SONG JI-WON'S POV
I feel so warm, so tired, so comfy. There's no reason or motivation for me to move from this perfect position.
I don't know when consciousness slowly came back to me, but I'm half awake, half asleep, breathing deeply and easily, still snuggled next to the man I love. I can't believe everything was so complicated less than a day ago, and now it's not. Whatever happens will happen, but for now I'm happy, glad that his arm is around me and not someone else, glad that I lost my purity to him and not someone else.
I feel so weightless, like every burden is gone, at least for now. Such a relief compared to everything before. There's no reason to move.
But... what time is it?
I carefully move out of his embrace to check my phone. I click the home button and to my surprise and horror, it's already 8:28 am. It felt so much earlier...
"Oh shit." I mutter quietly, starting to panic. What if everyone's already up, and we both walk out of this room together? Or worse, what if someone walks in here?? Everyone would find out, and Haru would be exposed too, since she's not in my room. I can't let it happen. And just like that, the mental peacefulness is overthrown by my anxiety.
I rush out of bed and find my pajamas on the floor, quickly pulling everything on. I'd be too embarrassed to face him nude right now, when we're not making out or anything. I need to get him out of this room as discreetly and fast as possible.
"Jungkook!" I whisper yell while picking his clothes up off the floor and chucking them at him. "Get dressed, quick."
He furrows his eyebrows as he begins waking up. "Hm?" He groans, shifting his position.
I jump next to him on the bed and start shaking his shoulder annoyingly. "We don't have time for you to be tired! Wake up."
He sighs and stretches his arm, still not opening his eyes. "What are you talking about?" he asks, his morning voice handsomely raspy.
I sigh and stop shaking him, just leaving my hand on his shoulder. "You gotta get out of my room before someone sees us."
He sleepily blinks his eyes open. "This again?"
"What do you-"
"And not even a good morning? Tough." He continues, grabbing my hand and pulling me toward him. When I'm close enough, he lifts his head a little to peck me on the lips, then pulls me into a soft hug. Even when I'm in a nervous rush, I can't turn down something so sweet. I allow myself to relax for a moment and lay my head on his shoulder. My leg starts to slide over his, but before I can get far I feel something under the blanket and gasp, flinching away into a sitting position.
He gets startled by my reaction and sits up too. "What?" He asks, sounding a little worried.
"Y-your dick is just right there!" I exclaim, blushing furiously. He just stares at me for a few long moments, before breaking into a smile and laughing, completely inappropriate for the situation.
"And?" He asks between giggles.
"And, it's weird..." I reply nervously, getting quieter. How can we talk about this so casually?
"Last night you didn't think so." He says, smirking. "You wanna be reminded?" He asks teasingly, pulling on he edge on the blanket.
"NO!" I yell, dangerously loud, my hands flying to his and pinning the blanket down before he can take it off. His eyes go wider in an amused shock, and I chuckle awkwardly. "Yeah, not right now."
He rolls his eyes playfully, removing my hands. "It's not the last time, anyway." He says with a wink.
My face heats up intensely. "It's too early in the morning for me to be thinking about this."
He laughs, adorable despite his words. He grabs his pillow and shoves it lightly in my face. "Then don't look while I get dressed." He says, getting up from the bed. I'm ashamed for almost wanting to peek.
"So," he begins. I hear him sliding a shirt on. "Why do I have to get out of your room so fast?"
"So the others don't get suspicious."
"Why does it matter if they do? Their suspicions are right, anyway."
"But..." I realize I have nothing to say. Why not? Why must everything be so secretive? But I know I can't have people finding out just yet. "Just because."
"That's not a real answer. Come on, you're smart." He says. Suddenly, I feel him belly flop on the bed, making me yelp. "Besides," he says, crawling over and hugging my waist, laying his cheek on my tummy. "I just wanna brag about you." He says cutely. My heart flutters and I can't stop a smile.
"That's insensitive." I say with a sigh, petting and ruffling his hair.
"You're insensitive." He replies lazily, snuggling up to me more.
I laugh. "That's not a real comeback. Come on, you're smart now."
He lifts his head and gazes up at me, like an excited puppy. "Really?"
I smile. "More or less."
He frowns and drops his head back down. "You could've just said yes."
"You really have to leave now though. We'll be lucky if no one's awake, since we were planning to head back home in the afternoon. Seriously, if someone sees you walking out of here, what are you gonna tell them?"
"Ji-won lost her virginity last night and we're finally together." He says proudly.
"No, dumbass!" I scold while he chuckles. But then he goes silent, thoughtful. I'm confused as he suddenly sits up. "What is it?"
He looks at me with a serious expression. "I never really asked, did I? So it's not for real yet?"
"What are you taking about?"
A small smile spreads on his lips, and he shifts his position so that he's sitting directly in front of me, looking me in the eyes. "Song Ji-won."
"Jeon Jungkook?" I reply, confused.
He takes my hands and holds them in his. "I love you, very much, to the moon and back, from Seoul to Washington, from-"
"You're really making the cringe." I interrupt, chuckling.
