"Are we there yet?" I asked for the thousandth time as we stopped for the thousandth time.
"Yes, finally, I have had enough whining. I don't even know why I am still doing this!"
Ignoring his remark, I pulled the scarf away from my eyes, blinking as my vision was filled with a dozen black spots.
I squinted at where we stood, recognizing the place immediately.
"The coffee shop?"
It was closed by now, but the lights inside were still on.
I grew excited as I looked at him and his smug face, imagining how it looked on the inside; my mind taking me to cute dates I had read when the guy puts lights all over the place and surprises the girl.
He stepped to the door and opened it, allowing me to walk in first, then walked in and closed the door.
I looked around, and the images in my head went down the drain.
It looked exactly the same except for the fact that the tables in the middle were pushed to the wall, creating an empty space.
"Oh."
"Oh?" he furrowed his eyebrows. "My self-esteem is really going downhill because of you. I thought you loved this place!"
I chuckled, "I do!" I paused and searched my mind for non-offending remarks, "I do...you just took me by surprise," I said slowly, scrutinizing his facial expressions.
He squinted.
I moved my arms in the air, opening my mouth then closing it, "I just thought when we were outside that I was going to walk in and find fairy lights and candles, you know, like the movies and all."
I looked at my arms then placed my hands in the pockets of my jeans and smiled sheepishly, as he squinted further.
"What Disney movie do you think this is and how romantic do you think I am?!" he asked, causing the smile on my lips to widen, "At least fake compliment me. My ego needs a boost."
I dropped the smile on my face and tried to put on the blankest expression I could muster, "I don't do fake compliments."
He looked at me blankly too, crossing his arms over his chest, and it suddenly felt like a challenge of who could keep the blankest expression.
I sighed, cracking a smile and giving in, as he raised his eyebrows and drummed his fingers on one of his arms, his pose telling me that he could do this all day.
He looked like a mad mother.
I surpassed laughing at my thoughts and cleared my throat, "This is the best date ever!" I squealed, smiling widely.
He sighed dramatically, his shoulder sagging, and smirked, "Much better."
I shook my head.
"You told me to fake it though," I added loud enough for him to hear me and walked to the counter where the usually empty cookie jar sat, though right now it was filled halfway. I opened it and took one out.
"I think I decided which personality I like on you better."
Although I knew he didn't mean anything hurtful, the smile on my face slowly dropped as I munched down on the cookie.
Two names, two personalities, and one body.
"I was kidding," he said a few moments later, his tone losing the hint of playfulness.
I nodded, not turning to face him, as I willed myself to not fall down into that hole again.
Not tonight.
"Hey," I heard him say closer this time and felt his arms wrap around my waist.
My heart thumped against my ribcage just as I looked down at his arms that held me close to him and then at his face that was a breath away.
These moments.
These moments will always be the moments that I will never admit enjoying so much.
When I could see every part of his face clearly, feel his breath caressing my cheeks, hear the rhythm of his heartbeat, and scrutinize the color of every speck that made up his eyes.
He gulped and looked away, withdrawing his arms from around me gradually.
"I'm-"
I reached out for them and hooked them around my body again, as it was my turn to look away.
Not tonight.
Slowly, I leaned against his chest, releasing a shaky breath, and closed my eyes.
I was instantly filled with warmth from the outside and on the inside.
He smelled of lavender, the kind of scent that was usually from candles, and faintly of cigarettes.
My hand was still placed on his arms when he moved them farther around my body, pulling me closer to him, as his once tensed muscles relaxed.
We remained in the same position for a while, and I tried to capture every scent and feeling and trap it in a box, before pulling away.
I cleared my throat and turned around, meeting his soft stare, "Cookie?" I offered, raising the half eaten cookie to his face.
He smiled and shook his head.
I nodded, looking away and, for once, hoping he would say something to cut the silence.
To my relief, he did.
"Shall we sit down?"
I nodded and spun around to carry the cookie jar, before holding it close to my chest and following him.
His eyes fell back on me then traveled to the jar as he chuckled.
"What? I love cookies," I whispered, taking a seat in front of him.
And I need something to nibble on to calm my nerves.
The playfulness that hung in the air not a few minutes earlier was entirely gone, and instead, it was replaced with comfortable silence.
And the crunch of the cookies in my mouth.
He cleared his throat, drawing my attention to him, "So, I tried to postpone asking this question for a while now, but I'm going to explode if I don't do it."
