"I promise. He says."
"I'll start from the beginning." I sigh.
"We met in high school in our English class back in Gwanju. He sat next to me everyday and we developed a friendship quickly. He'd often sit with me at lunch, sometimes buy me food and would often walk me home most days. He was really nice in the beginning."
"Skip forward a couple years and he confessed he had feelings for me. He asked if I felt the same, and I did at the time. So from there, we got into a relationship. It was really good for the first few months. He treated me really well, complimenting me every day, holding my hand in public, hugging and kissing me..."
"I lost my virginity to him. I thought I loved him. But after I had sex with him, something had changed between us, not in a good way. He stopped trying. He stopped complimenting me, he stopped walking me home from school, buying me snacks or even looking at me the same way. It's like he realised he got me, so he didn't need to keep trying."
"I tried to talk to him about it, about how I felt the energy between us had changed. He told me it was all in my head and that I was just overthinking things. And I didn't want to argue it so I just accepted what he said as if it were true. But I knew it wasn't."
Yoongi is sat beside me on the bed with his arm wrapped tightly around my waist, his other hand gently caressing mine.
"I started to notice cracks in our relationship about a year later. He became really angry at the smallest things, blaming me for a lot of his mistakes; that I distracted him. He wanted to get into professional sports, so he was training a lot. And because he kept making mistakes and failing his coach, he said that I'm smothering him and to give him space."
"At this point we got into a big fight..." I trail off, my voice cracking and my tears streaming down my face. I sniff before continuing to speak.
"And during this fight he hit me. He punched me in the back of the head as I was walking away from him. I was threatening to leave him because I couldn't put up with his mood swings and his anger anymore. When he hit me I fell to the floor and I lost consciousness. I had a concussion but he didn't take me to the hospital, it was left untreated because he knew he'd be found out."
"I woke up a few minutes later and he was cradling me crying, apologising over and over again, telling me loves me, he didn't mean it, it was an accident. I was confused, I didn't know what was going on, my vision was blurry and I felt dizzy. From there he promised he'd never hit me again, he just lost control. I believed him and I forgave him."
I take a deep breath before continuing, knowing what I'm about to admit.
"A few months later... I found out I was pregnant." I stop abruptly. I can see Yoongi's shocked reaction in my peripheral vision. I haven't looked at him once, only at the floor. He shifts himself closer to me, hugging me tighter; telling me to go on.
"I had a mixture of feelings, good and bad. I've always wanted a child, but I knew I was too young and I wasn't sure if I wanted a child with him."
"I waited a while before I told him, I was about 3 months along in the pregnancy before he found out. He got angry, saying that I should have told him sooner, that he doesn't want it and I should have an abortion as soon as possible. I was scared he'd go into a flying fit of rage again, I became so timid."
"Until one day after school had finished and everyone had gone home, I was walking out of our classroom towards the staircase. I stopped at the top when I saw Jaesun coming behind me. He was angry again, asking me if I'd got rid of it yet. I told him no, I didn't know if I wanted to go through with an abortion. I was 17, I was terrified. I didn't know what would happen."
"After I refused to get rid of it, he lost control and he was shouting and swearing at me, calling me a slut, claiming that it wasn't his. I'd only ever slept with him, I tried to tell him that but he didn't want to listen."
"He said that I'm disgusting, a liar, manipulative, that I trapped him. He accused me of getting pregnant on purpose, that I was sick in the head and this was all some kind of plan I came up with. He called me every name under the sun..."
"But then I felt him push me. Before I knew what had happened, I was laying on my front at the bottom of the staircase, cuts all over my hands, my head and I felt an awful, indescribable pain in my stomach."
"At this point I expected Jaesun to come running down the stairs apologising and trying to help me up, I waited, but he never did. I gathered my strength to push myself up from the floor, and I saw him watching me struggle and crying in pain from the top of the stairs. He walked down the stairs, straight past me and went home."
