I know what I want to do, but I don't know how to do it.
I sit cross-legged on my bed, limbs carefully arranged so I don't stab myself. I'm up a bit early, according to the small alarm clock I got when I became a temporary agent, and I want to use the time to talk with Agatha. If anyone could expand on Shadow's advice, it would be her, but I don't have a way to contact her before training.
I could wake Shadow and borrow his communicator, I suggest to myself, but the idea doesn't appeal to me. It would be awkward telling him I want to talk about his words with someone else, though I wouldn't necessarily have to say he's the reason for my sudden urge to chat with my first friend.
I could go and try to find her, I think, but I start to shake my head before the thought can even fully form. No, that's foolish. I have no idea if she's still sleeping or doing something. And, either way, she's probably in a place that I'm not allowed. I rest my chin in my hand, stumped.
Maybe I really will have to go through Shadow...
For a minute, I resist the option, holding out for a better one. But, I eventually give in, reminding myself that I only have half an hour to track Agatha down before training. I stand up with a sigh, casting my mind out to my half-brother's room.
I appear with a resounding crack, wincing at the loudness in the otherwise silent space. But, to my surprise, Shadow does not leap from his bed to confront the noise, Chaos Spear in hand. I take a curious step towards his lying form, stilling when I realize he's shaking in his sleep, eyes twitching with imagined enemies. I recoil slightly, unsure how to respond to the situation--while I've handled many nightmares formed by my own mind, Shadow's are sure to be quite different, and waking him may cause more problems than it solves.
I stand over him, frozen with indecision. I could abort my idea right now and simply return to my room to wait, thereby avoiding having to comfort Shadow over memories I'm unlikely to be particularly sympathetic for, but that option also prevents my seeing Agatha. Is talking with Shadow about the horrors of his past worth speaking with my closest friend?
He's undoubtedly dreaming about that Maria girl. Chaos forbid he should ever regret anything more than her death, I grouse. For a moment, I'm sour, but the emotion is abruptly cut off by a shocking clarity that runs down my spine and gives me chills.
...here I am, thinking that she shouldn't mean so much to him, but the whole reason I even came to wake Shadow up was so I could visit with a human. The realization makes me distraught, not so much because I'm ashamed to care for Agatha but because I never, not once, made any connection at all with Shadow's deceased human family and my own human friends.
I never revised my thinking on that. I've been resenting a girl I never met despite caring deeply for humans myself. I never thought about it before, but I've been holding a grudge all this time, not even aware that my disgust for Shadow's love of his humans over our kind was completely hypocritical. How has this been affecting our interactions? Have I been cold to him and not realized it?
I slump, tail curling close in shame. The thought that I've been unconsciously despising Shadow for a behaviour I've now come to emulate is remarkably distressing, and I dread hearing Agatha's thoughts on it. For, I have to tell her. I cannot possibly keep such a mistake to myself, not when it concerns something so important as my newfound appreciation for human beings.
I hope she won't think too badly of me... It's at least good that I noticed my error, right? I fidget, rubbing my arm's crests nervously. Well, anyhow, there's no way I can let myself return to bed without finding her now. Waking Shadow it is.
I take a deep breath, reaching out to gently shake my half-brother's shoulder. It takes a solid few seconds, but he jerks awake, crimson eyes frantic in their search for danger.
"It's just me," I say softly, hoping my tone is not too familiar. "Are you alright?"
"I--" He pauses, attempting to hide his ragged breathing. "Yes, I am. Did you sense my nightmare through the hivemind?"
"Er, no," I reply awkwardly, feeling a little guilty that I haven't been checking Shadow for night terrors during my own nightly periods of wakefulness. "I came to borrow your communicator."
"Oh." His response carries a heaviness in its short syllable, and I recognize belatedly that Shadow was hoping I came to talk with him. I fidget again, this time with my left foot, embarrassed that I came for a personal gain when he so obviously wants someone to confide in about his pain. I can imagine it's particularly disappointing for him to be unintentionally rejected by me, especially, since I'm the only person he knows who can fully comprehend the issues he faces with the haunting memories of the past.
"You can confide in me, if you like," I offer, not wanting to spend all of my pre-training time with Shadow but also not wanting to cause a rift in our recently-formed relationship.
"It's fine."
I try not to feel cut out by the short reply, unsure whether Shadow's resurrected emotional wall is more the fault of my missed cue or his stiff reaction. Regardless, the air between us is awkward, and I hesitate to ask to borrow Shadow's watch.
"Here, just take it. Give it back to me at training," he says in the silence, unclasping it from his wrist and tossing it at me. I catch it, a little skittish with the tension. "And tell Topaz she can keep you past start time if she needs. Have yourself a good chat. Today's mostly waiting up, anyways."
