As Ivar gave orders for his men to put things back where they had found them, the men had grumbled amongst themselves directing glares from Ivar to Kendra. Kendra looked at Ivar, shock and anger still flooding her over what had happened. Ivar looked at Kendra, sensing that something had changed within her. He couldn't figure out if it was the ordeal or the aftermath, as he followed behind. Eventually, deciding to stop and look at her.
"Kendra Stop!" he called, as Kendra came to a complete stop. Taking a deep breath before speaking.
"Are you going to come with me or not?" she asked not looking at him, keeping her eyes fixed on the mass of beds on the floor.
"Not until you look at me and we talk" he stated, using his hands to catch up to her. Ivar shifted his legs in front of him, sitting on his arse looking up at her.
"I don't want to talk Ivar, I just want to forget this had happened" Kendra stated turning on her heel to look at him.
"Keeping whatever, you are thinking or feeling in that head of yours will not help you come back from this" Ivar said now stretching his hand out to reach for her dress, getting her to look at him.
"I was scared Ivar" she crouched down in front of him. "I came here to help; my friend needed my help" Kendra gushed out before moving he hair behind her ear. "You and your men came to help, I am grateful" she looked up at him. "Hearing nuns and children scream over your men ransacking the church brings everything that scares me about your way of life to the surface" she looked at the floor.
Ivar nodding nervously, unsure of what to say. Trying his best not to say the wrong thing, possibly making things worse.
"Kendra, of course we come for you". He paused going to speak but, choosing to change his words. "You are to be my wife, I am just getting to know you" he looked up at her seeking her approval of his phrasing. He could see it in the way she sighed, he reached for her hand. "It was your first time seeing my men in action, once married my men will become your men Kendra" Ivar went to move his hand to her cheek. As much as he had wanted to touch her but decided against it, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. "It is a way of life you are not accustomed but, I hope faith that it won't at the very least startle you" he smiled at her gently.
Kendra nodding at Ivar, appreciating his words. It surprised her seeing Ivar so tender and gentle. Realisation waving through her that she barely knew the man she was to many. But, excitement at the prospect of their being so much more to witness from a man so strong and young.
"Who is it you want me to meet?" he asked, giving her a reassuring smile. Brushing a final strand of hair out of her face. "Although, I really need to get you back to bathe and rest" he let out a small laugh, Kendra laughing as well.
"I can't imagine I look my best" she smiled at him. Ivar shimmying his head followed by a shrug and a laugh.
"I wouldn't expect you to sit at dinner looking like that" he paused. Ivar's tone softening "Princess" he nodded as she smiled at him and stood back up.
"come on, I want you to meet my friend" she smiled, straightening the skirt of her dress as she walked slowly. Ivar following behind as she crouched down to the familiar bed where Elwin slept. Kendra reached her hand out to Elwin's head, moving his hair out of his of face as he slept.
"Is he yours?" Ivar asked panic on his face.
Kendra looked at him in horror "No! oh god no!" Kendra choked out "I am whole and untouched thank you Ivar" she pouted at he rolled his eyes.
"Excuse me for panicking" he looked at Elwin sleeping.
"His name is Elwin, I help and attend him when he needs me" she smiled at Ivar.
"Why did you want me to meet him?" Ivar asked looking at her.
"He is a big part of my life" she looked at him giving him a small smile, "You had asked to know more about me" she nudged her head towards Elwin as he tossed under his sheets.
"Why is he here?" Ivar asked looking around at the mass numbers of children laying on the floor, many coughing or moving.
"He was left on the door step when he was a baby, he's 5 years old now" she smiled down at Elwin as he began to stir and waken under her touch.
"what is wrong with him?" Ivar asked raising a brow. "He looks healthy compared to some of the other children in here" he looked around, for a moment Kendra could see Ivar as a human. Curious, yet sympathetic.
"He was left with his brother. But his brother had passed with the recent surge of plague" Kendra stated looking around the room. "Many of the children were left parentless with the plague, some disfigured and scarred from the plague. They resumed the beds of those that were lost". She looked at him, Ivar nodding and impressed with her knowledge and bravery to help those in need. Something that was missing in his own world back home.
"Does the church take them in?" he asked curious now looking at the body that wiggled under the covers in front of him.
"Only the ones lucky enough to find their way here" she shrugged, smiling down at Elwin now fluttering his eyes open and reaching to hold onto Kendra's skirt for comfort.
"Why do you care for him so?" Ivar asked sceptical of the situation. "Most children here probably won't live to age?" he stated looking around.
"I was working the night he and his brother were left here, I helped care and settle him" Kendra smiled at Ivar. Appreciating his curiosity and interest in the topic.
