Kat's eyes accusingly looked from Xavier and Stella, her hands on her hips, her skirt barely reaching to her knees.
"Yeah. Sorry. I was just kinda busy. I was gonna go back anyway."
"Really?" She asked incredulously. She genuinely seemed upset. It hurt to see but he didn't regret what had happened with Stella.
"Yeah, just got distracted." Jesus, how was Stella taking this?
He couldn't look at her right now.
"I can see that. Girl from the audition, right?" Her eyes were glossy.
No, no, no. It was wrong on every level. In that moment, he wished Kat didn't care.
Xavier blushed slightly as he looked at Stella. "Yeah, she's sort of a friend."
"That's... nice, actually." Kat stepped forward. "Nice to meet you, I guess."
Stella nodded and tucked her hair behind her ear. She was beautiful. It hurt.
"I'll be waiting up here," Kat said as she turned the corner.
He rolled his eyes as he looked back at Stella, before stepping forward and clenching her. Her breath spread against his neck, her lips unbearably close to his skin. He had to use all his power to step away. It made his heart squeeze a bit.
"I'll see you later then?" He had to go see Kat.
"See you later," she whispered as he walked away, leaving her there with her camera in one hand, and her bag in the other. He hadn't even noticed that she had it with her. He was way too distracted with her lips to focus on anything other than that.
When he had caught up to Kat, her eyes were injected with slander. But once he reached her, she didn't say a word. She offered a small smile and kept walking.
"She's a close family friend," he tried to clarify with a lie.
She breathed in a deep breath as she nodded with her lips slightly puckered. Hard to admit but, she was cute. Bad thing was, she wasn't Stella.
"You okay?"
"Yeah, just tired. Big day, drama, media."
Silence.
Step, step, step, step.
There was so much going on in his head.
Step, step, step -
"Do you think she's pretty?" He blurted.
He surprised himself with his question as he curiously awaited for Kat to answer. He would love to hear the answer from another girl. Maybe he should go to her for advice. I mean, she's a girl, right?
"Yeah," her voice choked up slightly as she smiled, "it looks like she really likes you. You should totally go for it."
She ran to the door as she went away, leaving Xavier standing there as if he had just won one of the biggest lottery tickets ever but then it hurt again.
Why did that feel so good to hear?
Why did it hurt to see Kat like that?
Why did having a crush have to be such a fuss?
But how would his parents react if he came home telling them she was his girlfriend? Would they support him? Or make him break the chain off?
Oh, Tyler would so smirk all the way to his grave. Maybe he wouldn't even stop there. At his funeral, while they looked inside his coffin, a smirk would lay on his face. Xavier laughed as he made his way through the doors, looking back just to find Stella twirling her car keys around her index finger. He smiled as she jumped in, a small smile tugging at her lips. Those lips he was just dying to kiss.
One day he would taste them, see how they felt, and how they went with his. One day it would happen. One day.
* * *
Flashing lights of the television changing clips hinted that Stella's mom was awake as she stepped out of the car, breathing in the delicious air as it shortly passed through. Soft moments. Beautiful moments.
The dark clouds hanging in the sky like a blanket searching for someone to comfort made her hesitate going in. Stella took in a small, low breath as she patted the roof of her car. She cleared her head as she took the few steps that led to her front door, grasping air before turning the key into the door and walking in, looking around the living room. A blanket was leaped on the couch as the TV kept flickering different lights.
"Mom? I'm home," Stella announced as she shook the bag off her shoulder, tossing it on the couch aside the lonely blanket, setting her camera on top carefully.
"I'm upstairs," a voice yelled from the upper-part of the house.
Stella climbed up the stairs, fiddling the door open as she busted in. Her mother laid on the bed, the back of her hand against her forehead.
Her plain, light blue pajamas disappeared under the sheet that went up to her waist, her hair loose, fluttering over her white pillow.
"Hey, are you okay?" She stepped forward, the bed dipping while her body rested into it. Her mother had never been in such a position before. Even when she was sick.
"I'm just not feeling well. Must be the stress."
"Stress with what?" Stella reached out a hand as she rested it on her forehead. She didn't have a fever.
"Just work and things here."
"Like what? The cleaning or-"
"No. You." Quiet.
"Me? Why, what happened?"
"You just haven't been yourself lately. You've never acted like this before. Not that I know of anyway."
