So...basically someone dumped a bunch of an unidentified poison into the Ha River. Kakashi was especially susceptible to it and led to its discovery. Also, Izumi has recruited some new members into her harem. Let's move on!
-/_\-
Chapter Six:
That One Filler Chapter
"...how is she?!" Mikoto yelled as she burst through the doors. The two ninjas holding her back didn't stand a chance.
Hosho sighed. "Fine."
"...what do you mean? How is she fine? She wasn't waking up!" Mikoto said as she stared at Naya who was unconscious on a hospital bed.
"And she still isn't. From what we can tell, she's perfectly fine. Her heart is beating, her brain's working like it's supposed to, even her reflexes are stellar. She seems perfectly healthy. We've checked for every poison we know of and for several genjutsu. Nothing. It's like she's just sleeping."
"And the seal?"
"That's what I was checking before you knocked out the guards and broke down my door."
"I wasn't-"
"Yes, yes you were."
"You don't even know what I was going to-"
"I knew exactly what you were going to say. Now either get out or stay quiet."
"Why can't I help?"
"Are you trained in medical ninjutsu?"
"No, but-"
"Then you need to sit down and shut up." Hosho was suddenly assaulted with a full Sharingan gaze.
"I'm sorry," Mikoto said sweetly, "what did you say?"
"...please sit down so I can properly continue my work."
"That's what I thought."
-/_\-
Itachi's walk home from the hospital consisted of dodging several shinobi who were hopping around the Village with packs full of antidotes-in hindsight, maybe taking the rooftops wasn't a good idea. Walking through the district and into his house wasn't bad. Sasuke was there, too, so that was a relief. As Sasuke bit into his onigiri, Itachi asked, "Where's Mother?"
"She rushed Naya to the hospital."
"Oh. Is everything alright?"
Sasuke shrugged. "I don't know. I just happened to pass by her when she was running through the streets with a medic who was holding Naya."
"I see. Well, I hope she's fine."
"Yeah," Sasuke mumbled, "me, too." Itachi shook his head and walked towards his room. As he walked past the kitchen, though, he saw something. There was a note on the refrigerator door. Curious, he walked over and read it.
Dear not-drunk!me,
We're out of milk. And chocolate. And ice cream. And basically everything worth eating. Be a dear and do some grocery shopping. Thanks!
Love,
Drunk!you
"...okay, something isn't right."
-/_\-
Suyo glanced at the figure who was hunched over in the cell. It was hard to see him in the dim light, but he was already informed of who he was guarding-Michi Tanaka. He was a traitor for...Suyo didn't know, actually. Michi had experienced a panic attack before Sakura could extract any useful information. When it became clear that he wouldn't be saying anything until he calmed down, Lady Sakura sent him down to the Dungeons. Honestly, the place was so ominous that it deserved to be capitalized, what with the stone-cold walls and the stench of death, but that was beside the point. No, Suyo was glad that the traitor was in the Dungeon. He deserved it-no one messes with Lady Sakura. The trembling man chose that man to glance up. When he saw Suyo, his eyes went wide.
"I'm sorry!" he wailed. "I didn't mean to cause trouble-"
"You're a mole."
"I know I'm a mole but please give me a second chance! I promise I'll be honest this-"
"No," Suyo snapped. "You had your chance and you took advantage of Lady Sakura's goodwill!"
Michi once again buried his head in his arms. "I didn't mean to! Lady Sakura was so nice! It was my first day out of the forest and Lady Sakura picked me off the streets and gave me some warm food and clothes and..." his voice trailed off into unintelligible sobs.
"Why did you betray her if she was so nice to you?"
A pause. "I...I didn't realize that it would be that big of a deal-"
"You're a mole, a traitor, a spy-"
"Wait," Michi said, his head snapping up, "I may be a mole but I would never sabotage Lady Sakura and spy on her!"
Suyo stared at him. "What the hell are you talking about? You're a mole, a spy!"
"No, I'm just a mole!" Silence.
"...as...as in the animal?"
"Yes," Michi said quietly. "Did you really think I was a spy?"
"Everyone thinks you're a spy. Wait, how can I trust you?"
Michi stood up and shakily made a hand seal. "Release!" He went up in a puff of smoke and when the smoke cleared...he was gone, replaced by a mole. Suyo stumbled backward in horror.
"Dear Kami," he muttered, "you're an actual mole! What the actual hell?!"
Michi's little mole hands formed into the same seal and he yelled, "Henge!" He was once again a normal human man. As Suyo continued to stare at him in horror, Michi glanced away, a scowl on his face. "That's why I didn't tell anyone. Everyone says that all humans are speciesist."
"A-And by everyone you mean...?"
"My friends and family back home."
"Where's your home?"
"The Forest of Death."
