"Send a video of you playing guitar."
"oh"
I craned my neck to look at my guitar sitting all abandoned in the corner of my messy room. I haven't played that thing in months.
"i don't have a video"
"Record something now?"
"its not tuned"
"You can't tune it?"
"i meaaaaan i can"
"Then do it, I wanna hear :)" How the hell can I say no, now?
I pushed the wall behind my desk so my chair squeaked and rolled into the middle of the room. I stalked over to my guitar while taking of my headset. I sat down with the instrument in my lap and strummed the strings with my fingers. Oof, it's really out of tune.
I did my best attempt of tuning the damn thing, but it has been standing there for way to long so it doesn't sound fantastic. Yet, I can't say no to someone called MaximumCray so here I go. I pressed the red button and began playing whatever came to mind.
Please never fall in love again by Ollie MN. It was the last song I learned before... I stopped playing.
I resisted the urge to sing along. If shy old Max ain't letting me hear his voice he isn't going to hear mine. It's not that I'm absolutely terrified of Max hearing or anything. Not at all. I just want to be equal.
Sent.
About two minutes pass before Max writes something again. I might've been staring at the chat bar in wait for him to write anything with a bouncing leg but that's besides the point.
"Please never fall in love again?"
"u know it"
"Yeah, I love that song :)" A fluttery feeling of happiness passes through my chest like a wave. My smile touches my ears as I write out my next reply. We're the same age AND have the same taste in music. Next up we're neighbours. Hah, I wish.
"good to know u have taste"
"HAHA, your playing was great by the way ;)" Thanks bud. I ignore the way my heart jumped.
"stfu man"
"I'm serious. Can you sing?"
"yes and no"
"I'm going to pretend I know what you mean by that."
"singing in my bedroom by myself is a yes but singing in front of anyone else is a no"
"Oh." I thought the conversation would end there. We would move on to another topic and forget I even spoke. Clearly that wouldn't be the case, however.
"Would you sing for me?"
I wanted to joke. Lighten the tension Max had decided to bring with that question. It was a simple question, yet I felt like there was something more... Intense behind it. With a lump in my throat, a knitted stomach and shaky hands I wrote.
"Maybe." But just maybe.
"Spencer, pass the fucking ball you oaf!"
"Huh, what ball?"
"THE BALL!"
"Oh, shit!" I threw the ball towards Luke like it was on fire. Luke caught it with ease AND managed to give me a stare that could kill while doing it. He gets so competitive at times, I swear.
Thanks to Luke's long legs and height we managed to barely win with his underrated slam dunk. Some students who didn't have much to do sat in the seating areas and cheered for us. Our little fan club or whatever you want to call it. Luke would usually wave at them with pearly whites on display but now his eyes were narrowed, narrowed on me. Well, damn.
"We could've lost."
"It's just a training match-"
"WHAT IF IT WASN'T?!" You know in those typical high school movies where this big guy screams and everyone goes silent? This was one of those moments. Except some people whispering in the background of course.
Luke was passionate about basketball. He wanted to make it into a career. Me? I just wanted to kill some time, hang out with my friends, build muscle.
I felt bad but at the same time, he doesn't have to scream about it. I scowled at Luke, he might be taller than me but I know him. He isn't tougher than anyone else in this room.
"Lower your voice."
"Don't tell me what the fuck to do, Spencer."
"Jesus, I'm sorry alright? I won't space out during practice again. Happy?" Luke didn't answer. He just shoved me harshly and marched over to the lockers. God, which side of the bed did he get out off? I massaged my shoulder. He's one strong bastard.
"Hey... Are you okay?" My stomach tightened, I recognise that voice like the back of my hand. Mikayla.
"Y-yeah." I stuttered out of surprise and turned on my heel so I would face her. She looked pretty today. She had some makeup on, she doesn't usually have that much. Just the thing you put on your eyelashes, mascara? Now her skin looked smoother and her cheeks were tinted red. Her eyelids also had some colour on them, golden brown. She looked nice.