Stella huffed a breath. "I've never paid bills before either."
"That hurts," she said, always avoiding their financial problems and letting Stella deal with it. "You know I'm trying here."
"I'm trying here too, but you're giving me no credit." She was fed up.
Suddenly, she found it hard to look at her mother.
Please.
Her voice choked up as her eyes glittered, "I try so hard to forget your dad. Forget his figure, his hugs, his warmth, his love, his scent, his smile, his eyes, his everything. But I just can't. He was such a nice man that I don't think I'll ever be able to get over."
How do we always end up here, never moving on?
"Then don't forget him."
She let out a puff, her hand quivering a bit, "I loved him so much. I still do."
"It's okay, mom," Stella comforted, bringing her mom into a hug. "We're gonna be okay. We'll make it through."
She sniffled, giving her part of the hug as they snuggled close. Her father's presence felt like it was alive, and right there with them, telling them that things would work out alright.
"I wish my dad was here right now. I miss him like crazy." Tears couldn't be avoided. It was a weak moment for the both of them, and grieving kept them in check from going insane.
"I want you to quit being a paparazzi," her mom said suddenly, looking up at Stella with a determined stare. "Maybe if we just let all connections we had with him go, we'll move on quicker."
Not now. I can't, mom.
"Mom," Stella made sure that she had her mother's look right in place with hers, although they seemed bloodshot. Maybe she was just tired, "you know I can't quit."
Who else would pay the utilities, the rent, the phone bill?
"Whatever it takes to make our lives stroll faster, please. And I also don't like you hanging out with that young man. I've come to notice that your attitude began changing when he came into our lives, and I won't allow it."
Mom, I will allow you to continue living under this roof as long as I'm paying.
"Mom, are you kidding me? I've been his paparazzi girl for months, and he's just barely "changing me?"
"When did you begin talking to him anyway?"
She swallowed as her voice lowered, making her mom have to pay close attention to what she said, "A few weeks ago," but she quickly arouse to defend him, "but he's a nice kid. He's a great role model."
"Maybe. But I don't like it one bit that you slept the night over at his."
"Okay, mom," she raised a hand to stop her from even allowing to begin this sort of conversation. That would just be awkward, "I'd rather not get into that. I haven't slept with him or anything."
"But you like him, don't you? And he likes you."
She was about to speak before she froze in the spot, as if she was fascinated by something. Did he like her? No, he couldn't. He has Kat. But he didn't really seem to like her...
Her mom threw her hands up in the air as she laughed heartlessly, "I don't want you around that boy, period."
"Well, I'm saying no. He makes me feel alive, want to live life to the fullest. He has that kind of energy. And it's refreshing, compared to yours."
"Don't talk to me like that-"
"Too bad then, huh? You've never let me become my own person, but not anymore."
"Stella, stop while you're ahead-"
"Just stop, mom," she said, fighting her emotions, "you've done enough."
Why was her mom acting this way? It wasn't right. But then again, nothing ever went right. It always seemed to switch lanes and turn left.
"Do you really think that low of me?" Her mother said softly.
"You don't even trust me. How should I feel?"
"How could I know that? You're barely even home to see how you're doing. I'm tired of worrying everyday, and waiting for you to come home safe from your job. I just don't know what to do anymore."
Support me, mom.
"You could start by bothering to have a conversation with me every once in a while. I know that dad is gone, and it hurts but please, you have to give me something."
"Your father would've never wanted this."
"You don't know what he would've wanted-"
"Of course I do. At the beginning, he didn't even want you. I know exactly what he wants, always."
What?
Clogged with breathlessness, she tried to study her focus onto the floor, not being able to bear looking at her mom. It's one thing for some bully to say things to you, but your mother? Your number one person?
Breathless, like air being sucked out of your lungs like a vacuum, she shook herself off the bed, looking at the pictures that her father was in. He didn't want her.
Fuck, that hurt.
"Wait, Stella-"
She slumped towards the door, her body heavy inside, she turned towards her mother, her weight sliding onto the knob, "I hope we can one day go back to where we didn't fight in every conversation we had. I'm sorry I'm not the daughter you guys wanted."
She closed her eyes before flipping to the other side of the door, finding every movement she made felt lost and she was tumbling down. She felt numb while taking a trip to her room, stacking up some clothes and items that she would need while she left the house for a while in a plastic back. Just for a little while to get away from all the drama.
