Chapter Nine:
Almost
✶
Saturday,
November 19th,
1977.
Archer Reyes didn't go on dates often. If a girl asked him out—which, to be fair, didn't happen too much; Dhruv was usually the one they'd be after—he would find some convincing excuse to get out of it: homework, not feeling well, stressed... You name it, Archer had used it.
But today was different. He could tell how much this double date meant to Dhruv, and so for today he would suck it up and just do it. It was only one date. Archer figured it couldn't be that bad—he was with Dhruv, after all. If the conversation turned awkward, Dhruv would be sure to sweep in and keep it flowing.
It's going to be fine, Archer reassured himself. You'll be fine.
Archer and Dhruv patiently waited for their dates in the courtyard. Whilst Dhruv casually leant against the archway pillar, Archer stood with his hands buried in his pockets. His foot tapped uncontrollably on the stone floor. He still didn't know who Heather had picked out to be his date. A sickening thought suddenly came to him—what if she had forgotten, and she hadn't picked anyone to be his date? Then he would have to face the embarrassment of telling Dhruv and Heather, "Oh, it's fine, really!" as they both stared at him with pity in their eyes.
That's not going to happen, Archer thought firmly, but the sliver of doubt stayed rooted in his mind.
He sighed, glancing over at Dhruv who didn't seem to be nervous at all. Maybe he's just really good at hiding it, Archer thought. However, Dhruv had always been the cooler of the two. Even his outfit for the date—dark jeans and a flannel shirt with a jacket overtop—looked cool, especially when compared to Archer's simple knitted sweatshirt and trousers.
Archer looked over at Dhruv and made a gesture toward the upturned collar of his jacket. Dhruv reached his hand up to flatten it.
"Thanks, man," Dhruv said. He let out a shaky breath. He is nervous, Archer realised.
But any nerves Dhruv had been feeling seemingly floated away once his eyes laid sight on something behind Archer, a smile starting to form on his face. Archer turned around to see what Dhruv was looking at, but in all honesty, he probably could have guessed right without needing to look. It was Heather, her hair flowing behind her and a rare smile gracing her face. Riley Martinez followed close behind her.
As the girls neared, Dhruv started walking over to meet them and Archer followed.
"Hey," Dhruv said to them, though he really only had eyes for Heather. "You look beautiful today."
Archer awkwardly turned to face Riley. "Hi."
"Hi."
"Erm, you look... nice." He rubbed the back of his neck. Merlin, he was awful at this.
Riley smiled. "Thanks, Archer."
Despite how out of place he felt, he attempted to smile back.
The group of four started to walk outside in the direction of Hogsmeade. Dhruv and Heather were out the front with Archer and Riley bringing up the rear.
He couldn't help but notice Riley's outfit—denim overalls with a yellow long-sleeve underneath—and began wondering if she was cold, for he was wearing three layers himself and yet was freezing. He even debated asking her but felt that if he did she would likely say she was fine, even if she really was cold... He wanted to sigh. Hufflepuffs.
A chilly gust of wind blew past, however, Riley didn't even flinch. Archer, on the other hand, was beginning to regret not wearing a beanie. Thank Merlin he had decided to wear a scarf.
The walk to Hogsmeade wasn't a long one and before he knew it, the group of four had arrived at the top of the main street. A flurry of snow started to fall from above. The small white specs landed everywhere from Archer's hair to his knitted sweatshirt, melting as soon as it hit the ground at his feet. To his left was Honeydukes, in all its sweet glory, and as Archer opened his mouth to ask if the others also wanted to go in there, Heather said sharply, "C'mon, we need to get to The Three Broomsticks before all the good seats are taken."
Archer clamped his mouth shut.
A rush of warmth greeted Archer as he entered The Three Broomsticks. The pub was buzzing with life. A seamless flow of chatter and laughter surrounded him and he watched as waiting staff bustled around the tables, delivering drinks to people with beaming smiles on their faces.
The group of four scored a cosy booth on the far side of the room. A toasty fireplace wasn't very far from them, something of which Archer found himself exceedingly grateful for. They ordered four mugs of Butterbeer and sat down, Dhruv and Heather on one side of the booth and Archer and Riley on the other.
"How's your sister going, Heather?" Dhruv spoke up in the aim to initiate conversation between the group.
Heather let out a humph. The waitress set down the Butterbeer at the table and Heather picked up a mug of it, taking a swig of the frothy drink. "Well," she said, learning closer as if what she was about to say was top secret information—and Merlin, maybe it was. Archer didn't know too much about Heather at all. However he had an inkling that this was just what she was like when dishing out gossip, even if that gossip was about her own sister.