My heart dropped as I held the cookie limply in my mouth.
Please don't ask that question. Please don't ask that question. Please don't ask that question. Pl-
"What did you see last night?"
Oh.
Relief and unexpected disappointment flooded through me simultaneously as I looked down at my cookie.
"Um," I said, trying to silence the bullying of my conscience.
What else did you think he was going to ask you? Look at yourself in the mirror and remember who you actually are, Black.
I cleared my throat, "I didn't see anything," I finally replied.
"Josephine, just tell me."
"I am." I looked up at him again, "I am. I didn't see anything--or anyone. I thought I saw someone, but I didn't," I whispered the last part.
Well, now I could say that admitting you were practically losing your mind and seeing hallucinations wasn't the best feeling in the world.
I avoided looking at his eyes because I knew I couldn't handle whatever emotions I would read there, but keeping it from him was useless.
Trying to act that it never happened was as useless since it was now happening frequently; it wasn't something I could run away from.
"Jaxon?"
"I don't know." I chuckled. "Even my hallucinations I can't decipher."
"Hey," he said, placing his hand above mine. "It's fine. You're going through a lot, and your mind must be confused. It doesn't mean anything."
I shifted my eyes to his and nodded, smiling softly.
I didn't know if it was my mind playing me again, but his green eyes spoke words of comfort to me--promised me a new contented life.
"Oh, I almost forgot."
To my displeasure, he took his warm hand off mine and got up, walking behind the counter and coming back with something behind his back.
"What's that?" I asked, watching his smirk broaden.
He took his arm from behind his back, and I was finally able to see what his hand held.
I smiled then smiled wider and wider until I was giggling for absolutely no reason.
It was a simple bouquet of red roses, but for some reason, it made me as happy as someone getting concert tickets to their favorite band or artist.
I moved my finger along the petals, humming in content, "What are they for though?"
"Well, I know that we agreed on how I would get you red roses every time something happens, but I figured you love them, so I thought why not. Besides, I jump at the opportunity to get them for you because I love seeing the way your face lights up."
I tore my eyes from them to look at him, my heart fluttering, and hoped I didn't turn into a red tomato, "I love all kinds of flowers."
"Noted." He smiled. "I wanted to get you black roses so it would be ironic, and I would probably take the chance and throw a pun, but I didn't find any."
I chuckled, "Black roses aren't real."
"What?!"
"Yeah, they are always a very dark shade of maroon. There are no appropriate genes in their genome to produce the color black."
"Oh my god, I'm getting a deja vu from the time I found out Santa wasn't real," he said with wide eyes then squinted, "oh my god, you're such a nerd."
I shook my head, "I'm not, but Adam used to take care of our garden back home, so I know a couple of things."
He used to spend a lot of time there, and I would always be with him.
I ignored the ache in my heart.
He smiled warmly, "You guys were really close huh?"
I shrugged, not wanting to unleash the pain I had bolted underneath with thousands of locks.
"Look back at the roses and get that smile back on your face," he said, slapping me lightly, as I smiled again, "or you could simply just look at me. My beauty causes happiness." I rolled my eyes, causing him to grin.
"Well, to end this date right, shall we dance?"
I furrowed my eyebrows, looking at him weirdly.
"What?" he threw his arms in the air, "isn't that what they do in your movies?!"
I laughed, throwing my head back, "You're precious," I said, biting my lips to prevent myself from smiling creepily.
He threw me a dirty look, making me laugh harder, "I'm starting to grow impatient with you, Josephine Black."
I smiled sheepishly and stood up, "Okay, fine, let's dance."
He rolled his eyes, but smiled as well and took his phone out.
A few moments later, a familiar song that I couldn't pinpoint played through the coffee shop, as Harry looked up at me with a broad smile that made his dimples look extra cute.
"I googled songs to dance to, and that was the first song that came up which is actually not that bad," he said proudly.
I smiled slightly.
'It's late in the evening; she's wondering what clothes to wear.'
"May I?" he put his hand out, and I took it, not able to stop smiling.
'She puts on her make-up and brushes her long blonde hair.'
He walked us to the center of the shop where the tables were pushed away then stopped and looked at me, "Can you dance or will you step on my feet?" he teased.
"Can you dance or will you step on my feet?"
He bit down on his lip and stepped closer to me, "Can I?" he asked, his hand hovering just above my waist.
"Yes, Harry, how else will we dance?" I chuckled.
