Eventually, I find myself getting stitched up as a different nurse spreads freezing cold jelly over my stomach. Natasha was the one to tell Steve and I that we needed to make sure the baby was okay. The nurse, who herself looks shocked at what had just occurred, slides the little wand over my lower stomach. Steve squeezes my hand, both of us waiting to hear a heartbeat. I don't care about the pain of my wounds being stitched up, I'm too focused on the grainy screen. My eyes are narrowed in on it like it's the only thing in the room.
Thanos's snap had spared my little boy. That joyful noise filling the room makes me break out in tears again, these ones much happier. The nurse prints out the sonograms for us. We didn't ask her too, but she does anyway. I wonder how many people she's lost. I feel like shit. There's so much death around us and here I am rubbing it in that I didn't lose everything like others have.
"There you go, Mrs Rogers. Baby looks fine and you're all stitched up." The nurse says, handing me a wash cloth to wipe my stomach with and handing Steve the sonograms. Steve thanks her as I clean myself up. The nurses leave the room, leaving us in it alone.
"He's okay." Steve is the one to break the silence as I carefully sit up, zipping my suit back up. His eyes are focused on the sonograms.
"I'm so glad he's okay." I respond, carefully moving my legs as my eyes stay on him. My husband had made it out physically okay. Emotionally, well that was a different story. He had lost a good chunk of the team and he lost Bucky again. I stood carefully, walking a step to where he was seated. I cupped his scruffy cheek, tilting his head up towards me. Steve sniffles, his blue eyes full of so much emotion. He leans his head forward, his forehead touching my stomach as he breaks down in tears.
I wrap my arms around him, my fingers running through his hair as he lets himself let down his walls. Steve's arms wrap around my middle as he continues to sob. Tears roll down my face as I try to console him. I cover my mouth with my hand as my finger combs through his hair, silencing my sobs. Steve Rogers usually doesn't show emotion like this, but it has happened. In this moment, he needs me so I pull my emotions out of my center stage and lock them in a box in my mind.
I can't tell Steve that it's going to be okay. I can't tell him that we are going to undo what has been done today. Those are false promises. I'm not going to lie to him like that. So I fill the air with truths.
"I love you, Steve Rogers. I love you so much. We both love you so much." I tell him, my voice soft. Steve sniffles, his watery eyes looking up at me. I hold his face and he leans into my touch. My thumb brushes away any tears that attempt to roll down his face.
"We should get going. The others will be worried." Steve says, his arms unwrapping from around me. He stands and I nod, not wanting to push him any more with his emotions. Steve wraps his arm around my middle, letting me lean on him as we walk out of the little room. We walk for a bit I until I force us to stop when I catch my reflection in a hanging mirror. The Peyton Stark who is considered a damn sex symbol was gone. The Peyton Stark-Rogers in the mirror had dark, sunken-in eyes. Her face and hair was covered in blood (both mine and alien) and dirt. There was already a large purpling bruise on my neck. I looked horrible, but Steve didn't let my focus on my image much and he kept on walking, taking me further down the hall. Eventually, we enter a small living area. Steve sits me down on the couch next to Rhodey.
"Are you okay? Is the baby okay?" Natasha asks, sitting up. Steve walks over to the little kitchen area of the room. The attention of Thor, Rhodey, Bruce, and Rocket the raccoon all land on me.
"Hold on, you're pregnant? Like with a baby?" Rocket asks, his furry little face full of confusion. Thor also looks very confused. I sit up, taking the glass of water that Steve hands me. I take a long sip before answering, Steve's hand finding mine.
"Yeah, I am. And we are both okay, Nat." I respond just as Steve takes his seat beside me. Rocket looks at Thor and Thor turns his attention to me even more, needing clarification.
"With the blind man's baby?" The God of Thunder questions and Steve spits out the water he was drinking. I laugh softly, shaking my head. Rhodey looks amused and Natasha has a small smile on my face. Bruce looks kind of confused but the man is always kind of confused.
"No, no. Steve and I are married, Thor. It's his baby." I say with a smile, hand resting on my stomach. Thor smiles, laughing, his hand resting on his thigh.
"Well that is fantastic news. If it wasn't for this solemn time, I'd say we should have a celebration." Thor retorts, his smile fading. The slight happiness fades from the room. I look at Rocket.
"Rocket, do you have any way to contact the rest of your group?" I ask, setting aside my glass of water. Rocket sighed, moving slightly on the couch.
