Chapter 15
I rest my head on the table as everyone's voices around me grow louder and louder. It's been one week since Luna was kidnapped. One week since our worlds turned upside down. One week since everything changed, leaving everyone I know and love in a state of panic and anger. It wasn't too long after we got the news that our sadness started turning into anger. Anger at the people responsible for Luna's kidnapping... Anger at ourselves for not being able to do anything.
The day after we found out, I had expected to wake up in Alexander's arms the same way I fell asleep, but he was nowhere in sight. I found a note on the kitchen table saying he was going to find our daughter. I didn't know what he planned on doing or where he planned on going. My mom flew in that afternoon so I met up with her and cried in her arms. Alex came home late that night looking like a disheveled mess. His hair was standing in every direction, his eyes were bloodshot, he had on a tee shirt, sweats and two mismatched sneakers. When he saw me sitting on the couch he dropped himself down next to me and placed his head in my lap as he cried silent tears for our missing daughter.
Now a week later and everyone's anger has kicked up a notch leaving everyone in an irritable state. Wayne and Jesse were arguing over something so little that I forgot what it was about, my mom and Katherine were going at it about our stupid wedding plan cancellations, like that even matters anymore, and Alex was yelling at his dad who tried telling him to relax.
"I don't even know why I let you stay here when you're such an ungrateful asshole!"
"Oh shut up Jesse, it wasn't even a big deal! I stopped didn't I? All you had to do was ask!"
"Do you know how much money I will lose if we just cancel? I paid for the whole thing out of my own damn pocket, so of course you wouldn't care about that! Just reschedule it!"
"How could I possibly reschedule when we have no idea what's happening or what will happen? You have to know how unreasonable you're being about something that really shouldn't matter at a time like this!"
"How dare you tell me to relax! My daughter, your granddaughter is missing, how the fuck do you expect me to relax?"
"Alex, son, calm down. You know I didn't mean anything bad by that, but you need to have a clear mind and if you're this relied up, that isn't possible."
"ENOUGH!" I shout standing up from my seat. The room instantly silences, all that can be heard is my chair screeching across the floor from my sudden movement. Everyone turns to look at me with wide eyes. "You're all yelling and arguing over such stupid things! That isn't going to help us find Luna. What we need is to come together and be there for each other, not down each other's throats. I know we're all worked up and angry with this, but this—" I wave my hands at them hysterically. "—Is not gonna work!" I cry out. I thought I cried every tear my body could handle this past week, but my eyes keep surprising me with more.
Alexander's frown deepens as he stares at me. His eyes soften; sadden upon seeing mine. "You're right," he breathes and everyone nods along to his statement.
Suddenly the door swings upon and in walks James with a few pizza pies. He eyes the room suspiciously. "What'd I miss?"
Everyone eats in silence, almost like they're unsure of what to do or say after my outburst. Alex sits close to me, with a hand on my thigh. I wasn't sure if it was to provide comfort to me, or himself. As we finish up my mom offers to clean up the dishes and surprisingly Katherine asks to help her. Jonas gets up to call Rosa who was currently working, Wayne apologizes to Jesse before taking a seat on the couch, and Jesse starts going through the mail on the counter. James sees my faraway look and gives my hand a squeeze.
"Hey James do you know why we have mail from some place in Africa?" Jesse calls out in confusion. My head shoots up to see him eyeing an envelope suspiciously.
James and I share a look before he gets up and takes the envelope from Jesse. Alex's grip on my thigh tightens and I peek up at him to see him staring hard at the table. I keep my gaze on Alex as I hear the rip of paper.
"It's a letter," James says. "From Kain."
Alexander's jaw clenches and I place my hand over his, resulting in his grip loosening.
"Kain?" Jesse shouts bewildered.
"Did someone say Kain?" Wayne stammers as he rushes into the room.
We all stay quiet as James reads the letter. He is silently crying by the time he finishes. His bright green eyes move up to look at us, before stopping on me. "You should read this Charlie."
I bite my lip nervously as I remove Alex's hand from my leg. I stand slowly and leave a kiss on Alexander's cheek before moving towards James and taking the letter. I take a deep breath and look down.
My friends,
I was going to write you each your own letter, but thought this would be easier since I want to say some of the same things to each of you.
I am so sorry. I am so incredibly sorry for the way I left. For not saying goodbye, for not telling you where I was going, for not checking in or answering any messages I may have received, for not reaching out when I knew I could. You all deserved better than me, a better friend.
I left impulsively, out of anger and sadness. But I don't blame Charlotte. You shouldn't either. I'm in love with her, more than she will ever understand I think... Knowing she wanted someone else was too hard. I couldn't just stay here and watch her be in love with someone else. I needed to leave and I don't regret leaving, I only regret how I left.
Charlotte is an amazing soul. I see her for the first time in years and her first reaction is to be mad at me for hurting you all. She was right to be mad. I was mad at me too. Mad that it took me until accidentally running into Charlotte to realize my mistakes. She's the one that convinced me to write to you and I'm glad I am.