Heather looked over at Archer, providing him with a much needed couple of sentences of context. "My younger sister, Hazel, has just turned ten and she's still not displaying any signs of magic. It's dismal." She sighed. "But I still have some hope. I mean, my older cousin didn't show any signs of magic until a month before his eleventh birthday—can you believe that?"
"What do your parents think?" Archer asked.
"They think she's a squib," Heather said bluntly. "Hopefully they don't disown her, but..." She shrugged her shoulders in a nonchalant manner as if it was completely out of her control.
Heather took a sip of her Butterbeer. Archer found himself doing the same. His head was spinning. She was captivating, that was for sure.
"Do you have any siblings, Archer?" Riley turned to face him. She smiled kindly, as if she understood and knew how intense Heather could be sometimes.
Archer shook his head slightly. "Erm, no. I don't."
Dhruv smiled at him across the table. "Archie and I are practically brothers, though. I don't think there's anything we don't know about each other."
"Yeah," Archer said before clearing his throat. He echoed, "Yeah, we're practically brothers."
The conversation carried on around him but Archer was lost in thought. Dhruv's sentiment both warmed and tore at his heart. Because yes, they were brothers in every way except blood, and Dhruv even saying that made his eyes want to flood with happy tears, but...
But Archer could think of one thing that Dhruv didn't know about him.
He wasn't sure if there would ever be a right time to tell Dhruv about his sexuality. Every time Archer would gear up the courage to tell him, the words would get lodged in his throat and before long the conversation would be swept up in a different direction. Archer was beginning to think he might never have the guts to tell Dhruv. The very thought made him miserable.
This raised the question of when would the rest of the world find out, if ever? When would he tell his Uncle Harvey? And even Heather, and Riley? When would they find out? The thought of telling people didn't scare him as much as the thought of being rejected did. He had known Dhruv for years and he knew that Dhruv would be fine with it, but the thought—the mere possibility—that he wouldn't be... that terrified Archer. He couldn't stand to lose him. The same went with Harvey.
When Archer zoned back into the conversation around him, Dhruv and Heather were having a lively competition to see who could chug their butterbeer the fastest. Riley was cheering from the side. Heather slammed her empty butterbeer mug onto the table.
"Yes!" Heather grinned triumphantly. "I win!"
Dhruv scoffed. One might think his ego had been struck, but Archer could tell he was trying not to smile. "I let you win."
"Oh, please," Heather teased him. They shared a kiss. Dhruv pulled away, a smile present on his face.
He glanced over at Archer and Riley. "I'm gonna go get us more Butterbeer—you want some?" They shook their heads, both still having more than half of their drinks left. Dhruv shrugged and walked over to the bar.
Archer was unsure if Dhruv and Heather had labelled themselves as boyfriend and girlfriend but they sure acted like a couple. They had been seeing each other for, what, a month? Archer would not be surprised if they made it official soon.
However, after seeing Dhruv and Heather kissing, a sickening thought had struck him without warning. What if Riley expected him to kiss her, too? Shit. He hadn't thought of that. Now that was something Archer could not bring himself to do.
The more Archer thought about it, the more he dreaded it, and the more unsettled he became. The previously calming warmth of The Three Broomsticks started to become unbearable. He took off his scarf and laid it next to him, hoping that it would solve the problem and he would no longer be uncomfortable. It didn't. A minute passed. Then another. Archer still felt overwhelmingly hot. He knew it was only a potential scenario but the thought of having to kiss Riley—to kiss a girl—caused him to become terribly distressed. Tugging at the neck of his sweatshirt, he felt like he could not breathe. The chatter from the tables around him seemed to echo in his ears. He blinked a few times. The world seemed to slow...
"I've... I've got to go," Archer stammered out, abruptly standing up.
Riley and Heather's laughter ceased. They looked up at him, frowns on their faces. Riley said, "Is everything okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine," Archer lied. He needed to get out of there. "You guys have fun without me. I... I forgot something I needed to do at the castle. Erm... tell Dhruv..." He faltered. "Tell Dhruv I'll see him later."
He didn't wait for a response.
When he opened the door to The Three Broomsticks, Archer was immediately hit with a gust of cold, wintery air. He relished in it. Although it was a shock to the system, he felt like he could breathe again and he welcomed it with open arms. The brunet walked a few steps and sat on a nearby bench. Breathe, he told himself. In and out. In and out.