"She does a good job at looking after me" Elwin finally spoke looking up at Ivar. His eyes wide, but not with fear. As Ivar looked at him and gave a small nod.
"what is your name young one?" Ivar asked, causing Elwin to look up at Kendra for reassurance.
"It's okay Elwin. Ivar won't hurt you, he's just here to meet you" Kendra smiled wiping his eyes from sleep.
"My name is Elwin sir" he smiled, heaving his body up and under the furs to look at Ivar. Showing interest in the conversation going on around him.
Ivar gave a small laugh. "Sir?" Ivar asked raising his brow at Elwin before watching Elwin nod his head.
"All men are called sir Ivar" Kendra reassured Ivar before giving Elwin a small smile. Causing Ivar to nod at Kendra, trying to understand their ways.
"You English do and say weird things" Ivar joked.
"Are you one of them?" Elwin asked, looking at Ivar's armour "one of the scary godless men?" Elwin asked in addition, curious and slightly scared. Causing Ivar to look at Kendra unsure of how to answer.
"I wouldn't say Godless, we just have many gods" Ivar added trying not to get angry at a mere child questioning his faith and upbringing.
"Ivar is a Northman Elwin" Kendra smiled.
"The one you are to marry?" Elwin asked as Kendra looked down surprised "We heart things you know" Elwin answered her unasked question "We may be ill or sheltered but not all of us are death" He smiled. His whit in turn caused Ivar to laugh, looking up at Kendra and her shocked expression.
"We are to marry yes" Kendra answered. Ivar going silent at the ease of her answer. Causing him to realise how marriage is a definite and with Christian, his thoughts and feelings becoming conflicted.
"So... Elwin" Ivar finally spoke trying to change the topic. "What is it that ails you?" Ivar asked curious now remembering how Kendra hadn't answered him at first.
"My legs don't work" Elwin shrugged looking up at Ivar. "They are funny looking, no one knows why" Elwin looking up at Kendra. Ivar's eyes going wide, looking immediately at the furs only to look back up at Elwin.
"Do they hurt you?" Ivar asked looked at Kendra now, his blood boiling as if he had been tricked. Anger raising within him. Knowing he had only told Kendra that his legs didn't work, not going into detail about this. Feeling as though everything that made him a cripple had resurfaced and was obvious.
Elwin nodded at Ivar. "Some nights I can't sleep, I just cry" he looked down "boys and men aren't supposed to cry" he settled down in his bed closing his eyes. "Kendra helps, she carries me outside sometimes. She even makes this paste or drink and it helps with the pain" Elwin looked up letting out a yawn.
Ivar getting angry, nodded at Elwin avoiding Kendra and turned to crawl away. Without parting ways or dismissing himself.
"He crawls too?" Elwin asked looking up at Kendra as she nodded.
"I must go and get some rest Elwin, I will see you in a day or two" Kendra said before giving his hand a squeeze and tucking him in.
"God bless Kendra" Elwin smiled before turning on his side and settling under his cover. Watching Kendra get up and hurry out of sight.
~*~*~*~
Once Kendra made it outside, she saw Ivar putting on his helmet and saddle up in his seat.
"Ivar!" she called out to him. Ivar taking a breath and opening and closing his fist, failing to calm his anger.
"How did you know?" Ivar muttered looking down at Kendra, now within ear shot as her face pulled a worried look. "Who told you Kendra?" Ivar raised his voice at her.
Kendra shocked at his tone, fear now flowing through her. She looked up at him, the fear in her eyes softening him immediately. But he refused to settle.
"I am waiting for your explanation Kendra" Ivar looked at her, "Who told you about my history!" he edged closed to her face.
"No one told me anything Ivar" she shook her head now looking at the floor.
"Someone must have told you!" his voice now shaking with emotion. "My whole life I have never met anyone like me!" he whispered, hatred in his voice. "Now you introduce me to some boy, a cripple like myself... telling me how he is a friend and you care for him" Ivar growled as he sat forward in his seat, readying the reigns of his horse. "Suddenly you tell me this kid in this has my shared childhood" he looked directly at her "Impossible! you must be witch if no one had told you about me".
Kendra could feel the hurt in his words. The sound of that one word 'Witch' a phrase shunned by her own faith. Followed by fear and torment.
"I did not know of your ailment Ivar!" Kendra looked up at him, "You never told me what was wrong with your legs, just that they don't work!" she cried trying to get him to look at him. Kendra now feeling the exhaustion of the last few nights flooding through her, filling the emotion in her tone. "I am no WITCH Ivar how dare you call me that!" Kendra now feeling the tears sting her eyes.
Ivar looked back at her, anger still prominent as he clicked his tongue and rustled his reigns the feeling of the chariot moves at his grip.