Where she would stay, she couldn't really tell yet and she had practically nothing figured out, but she hoped to be able to point it out once she was outside when the fresh hit of nature gained on her. This house was sweeping away her happiness, and she needed a bit of a break.
She bounced downstairs once she was done, remembering immediately where her bag and camera was, turned the TV off, and then later stood by the door, hungry to get out, but something just snapping at her, holding her behind.
Was this really the right choice?
She smuggled into her light sweatshirt, trying to release all her concerns as she opened the door, whispering a "goodbye" to her mother before getting off the porch, her brain hazy with all the day's events.
First Cain, then Kat, and now her mom?
She stood on the sidewalk for a long time, pattering her situation and how she would deal with it. One person kept coming into mind, but going to his would mean her mother would think even worse about her. But maybe he could help. He always helped.
And Stella also didn't have any relatives around here.
As she made her choice, walking to get to her destination, she kept telling herself that this was how it was all meant to be. She would find who she really was out there. Her mother wouldn't let her live and would fret that she had gone mad every time she made a mistake or two, or did something she didn't please.
But how could she dare look at him for help when she had so much up her sleeve? She had already taped some of their conversations and had sent them over to Mr. Robins, as well as giving him footage and photos of what had happened throughout the week this afternoon.
He had grinned a toothy smile before shooing her away. But still, all that wasn't enough for him. He wanted details, secrets, information nobody else knew but him and the people who surrounded him. He wanted to get personal.
Her conscious had been biting at her since the whole thing had started. Was this really something her dad had done? Didn't he ever feel guilty? I mean, come on. What if she ruined his career? But that all depends on what was really beneath the surface. Under all that attraction of the skin, was he like that inside? Or was he just another asshole with a facade?
She blinked hard to let the thoughts and ideas go. She wouldn't let this run her life. She had to figure out where she belonged in this world first. She just wanted to know.
As she crossed the street, her eyes averted to look behind her, knowing that every step took her further. And maybe it would lead her to a greater place.
Maybe it would lead her to herself.
* * *
Stella's knuckles thumped on Xavier's door, her eyes looking around nervously at the long hallway of doors. She felt shaken as she awaited for him to open. Maybe he wasn't even there. He was probably out with Kat and the rest. She shook her head as she was about to turn away and leave.
This was all a stupid idea.
The door opened in the blink of an eye, Xavier standing there in just grey boxers while his hand was tangled to his hair. At all cost, Stella tried her best to just look at his face, without traveling elsewhere.
Wow, wow, wow.
"Stella?" his expression was fazed with confusion, "what are you doing here?"
Even though her mouth was open, her tongue couldn't seem to roll down any understandable words. Why did he have such a strong control over her?
"Um... I was just wondering... if - you could - I mean I could..." She swallowed the thickness laying on her tongue. Just say it, come on.
"If you could what?" He stepped out of the room, his arm lying against the side of the door, a small, playful smile teasing her. Anyone could walk about and see him half-naked.
She let out a breath as she just stepped back. "Never mind. Just... forget it. I'm sorry for interrupting."
But he didn't let her go, capturing her slim arm as he eyed her baggage. His hand reached up to her cheek, resting some loose hair on her shoulder. "You need a place to crash?"
She bit her lip, liking how he was always so gentle. Just so gentle. "Maybe."
He smiled as he took a hold of her bags, one arm going around the back of her neck as he led her into his room, shutting the door behind him. Was he always so touchy with all his females friends? "You know you could've just asked.
She watched him put her things over the bed, "I just thought you would've said no. Might as well save the embarrassment..."
Tyler came out of one of the doors shaking Stella in surprise as she fell on the bed, her palms saving her from falling down on her back as they set on the sheets. Where did he come from?
"I would be asking the same," Tyler responded to her question, although she hadn't even said it aloud. Her face probably gave it away.
"I didn't know we had visitors," Tyler said, looking at Xavier, who just shrugged and turned off the TV, which was playing Friends.
"She needs a place to stay. So I let her."
"What about your parents?"
Fear clayed her heart as she looked at the ground. Another set of people who will think even less of her.
"I'll deal with them. It's not that big of a deal anyway."
Tyler nodded in her direction, his brows knitted together, "Don't you have a home? I mean, you don't look homeless to me."