"I went to the hospital straight from school... I'd lost the baby." I said, sobbing uncontrollably.
"The pain was unbearable. I'd never felt pain like that, emotionally and physically. I felt so alone. But I still didn't leave him, I was weak."
"The last 2 years of the relationship was hell. I tried so hard to leave him, but every time I gathered enough courage to, I backed out. I was scared he'd come after me. He never let me go out alone, he didn't let me have any male friends. If I wanted to go out with Barbara or any other friends from school he wouldn't let me. He'd call me a slut and accuse me of cheating on him."
"He'd point out when I gained weight; calling me fat, a pig, ugly... That he didn't want to touch me or have sex with me. So I tried to lose weight for him to accept me. I developed an eating disorder. I became anorexic at one point and was on the verge of falling into a coma. I had to go to hospital a lot because of my health. I missed a lot of school and failed most of my classes because I was always absent."
"He started to hit me more frequently, every time we'd get into a fight or he got angry it'd always result in me coming out in a bruise, or a cut lip, black eye, the list goes on. People noticed and would ask me questions, but I couldn't tell them. I know they knew though."
"I lied when I said he hit me only 5 times. I just felt ashamed to admit it, that I stayed with him despite how he treated me..."
"My parents threatened to call the police, but I begged them not to and to just let me handle it. They agreed, and I finally mustered up the courage to leave for good. I told him that I'm leaving, that he's never going to see or talk to me again. If he did make contact with me I'd call the police and have him arrested. I saved as much evidence as I could, photo proof of my injuries, my ultrasound scans, recordings, everything. I had it all and if I released it, he would go to prison."
"I also had video proof of him doing drugs and selling them. He was an addict, which I think was the reason for his violent mood swings. He also took part in illegal underground racing, drug fuelled parties, minor robberies and other illegal activities. I didn't have proof of those, though. I only found out after we broke up when his friend got in contact with me to apologise on his behalf, that he was sorry he stood by and didn't do anything to help."
"I didn't want anything to do with him or his friends, so I dropped everyone out of my life and moved to Gangnam with Hyerin. So I never expected to see him here. I completely lost it, everything that had happened came rushing back and I felt nothing but pure rage and anger, I wanted to kill him."
"And that's it. That's the whole story, everything that happened between Jaesun and I." I say, letting out a deep sigh.
"And you hit him?" Yoongi asks, running his thumb over my bruised knuckle. I look up at him for the first time, his eyes filled with tears. I give him a half smile. "Yeah, I hit him. And I gave him a bloody nose." I respond.
"Good girl." He says, before gently wiping my cheek of my tears, and pulling me in for a hug.
"You will never have to go through something like that again. Ever. That's all in the past, it's not your present or your future. Do you understand?" He asks, pulling away from the hug to look me directly in my eyes.
I nod at him. "I know." I whisper, sniffling; reaching my hand up to wipe his own tears away. "Jangmi, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me. Imagining you having to go through that kills me." He says, gently caressing my hair.
I don't say anything. I only look at him and smile, gently caressing his perfect face. I lean in and place a soft kiss on his lips, feeling the wetness from both of our cheeks hit my skin. "I love you." I say, resting my forehead against his.
We get back to my apartment to find Hyerin and Barbara talking on the couch. They look at us both as we walk in the door.
"Jangmi! What the hell happened? You've been gone for 3 hours, and then Yoongi bolted out of the apartment at the speed of light without saying anything. I've never seen him move so quick, I thought someone had died, I've been worried sick." Yells Hyerin, rushing up to me and giving me a hug.
"I'm fine! We're both fine. How about we skip today though? I'd like to just spend the day at home, maybe put the Christmas decorations up? Better late than never." I chuckle.
"Well, I spoke to Tae and he said he's coming over instead. So he can help?" Barbara says.
"Yeah, sure. Sounds like a plan." I respond cheerfully.