We decided to go to a Korean restaurant in the city.
To make it look less suspicious, all of the other BTS members joined, as well as staff members and management.
We're seated at a large round table in a private area, closed off from any of the other diners, enough to fit all of us. I'm sat next to Jimin and Taehyung, with Yoongi opposite me.
He looks so good tonight. He's wearing a black baseball cap, black shirt and black ripped jeans. Again in all black and looking delicious.
Taehyung turns his attention towards me. "So, Jangmi." He says.
"Hmm?" I mumble, noodles hanging out of my mouth.
"What's this situation then?" He asks, pointing his chopstick to me and Yoongi waving it back and forth.
I look at Yoongi, unsure of how to answer. I don't know what he's told them and what he hasn't. What if he doesn't want to tell them?
"We're together. We've been together for about 3 months." He says casually, looking down at his food continuing to eat.
"3 months?! Why didn't you tell us Hyung?" Jungkook yells.
I look at Yoongi, wondering that myself.
"We've been busy with the tour, I've barely had a second to think. I could never find the right time to bring it up in conversation. Besides... You don't need to know every detail of my private life." He says coldly.
"Yah! You should have told us sooner. There's no excuse about not finding the right time for 3 months. We've had some downtime since then." Jin says.
Yoongi doesn't respond, he continues looking at his plate calmly, eating his food.
He slowly puts his chopsticks down and reaches for his glass, taking a sip before opening his mouth to speak.
"That 'downtime' we had? I spent it working on producing songs and catching up on sleep." He says.
"And Jangmi has made it clear she wanted to keep this quiet. She's scared people will come after her, even though I've told her that's ridiculous. So talk to her about it." He says, drinking the rest of his beer.
What the fuck?
I glare at him from across the table.
The 'savage' Yoongi is out to play it seems.
Everyone looks awkwardly at Yoongi and I.
I abruptly stand up from the table and walk away towards the bathroom, failing to hide my anger. I can feel everyone's eyes on me.
This is so fucking embarrassing.
I quickly enter the bathroom and place my hands either side of the sink, trying to contemplate why Yoongi is acting so cold. Why does he seem like such a different person with me, than he is with everyone else?
I clumsily rummage through my bag to find my phone. I need to call Hyerin.
I look around at my surroundings and realise it's probably best not to do it in here. People could walk in and hear my conversation, especially if I'm going to talk about Yoongi.
I gather my courage and walk out, walking straight past their table and out the entrance door.
I could see them all looking at me in my peripheral vision as I walked past.
I walk a little round the corner for privacy, but making sure I'm still within eyesight of the entrance; in case anybody decides to come out.
~Calling Hyerin~
"Yeoboseyo?" She answers.
"Hyerin, it's me." I say.
"Jangmi! Hi, what's up? How's Berlin?" She asks.
"It's really nice here actually, I'm out for dinner with everybody." I say, diverting my eyes all around and towards to restaurant entrance.
"Um, I just called because I really needed to speak to you. Yoongi is acting... Different." I say.
"What do you mean?" She replies, concern evident in her voice.
"Well, before we came out for dinner, he was his normal self, you know sweet and loving." I say.
"Yeah?" She says.
"But now that we're out with everybody and in public, he's acting really cold - I don't know I can't explain it but he's acting like he doesn't give a shit. He never told the other members we were together. They only just found out." I continue.
"And when they pressed him about why he kept it a secret, he pinned the blame onto me. That it's because I said I wanted to keep it a secret in fear of having crazy saesangs after me." I say.
"Which wasn't the case at all, that wasn't what I said. He's just acting fucking stupid." I say angrily.
"Seriously? What the fuck's his problem? If he doesn't get his shit together I'll come there and beat his ass. I'm serious." She yells.
"Oh don't worry, I can do that for you." I reply.
"And it hurts more because I really opened up to him this morning. I told him about Jaesun." I say quietly.
"You did? Did you tell him everything?" She asks.
"No, not everything." I say, feeling a lump forming in my throat.
"But I told him about him, the relationship and how he was abusive. I let him in and now he's acting like this." I say, feeling myself getting more and more angry.
" I-" I'm cut off by the sound of yelling coming from the restaurant.
"Hold on." I whisper.
I peak around the corner and see Yoongi stumble out of the door.
Is he drunk?
He sits on the side of the road ruffling his hair, letting out a frustrated groan.
"Hyerin, I'll call you back." I whisper, hanging up the phone.
I'm about to walk out and approach him until Namjoon comes outside.
He spots Yoongi and sits next to him.
They're talking, it seems heated. But I can't make out what they're saying.
I inch a little closer to eavesdrop on the conversation. It seems like Yoongi won't speak to me, so maybe I'll find out why he's acting like an inconsiderate asshole this way.
"You know you have to tell her, don't you?" Namjoon says.
What?
Yoongi let's out an irritated groan.
"I can't." Yoongi says.
"Hyung, you know you can't keep avoiding it. The sooner you tell her, the better." Namjoon says, placing a comforting hand on Yoongi's back.