"What was that about?" Her eyes gazed towards the door to the locker rooms where Luke had stormed in, Kevin followed shortly after. Evan was down with a cold, I'm sure if he was here everything would've solved itself. He always forces everyone to make up. He's such a Mom.
"I'm not sure." I said truthfully. Sure, Luke can have a temper sometimes but getting angry at me for spacing out? It didn't make a lot of sense, I've spaced out during practice before. He would just laugh it off then.
"Are you sure you're okay?" I watched Paige run in after her boyfriend as well. She sent me a stone cold glare first. Ouch. I didn't even do anything- or I didn't even do much.
"Yeah, I was just caught by surprise." I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, deep in thought. I didn't notice Mikayla taking a step towards me with a sneaky smile.
"Well... Want to grab something to eat?" I turned towards her, or rather I turned down towards her. She's pretty short and shy for that matter. Yet, now here she is, batting her eyelashes at me. Oh, boy.
"Sorry, Mikayla I'm going to head home for today." I gave her the most sincere smile I could give. It wasn't very genuine. Her own smile fell ten metres down into the ground and I tried not to beat myself up for hurting her feelings.
"Oh, okay. See you tomorrow then."
"Sorry, bye." I power walked out of there faster than a car on a racetrack. There was no way I was going to shower while Luke was in there, probably planning how to disembowel me. Smelling like ass it is.
As I walked down the streets I got an 'oh fuck' moment as I remembered my frickin' bag in the locker room. Back we go. Luckily Mikayla had disappeared, the other people watching before too. I puffed up my cheeks and blew the air out before walking inside. Each step I took felt heavier and I was by the locker rooms far to soon.
"You can talk to us." Paige.
"Yeah, bro!" Kevin said way to excitedly. What was going on? Was Luke sad or something?
"I just wanna be alone right now." Luke sounded so... Glum.
"Okay, babe..." Paige said with a caring voice. The smacking of two lips was heard and a low inaudible 'gross' from Kevin made me roll my eyes. I just want my bag.
Then there were footsteps. Oh, heavens they're coming this way. With no other hiding space I pressed myself as close as possible to the wall behind the door as I could. Luckily, Paige and Kevin walked by without slamming the door in my face.
After yet another breath I pushed the door open and walked inside with my head held high. It was only then when I heard a sniff. Is Luke... I took a few more steps inside just to be sure. Sure enough, Luke was crying. It was so silent that if it wasn't for the tears rolling down his cheeks I would've just acted like normal.
"Luke?" I whispered into the room. He reacted like I had screamed in his ear however and whipped his head to my direction.
"What the fuck-"
"I know, I'm going to leave I just need my bag." I said all in one go. I only need him screaming at me once. Although I won't lie. I was curious as to why big boy Luke was crying and why he was so snappy. We're close but not that kind of close. We never really talked about serious stuff.
I wanted to ask him what was wrong or if I could help but I had a gut feeling he just wanted me to leave right this instant. So I held my word and retrieved my bag. Showering was something I could do at home.
I was just about to leave when Luke said something.
"What was that?" I turned around, sincerity in my voice. I care about Luke, I really do. I'm not even angry at him for screaming at me, something must've happened for him to act like that. I know that now, Luke wouldn't start crying over something petty.
"Sorry for getting angry at you."
"It's cool." Well, it felt weird leaving now. I clenched the door handle and stared at the top of Luke's head. He was bent down, staring at the floor with interlocked fingers and arms resting on his knees. He sniffed again.
"Wanna... Talk about it?" I asked hesitantly. First he didn't react, he sat completely still. I thought he didn't hear me but then he scoffed.
"I'm good." He said with cries still in his throat. His hand sneaked under his nose so he could wipe off some snot and tears. Then he looked me right in the eyes. Even when his blue orbs were stained with red, his stare was still intense.
"Do you want to talk about it?" I was left confused.
"About what?"
"Why you've been spacing out like you're solving the world's equation?" I chuckled, he chuckled too. I was happy to hear the sound coming from his lips. Seeing someone like Luke cry would make anyone depressed. He just always seems so... Strong. Yet here he is, crying.