Wayne, you are a really great man. The perfect man for Luna, I believe. I'm so glad I met you and despite us only knowing each other for that one year, I wouldn't change a thing about our friendship. You were there for me as much as James who has been my friend since we were kids. I'm sorry, for everything.
Jesse, THANK YOU! Thank you for being exactly the person James needed. Growing up and seeing him struggle with his sexuality was tough. You never want to see your best friend struggle, but once we got to college and he met you it was like his confidence multiplied by hundreds. I've never seen him happier than when he was with you. And to top that you became one of my closest friends. I'm sorry, for everything.
Luna, the beautiful moon that lit up my life. You are beautiful inside and out Luna. Everything about you is beautiful. Your friendship came to me in a time that I really fucking needed you without even knowing it. You helped pick me up from some of the toughest moments of that year. Without you I would have been a lost soul. You helped keep me grounded and for that I thank you. You became one of my best friends and I love you for that. Your dad did an amazing job raising you, Luna. He should be proud of the woman you've become. I'm sorry, for everything.
James, my best friend. My best friend since we were little kids. The most guilt I feel is when it comes to you. I promised to you once in high school when things were really bad for you that I'd always be there for you and knowing I broke that promise kills me. You and I have been there for each other through it all. You know everything about me, I mean everything all my secrets because I trust you. Charlie told me about you and Jesse having problems and I just want you to know that he is the one for you. If he still makes you as happy as he did when I last saw you, then say yes if he asks. I will be there for you, I promise I'll bring back that promise. I'm sorry for everything.
Darling, I didn't intend on writing to you in this letter, but I know James and I know you'll be the first one he gives this letter to after he reads it. I don't even know where to begin. I said most of what I've wanted to tell you already, but maybe writing it and having you read it would put things into perspective for you more. You know since I used to write you letters... I love you Charlotte O'Heir. I have always loved you since the moment I met you all those years ago. I remember telling you I loved you for the first time in a letter, you wouldn't believe me until I said it out loud, but damn did I mean it. And I mean it just as much, maybe even more now. We've been through so much together and we've both made mistakes when it came to our relationship, but I want to fix it. I know you love Alexander and by the time you read this you'll be married, but you know deep down what I said is true. I know I am the one who convinced you to change directions, but I was wrong. I want to fight for you like I should have all those years ago. I wish I ran away with you maybe things would have ended differently... I'm not sorry, for everything. I'm not sorry because I needed to leave you, I needed you to feel my absence the way I felt yours. That sounds bad, but it's true. And now you need to see the truth. I'll be here when you do. I love you.
I miss you all and well I might not have plans to return just yet but I will come back at some point. I'm okay. I'm here in Africa teaching young kids English, it's quiet an amazing experience. You can send a letter back if you'd like, but I'll check in every once in a while, I promise.
-Kain
I blink back tears as I finish reading. I pass it to Wayne and look to James who eyes me in concern.
When he mentioned the letters I felt choked up because I hadn't thought of them in a long time. When I was Elizabeth and he was Garrett he would write me letters all the time. He'd give them to Martha to give to me when she came to work and when he started working on our plantation he'd give them to me himself. I once asked him why he wrote me letters still after he started working for my family and he said he knew how much I loved them so he liked making me smile. Of course that response had me weak at the knees.
I glance at Alexander and he's staring at me with a look of insecurity that he didn't bother hiding like he normally does. I approach Alex as Wayne passes the letter to Jesse. I sit back down beside him and take his hand in mine.
"What did it say?" He asks quietly, so only I could hear him.
I shy away from his intense stare, not being able to handle what I might see in his eyes. "It was an apology to his friends for disappearing on us. He said he missed us and he was okay, he also wrote a little to each of us individually..."
"To you as well?" He asks.
"Yes."
He takes a deep breath and I sneak a peek at his eyes. They just look sad. "What did he say?"
"That he loves me."
"And?"
"He wants me back."
"That all?"
"He said he'll fight for me and wait for me."
He nods and looks away from me. I tighten my grip on his hand.
"What are you reading?" My eyes dart up to see Jonas walking in and eyeing the paper in Jesse's hand.
"Oh, uh just a letter from our friend who's teaching in Africa right now," James answers.
Jonas smiles, nodding. "Oh that's nice." He then notices Alexander's stiffness. "Son you okay?"
Everyone eyes him apprehensively, awaiting his reply. "Yeah, just can't stop thinking about Luna."
Jonas' eyes soften. "Shewill be okay," he says. Those words that everyone keeps repeating yet none ofus know if they could be true because we know nothing.
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As promised a new update this weekend! If you didn't see my message on my page, I would like to again apologize for being so behind on updating. I got a full time job last month, which has resulted in me having very little free time to write, which makes me sad, but I'm going to try to set aside a few hours every weekend so I can at least give you guys one chapter a week.
Well hopefully you're still enjoying This Life, more to come soon! Don't forget to vote and comment, I love hearing all your thoughts!
-Julia :)