When I come to, it's 19:38. I look at my phone, there are numerous missed calls and texts from my father, Amelia and Hayley. I've been ignoring them since yesterday, and taking drugs, my dad would probably kill me if he could see me now, I look at Jacob, who is making a joint. Immediately, I walk to the fridge and take out two beers and hand one to Jacob, we spend the next hour or so smoking and drinking, I'm relaxed, which leads me to think about what happened, for the first time since I've come round. There's a sudden pound on the door, Jacob gets up and answers it nervously, I hear a voice, it's female. They speak quietly for a second or two and then the voice gets louder.
"He's here!?" I know instantly it's Hayley, she bursts through the door, and I quickly move my jacket to cover up the fresh needle mark. She looks at me, angry.
"Why didn't you answer your phone? Everyone is worried. What's going on?" She starts ranting at me, scolding me as if I was a small child. She starts asking me questions, lots of them. I explain everything. I explain about John getting early release, and how he'll be out soon, I explain how I just needed to get away and escape. Then, I lie to her, I tell her I haven't taken anything and I'm only having one beer. I also ask her not to tell my parents where I am, she agrees on the condition that I go home soon and explain everything to them. We all sit and talk for a bit, there's an elephant in the room - no one wants to bring up recent events. After half an hour, Hayley disappears to the bathroom, I take this time to speak to Jacob. I tell him I can't go home, not yet.
"You can stay here as long as you need, as long as the police don't come looking for you." I nod, understanding.
"Thanks, man. I'm gonna walk Hayley home soon, and tell her I'm going home, is it alright if I come back here?" He nods.
"Of course. Although maybe you should tell your parents that you're safe at least." It's my turn to nod now, although I don't plan on telling anyone anything. Jacob leaves the room, leaving me to my own thoughts. I remember the last time I spoke to John, it was one of the last times he attacked me, he told me that if I ever told anyone, he'd find me and rape me again. Then when he knocked me out and I was in hospital, they found out it was him, and now when he gets out, he's gonna find me. My mind wanders back to the court case, I remember sitting beside Katherine, scared and alone. It was the last time I ever saw my mother, but she didn't speak to Me or even make eye contact with me. I remember having to tell everyone in the court what happened, answering numerous questions. I zone back in to reality, and Hayley and Jacob are both back, sitting in Jacobs living room, the same spots as before. I tell Hayley that it's late and that I'm going to walk her to her house and then go home, she seems happy with it and we prepare to leave.
We walk the entire way in silence, it wasn't awkward, but a lot of things have happened in the past day or so, it was a lot for our heads to take in. We slowly get to her door, and I peck her on the cheek, then move to her lips, wrapping her in my arms, she asks me if I'm ok, I assure her I am, and I'll speak to my dad about it when I go home. This of course, is a lie. I go straight back to Jacobs. He's waiting for me, with a freshly filled syringe and a small bag with a fine white powder inside. I take the heroin first, knowing that I can take the cocaine tomorrow, to start my day. Soon, I drift off unaware of anything.
I wake up on Jacobs couch, he's on the other one across from me. I check the time, it's 08:21. I've slept all night and I have more texts and missed calls from my father and Amelia. I think about going home, I could take something to get through it, and act sober. I also remember that I told Hayley I'd go home. I take the left over cocaine from the night before and sit for a while and talk it over with Jacob.
"I think you should, I'll give you some stuff to take with you, if you want." I take him up on his offer and I start hiding various drugs all around my body, including a packet of cigarettes, Standing for a few minutes, I contemplate my decision before thanking Jacob and heading for the door. Walking as slowly as possible, I think about how my Dad will react when I walk in. My brain goes through every human emotion, will he be upset? Disappointed? He's probably going to be very angry. After twenty minutes of walking, I come to the bottom of the drive way and then before I know it I'm at the front door. I push my way in and try to race upstairs before anyone can spot me. It doesn't work, before I'm even over the threshold, I'm greeted by my parents, the concerned, worried, angry looks on their faces bring me back to reality. No one speaks, my Father nods his head towards the kitchen, he stands to the side, and I follow his orders and walk towards the kitchen, He and Amelia follow, I stand leaning against the table with my legs in a crossed position, looking at the floor. They stand together, the expression on their faces haven't changed.
