I feel like I should give an explanation as to why I didn't keep the part I rewrote. When I tried to write, it seemed extremely forced and inorganic as I previously mentioned, but something I didn't mention was that they weren't the same characters anymore. They have built up such a strong personality and backstory here, when I try to change things, I'm not just changing the story, I'm changing them themselves. For example, when I tried to write Susie, I wrote her too happy and cheerful, she was girly and giggly. I have made it a point to never use the word 'giggled' for Susie, as she would never giggle. She'd chuckle, sure, but giggle just sets this feeling of innocence and femininity, neither of which Susie ranks high on the scale for. Kris was too... Nothing. They were almost irrelevant and emotionless. I guess the point I'm trying to make us that I tried to force something the story didn't want, so everything changed. It's almost as if the characters are alive and shunned that part of the story. I let the story so what it wanted for some time, now it won't settle for any less. I just sometimes have to give it a little push.
...
Susie
I walked down the sidewalk beside Kris, trying to keep my eyes down. Cutting my hair was one thing, going out in public was something else entirely.
"You're sure you want to do this?" Kris had agreed to move their bangs out of their eyes so I wouldn't be alone with it.
"Y-yeah. I'm just a little nervous," I responded.
"Don't do anything you aren't comfortable with, okay?"
"Yeah, I get it. "Don't take it too fast", "Don't do what you don't want to", all that stuff. It's all you've been saying for the last 12 hours. I get it, alright?" I snapped. I immediately regretted it. "I'm sorry Kris, I-"
"Don't apologize, Susie. I understand that this is a big thing for you, and that me reminding you that you might not want to do it may not be the most helpful thing. I'm really proud of you." They looked me in the eye. "I just hate seeing you feel so uncomfortable..." I felt heat rise to my face and I took their hand in mine. They hesitated a little.
"Is this okay?" I asked. They nodded quickly, their face growing bright red. I smiled and continued walking. I loved seeing them get flustered.
"Hey, Susie?" they asked cautiously. I looked down at them. They looked very nervous.
"Yeah? You good?"
"Y-yeah, I'm fine, just- D-do you wanna go out after school?" I looked at them, confused.
"...we hang out after school every day???"
"No, you don't understand." They stopped walking, pulled me off the sidewalk, and looked into my eyes. "Susie. Do you want to go out after school?" Blood rushed to my face as I realized what they were talking about.
"Go out...?" I asked, making sure of my assumption . They nodded. My face grew even hotter. "Y-yeah, sure." I could hardly contain my emotions. They beamed.
"What- really?! Y-you want to!?"
"Y-yeah. It sounds like a lot of fun!" I smiled brightly at them. They returned the smile and continued to walk to school, hand in hand.
...
I walked into school with me head held high and my hand gripped tightly around Kris'- and with a huge smile on my face. I watched as people turned their attention towards us. It felt... Good.
"Susie? Is that you!?" A voice called out from behind me. I turned and saw Noelle stating at me in shock, dismay, and pride all at once.
"H-hey, Noe. How's it going?" I swear I thought Noelle would have a heart attack right then and there.
"You cut your hair!!!" she gaped.
"Nah, Kris did. And they did a good fucking job, too. I dunno about you, but I love it." I said.
"You- your eyes, they-" Noelle started.
"Oh, yeah. These things. It's nice to be able to see things for once, I guess."
"I-" Noelle was at a loss for words.
"Speechless, huh? So was I when Kris first finished." I squeezed their hand and smiled down to them. Their face was tinged pink, clearly embarrassed at being praised. I ruffled their hair affectionately. Noelle's face paled and reddened and her eyes lit up and clouded over simultaneously.
"D-do you mind if I-" She pointed to the camera lens on her phone. I looked at Kris and they shrugged.
"Sure." Noelle quickly snapped a photo, thanked us and continued to class. I wasn't quite sure how to feel about that conversation. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.
"That was... New." I said. Kris smiled at me encouragingly.
"I'm proud of you, Susie."