Archer wasn't sure how long he sat there for. Long enough for his body to start to become rather cold and long enough that he could see his breath coming out of his mouth. With a crushing realisation, he remembered that he had left his scarf back on the booth in The Three Broomsticks. Nevermind that, he thought. He wasn't going to go back, he had made that clear—to both himself and to Riley and Heather. Now, he didn't have to do anything he didn't want to do. All he felt was relief.
He looked up and to the busy street in front of him. No one would care if he slipped into the crowd and made his way back to Hogwarts.
But then his eye caught onto the swinging shop door of Honeydukes. In all its heavenly glory, the sweets shop shone out to him, calling his name. Yes. This was exactly what Archer needed.
A bell rang above him as he opened the door to the shop. He felt better immediately. The store was lively, plenty of people wanting to buy the best sweets the town had to offer. The atmosphere felt lighter than that of The Three Broomsticks and its sweet and sugary aroma put Archer right at ease. He knew exactly what he wanted and where to get it—he'd done this routine plenty of times before.
Three packets of Drooble's Best Blowing Gum in his arms—Archer thought he had best get extra as he did not know when the next Hogsmeade weekend trip would be... Better to be safe than sorry, right?—he turned the corner of the aisle and started to walk over to the cash register. He was minding his own business when a voice called out to him.
"Archer?"
"Sirius?" Archer couldn't help the grin that formed on his face when he saw Sirius. His spirit was immediately uplifted.
"Fancy seeing you here." Sirius was also grinning. "How was the double date?"
He groaned. "Don't ask."
Archer glanced over at the register and noticed the cashier was free. He paid for his Drooble's and then waited for Sirius to pay for his sweets too. They walked outside. With slight surprise, Archer found himself not wanting to go back to the castle quite yet, not if Sirius was staying in Hogsmeade a while longer. His eyes trailed over to the bench he had been sitting at before. Sirius must have followed his gaze because he said, "Want to sit?"
"Sure." He shrugged, trying to pass it off as though he had just thought of the idea. In reality, he had quietly been hoping Sirius had wanted to hang out for a bit.
The next twenty minutes of conversation were the most comfortable that Archer had felt all day. It was just him and Sirius and that was all that mattered. The repose he felt when he was with the dark haired boy remained unmatched. He could feel himself falling for him all over again. But, then again, had he ever stopped?
Sirius said something amusing and Archer found himself throwing his head back with laughter. It died down after a few moments but the smile on his lips still remained.
And suddenly the two of them were sitting a lot closer than he had realised. So close that Archer could feel Sirius' upper arm gently knocking into his own, so close that Archer's heartbeat began to pick up speed. His gaze flickered to Sirius, studying every inch of his face. Sirius smiled back, his eyes holding a thousand sparkling constellations. Archer could get lost in those eyes.
The past was screaming in his ear, trying to fill his heart with doubt, and yet those screams fell on deaf ears when Archer was looking into Sirius' eyes.
"Sirius..." Archer started. He swallowed thickly.
"Yeah...?" Sirius breathed out.
Archer found himself unable to tear his gaze away. It was like a magnetic force was attracting him toward Sirius and he wasn't sure he wanted to pull away. His heart picked up its pace, beating faster as Sirius' eyes flickered down to his lips. Closer, closer, closer... their lips almost touching... almost...
"Oh, Sirius! There you are—I've been looking all over!"
Archer and Sirius hastily scrambled away from each other.
Wide-eyed, Archer tried to locate the source of the voice that had spoken. He locked eyes with a girl who was approaching them. He didn't recognise her. With short brown hair and a wide smile on her face, it was obvious she hadn't noticed the intimate exchange between the two boys.
Sirius smiled at her, though he looked like a kid that had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "Candice!" He turned back to face Archer but he couldn't quite meet his eyes. "Candice, this is Archer, my friend—" Sirius' words left a bitter taste in Archer's mouth, "—and Archer, this is Candice, my... my date."
It took the words a few moments to register in Archer's mind. Once he had comprehended them, he said quietly, "Oh..."
Not quite sensing the tension, Candice extended her hand for him to shake. "I'm a Fifth Year Gryffindor. Are you in Seventh Year, too?"
"Yeah, I am," Archer forced himself to say, shaking her hand although he felt foolish doing so. "I... I should go. It was, erm, nice to meet you." He walked off in the direction of the castle.
Sirius watched him go before turning away sharply. He cursed himself—he had fucked up and he knew it.
As Archer walked away he had to fight the powerful urge to burst into tears right there and then. Right when things looked like they were getting better, shit hit the fan. Right when he was falling for Sirius again, his heart shattered, again. The culprit? Sirius. Again.
There was only so much he could take.