"You're being ridiculous Ivar!" she cried out at him. Eventually making her way to her own horse and heading back to the castle and her own kingdom.
Ivar could feel the breeze on his skin as his house hurled the chariot and himself back to his camp. The whole ride replaying the event and conversation in his head. He was impulsive, he knew that deep down. His fear spoke before his thoughts even had a chance to reach the gods. Let alone wait on their advice, signs, or responses. He groaned once his horse had settled as he had piled down off his chariot. Being greeted by his own men, surprised by their leader being on his own. As he shrugged at the questions, waving the men off and went to his tent alone.
Ivar could hear a horse arrive and storm past his tent. However, he decided to close his eyes, attempting to drown out the sound of people and the fuss outside the thin fabric. The gods he had known plaguing his thoughts with replays of his argument, how his words had cut down Kendra. How he cared not to stop them, but instead to carry on... out of anger. Feeling like a slave to his own emotions once again.
~*~*~*~
It had been days since Kendra last saw Ivar, watching him ride off in the distance, his words running through her head at every vacant and opportune moment. She had spent most of her time busying herself with her sewing, trying her best not to see him. After the first day Ivar had taken to finding any excuse to enter the castle to try and see her. He wasn't one to apologise but, he could only assume the gods were making him feel sorrow over what had happened. Particularly, how his tongue was so sharp and fast. He had couldn't understand why he felt such a way over some Christian. A religious hinderance on his own success and plans.
Ivar had paced up and down his tent numerous trying to think of a way to make things easier. It was when he heard Kendra's horse being made up and ready for a ride. When He reached for crutches and stood outside his tent, waiting on her arrival to get ready to depart. His hand reached for the back of his neck, rubbing it nervously. Looking up at the sound of the heavy doors scraping the floors. He watched as Kendra walked up to her horse, strapping her bag to it. Ivar slowly made his way up to her.
"Kendra" he whispered as she busied herself, fastening her actions to get on the road and out of the situation quicker. "Kendra!" he spoke up, now holding on to her horse for support, making subtle movements to pet and calm the horse.
"will you let me go Ivar" Kendra whispered as she climbed her horse and onto the saddle.
"we need to talk, please stay" Ivar asked now looking up at her, he could see in her eyes she hadn't slept.
"I do not want to talk to you. After all aren't I a witch" she remarked, dragging the last word out with such venom, it almost made her sick.
Ivar let out a low growl, "I did not mean what I said. I was angry" He spoke up trying to calm himself down.
"you said them Ivar, they are your words" she looked at him, straightening up in the saddle, adjusting her reigns in her hand.
"let me make it up to you, explain?" he asked now clicking his tongue against his cheek trying to distract the horse.
"Let's get one thing clear" Kendra started trying to avoid looking at him knowing they would have her change her mind. "If you so choose it, I will be your wife" Kendra started. "but, in name only. I wouldn't want you to think I put some spell on you or trapped you" Kendra finished taking a breath. "It is up to you" Kendra looked at him, her face cold and emotionless as she kicked her heels into her horse and rode off out of the gates, heading to her church where she would stay to help.
Ivar almost stumbled the way her horse darted off. Letting out a scream of anger. His brother's soon coming to his aid. Where Ivar shouted for his men to 'ready his chariot'. After all, if Kendra thought Ivar would give up so easy or listen to a Christian then Kendra was wrong.
~*~*~*~
Kendra had pulled up at the church where she made her usual greetings, meeting with Elwin and checking in on his fever. Relieved to say it had finally broken, he was improving in his health.
"Can we go outside today Kendra?" Elwin asked huffing at the stifling air filling the room.
"Not today Elwin, it would be too soon after your fever" Kendra smiled tucking him back in his covers.
"It's so warm in here there, I want to feel the air" Elwin moaned, shuffling his hips and shoulders in some recognisable display of a tantrum.
"I promise if you sleep well today, I will carry you outside tomorrow" Kendra smiled at him as she ruffled his hair down, putting a paste on his chest to ensure the fever stayed broken. Which only received grumbling mumbles from Elwin as he tossed and turned trying to get comfy.
"I think you need a new cushion to sleep on" Kendra spoke up. "You're growing too big for this one so fast" As Elwin looked up at her.
"Do you reckon when I grow up into a man my legs will work?" He asked, worry in his eyes as if he already knew the answer.
"I can't say for sure, God works in mysterious ways Elwin" she smiled, trying to keep his hope alive so he didn't give up and just cave. "Anyway, legs or no legs you are an incredible human" she smiled at him kissing his head as he gave a small nod at her. His eyes closing gently attempting to follow Kendra's orders and sleep.
"Kendra" a nun approached her looking at her, confusion on her face.
"Yes sister?" Kendra asked standing up to make Elwin didn't wake up.