"Thanks," I reply, meaning it but also uncomfortable. I teleport to one of G.U.N.'s deserted Sublevel hallways without further ado, eager to escape. I give myself a moment to shake off the rather bad start to the morning, wanting to be cheery when I call Agatha.
A minute later, I've fiddled with Shadow's watch enough that I've found her contact information, and I call her, hoping she's awake.
"Shadow?" Her voice comes over the line, and I feel myself instinctively relax at her soothing presence.
"Not quite," I chirp, much lighter than I was a moment ago.
"Eclipse? What are you doing with Shadow's communicator?"
"Borrowing it. Are you free to talk?" I inquire, swaying back and forth on my feet with sudden energy.
"Yeah, of course. I'm up in the breakfast hall right now. Where are you?"
"Right next to the Chaos lab. It's usually quiet down here, so I figured it would be good. But," I add hurriedly, "if you're eating, then I can wait."
"Nah, I can just grab something to go. Do you want anything, speaking of which?"
"Er... A bite of food would be nice," I admit, looking down at my empty abdomen. "Something to drink, too."
"Gotcha. Well, I'll meet you down there in about 10 minutes tops, 'kay?"
"Sure," I reply enthusiastically, grinning through the small screen at her. Her speech is more casual with her morning tiredness, and I'm finding it rather amusing. She gives me a quick wave before cutting off, and I spin idly on my foot, reveling in the feeling of affection towards my friend. Not only is she willing to take time out of her day for me, she seems to genuinely want to, and her companionship means more to me than she likely knows.
If this is how Shadow felt about Maria, then I... I understand. I understand why he still hasn't let go of her. I look up at the dimmed nighttime lights, feeling my two hearts squeeze. I never had a comparison before, to what joys simple love can bring. I thought I understood loyalty to family, but Master was different than any of the humans here. With him, I was expected to protect him with my life, which I was grateful to do. He created me, and I existed to serve his every wish. But, with Agatha... I pause in my resumed spinning motions, glancing towards the elevator reflexively. It's mutual. I will protect her, and she will do the same for me. It's not a debt or a service; it's a choice, purely based on friendship.
I shiver, amazed at the concepts I've come across in my time here. Life is so very unique on Mobius, and I've finally come to realize that the passionate emotions here for one another aren't necessarily bad. I suppose it makes sense, since Mobians have such short lives and need to live them to the fullest, but the depth of my relationships here is beyond anything I'd ever anticipated.
What's truly incredible is that I can honestly say I'm happy here, I think, smiling at the thought. I take a deep, slow breath, indulging in a moment of thankfulness that I had never thought was possible before I came to G.U.N.
I jump as the elevator chimes, twitching into a better posture. Agatha steps out, and I bound over, more externally happy to see her than I may have ever been before--I suppose my connection with Shadow's past has made my present seem more fragile, more precious. She receives me with a grin, portioning out the food she brought.
"Good to see you too," she laughs in response to my wordless greeting, handing me what appears to be a muffin. I consume half of it in one bite, not aware of my speedy eating until I've already inhaled the entire thing.
"...darn it," I pout, looking forlornly at my empty hand.
"Hungry, were you?" Agatha teases, having only eaten a nibble of her breakfast in the time I demolished mine. "Here, I brought you some coffee, too. I don't know if you'll like it, but they were out of juice, so I had to make do."
"Thanks," I grin sheepishly, sniffing the cup with great interest. The toffee-brown liquid smells wonderful, and I carefully dip my tongue in to taste it.
"...eh?" I lap at it again--it's pretty hot--not entirely sure what my tastebuds are experiencing. The taste is mildly bitter, with an added sweetness I guess is sugar; I've never known such an incongruity in taste and scent. I had been expecting a rich, robust flavor, but the liquid tastes slightly watery and not all that pleasant. I unintentionally pull a face, and Agatha bursts out laughing.
"I don't know what's funnier--the look of complete disappointment on your face or your light green tongue. I had to do a double-take," she guffaws, and I tilt my head.
"Of course it's green," I say, mildly surprised. "My internal flesh is all, er... 'Pale lime?' Something like that. You've never noticed?"
"I noticed you bruised green after the heal test. You were walking around with a pretty tinged complexion for awhile. One of Spider Troupe confusedly asked me if you suffered from vertigo or something," she recalls, smile broadening. "It is hard to connect the details from humans, though. You get so used to everything having red blood that you don't consider the implications when you're dealing with a different color. One of the many reasons people are caught off guard by your unique traits."
"I feel the same way about red blood, so I suppose I understand. It freaked me out when I saw Shadow bleeding. I'd never seen anything of the sort," I shudder, trying to eject the image from my mind. "It was horrifying."
