into icy waters.

For several seconds I scrambled to get my bearings, everything was dark and blue and I didn't know which way was up. I saw bars of light come through so I followed that. I soon broke through the surface of the water, gasping and coughing so hard I thought my lungs would collapse. I whipped my head back and forth, trying to make sense of my surroundings and I saw, I'd landed in a large lake. The waterfall was behind me, spewing crashing waves of water that disorientated me.

"Peryn!"

I instantly turned in the direction the voice had come from. Callie was standing on the edge of the lake, looking as soaked and exhausted as I felt. I somehow managed to find the energy in me to kick my legs and swim over to her.

I sputtered when I reached land, crawling onto the stony, pebbled ground. I collapsed and rolled onto my back so that I was looking up at the sky. It was clear and bright and bluer than I had ever seen it. Callie stumbled over, she fell and landed on top of me. I grunted as she wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tightly.

"Peryn!" she cried, "oh thank God you're okay! I was scared you'd...y'know."

I patted her back. "I'm fine," I said. God, my voice was so hoarse, "are you okay?"

She nodded, her cheek was pressed up against mine. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Okay," I chuckled, "okay, space, you're gonna kill me."

Callie's hugs were always so tight but warmer and better than anyone else's. She let go of me and I pushed myself up so I was kneeling on the ground. I looked around, expecting to see Oliver and Jack but I saw no signs of them.

"Callie," I said, "where's-"

"Hey!"

We looked up and my heartbeat rose. It was Oliver's voice but for some reason it sounded faraway. Callie broke into a grin as she pointed to the other side of the lake, where Oliver must have washed up because he was sitting on a boulder as he waved his arms up and down.

"Oliver!" Callie leapt up and waved her arms up and down as well. She cupped her hands around her mouth and shouted, "Are you okay?!"

"Yeah!" he said, "I mean, I just fell off a waterfall and drowned and I think I've broken a few ribs but apart from that I'm fine!"

I frowned. Where the hell was Jack? My eyes kept scanning where Oliver had washed up but I couldn't spot Jack.

"Callie," I said, I could feel the panic rising in my chest, "Callie, where's Jack?"

She froze. Her wide grin faltering for a second as her bright blue eyes snapped over to me, "I-I don't know." She looked back to Oliver, "Hey is my brother with you?"

There was a pause, which I didn't take as a good sign, before Oliver answered, "I thought he was with you."

"Oh my God," I whispered as it suddenly dawned me, on all of us that Jack probably hadn't made it out of the lake. I felt like I was going to throw up. I didn't even stop to think as I stood up and ran back to the lake. I dived into the water. It was colder than before and the impact of hitting the water so hard, knocked the wind out of my lungs. I didn't stop to collect myself, I just kicked and swam deeper into the lake. It was dark and murky under the water. My heart rate was rising as I tried to locate Jack. I glanced back and forth but I saw no sign of him.

I was just about to go up to the surface for some air when I spotted his familiar figure. He had passed out and was slowly sinking to the bed of the lake. I swam over to him as quickly as I could, and when I reached him, I slipped my arm around his waist and placing his own arm on my shoulders, I swam up. I could feel my lungs burning, I needed air now or I would find myself drowning too. I broke the surface and let out the loudest gasp as I sucked in as much as air I could. Jack's head lolled onto my shoulder.

I coughed and pushed my soaked hair out of my eyes. I think Callie and Oliver were shouting my name but I was too busy trying to catch my breath and keep Jack and I afloat. Once I brought some air back into my lungs, I held onto Jack tighter and swam over to the lake's shore. Callie and Oliver were there, they ran forward and helped me out. I looked at Jack who he was lying on the ground, eyes closed and completely motionless.

"Shit, fuck, fuck," Oliver said, lowering his head down to Jack's face, "he isn't breathing."

I quickly pushed him away and knelt down beside him. I was suddenly and unquestionably thankful for all the first aid lessons Dad had drilled into me when I was a kid. I kept Jacks chin tilted up with one hand as I used the other to pinch his nose shut. I inhaled and sealed my mouth over his. I breathed in and I breathed in again. I quickly pulled away and placed my hands flat on his chest as I started pushing down, hard and fast.

I counted to thirty and breathed into his mouth again, then moved back to pumping his chest. I kept doing this, praying he would be all right as Oliver and Callie stared in horror. Fear settled at the pit of my stomach when I started thinking this wasn't working, that Jack was already gone and there was nothing I could do.

Then, Jack's whole body jolted and he started to splutter. I looked at him with wide eyes as he coughed out water. He gasped at the same time Callie squealed happily. Jack pushed himself up onto his elbows and let out a string of coughs. He looked a little bleary eyed and dazed. His gaze flitted all over the place, and I could tell he was trying to make sense of what just happened.

His eyes landed on me, dark brown irises meeting mine and I felt waves upon waves of relief crash over me. I don't know what happened but something in me just snapped.

I leaned forward and I kissed him.

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