"Shut the fuck up you're ruining the moment." He scolds before going back to his speech. "I love you more than myself and even though I already know your answer, I'm still going to ask you, because I'm a classy bitch." He explain. I laugh and nod, urging him to continue. With a confident grin, he asks "Will you be my girlfriend?"
"Yes of course I thought you'd never ask!" I exclaim, dramatically collapsing on him in a big hug. God, we're the cheesiest people on this Earth. Somehow I love it.
He hugs me tightly back and easily rolls us over, so he's on top of me. Without warning, he leans in and kisses me, startling me in the best way. I close my eyes and smile, kissing back instantly.
Unfortunately, right before he can add tongue, I put my hands on his shoulders and push him away. He leans right back in like a clingy kid, and I laugh and sit up. He rolls his eyes, but I know he's just playing.
"Get out of my room idiot we've waited to long." I demand, biting back a grin as I stand up and grab his wrist, dragging him to his feet. He struggles against me as I pull him toward the door.
"You know what's great?" He asks, obviously stalling since he doesn't want to leave.
"What?" I ask, unable to resist a small smile. He's so annoying.
"I get to do this," he says, leaning in and pecking me again. "Whenever I want," he kisses my cheek. "Every day." He kisses my forehead.
The butterflies in my stomach are going crazy, but I really do need to ignore them. I don't want to be caught yet. "Yes, Jungkook, it is great but you gotta gooo." I insist, pushing him out the door. With a long sigh, he finally gives in and quietly starts walking away.
"Wait!" I whisper yell before I can stop myself. I can't help it. "You forgot something." He takes a few steps back, confused, but before he can ask, I grab the collar of his shirt and kiss him quickly. We make a second of eye contact and I catch him grinning widely right before I close the door.
Once I'm sure he's gone, I allow myself to jump back on my bed and have a mini seizure of butterflies and stupid cheesy happiness. I throw my pillow across my room and sigh while smiling lightly. It doesn't get better than this.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
JEON JUNGKOOK'S POV
"Are you done?? We're all waiting on you." Ji-won says, walking into my room to check on me.
"Yeah, sorry." I say right as I finish zipping my suitcase up. I walk over and take the handle of her's too. "Let's go."
"Wha- you don't have to carry mine, it's not that heavy." She says, trying to snatch it back. I grin move it out of her reach.
"Stop complaining, I'm being a good boyfriend."
"An obvious one too." She says, not meeting my eye. My smile faces and I sigh, staring at her.
"Why are you so obsessed with keeping it a secret? It's not like they'll be mad. Hoseok should be the first person you tell, anyway."
"No! No, no no. Not yet. It's too close to the carnival..." She stops speaking, looking like she said something she didn't mean to. I eye her suspiciously.
"What happened at the carnival?"
"It doesn't matter, let's just go." She says, walking out of the room. I let go of both suitcases and jog up to her, grabbing her wrist gently. She turns to look at me, nervous.
"I won't be mad, just talk to me." I say, confused. They were hanging out alone a lot that day...
She sighs. "We didn't do anything, if that's what you're thinking. He, he just... he told me some stuff, and he was being really sincere. It would just seem insensitive to come out this quickly."
I resist the urge to scoff. That could mean anything. "What did he say?" I ask, stepping a little closer.
"It's nothing really, just saying he wasn't over me... but, he also said that he was okay with us." She replies hesitantly. A lie on his part. "He said if I was happy he would be okay with it."
"That's what they all say." I mutter.
She glares and whacks my arm. "Do you want to tell him or not?"
"Oh, I mean yeah, of course." I say quickly. Might as well let her believe it, if that means it'll be easier to be honest with him. "I'm just saying, the more you wait, the more hope he has. It's better to just let it out now." I advise. There's a moment of silence before she nods.
"Soon." She says. I shrug, not sure if she means it. "At least we got lucky this morning and no one saw you, messily walking out of my room would be the worst way to come clean." She adds, chuckling.
I smirk and slide an arm around her waist, smoothly pulling her towards me. "Not the worst." I say, leaning close to her face. She giggles and squirms, turning and covering her face. I manage to peck her cheek and neck before she slides out of my arm. I groan playfully and run a hand through my hair. She just smiles cutely and goes back to the room to grab our suitcases. She doesn't let me take hers and walks ahead, acting completely natural when we reach the living room with everyone else. I sigh. I guess I'll have to wait.
"Finally, Jungkook you always take the longest to get ready." Taehyung complains, getting up from his spot on the couch.
I notice Ji-won instantly walking over to Haru, probably to ask where she slept yesterday. Ha, they're in for a long conversation.
We file out of the house, unfortunately walking back to our van. School will start up again tomorrow, back to studying and learning and tests and bullshit, but at least I have someone to keep me happy now. I'm already thinking about places I can take her out too once we're back home, just us two.