"I'm going to need a minute to process all of this..." Suyo promptly proceeded to fall face-first into the ground. Michi winced from inside his cell.
"Wait, if I become a mole, I should be able to squeeze through the bars..." he mused. Well, food for thought.
-/_\-
Naruto cautiously opened his window and glanced outside. When he was positive that no one was watching him, he let out a sigh of relief and climbed out, using his chakra to stick to the wall. Three stories is a piece of cake, he thought as he hauled his pack up onto his back. He quietly closed the window and made his way to the ground. Almost there, just gotta-
"Naruto?" a voice asked hesitantly. Naruto's head snapped up and his eyes widened when he saw Ino Yamanaka looking out a random window and staring at him. "What are you doing?"
Think fast! "What do you think I'm doing?"
"Sneaking out of your house to visit a secret gambling ring."
"Um...no?"
Ino rolled her eyes. "I figured. What are you really doing?"
"I'm, uh, visiting the library."
"Nice one."
"What's so bad about going to the library?"
"Nothing. The fact that it's you, though, is highly suspicious."
"Fine, I'm heading to the Academy to meet Iruka-sensei." There, that's a plausible excuse!
"Didn't he just drop you off at your house an hour ago?"
"How did you know that?"
"I know a lot of things."
"Well, you see-" His pack chose that moment to fall off of his back. Without thinking, Naruto held his arm out. Red Kyuubi chakra burst from his limb and grabbed the pack. Ino stared.
"Naruto, what the hell is-"
"Ino," a baritone, chilling voice echoed from inside the apartment Ino was in, "the blood has been gathered and we're ready to begin the ritual." Naruto stared.
Silence. Ino cleared her throat. "You heard nothing and I saw nothing."
"Agreed." Ino and Naruto both turned and got the hell out of there.
-/_\-
Meanwhile in a place that looked suspiciously like Hell (probably because it was):
Mizuki stumbled next to Yumiko, exhaustion clinging to every fiber of his being. It had been a few months and throughout the whole thing, they had been traveling non-stop. It really shouldn't have taken this long get to the Land of Nightmares. Of course, that was the moment that his foot decided to get caught on a rock-or maybe the petrified heart of a damned soul-and he fell forward. Luckily, Yumiko decided to grab his arm and keep him from making an embarrassment of himself again. She tended to do that. Sometimes. Other times she would just let him fall and laugh along with everyone else.
"Come on, broody, we've got to keep moving," Yumiko said cheerfully.
Mizuki sighed. "Why is it taking so long to get there?"
The leader of the group, the snake-guy, answered his question. "One day on Earth is a year down here. We've been going for a few months so it's been a few hours up on Earth. Everything is adjusted to scale. If we were on Earth and had departed from," he glanced at Mizuki's dented and dusty forehead protector, "Konoha, we'd be maybe a mile or two from the Village walls. The distance from your section to the Land of Nightmares is in scale with the distance from Konohagakure to Osoro in the Southern Land of Wind."
Mizuki scowled. "Who the hell thought this was a good idea?"
Snake-guy rolled his eyes. "The Shinigami, who else?"
"Well," Mizuki huffed, "I'd like to speak to this Shinigami and give him a piece of my mind." Just to add emphasis, he stomped his foot on the ground. As soon as his foot made contact, though, the land beneath their feet shook. It was only for a second or two, but after it stopped, everyone was silent. Mizuki stared at his foot. "Did I...?"
Then there appeared a blinding flash of light causing Mizuki and many others to let out a cry of pain. When it disappeared, there was a...a monster. It towered over them. Its skin was the color of burnt wood and its hair was white and violent with blood-red horns poking through. Its sclera was pitch-black, it's pupils a pale yellow, it had a white robe draped over its being and, most terrifying of all, it held a black sword in its mouth. Snake-guy trembled. "L-Lord Shinigami."
The thing-the Shinigami-ignored him, though. Instead, it slowly took the sword out of its mouth, eyes searching the crowd. Finally, they zeroed in on Mizuki. The Shinigami leaned down, eyes narrowed, until it was eye-level with Mizuki. Then it asked, "How did you summon me, filthy human?"
And Mizuki certainly didn't pee his pants.
Okay, maybe he did.
But only a little bit.
-/_\-
"Mrs. Uchiha?" a voice asked urgently. Mikoto let out a groan as her eyes fluttered open. "It's important!"
"Yes," she said groggily, "what's wrong?"
"Doctor Hosho found something...disturbing." That snapped her awake.
"What is it?"
"Just come with me." After she finished untangling her limbs from the chair handles, she hurried after the nurse.
"How bad is it?" she asked.
"Very."
"Can you fix it?"
"As far as we can tell, no one short of Lord Jiraiya can fix this. We've taken precautions, though."