Tell me what?
I feel tears start to fill my eyes.
I feel so stupid. Foolish. Idiotic.
I agreed to travel alone to an unknown country to be with my boyfriend of 3 months who I've barely seen; and it seems I barely know.
He's been keeping secrets from me. Secrets that involve our relationship.
Namjoon pats his hand on Yoongi's back and gets up, turning around to walk back inside.
"Come back in when you've found her." He says.
I take a deep breath in and walk over to where he's sat. I stop when I'm stood close behind him.
"Tell me what?" I ask in a cold tone.
He quickly looks up at me. Tears staining his cheeks. He's been crying.
He purses his lips together in a straight line and holds his hand out.
"Sit down." He says quietly.
I hesitate, wondering if I should give him the time of day.
I stand my ground. If there's one thing I learnt from the 3 years with Jaesun, it's that I am my own person, a strong woman and when I want to be in control, I will be.
"No. Just tell me." I say firmly, standing with my arms crossed over my chest.
"You humiliated me in there. You kept our relationship a secret from everyone, fine that's your decision. But you tried to pin the blame onto me. Saying that it was all my idea. And you know that isn't true. Now everyone must think I'm controlling." I say.
"Can we not do this here? Let's go back to the hotel. I promise I'll tell you everything." He says.
"No, Yoongi. I want you to tell me now. Nobody is here, the street is empty." I say.
"I feel so stupid. I agreed to come out here. I'm in a country on the other side of the world from home to be with you. And I opened up to you this morning." I continued.
"I let you in on my past and my life, but I'm starting to think we don't actually know each other all that well. This was rushed." I say.
"We met 4 months ago, and we've spoken everyday since then; but we've actually barely spent any time together to really get to know one another." I say.
"And now I'm in Berlin, out at a restaurant in public with BTS and their team. I don't think I've ever actually spoken more than 2 words to most of them. Only you and Jimin." I yell.
"I wish I stood my ground and said no. I wish I didn't come. This was too quick. We didn't take the time to develop the relationship naturally." I said calmly.
"For God's sake Jangmi, we don't have a normal relationship. We never will, so how do you expect it to develop naturally? We already talked about how we won't see each other often." He snaps.
I stare at him with a blank expression on my face, not knowing how to respond.
He lets out a heavy sigh and places his head in his hands, resting his elbows on his knees.
After a long awkward silence, he lifts his head up and opens his mouth to speak.
"A girl from my past." He begins.
I shoot him a glare, feeling my heart start to beat uncontrollably.
"A girl from my past contacted me recently. A couple hours ago in fact, before we came out." He continues.
"She say's that she has a 3 year old son. And that he's mine." He says, his voice beginning to crack.
My legs start to shake, my palms sweating my and stomach turning.
"But there's no proof of it. It's just what she claims. I've spoken to our management, they're getting a paternity test arranged." He says, avoiding my gaze.
"So until then, as far as we know; he's not mine." He says.
"And what if he is?" I ask him.
"Then I have to do what's right. She already said she doesn't want me to have contact with him, he's fine without me. She just wants child support payment every month to help pay for his school supplies and clothes." He says.
"And would you be okay with that? Knowing you have a child out there who doesn't know who you are?" I ask him.
He snaps his neck towards my direction to look at me, anger in his eyes.
"Of course I wouldn't, Jangmi. What kind of question is that?" He yells.
"I grew up feeling no love and support from my family. They were only interested in my older brother. Every time I wanted to make them proud, to have them give me responsibility, they refused. And because of that I rebelled a lot. I purposely got myself into trouble, I hung out with the wrong kind of people." He says angrily.
"I'd never want my future children to repeat the same mistakes I made, or go through similar difficulties." He added.
"Don't talk to me like that, I only asked." I snap back.
"I don't know if I can deal with this." I mumble, walking away.
I sit down on a nearby bench, still within eyesight of Yoongi. He gets up and joins me, sitting down next to me.
He gently grabs my hand, holding it.
He goes to talk before I interrupt him.
"I'm going to get the next flight home in the morning." I say in a monotone voice, avoiding his gaze.
I can feel his eyes on me.
"You don't have to Jangmi. You've only been here one day." He says.
"I know, and already we're fighting because of the way you've acted tonight. I understand you're stressed because of this situation, and that's why I think it's best I leave." I respond.
Before he can say anything, I pull my hand away from his and stand up, walking back into the restaurant.
I sit down as if nothing happened, smiling at everyone.
"Is everything okay?" Jimin asks me.
"Yeah, everything's fine. I'm getting the next flight home tomorrow though. Hyerin says she's struggling on her own. And with her being in her current situation, I can't leave her for 3 months." I say.
After a few minutes, Yoongi walks back in and sits down looking glum.
I give him a quick glance before continuing to eat my meal.
Everyone's chatting away happily, eating and drinking. I look at Yoongi who calls over the waiter.
"Yes, sir?" The waiter asks.
"Whisky." He demands.