After we finish stuffing our suitcases and bags into the trunk, everyone piles into the van. Right before I can get in, though, my phone rings. I check the caller, and it's my mom. "Oh, lemme take this real quick." I say, and everyone groans in unison. I chuckle sheepishly and take a few steps away to answer the phone.
"Hey mom." I say, leaning against the back of the van.
"Jungkook..." She says, voice hoarse and low. A panicked feelings instantly forms in my gut.
"Are you okay?" I ask, furrowing my eyebrows. "Did something happen?"
Theres silence on her end for a few long moments, and all I can hear is her uneven breath. "Changkyun."
My heart stops for a moment, and dread pools up in me, just by the way she said my brother's name. "What about him?" I ask urgently.
There's more silence before I hear her start to softly cry. My heart beat races, and my dad takes over the phone. "Son, your brother, he..." his voice is heavy, strained. My hands shake. What could be so bad? I haven't heard them talk like this since the accident...
"He's attempted a suicide." he says gravely. I hear my mother wail a sob in the background. My eyes go wide and limbs go weak, and my phone falls from my shaking hand, smashing into the concrete ground. I don't even notice when the tears form, but suddenly I'm crying, suddenly it's hard to breathe.
My older brother, who was always cheerful and energetic, who would always help me and keep me company, who I used to laugh with all the time, who was forgiving with me when he shouldn't have been, who stayed stronger than any of us when life turned to shit, even though he was getting the worst punishment. Who was once my best friend. My brother, who I've always looked up too and missed desperately, tried to kill himself.
I can vaguely hear my dad calling my name from my phone of the ground, worriedly asking if I was still there. I don't feel like I am, it feels like the last string holding our family together just broke. I tense my hands and try to keep my sobs collected.
It's your fault, you bastard.
I smash my fist against the van and let out an pained scream, too despairing and shocked to keep quiet. The others rush out of the van to see what's going on. I can barley hear them pressing questions over my heartbeat, but their voices make my head spin even harder nonetheless.
"Jungkook, are you okay?"
"What's going on?"
"Who called you?"
I feel a gentle hand on my arm and without thinking is instantly flinch away. "Don't touch me!" I yell, voice raspy as I stumble backward. Ji-won stares back at me, looking shocked and incredibly worried. I don't have the time to feel bad. "A cab," I mutter, trying to focus past my sobs and everyone watching. "A cab, I need a cab right now."
"Just tell us what's going-"
"Shut up, I don't have time." I snap harshly as I open up the trunk again, recklessly pulling my suitcase out. Everyone moves out of my way as I reach for my now-shattered phone on the ground. It barely works, but enough to call up a taxi. When they pick up I don't hesitate to demand someone show up to our address.
Once I hang up, they all start talking again.
"We can take you wherever you need to go!"
"Stop freaking out and calm down."
"Who the hell called you?"
"Please just liste-"
"Shut the fuck up!!" I yell, pressing my palms to my eyes and breathing quickly. They all go silent. "Just go."
"We're not gonna leave you here!"
I look up at Ji-won, the most persistent one, with wide, red eyes. The tears distort the image and her face is blurry. "Just go! This isn't something that's solved quickly, go back home." I yell.
Ji-won looks like she might break down too, just from seeing me this way. "No! We don't even know what's-"
"Drop it." Hoseok says, voice low as he puts a hand on her shoulder.
She looks at him angrily. "What do you mean drop it? We need to help, we can't-"
"It's not your business." He says seriously, looking her in the eye. "And he obviously isn't about to open up about it."
She stares at him for a few moments, and I'm trying desperately to collect myself. The damn tears flow like a faucet that I can't shut off. He tried to kill himself, it could've been cutting, overdose, choking... is he even okay right now?
I've been feeling sorry for myself like a fucking baby for months, as if I had problems in comparison to him. When I should've been there I wasn't, when I had the chance to fix things I didn't, and now it was almost too late. How terrible must he have felt to try and end it all?
"Jungkook, please-"
"Stop it!!" I yell, aggressively moving away from her touch again. "Just fuck off!"
Hoseok instantly stalks over and harshly grabs the collar of my shirt. "Don't talk to her that way." He growls, his eyes on fire.
"Get off me!" I snap as I roughly shove him backward into the van. He shuts his eyes tightly, wincing in pain as the air is knocked out of him.
"Hoseok!" Ji-won gasps. Namjoon And Jimin hold me back before I can take a swing at the bastard. I don't know where this overwhelming surge of anger came from, but I suddenly feel so much rage toward him, I just want everyone to get out of the way so I can beat his ass.
"Fuck you." I mutter, glaring daggers at him. I ignore Ji-won's shocked and furious expression. I just want to get out of here, I need to get to the hospital.
Just then, a cab slows to a stop in front of our house. Thank god it came quickly. I shove everyone off my arms and grab my suitcase, throwing my useless phone on the ground. They all stare at me in silence as I walk to the cab, slamming the door behind me when I climb in the backseat.
"St. Mary's Hospital, quickly." I say as soon as I get in, breathing harshly. Calm down, please calm down... I beg myself as I cry silently. You're making things worse.
I always do.