She chuckled a bit, smiling, "Just conflict with my mom. It's... complicated."
"Can't be that bad," he said, laying down on his bed on the right. "Everything is always complicated for you teenagers."
She gave him an acknowledging look, "You have no idea."
He rolled his eyes, smirking as he looked between her and Xavier, "I better not hear or see anything going on. I know y'all have raging hormones in your system but I'm in the room and if I see you guys-"
"Dude," Xavier exclaimed, covering his ears from hearing anything he said. Stella was in too much of a shock to really do anything. Was he really starting that conversation? "Please don't."
"Whatever. Come on, we need to sleep. Tomorrow we're gonna go with Rodriguez to decide where the filming will take place."
"Won't it be New York? I mean, it's the ideal place for this movie."
Stella stood guilty at the other side of the bed, the tape recording their conversation, leaving shame to mark her tummy. Why couldn't she have just told Mr. Robins that she wouldn't get involved in his little plans? She could just be having fun with Xavier, instead of having to be careful with how their talks go. She, herself couldn't get personal with him, but he had to.
Tyler's voice found its way to her thoughts, breaking her free, "I have no idea. I guess we'll just have to see tomorrow. Turn off the lights."
Stella shut off her recorder and safely hid it while Xavier flicked off the lights, and brewing himself under the sheet. He grabbed Stella's waist down, coating the white, thin blankets over her. Heat radiated off of him as his arm wrapped around her waist.
It made her feel safe, like nothing and nobody could hurt her as long as he was there. It was comforting. She needed that right now. Life has gotten so out of control, she couldn't really even remember how long ago she had felt so snug.
She bend down even closer to him, her palm laying against his naked chest, sending little waves of shivers down her back, rolling like stones. Didn't he feel it too? He had to feel the attraction too. It couldn't possibly be just her. He was a boy, after all.
"You know," Xavier whispered into her ear, his lips caressing into her hair, "he snores really loud, so if you can't sleep, we can go somewhere else."
She giggled quietly, trying to outline some of his facial shadows through the murky lights.
"It's fine. I used to sleep with my dad long ago. He snored a lot. But I found it comforting. It used to help me sleep."
Slowly, almost without Stella realizing, Xavier's fingertips strode up and down her arm length, bumping over the little goose pimples that led all the way to her shoulders. Stiffness rippled through her body, yet her body relaxed under his supervision.
"You cold?" His voice was so deep, and so low, and tinted with the darkness around them, Stella couldn't recognize anything more desirable than being here with him.
"No," she breathed, awkwardly enshrouding an arm over his bulky stomach. His skin was on fire, setting a flame inside her like a gasoline station ready to upheaval.
He huddled them deeper into the blankets, turning to his side to try to describe her even through the deficit of light. "So, what happened with you mom? Did she kick you out or something?"
She knew this conversation would show up, but she didn't expect it to come so soon. The wound had just barely been bandaged. She couldn't already rip it out to see the damage. "Not necessarily. She just thinks I'm doing other stuff on the streets than just bring a paparazzi girl."
"Really? Like what? I can't really see you doing anything but that."
She laughed as softly as she could, nudging him lightly, "Neither can I. But she wants me to put an end in my career. It's been in the family ever since I remember, and I'm not about to throw it all away just because my mom had a bad day."
"You do something to upset her?"
"No. Things are just a little rough right now."
He shook his head as he hauled her even closer. Without having much room to breathe, her head smuggled into his unbelievable comfy chest, which was aligned with killing abs. Now that was something he could proudly show off to the ladies. Just the thought seethed her with a burning dislike.
"Is she worried about you following random people around the globe?" He chuckled.
"Well, if you haven't noticed, I only follow you. The paparazzi system is all in order. We're all assigned one celebrity to follow, and only that one. Everyone else doesn't matter. We just need to focus on ours."
"Why were you chosen to follow me?"
"We withdraw from a little brown box filled with little slips that you can only choose one from. There's more than enough for everyone, since new celebrities are always appearing, but we always get more employees, so it works out. So, I guess just out of luck, I choose your name from the box."
"Yeah, I'm actually happy that happened too. Don't really wanna see some old, mean, cranky man following me all day. That would be unpleasant."