He looked down, smiling slightly, and placed his hands on both sides of my waist.
I stepped closer and locked my arms around his neck, swaying with him to the music.
'And I say, Yes, you look wonderful tonight.'
Harry suddenly laughed, shaking his head, making me chuckle, "What?"
"Nothing." He looked back at me, "I'm just not used to this."
"You never danced before?"
"Oh, I did—a lot—but, it wasn't that kind of dancing. You know, grinding and all."
I smiled, not able to keep eye contact with him any longer, so I rested my head on his shoulder. He kissed the side of my head before pressing the side of his head to mine.
I shivered, but relaxed against his body, as my hand moved on its own accord to play with the curls at the nape of his neck.
He took a deep breath and hummed along with the song, leaning down slightly so we would be close in height.
Song after song played and we didn't stop dancing or mutter a word, savoring the moment, as if we knew it was going to take time until we were back in this position.
The lights suddenly went out, making both of us snap our heads to the ceiling.
"What a perfect coincidence to make the moment even more romantic."
I smiled softly but looked around at the windows anxiously, hoping I had the comfort of my bow around.
"Hey, don't worry, the electricity probably just went out," he said, grazing his finger against the fabric by my hip.
I nodded, shifting my eyes to his and stepping even closer to him to feel a shred of comfort.
We had stopped dancing, the music forgotten in the background, and we were just staring at each other.
Even in the darkness, I could see his eyes move down my face and stop at my lips.
He took a deep breath, as I did the same, and leaned in until his nose was brushing mine.
I didn't know how I managed to close my eyes when there was a major malfunction in my system. My heart was pounding against every part of my body harder than I had ever experienced before, my stomach was tied in knots, and even breathing was hard, making my head feel lighter.
He pushed slightly at the small of my back so he would eliminate the distance between us entirely.
Before he was given a chance to lean in an inch more, the door of the coffee shop slammed open, making both of us jump away from each other.
"Harry, mate, are you okay?" a frantic Niall stepped inside.
Harry was crouched down with his hands pressed to his knees as his chest fell and rose rapidly, and my feet had somehow carried me halfway to the counter in an attempt to get a knife.
When my mind started processing what was happening, I started laughing like a maniac.
"Niall, you scared the crap out of me!" Harry exclaimed.
"Sorry, I just got worried about you guys when you didn't come out after the lights went out! I will leave, and I will just tell Bob I couldn't clean the place because the lights were out. I'm sorry again!"
He was gone in the flash of an eye, just like he entered.
I laughed when I glanced at Harry, remembering how frightened he was a few seconds ago.
He rolled his eyes, "Let's go home then, it's getting late."
I nodded, grabbing the bouquet, and followed him out of the shop, as I heard him mutter profanities under his breath and how he shouldn't have trusted that Irish leprechaun.
~
Harry didn't leave me until we were in front of my room, claiming that since we were already living together, then we have to pretend as if the room was my house.
"Well, I guess that's it," he said, jumping on the balls of his feet.
I smiled, "Tonight was amazing, I mean it this time."
"Of course it was," he scoffed then smiled, "thank you for going on a date with me, Josephine Black," he whispered.
"Thank you for taking me on a date, Harry Styles," I played along, "but you're a horrible tour guide though, I barely saw any of the city!"
He rolled his eyes, "Way to ruin the moment."
I shot him that annoying emoji smile.
He sighed, "You know, this seems to be the perfect time to try and kiss you again, but I wouldn't be surprised if the walls of the apartment fell on us while I tried to do that, but,"
He leaned closer to me, his curls brushing the side of my face, and planted a kiss on my cheek, "Goodnight, angel."
Heat rose where his lips touched my skin as I fumbled with my fingers, smiling to the floor, "goodnight," I mumbled, not looking back in his eyes, before entering the room.
I sighed, taking a deep breath to calm my heart that was beating vigorously, and moved farther into the room where Gemma slept beside Zoe with two dogs underneath their feet.
Gemma lifted her head up when I was a few feet away from the bed, "Hey, you are home?" she asked huskily.
"Yeah, I'm sorry we are late."
She smiled, pushing the duvet off her body slowly, and rubbed her eyes, "Don't worry about it, we spent some good time together." She stood in front of me, brushing her hair back, "I'm going to ask you plenty of questions tomorrow, but for now, I need to tell you something."
I furrowed my eyes in worry, placing the bouquet of roses on the bed, as I looked at Zoella, aching to hug her, "What's wrong?"