"Such injuries usually are. I've seen hundreds, and yet they still bother me," Agatha sighs quietly, obviously remembering such things even as I do the traumas of my past. I feel a little guilty, wishing I hadn't brought up Shadow's brush with death.
"Er, so, Shadow said I could be a little late to training today, if our conversation ran over," I say, trying to steer us away from depressing topics. I'm particularly uncomfortable with negative thoughts because the mission is tomorrow, and I don't really want to think about what could go wrong.
"Ah, well that's nice of him. That's right, though. Did you have anything you wanted to talk about, specifically?"
"Yeah, actually," I reply, gathering my thoughts. "Shadow gave me some advice for the assignment, and I thought you might be able to expand on some of it."
"Sure. Fire away," Agatha responds, winking.
"The ones he told me where default to your orders, ask for clarification when needed, and conserve energy," I tell her, neglecting to mention the last one Shadow brought up. While I suppose it did need to be said then, I'm hardly going to repeat it to my human friend.
"Those are some good all-around rules to follow, definitely," she muses, rubbing her chin and taking a thoughtful bite of her muffin. "Following your orders is especially important, if you remember the consequences for not doing so."
"Permanent imprisonment or euthanization. Believe me, I haven't forgotten," I remark, still able to vividly remember hearing about Shadow's options during the second conflict between our race and Mobius. "Neither are futures I want to risk."
"G.U.N. doesn't want you to risk them, either," Agatha says wryly, her lavender eyes meeting mine with a rather fond, if stern, gaze.
"Heh, I imagine," I reply, only slightly joking. "If I need clearer directions, who should I ask, by the way?"
"Captain Andrews would be the best, but another soldier would likely be able to answer, as well. If you can't contact one of them, Shadow can interpret for you, but he'll be busy with his own orders. It's probably best to leave him be as much as you can. He has a lot of pressure on him for this."
"Because of me?" I ask, unsure. I cock my head at her, switching my coffee to my left hand so I can drink some while waiting for her answer.
"Not just you," she smiles affectionately, finishing the last of her muffin off. "He was almost captured by this group before--"
"So was I," I point out, blinking as my mumbled words into my cup splash liquid on my face. "Ergh."
"Yes, but you weren't an agent at the time. I'm sure Shadow's determined to make up for the incident, as well as a little peeved it happened in the first place."
"Peeved? Definitely," I chortle, doing my best not to grimace at the taste of my drink. "Shadow's pride is one of his sore spots..." I internally roll my eyes as I think back to last night, when he got all snappish because I asked about a mistake he'd made. All that supposed maturity, but he still gets aggravated by himself; I'm glad I, at least, don't take myself that seriously.
"Well, then, I can guarantee he's going to be at peak performance for this. He failed once--if I've learned anything about him, it's that he doesn't take such things lightly."
"Not at all. But, I didn't know he confided so much in you," I comment, absentmindedly trying to balance my empty cup on my tail.
"He doesn't," Agatha says a little heavily. "Rouge does. Everything's either jewels, boys, or Shadow's emotional issues, with her. Now, at least. For awhile, she also loved to complain about you, but I think you've snuck your way into her heart." She shrugs, smiling a bit. "I have to say, I'm impressed. She usually only likes attractive Mobian men--who, incidentally, I've heard way too much about. If you ever need dating advice... I'm your reference guide." She rolls her own eyes, a casual gesture of annoyance I'm not sure she's ever made in front of me. At least, I think it's the first such gesture that wasn't a response to me.
"Noted," I grin, successfully balancing the paper container long enough to consider it mastered. I start batting it back and forth lightly, admittedly showing off a bit for my friend.
"Eclipse, I hope you're aware that you're the only person I've ever met who's made me want a tail," she observes, and we both look at each other blankly for a moment before bursting out laughing. I don't know what it is that's so funny, save maybe the shock value--perhaps the tension of the past day just needed an escape before tomorrow? Regardless, I find a huge smile is splitting my face, and I hurry to think of a comeback.
"How have I accomplished that? Surely it can't be all the tales of my adventures," I smirk, and she resumes laughing.
"That was pretty bad," she comments, shaking her head.
"Like me," I reply, grinning at her face's deadpan response.
"You have nothing on your puns. Now, let's report before I have to suffer through anymore of them." She starts down the hallway, and I take a quick hop to catch up.
"Aw," I simper, the coy smile coming easily, "and here I was thinking you enjoyed them..."
...
True to Shadow's earlier words, training is lackluster. Some group warm-ups took up the beginning of the day, but most people are just milling around now, mentally preparing themselves for tomorrow and trying not to strain anything.