"At this point there are a lot of reasons." He patted the seat beside him on the bench.
"Enlighten me."
"Yeaaaah, how about no?" I seriously don't want to have this talk with Luke of all people. Telling him about how my sleep deprived nights started, about Max, about Mikayla (even though he already kind of knows) and all that other good stuff.
"C'mon." He urged and slammed the seat a little firmer. Geez, scary.
"You can't force me, Lulu." I joked but took a seat nonetheless. Luke's eyes saw the inside of his skull as he heard the nickname.
"Lulu sounds like crap."
"I think it's pretty cute."
"Now tell me what's on your mind." Luke said with a slightly happier tone in his voice.
"You can tell me what's on yours." I nudged him on the side with my elbow. He huffed out a sigh and leaned back against one of the lockers.
"Since neither of us wants to share what's on our minds, let's just listen to some music and drown in our own separate sorrows." Luke gave a shrug and a nod in agreement and I picked out my earphones from my bag and pushed them harshly into Luke's ear.
"Ow." Luke hissed but didn't say 'fuck you' to me nonetheless. I scrolled through my songs on Spotify and ended up with a random song I didn't even bother reading the name of. We sat with the music strumming in our ears with no words shared. I closed my eyes, enjoying the music and silently praying that I was cheering Luke up in my own weird way.
"My Mom's gay."
I took out my earphone, I couldn't have heard that right. "What?" I turned to my friend who tilted his head to me with a serious expression.
"Mom's gay. My parents are getting a divorce. I overheard them this morning, they were going to tell me this weekend." Luke's words began flowing out like a waterfall and soon the waterworks came back. His voice cracked in the middle of his sentence and he ended up burying his face in his hands. I didn't exactly know what to do but seeing him this way made my own eyes sting.
I didn't know where to put my hands, I needed to do something. My comforting method ended up being me rubbing circles on his back.
"I'm sorry to hear that, Luke. That sounds... Tough." Was all I could say while I waited for him to start breathing normally again.
He inhaled sharply and leaned against the locker behind him again, I couldn't rub his back anymore so I was left stiff as a pole and awkward as fuck.
"Sorry for ranting like that." He breathed. I rubbed his arm soothingly and sighed reassuringly. You call that a rant? My rants are like four hours long.
"That's nothing to say sorry for. I'm glad you didn't bottle it up." He hummed.
"Your turn."
"What?"
"Rant." Oh.
Well, after being ranted to like that, wouldn't it be rude not to rant back?
"Shit's been bad since the beginning so I'll just tell you the stuff that have been happening more recently..." I began. Maybe telling someone more in detail would make me feel better.
"I met this person." Luke wiggled his brows. This boy, I swear to God.
"We met in this game and we started chatting non stop. I only think about them these days and I just don't know what to do anymore, seriously. It's so confusing." I sighed breathily.
"It sounds like you like them."
"I don't." Luke furrowed his brows. He looked so confused like he couldn't even fathom the reason why I didn't like them. Him.
"Why not?"
"I just don't?"
"But why?"
"Because it's a guy God damnit." The locker room was oddly silent after those words slipped out.
"Maybe you're gay." I laughed humourlessly.
"That's ridiculous, I've never thought about a person with the same equipment as I that way."
"My Mom didn't either, yet here we are." I pursed my lips at that. Am I gay? Do I like guys? I've only ever thought about girls though. Bi? Pan? Or Maxsexuall?
"I don't know, Luke." I sighed and placed my head in my hands. This subject made me feel strangely heavier, I thought it was supposed to feel good when talking about your feelings? Or technically I just dug them out by talking about them... Dang, why did Luke have to be so smart and point every thing out?
"So that means you're going to reject Mikayla." I groaned. Thanks for getting the memo, Lulu. Told you he was smart.
"Yeah, that too. The guilt has been eating me up every single day." Luke gave me a look of sympathy and patted my back.
"I don't know what else to tell you other than, 'just do it'. Don't drag it out." I gave Luke a look.
"Thanks." I rolled my eyes.
"No problem." He grinned with his teeth out. Good talk.