"A heathen called Ivar is outside waiting for you" the sister coughed out, obviously unsure of how to tackle the topic of heathens.
"Tell him I am needed and do not wish to see him" Kendra rolled her eyes, apologising to the nun knowing how un Christian like that was.
"He has food for the church but will only let us have it if you accept it from him" the nun carried on. Taking a deep breath "We could really do with donations" she added softly.
Kendra growing tired, looked up at the nun in horror. "He won't leave, I will go talk to him" Kendra stated, groaning to herself about him Ivar being a hypocrite as well as a heathen.
~*~*~*~
The sun was shining on Kendra's face, taking her a moment or two to adjust to the lighting before seeing Ivar before her on his chariot. Folding her arms across her chest, not taking a step just looking at him.
"Ivar! you have some nerve showing up here" Kendra called out to him. Watching the corner of his lips tugging at a smirk. Just as Ivar went to speak Kendra spoke out again, causing Ivar to close his lips and listen.
"You are a hypocrite Ivar, you call me a witch. But you are some mere trickster showing up here with food asking solely for me" she rambled on, her anger disappearing with each word she let escape her lips.
"How dare you show up to these steps, the same steps you left me on" she paused looking up at him, realising she was more hurt than angry. "Calling your name, staring at the back of your head as you left" she finished. Unfolding her arms and letting them hang loosely at her sides. Watching his face turn.
"I want to help, I want to make things rights Kendra!" Ivar called back. Kendra rolling her eyes immediately.
"why would you make things right with a witch?" she asked, her tone softening but shaking with emotion. Thinking back to his words and how they had hurt her.
"I did not mean what I said" Ivar stated taking a few steps forward making it to the first stone step. "I am impulsive, my emotions tend to rule my actions" Ivar tried to explain. Only for Kendra to look up at him.
"Emotions rule everyone Ivar, not just you! it's about managing them!" Kendra raised her voice, not believing his explanation.
"I try Kendra! I try every day not to let them win. But there is more to that and I would like the chance to explain" Ivar called at her, trying his best to keep calm. HE could feel the anger flowing through him.
Kendra wanted to turn around and tell him to leave. But she could tell by his face he wasn't going to go anywhere. He was growing tiresome of the back and forth, so Kendra decided to give him a chance to explain. She took a couple of steps down the stairs and sat down.
"go on and explain..." Kendra looked up at Ivar, his blue eyes taking in the site of her. Anger changing to relief as his face showed disbelief. Watching Ivar shuffle on his crutch as nudged his head towards the step.
"May I sit?" he asked as he waited for Kendra to nod. Once he was given the all clear he turned his body and slowly eased himself down on the steps. He picked his legs up and shifted them in front of him. He tried to keep his distance, not wanting to impose on her or startle her. Ivar cleared his throat, readying himself to speak. Avoiding eye contact with Kendra, not wanting to see her face while he explained everything.
"When my mother was with me, she was told by the gods that I would be a monster" he paused, trying to pace himself. "When I was born my mother almost passed but, she pulled through. I have little control over my thoughts or emotions, I can't help but act on them no matter how hard I try". Ivar began rubbing his hands on his legs, feeling the sweat growing and making them clammy. "when I was young, I killed a boy for not playing fair. I have recently killed my own brother for his lies". Ivar's voice began to shake as he grew emotional at remembering Sigurd. "My mother was known as a seer; the gods would speak to her through dreams. They were right I am a monster" He looked away into the distance. "I do try Kendra, my emotions just get the better of me and when they do, I am horrific to be around" Ivar finished, blinking his eyes to stop the tears falling. Knowing he had never had to tell anyone the truth, everyone back home already knew.
Ivar got so caught up in talking and looking away, he hadn't noticed Kendra move down a few steps. It was only when he felt her hand gently placed on his lap that he looked up at her.
"I don't believe you are a monster Ivar" Kendra spoke calmly.
"You haven't seen me kill anyone yet" Ivar spoke with a placid tone.
"is that not what you heathens do?" Kendra asked with a small smile. "Even we Christians have killed" Kendra stated calmly.
"I don't want to tell you everything just yet" Ivar gave a small and vulnerable nod. "Will you have dinner with me?" Ivar asked taking her hand in his own, giving it a gentle squeeze. Noticing Kendra grow uncomfortable with him. "Maybe just a walk after dinner?" he asked again, not wanting to rush her. Kendra hesitated for a moment, before deciding and nodding at him.
"A walk after dinner should be okay, if you are up for it" Kendra gave a small smile. Watching as Ivar let out a sigh, his shoulder's dropping as they relaxed.
"Thank you, Kendra" Ivar chimed, bringing her hand to his cheek as he tilted his face in it and closed his eyes. "Thank you".