"Let's cut the shit, where have you been and what did you take?" My Dad asks, breaking the silence. I can tell he's angry, although he's hiding it pretty well.
"Jacob's" I mumble, still looking at the floor.
"Why haven't you answered your phone? You have one for a reason. We've been worried sick, mate." He states, his voice getting louder.
"I'm sorry." Is all a managed to say.
"That's not good enough. What did you do at Jacob's?" He asks, expecting me to tell the truth. "Be honest, drugs? Alcohol?
"I just spoke things over with him." I lie. My dad starts to shake his head.
"For two days? I don't believe you." He says, his voice still getting louder.
"Be honest, Michael." Amelia cuts in. "Please." I look at her, she looks like she hasn't slept in a while, her tired eyes meet with mine. I stay silent. I don't want to lie, but I don't want to tell the truth.
"What did you take?" My dad asks again. I shake my head.
"I honestly didn't take anything. Jacob wouldn't let me." I say, still lying. "I'm sorry, alright? It was all far too much to take in, I was terrified and angry and I didn't handle it the best, I know that now. But please, don't stop trusting me because you have no reason not to." I sigh, hoping that they believe me now. "I really am sorry."
"Are you still terrified and angry?" My dad asks, all angry gone.
"Yes." I manage, my lip starts shaking, and memories come flooding back. "He's gonna find me, and he's gonna do it again."
My Father starts shaking his head, and Amelia comes over to me, and wraps me in her arms, giving me one of her motherly hugs.
"He can't come anywhere near you. It's part of his conditions." My dad says from behind Amelia.
"You can't guarantee that." I say, although it is muffled.
"He's not gonna come anywhere near you, sweetheart." Amelia whispers. After half an hour more of scoldings, lectures, and the confiscation of my phone, yet again, I walk upstairs and try to figure out where to hide my stash. Spending ten minutes looking around my room, I decide the best place to hide it is behind my nightstand and my bed. Looking at the clock, I realise it's 12:16. The familiar feeling of hunger spreads across my body, I decide to just take some cocaine, walking through to the bathroom, and taking out all the things I need, I quickly snort it, And then I wipe the counter clean afterwards. I spend the next fifteen minutes having a shower, taking my time, and letting the water fall on to my body, absorbing the heat. Then I climb out, wrap myself in to a towel and put on pyjamas, long-sleeved of course, I'm probably not going to get to leave the house anytime soon, so they're my comfiest option. I don't really want to go downstairs incase they can tell I'm high - I can't risk it, so I lie on my bed instead. There's a knock on the door and then Amelia steps in.
"You alright?" She asks. I nod quickly, although I keeping playing with my fingers, not making eye contact. She walks over and sits on my bed. "You can tell me if you're not." She says quietly, as though it's a secret. She starts stroking my hair, like a mother would.
"I thought things were getting better." I whisper.
"They are, I promise. But you can't let yourself go back there." She says, giving me a soft kiss on the forehead. I nod again, acknowledging what she is saying. "Come down and get something to eat." She instructs. She gets up off my bed and walks towards the door, I do the same, still in my pyjamas. We both walk downstairs in silence and in to the kitchen, where Amelia and my dad have made lunch, I sit down, avoiding eye contact with my dad and start to eat. Nothing is really said during it, they spoke about work and the baby and I kept silent. Afterwards I help load the dishwasher and then go back upstairs, turning on the TV in my room and putting on some cartoon I used to enjoy. As the drugs wear off, I start to feel a bit nauseous, so I decided it's best to maybe take a Valium to help me sleep, the time is 17:43 and I reckon my parents will probably just think I'm tired, so I pop the pill and lie down, waiting for the effects to take hold although, but before they do, there's another quick knock on the door, this time - it's my father. He stands at the door, giving me a concerned look.
"You ok?" He asks. I nod, but then look away.
"I'm tired." I say quietly.
"You should get some sleep, we can talk in the morning. You will be going to class though." He says, looking at me, I feel his eyes staring. I look at him, and nod again.
"Ok. I am sorry." I say, with my head hanging low, although I look at him as he begins to speak again.
"Don't you ever disappear like that again, do you understand me?" His face is serious. I nod for a third time. "Get some sleep, and we'll talk in the morning, ok?"
"Ok." I say, lying down properly, the effects are spreading. I'm almost asleep by the time my dad had said goodnight and closed the door.