She looked behind her at Zoe too and pointed at her, mouthing, "She isn't asleep."
I frowned, "Why?"
"I don't know, she was off the entire day after you left. I don't know why."
My frown deepened, but I nodded, "Thank you," I said.
She smiled and took Jess before leaving.
I looked at Zoe whose body was curled in a ball as usual while her hand clutched her teddy bear.
A part of my mind started blaming me for her bad mood since I didn't spend time with her anymore, as I changed my clothes and got under the covers beside her.
I placed my arm over her body, pulling her close to me, and studied her facial expression.
She had her eyes shut--too squeezed shut that it was so clear how she was indeed awake.
Without verbalizing my worry or opening my mouth, I leaned in and kissed her warm cheek.
She slowly opened her eyes, faking a yawn, and rubbed her eyes, "Zosie?"
"Hi." I smiled slightly, as she moved closer to me until our noses brushed each other. "I miss you," I blurted out, placing a strand of hair behind her ear.
"I miss you too," she whispered, looking down at her teddy bear and playing with his ear.
Trying to keep my facial expression neutral, "You okay?" I asked.
She looked back at me and nodded.
I waited for her to say anything else, but she didn't. "Are you sure?"
She nodded.
"So, you aren't upset from me for not spending time with you?" I asked carefully, my heart picking up its pace.
I knew the second she would say yes I would stop everything that keeps me away from her; I would follow her everywhere she goes, then I would figure everything else later.
"No." She furrowed her eyebrows, "Why would I be? I do miss you a lot, but I know you are working to get money for me. I understand."
I could tell she wasn't lying, and instantly, a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders as I took in her words.
The feeling of pride that flourishes inside of me every time I speak to her overwhelmed my senses and a small smile got drawn on my face.
But I didn't get what I wanted yet.
"Then what's wrong with you Zoe? Didn't we promise to not keep secrets between each other."
She sighed and lifted her body off the mattress, hugging her teddy bear close to her chest, "Me and Gemma were watching a movie, and there was a part where someone died, and then they put him under the dirt." Her eyes glistened with a layer of tears, "Is that real or is the tv lying?"
I gulped, studying her features as I nodded.
A tear rolled down her cheek, "But mommy and daddy hates dirt."
There was it.
There was the sound of my heart breaking twenty million pieces again. There was the feeling of my body feeling like it wasn't mine. There was the crack that spread over the wall that attempted to shield my body away from the pain.
Another tear rolled down her cheek and another as she waited for me to say something.
I raised my hand to her cheek and wiped her tears away then pulled her back down to my chest and wrapped my arms around her.
The only strategy I have gone by every time a touchy topic came up: Don't let her see my face.
"They are not placed in the dirt right away; they are put in boxes first, so none of the dirt disturbs them."
I didn't know how I managed to let out these words, or how my voice managed not to crack and sound this strong; the only thing I knew was that a new scar had appeared on my little sister's heart, and I had to treat it tenderly.
I felt her clutch my jacket tightly, as she nodded, "We could go see them too," she said, "I want to go see them."
This time I wasn't able to hold back the tears—I wasn't able to hold back the memories of going to that wretched graveyard every day, planning to enter, but always going back home without even a glance of where they slept.
Sometimes I think maybe I would have been better if I just saw them once.
Maybe the few minutes I would have sat in front of their graves and cried my pain out and told them everything that kept me awake at night would have sanitized the wound and made it hurt less.
When I didn't say anything back, Zoe lifted her head up to look at me, her eyes falling on my teary eyes.
I blinked the tears that blocked my vision away and shook my head.
"Did you not see them?"
I shook my head, a new sort of pain taking over my body.
She pulled the sleeves of her sweater and leaned in, placing her tiny hands on my eyes and wiping.
"I couldn't," I whispered.
She took her hands off my eyes, "Maybe if we went together you could." She sniffled, "I would want you to come see me if I die."
I jolted up, forgetting about everything else and only hearing that sentence echo in my ears, "Where did that come from?" I furrowed my eyebrows.
"It's just an examp-"
"Well, don't ever use that as an example again," I snapped, only noticing what I have done when her eyes clouded with fresh new tears.
I moved my hand over my face, taking deep breaths to calm myself before looking back at her and pulling her into my embrace.
"I'm sorry," I said, kissing the side of her head repeatedly. "One day, okay? One day we will go see them together."