"What precautions?" The nurse glanced at her then turned away and silently opened the door to Naya's hospital room. Mikoto's heart skipped a beat. Naya was sitting up in bed and happily chatting with an extremely nervous Hosho, but the precaution... "Why is she blindfolded?" The nurse laughed, somewhat embarrassed.
"Doctor Hosho will tell you."
"Only if you keep Naya entertained," Hosho shot back. The nurse nodded and walked over, starting a conversation with the young girl. Something about harvesting chives...or was it sharpening knives? Either way, it wasn't important. Hosho motioned her to come out of the room then quietly said, "She's a plant."
"...I don't know, she seems pretty sentient to me."
Hosho's eye twitched. "I meant that Orochimaru placed her to gather information."
Mikoto's eyes widened. "She's a spy?"
"Not exactly. You see, the seal has been connected to her sight. Anything she sees, Orochimaru sees. She's completely oblivious, though. We told her that we performed some eye surgery and that she needs to keep her eyes covered so they can heal."
"So that's why she's wearing a blindfold."
"We're still doing checks. We've only confirmed that her sight is compromised but we have yet to check her four other senses or, most importantly, her memories."
Mikoto was silent, then shook her head. "I'm assuming that you won't let me help do the research?"
Hosho's lips thinned. "I already told you, you're not a qualified medic. I'm out of my realm of knowledge as it is-seals have never been my forte. Unless you've extensively studied them-"
"I haven't," Mikoto sighed. "I understand." Without another word, she walked back into the room where the nurse continued to chat with Naya.
"Now," the nurse said, leaning in close to the girl, "once you've got the knife in, you want to twist carefully otherwise the guts will be damaged and you don't want that because you'll be using them later-"
"What are you talking about?" Mikoto asked, slightly concerned.
The nurse blinked. "Oh. I was teaching her how to pit an avocado."
"That's what I thought. Try teaching her something she'll really use in her life." A pause. "You know, like gutting an actual person."
The nurse turned his head away, abashed. "Right," he said, "I'm sorry. I'll do that next time." Mikoto let out an irritated sigh. Honestly, the young people of today had no common sense-not even Itachi! At least her Sasuke was sane.
-/_\-
Kakashi Hatake hated hospital food. Kakashi Hatake hated hospital beds. Kakashi Hatake hated hospitals in general. Most of all, though, Kakashi Hatake dreaded the medical bills he'd be receiving. Even with insurance, he was sure that he'd probably have to sell his apartment and live on the streets for a while. Maybe one of his students would let him stay with them...
Something caught his eye(s). The window, it wasn't locked. A glanced around the room confirmed that the door was closed and no one was watching him. Kakashi eyed his IV drip. It's not like removing it will kill me...
Less than five minutes later, the IV drip was no longer attached to anyone, the room was empty, and Kakashi Hatake was reveling in his freedom.
-/_\-
Sasuke was enjoying his onigiri when someone started pounding on the front door. Sighing, he set down his food and opened the door. He was immediately greeted by someone shoving four vials of liquid into his arms. Then the woman asked, "Where is Itachi Uchiha?"
Sasuke stared. "What?"
"I need to speak to Itachi Uchiha."
"Why?"
"A message from the hospital."
"Well I'm sorry but he went to get some groceries."
A pained look appeared on her face and she glanced back at her pack. It was filled to the brim with more vials that she was probably on a time-restraint to deliver. Finally, she turned back to Sasuke and hesitantly asked, "Do you happen to be a shinobi?"
"Yeah, I'm a Genin."
"Well, I suppose I can trust you. Kakashi Hatake has escaped from the hospital. Someone wanted Itachi Uchiha to track him down. Please pass this message on to him."
Sasuke sighed. "I will, Sayaka Yuiru."
"You're welco- Hey!" she screeched as she snatched her wallet out of Sasuke hands. "Why'd you take my wallet?!"
"How else was I supposed to know your name?"
"You could have asked!"
Sasuke frowned. "Where's the fun in that?"
"You are insane!"
"Why, thank you." The girl's face went red in fury but she just turned around, grabbed her pack, and shunshined away. Sasuke blinked. "Hey, what the hell am I supposed to do with this liquid?!" No answer. Sasuke slowly grinned. "Joke's on her, I got her house-keys!"
-/_\-
"Hey, Naruto!" Shisui yelled brightly. "It's been a while!"
"It's been less than a week," Naruto deadpanned. Shisui shook his head.
"Still, though. Anyway, you're a Genin now! Are you going to try some alcohol?" Shisui gestured to the rows upon rows of booze behind him. "Come on, I've got everything you've ever dreamed of! Vodka, whiskey, every obscure beer, it's all here! You can even half garden-variety sake!"
Naruto scowled. "No thanks, I'll stick to milk."
"But why?!"
"My brain power is already less than average. I don't need to screw my brain over even more."