"Last I heard they were going to Know Where. I have no idea where they would be now." The raccoon responds and I sigh, guessing that Know Where is some random planet. I turn my attention to Rhodey.
"When was the last time you were in contact with my brother?" I question, letting Rhodey think for a few seconds.
"I brought him his mail a day or two ago. Pepper would've been the last to talk to him, or Bruce, I'm guessing." Rhodey says, leaning forward slightly. All of us turn to look at Bruce, who sighs.
"Last I saw him, he was flying into space after Doctor Strange and Spider-Man." Bruce explains and I pinch the bridge of my nose. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. Think Peyton think. Take action of this situation. WWPCD? What would Peggy Carter do? I take another sip of my water before sitting up straight. My thoughts were running a thousand miles a minute, but I made them all stop.
"Alright, this is what we are going to do. Tomorrow we are going to back to the base upstate because we are of no use here. Nat, you're going to do some snooping and see if Peter is fine or if he ever came home. You're also going to see if Clint's still here or not, same with Scott. Rhodey, you're going to see if the government if ready to just accept that we are back and you're going to see what they are willing to work with us on during this whole mess. Bruce, you're going to get all the Vision shit together and we're going to see what we can do with that. Thor, Rocket, you two are going to think of any God damn way we can contact my brother or your crew, got that?" I assign everyone their roles, using my business voice I had to use while working for Stark Industries. Everyone looked at me, a little in shock at the fact I just took the reigns on this situation and my husband didn't.
"I thought he was in charge here." Rocket asks, pointing to Steve. Steve looks at me, a smile slightly appearing on his face. He looked relieved that he didn't have to control the group for once.
"Somebody had to get their shit together so I decided to do it." I say with a shrug. Natasha smirks, shifting slightly in her seat.
"So what is Steve supposed to do? You didn't give him any jobs." Natasha questions and my husband looks at me, curious as well. I stand, carrying my empty glass to the kitchen area. I pour myself another glass, looking at my ragtag team as they wait in suspense.
"Steve's gonna set up a nursery for the baby."
-
Showering felt almost orgasmic after today's events. Getting off today's blood, sweat, and tears. It almost made me feel better.
Almost.
I pressed my head against the cool shower tiles as the hot water washed over me. I stood like that for a moment before shutting the shower off and grabbing the fluffy towel that awaited me. I carefully dried myself off, standing in front of the mirror. I looked better, but my eyes were still sunken in. I sighed, moving my towel so I could see the outline of my baby bump. Almost three months in and all I have to show for it was a bump that was much more obvious now. I pulled the towel back around me and walked to the bedroom. Steve was already in bed, having showered before me.
"Feel better?" Steve asks, his eyes on me. I nod, dropping my towel and pulling on the clothes that someone in the palace had gotten for me. I climb into bed and into Steve's awaiting arms. He kisses my forehead, arms wrapping around me.
"I'm sorry about Bucky, Steve. And about Sam. I'm just sorry." I murmur to him softly, looking up at him. My husband lets out a shaky sigh, looking up at the ceiling. Let me see you, Steven. I'm your wife, don't hide your feeling from me.
"Everyone lost someone today, Pey. I'm just glad I didn't lose you or this one." Steve responds quietly, motioning to my stomach. I take his bandaged hand and place it against my stomach. I put my hand on top of his, holding it there as I study his face. There's something he isn't saying.
"You can tell me anything, you know. I am your wife." I tell him, his eyes landing back on me. His hand moves slightly on my stomach, his thumb rubbing my skin in small circles.
"I'm worried about you. The way you took control today, the way you acted about Tony...I'm just worried." Steve says, his voice calm. I chuckle dryly, a grim smile on my face. I turn my head, seeing my dog tags on the bedside table.
"Somebody had to take control, so I did. And with Tony-well of course I'm going to be emotional about that. He's my brother and I have no idea where he is and I can't contact him. At least when we were on the run, I knew he was safe and I could get in contact with him." I explain, looking up at the ceiling. Steve doesn't answer and I when I turn my head to look at him, I find out why.
He was fast asleep, his face buried in the crook of my neck. Steve's hand was still on my stomach, his arm wrapped around me.
"I love you, Steve. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't survived today. I don't thing I could handle losing you." I say softly, my voice no higher than a whisper. I reach up, tucking a strand of his hair behind his ear before pulling the blankets over us more. I kiss his forehead before I let sleep overcome me.