✶
Monday,
August 8th,
1977.
With his back leaning against the stump of the large oak tree in his backyard, Archer stared up at the stars. It was the middle of the night, however he had previously discovered that this was the best time to stargaze, and so he didn't mind the late hour. A pleasant light summer breeze swept through.
And, well... the company wasn't all that bad.
Next to him was Sirius. He too sat with his back against the oak tree, his legs extended on the ground beneath him. He had been coming over a lot more regularly this past week, now that Harvey knew they were back in contact. Archer loved it.
Above them, the moon was a mere sliver in the night sky. It was a relatively cloudy night and at times this made it hard to see the stars. Archer found that he spent more time subtly glancing over at Sirius than he did actually stargazing. This had surprised him, considering he loved the night sky so much, but it made sense. Why would he look into the distance for a star when one was sitting right next to him?
Sirius' foot gently knocked into Archer's. He turned toward Sirius and was surprised to find that the boy next to him was already looking his way.
"Hi," Sirius said.
"Hi," Archer said, though it came out as more of a croaky whisper. His cheeks flushed pink. He cleared his throat and tried again. "Erm. Hi."
Sirius grinned at him.
It was only then that Archer realised how close the two of them were to each other. His mouth felt dry and his heart pounded. Archer could have easily leant forward slightly and connected their lips, but something was stopping him. He knew that he liked Sirius, but the question of whether Sirius liked him back remained to be answered. What if one kiss ruined everything? What if Sirius hated him for it? What if he never talked to him again?
Archer didn't want to be the one to ruin their friendship, not when they had been disconnected from each other for so long. He couldn't bear for that to happen again.
"Sirius, I—"
Archer's words left him when he felt a set of lips on his.
It took a moment for his brain to catch up, but once it did, his eyes grew wide. Sirius was kissing him! And he... and he wasn't doing anything back...? At this realisation, his eyes grew wider. Sirius Black was kissing him, and he was sitting there like an idiot. His mind screamed at him to kiss back, but before he knew it, Sirius was pulling away.
Archer started to stutter. He didn't know what to say. There was a small smile on Sirius' face as he watched Archer stumble on his words. Sirius stares into his eyes and this flustered him even more. It felt like he was staring into his soul. Archer felt a blush start to creep up on his cheeks as they grew warmer. He was growing more and more abashed with each second that passed.
Eventually, he decided to throw all caution to the wind, and he leant forward and smashed his lips against Sirius'. Unlike in so many books he had read, there weren't any fireworks when their lips met. The kiss wasn't perfect, but that was what made it so special. It was perfect to them.
After a few seconds, Sirius pulled away. His cheeks were a light pink. He grinned. "Come on, I want to show you something."
"Okay," Archer said, a little breathless. His mind was reeling—had they really just kissed? Was this real? He had been so prepared to accept defeat and maintain their friendship the way it was, never letting Sirius know his true feelings, but what had just happened was the complete opposite...
There was little time to dwell on it, however, as Sirius had already started walking. Archer followed Sirius into the garage—which, since they did not own a car, had just turned into a place for storage—and waited with anticipation as Sirius told him to close his eyes. He obliged. His hand tingled as Sirius clasped it, guiding him into the room.
A minute passed. Eventually, Sirius said, "Alright, you can open your eyes now."
Archer hesitated, his eyes still closed. "There isn't going to be a cat, or something, sitting there, right? I think Bandit might get jealous—"
"Just open them!" Sirius laughed. "I swear it isn't anything ghastly. And it isn't a cat, either, just... just take a look."
He opened his eyes. The bright light from a nearby lamp filled his vision, and he had to blink a few times to allow his eyes to adjust after being accustomed to the darkness outside. At first he wasn't exactly sure what he was looking for, but once his gaze landed on it, his mouth dropped open. "Is that...?" Archer started to say, his voice trailing off in surprise. "No way..."
Archer glanced over at Sirius, who nodded enthusiastically, inviting him to take a closer look. He took a slow step forward as if the object in front of him was an animal he didn't want to scare.
"Holy shit," Archer finally managed.
The object that sat in front of him was a record player. It was similar to his old one—the one that had broken a week and a half ago—but at the same time it was rather different. It was a deep red colour and was clearly new. Archer could see his reflection on its surface.
"The other day, when you slept in late, Harvey and I went into town and picked up this beauty," Sirius said. He puffed out his chest. "It was a bonding experience. I think Harvey likes me—I mean, what's not to like?"
They had gone shopping, together, for him? The thought warmed his heart. He wanted to burst into happy tears. Instead, he took another long look at the record player. He still couldn't believe his eyes. "Wow."