Personally, I'm getting a little antsy. I've never been good at waiting--I often felt stir-crazy during my longer periods of space travel as a hatchling--and the slow passage of time is making me vacillate between boredom and nervousness with rather unpleasant results.
I don't show my displeasure, of course. I can't have my comrades thinking I'm anything less than ready right before they trust me with their lives.
Right now, I'm just wandering about the room. Agatha had to leave to go make some preparations of her own, leaving me without a conversation partner. While I'm alright talking with the other humans and my own Team Dark, my other acquaintances fall short of Agatha's company. After speaking with her for so long, I have no desire for less interesting interactions.
Or, at least, I have no urge for awhile. As the clock turns towards 10 in the morning, I find myself getting a little too bored and change the course of my steps to take me towards Shadow and Rouge.
It's my approaching proximity to them that allows me to hear Rouge's question.
"What about his Chaos summoning?"
I pause in my steps momentarily, mind assuming I'm her topic of discussion from the third person context. Rouge is talking to Shadow, hands on her hips, rather close as well, apparently not wanting to be overheard, so she's surely not referring to my half-brother.
"I don't know," Shadow replies, shifting his weight to one leg. "I would say it's too dangerous on an important mission, since he's only managed to summon the one time. I can't say for sure, though." Shadow frowns, looking down at his crossed arms as he thinks. "I was able to control Chaos Fire the second time I ever used it, but I don't want to bet on him having the same amount of ability. He probably does"--I cock my head at a slight flatness present in my half-brother's tone--"but without practice I don't think it's safe."
"Makes sense. You're the expert, hun. Figured I'd ask."
Shadow acknowledges her words with a slight flick of his right ear, but he seems deep in thought. I realize that I've been staring back at them for a rather long time now and shift my position to look more natural, pretending to stretch my arms. Something tells me that it's in my interests to let this conversation play out, rather than getting involved myself.
"He is pretty talented, isn't he," Rouge comments, and I make sure not to give any indication I heard her words, feeling their eyes on me.
"He is."
"Don't let it get to you, handsome," she advises quietly. I feel a slight knot form in my abdomen--why would me being talented bother Shadow? Unless he's--
"It's not. It's just a little weird, having someone else around with my powers. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. I mean, I don't hold it against him."
"You're always going to be the Ultimate Lifeform to me, you know that. And the rest of G.U.N., too. Eclipse isn't going to become another Shadow in our eyes, and he's not better than you, either. You're irreplaceable."
"Thanks. I'm not worried about that, though," he answers, and I'm relieved that he sounds honest. "I have more confidence in my abilities than you think."
"It's about time," she says, and I sneak a peek at her face. She's grinning, aquamarine eyes glittering with satisfaction. "I've been trying to get you to go easy on yourself for, what, a year now? Took you long enough."
"Yeah, well. The upstart little brother helped," he observes, smirking slightly. "If I doubted myself as much now as I did before, I'd fall behind pretty quickly. Besides, I've got to be a good role model."
"You must be doing a good job. A month ago, I'd have said that that was the only good thing to come of Eclipse. But, he's become a pretty decent guy."
"Most of that's him, really. But I appreciate you thinking I had something to do with it."
"You did. Surely you've noticed."
"I prefer to stay as oblivious as possible," he jokes. I wince, thinking there's a bit too much truth to that, but hearing Shadow attempt humor, especially at his own expense--he's far too serious about himself--is a nice change. "Really, though, I'm actually looking forward to him learning more about his powers. I'll finally have a sparring partner I can practice with."
"I suppose... 'Ol Abe will probably have a heart attack when he hears you want to set fire to more of G.U.N.'s compound, though."
"Rouge, that's not funny," Shadow mutters, rubbing his arm. "I set myself on fire the first time I ever used my powers."
"What, really?"
I realize too late that I asked that out loud, and Shadow twitches, jumping at my apparently-sudden presence.
"Yes, really," he grumbles, glaring at me. I grin in response, reminded of how Agatha and I agreed that Shadow's pride is a bit of a weak point.
"Just asking, no details needed," I say easily, turning around to saunter off before he decides to light me on fire as well. I leave the pair in silence as I usually do, nearly a third of the way across the room before I hear Shadow's response, faint on the ear.
"You sure about the decent guy part?"
Author's Note: I'm so much happier with this version of this chapter. I hope you all liked it, as well! As you can see, I completely scrapped the previous and just did the whole thing over again, to a much better end.
With school weighing on my time, I may have to switch back to a two-week update schedule in general. I will try to update within a week when I can, though. I'll keep you guys posted. Don't forget to tell me how you felt about this chapter, especially after all the changes from its beta. Eclipse's development was a lot better, I feel--do you agree? What did you like and not like?