She nodded and wrapped her arms around my neck.
I laid us back down on the mattress, rubbing her back soothingly as she calmed down.
A few minutes later, she sat up again, wiping the remnants of the tears on her face away, "Tell me what happened today with Harry."
I sighed, the date I shared with Harry seeming so far away when it was just a few hours ago, but the heat where his lips touched my cheeks reoccurred, sending shivers down my body.
I smiled and told her everything, keeping out the parts where we almost kissed.
When I was done, she was grinning as if I told her Santa was real, looking back and forth between me and the bouquet of roses I had left on the bed, "I will tell Harry to take me next time with you guys."
I smiled and nodded, pulling her back down beside me.
"I'm so happy we are here," she said.
"You are? You don't want to move back into a house that is ours?"
She shook her head, "This is our house, and they are family, and I'm sure we aren't leaving anytime soon."
I furrowed my eyebrows, smiling slightly, "Why so sure?"
"Because Gemma told me that Harry really li-"
Her eyes widened as she placed both her hands on her mouth.
"Harry what?" I asked, my heart picking up its pace.
"Don't tell Gemma I told you, please! This was a secret," she said, hitting herself.
"Hey." I held her hand close to my heart, "I won't tell anyone."
"Harry really likes you." My heart dropped, but Zoella's eyes glowed, "He told Gemma that he really likes you, and she told me that he told her a lot of other things, but I wouldn't understand what it meant. So, she only told me that he really likes you and that she is really happy he met you."
You know that episode in sponge-bob where the workers in his mind are in chaos, and then his brain lights up on fire.
That was my brain right now.
I couldn't think or even decipher what I was feeling, all I did was stare at Zoe.
"Do you like him too?" Blood rushed to my cheeks, and my heart thumped hard against my rib cage. I felt like her words were a complicated math problem in an exam. "I know you like him." She shrugged, smiling even wider. "And one day, we will all be in a new big house together, and I will be an aunt, and I will teach your kids how to draw, just like mommy did. We will have a new family, but we will keep pictures of our actual family around, so we would never forget them."
I chuckled nervously, "All of that?"
She nodded vigorously.
I shook my head at her, but couldn't erase the image she formed in my head.
A new family with Harry and Gemma. A new family for us-- a happy ending.
I shook my head this time at myself.
The guy just likes me and my little sister made him father my kids.
Likes me. Harry likes me.
I cleared my throat, zooming back to reality, "C'mon, sleep." I whispered, pulling the covers over Zoella's body.
She shook her head, "Can we go watch Brave on the DVD outside?"
"No, Harry must be sleeping."
"Please." She pouted, "I will keep quiet."
I sighed and nodded, as she pumped her fists in the air.
I already knew she was going to sleep in the first half an hour of the movie.
Pushing the covers away, I shivered as the cold air hit my body and padded my way out of the room as quietly as I could muster.
A few seconds later, Zoe followed me with the CD in her hand and Charlie. I took it from her and played the movie before going to sit beside her on the couch.
Charlie looked between us and the tv then barked and jumped on the couch.
I shushed him and glared at Zoe.
"It's him not me!" she whispered defensively.
I sighed and glanced at Harry's door, finding it shut.
Relaxing into the couch, I pulled Zoe close to me and concentrated on the movie that I have learned by heart, for my attention to be drawn away from it again by the sound of the bedroom door opening.
I straightened at the sight of messy haired Harry in pajamas, squinting at us, "I'm so sorry, did we wake you up? I will close the-"
"It's fine, I wasn't asleep." He smiled, padding his way to us. "Can I join?" he asked Zoella, and she nodded happily, patting the spot next to her.
He glanced at the tv, smiling slightly as he sat down, "Oh, is that Brave on DVD? Sick! Who got it for you?" he asked cheekily.
"You!"
"I'm such a great person," he said, causing Zoella to giggle as he chuckled along with her.
His eyes slipped to mine, catching me staring, and winked.
I gulped and looked back at the movie.
Harry really likes you.
I felt Zoella get up from beside me, sitting on Harry's lap instead and nuzzling into his chest.
At some point during the movie, Harry's arm snaked around the back of the couch and slowly pulled me closer to him.
It wasn't until the end when I started zooming out again, my eyes falling on my opened hand and the scribbled writing that I had almost forgotten about.
Don't ever stop searching.
"Harry?" he hummed, "I want to get a tattoo."
~
AN// As promised xx