"Oh, and that's not all!" Sirius added excitedly as though he had almost forgotten something. He nodded toward the record player. "Tell it to play a song."
"Tell it to play a song?" Archer repeated doubtfully. Sirius nodded. "What song?"
"Any song you can think of."
After a moment of thought, Archer—feeling a little foolish, talking to an inanimate object—bent down and said, "Elvis Presley. Blue Suede Shoes...?"
To Archer's surprise, after a few seconds, something started to happen. What had been a plain black record began to change in colour, swirling greens and purples and greys appearing until it resembled the cover of Elvis' debut album. A second passed and the song started to play quietly in front of them as though it knew it was the middle of the night and that they were trying to keep a low profile.
Archer's jaw dropped. He had never seen anything like this before.
"Harvey charmed it. Pretty cool, right?" Sirius said.
"Thank you. It means a lot," Archer said earnestly. He suddenly felt the overwhelming urge to kiss the boy in front of him—and so he did.
After a few seconds, though, Sirius pulled away. "Erm, when Harvey shows this to you tomorrow, just... act surprised. He doesn't know I'm showing you this..." He smiled guiltily.
Archer shook his head amusedly.
They kissed again. The world felt right.
✶
Saturday,
November 19th,
1977.
Archer didn't get back to his dormitory until later that afternoon. Despite the cold he had taken a walk around the grounds, hoping maybe that it would make him feel better. It didn't.
Standing outside of the dormitory, his hand on the doorknob, Archer swallowed harshly. His throat was sore from trying not to cry. Dhruv would no doubt be inside, waiting for answers, and Archer was too emotionally exhausted to deal with it. But he had to. He knew he had to. But it didn't make it any easier.
He stepped through the doorway.
As he had expected, Dhruv was inside. He was sitting on his bed and looked up as Archer entered.
"Are you okay?" Dhruv asked him quietly. Archer didn't answer—he knew that he couldn't lie, not right now, and he didn't even want to get started with what was wrong. "Erm, okay, well, I'm going to assume you're alright... in which case, what the fuck, Archie?"
Archer winced.
Dhruv asked, "Why did you leave?"
"I just want to go to bed," Archer said. He sighed shakily. "Can we talk in the morning?"
"No!" Dhruv shook his head incredulously. He stood up. "I want to talk now. I don't understand why you left—and without saying anything, I might add!"
He clenched his jaw, frustration suddenly filling him from head to toe. This conversation was quickly getting out of hand. The dominos were falling down and Archer was helpless to stop them. "I don't know!"
"You don't know?" Dhruv threw his hands up in the air. "It's like you didn't even want to go, Archie!"
"Um, maybe because I didn't want to go?"
"You didn't. Right. Well, you didn't have to come—"
"Oh, come off it," Archer scoffed. "Like that was even an option."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Dhruv frowned angrily.
"I mean," Archer fired back, "I felt like you were pressuring me to go, like I couldn't say no—"
"I pressured you?" Dhruv said in outrage. "I did no such thing—!"
"I just..." Archer faltered. The frustration drained out of him as the truth hit him. He wasn't angry at Dhruv—he was angry at himself. Angry that he let his guard down enough to get hurt again. Angry that he hadn't seen it coming. Tears sprung in his eyes for the first time that day, rendering Dhruv speechless. "I just couldn't do it, okay?" His voice cracked.
Dhruv went still. He opened his mouth, hesitated, then shut it.
Archer ran a hand through his hair and slumped into a seated position on his bed. He sighed. "I mean, sure, Riley is pretty and all, but... she isn't my type."
"Your type," Dhruv echoed.
"She isn't a guy," Archer clarified quietly. His eyes lowered. "I'm gay. And I can't keep pretending I like girls when I just don't. I can't... I can't keep pretending to be someone I'm not."
A few tender seconds of silence went by.
"Fuck, Dhruv, say something..." He burst into messy tears.
Two arms wrapped around him almost immediately. Dhruv hugged him tight and Archer let his tears cascade down his cheeks. He buried his head in Dhruv's shoulder, but Dhruv didn't seem to mind. They stayed like this for a while, but eventually Archer felt Dhruv pull away from the embrace. He sniffled. Dhruv said, "Archie, you're my best friend. I will love and support you for as long as I live. I'm so proud of you."
Archer looked up at Dhruv with relieved tears in his eyes. He no longer had to pretend—not with Dhruv, at least. It felt like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders, one he wasn't fully aware he had been carrying. He could finally breathe again.
word count: 4702
09.02.2023