Shisui sighed. "Fine, whatever." As he languidly poured Naruto a glass of milk, something caught the blond's eye.
"Hey, Shisui, why are there cookies on the counter?"
Shisui perked up. As he handed Naruto his glass, he said, "Well, everyone likes booze, but everyone also likes cookies. I figured that if I combined them they would magnify each other's awesomeness."
A smile grew onto Naruto's face. "You, my friend, are onto something." He grabbed a cookie from the jar, bit into it...then spit it out like it was burning hot. "Shisui," Naruto asked quietly, "is this a raisin cookie?"
"Yeah, why?"
"How dare you!" Naruto screeched.
"What the hell is wrong with a raisin cookie?!"
"One does not simply put raisins in cookies!"
"Yes one can and it's absolutely delicious!"
"Die, you heathen!"
Someone in the back of the room yelled, "Kill the heathen!" Cheers resounded but, instead of targeting Shisui, everyone took the opportunity to punch the person sitting closest to them.
Shisui sighed. "See what you did, Naruto? You should have just shut up and let your amateur taste-buds revel in the holiness that is raisin cookies."
"You little-"
Shisui's Sharingan promptly sprung to life as he stared hard into the crowd. The fighting stopped in less than five seconds. "Now," he said serenely, "clean up the mess you made unless you want to end up in the dumpster out back." In another five seconds, the place was once again spotless. Rolling his eyes, Shisui turned back to Naruto. "Now, what should I do to make you see the truth?"
Naruto didn't say anything, though. He stared straight into Shisui's eyes, his own wide in horror and...rage? The marks on his cheeks thickened, his teeth sharpened, and his cerulean orbs bled into red. Naruto stumbled forward and Shisui back up a bit, shocked. The blond looked him straight in the eyes and growled, "Goddamn Uchiha." He then proceeded to fall to the floor, unconscious.
Shisui stared. "Okay, then..."
-/_\-
Kakashi wandered through the streets, his wonderful book in his hands, ignoring the horrified stares of anyone who realized how little his hospital gown left to the imagination. As he flipped the page, he heard a scream. Kakashi wilted a bit. I have to make sure that no one's in mortal danger, don't I? Putting his book away, he walked over to where the scream originated. Instead of finding some gruesome murder scene, he found Jiraiya, an angry red imprint of a hand on his cheek, and a glaring woman. The woman dusted off her clothes, spit in Jiraiya's face, and proceeded to stalk off. Kakashi walked over, a bit concerned.
"Lord Jiraiya, are you alright?"
"I'm never getting a girlfriend..."
Kakashi sighed. "Maybe, but you could sign my book."
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"Absolutely nothing." He holds out a pen and his book and stares expectantly.
"Yeah, sure, anything for a fan." He grabs the book, signs it, then asks, "What's your name?"
"...Lord Jiraiya, don't you remember who I am?"
"I mean, I might, but my vision is a bit blurry."
"I'm Kakashi Hatake."
"Oh! Minato's student!"
"Yes, Lord Jiraiya."
"I see, I see." A pause. "Why are you wearing a dress?"
"It's a hospital gown."
"Why are you wearing a hospital gown, then?"
"Because I'm highly allergic to whatever poison someone threw into the Ha River."
Jiraiya stared. "Dear Kami, Old Man Sarutobi wasn't joking when he said it was an S-rank threat."
"This is Konoha, something weird like this happens every other week."
"True."
-/_\-
Itachi Uchiha came home to an empty house. Sasuke left a note explaining how he was searching for Kakashi. That wasn't what was disturbing, though. No, the most disturbing part was the note Itachi had found on his nightstand.
Dear not-drunk!me,
So, you know that guy that we really hate? The one that's on the Civilian Council? Yeah, I kind of killed him so you might want to make sure that no one figures it out. Good luck!
Love,
Drunk!you
Yeah, something definitely wasn't right. Itachi didn't remember a single thing. No faint memories, no random flashes of noise or anything relating to the supposed murder of Kayasuko Kagiyama. And now he was a wanted criminal.
Goddammit.
- End of Chapter Six -
-/_\-
Ugh, sorry about those weird two months of inactivity. I had something written out, then I lost the document. I moped for a few days, then started it again. I lost my love for it and when I went back to find it, I lost it once again. At that point, I was completely done and I just spent a month telling myself "I'll write it eventually!" and never actually writing it. I managed to write this, though. It's nowhere near the quality I wanted it to be, but I'm just happy that I finally wrote something. Anyway, I know that I promised to dive into the Wave Arc but this ended up happening instead. I'll probably start the Wave Arc in the next few chapters, though. But don't worry, I've still got plans. BIG plans.
Anyway, remember to Vote and Comment! Until next time, this is SSSRHA2, signing out!