They both chuckled at his comment, the room growing piercingly silent after a while. His heartbeats thumped with a pulsing energy against his chest, alluring her to count up to about a hundred and three before his voice broke about.
"Well, what else does she think you do?"
She writhed a bit, clearing her throat, "She thinks I'm sleeping around."
But she had said it too low, making him bend down to listen to her clearly, "Come again?"
She coughed a burly wheeze, going just a hitch louder than before, "She thinks I'm sleeping around."
Although she put as much wishing as she could that he wouldn't hear her, she could tell he had heard when his body seemed to tense. It made her want to puke. She hated how he had reacted. Something she didn't want to conflict with.
"But I'm not, and she doesn't believe me, and I don't know what to do." Her voice ran of with a cleft as she ranted, choking up as she continued, "and I feel like I'm just letting everyone down. Everything is just going out of control and it's just all so hard-"
"Stella, calm down," Xavier stepped through on her ramble, pressing her against him as he strived his arm underneath her neck. "It's gonna be okay. This is just the storm."
She wasn't about to lose it. She's gone a few days without completely breaking down, and she wasn't about to stop it all because of a weak moment. She caged her eyes, blocking everything out and trying to keep her pulse down. Xavier always had a way of making her want to just tell him everything that was going on in her life. Even with one of her best friends like Marabel or Emma, she would never just want to spit it all out. It always seemed to be her business and only hers.
"I'm sorry," she said, sniffling, "I didn't mean to blow up like that. It just kind of came out."
"It's fine. Don't worry about it. Did you at least try to understand why she thinks that?"
She was tired of circling around this subject. She just wanted it over with, "Just forget it. It's nothing. I'll go back home tomorrow if you don't want me here anymore."
"No, you can go back whenever you want."
"And your parents?"
"They won't mind. It's not like you're doing any harm."
"Okay, if you're so sure. So, since my story has been told, tell me how you're life is so far."
With caution, she turned on the little recorder saved in her pocket. Her fingers fumbling a bit at how nervous she was. What if he found it all out? Everything she was planning. Nothing would ever be the same.
"For starters, Kat's been a big bother. I mean, I like her, but her talking skills are excessive. Cain just ignored me the whole time when I got back. And the rest were just acting normally. As if nothing had happened. I don't even think they are aware that anything happened anyways. They're always so careless from what I see. And everyone around here is stressing me about the script. It's like work every single day. There's no rest. Apparently, coming from Anthony: we can't afford a rest day. It's driving me insane."
Stella frowned, "Can't you just tell them that? It's not okay for you to be stressed like that. You should say something."
"In Hollywood, they don't care how tired you are. If you can make money, that's what they're really into. They don't care if you're plagued with cancer. As long as you can work, just go for it."
"And if you speak out, what would happen?"
"They might reduce the work, but they won't stop it completely. It would cost them too much."
"That's fucked up."
"Yeah, but that's how life is."
"Yeah, it's full of unwanted rides."
"I don't think I'll ever get off this ride I'm stuck in. Sometimes I wonder why I even allowed myself to get sucked into all this fame. I don't want to end up like the rest of the celebrities who end up being total snobs like Cain, or overdosing from drugs. I wanna be better than that. I want to be a role model for everyone that looks up to me."
"Well, you're doing a great job at it. I bet all of your fans are proud of you. Have you ever thought about becoming a singer?"
He laughed, tangling her legs with his, allowing her to feel squished, but it felt so good. "I sing like a drunk horse being eaten by a whale. It's terrible. Anthony also thought I could have cross-talent. Didn't really work out that well when I tried."
"Am I a bad person if I find it amusing that I can totally imagine that?"
"No, because I can too."
Through their quiet laughs, Stella could feel herself yawning, her body having enough for the day. The really long day.
"We should probably get sleeping," Xavier said, most likely realizing her symptoms of wanting to rest. "It's a busy day tomorrow. Photo shoot and all."
Stella tried to get cozy, almost halfway underneath Xavier while her fingers dug just the slightest of all things into his back. A small, low groan seemed to amble off his tongue. Her body fizzled with desire. Desire that she couldn't even understand. This was insane.
"I bet you'll look great," she mumbled, her brain running to dreamland. "You always look great."
"You do too," he soothed into her hair, running a few fingers down like a thread, "you do too."
With those sweet last words, life turned into a dream, making real life seem like a nightmare, and Xavier being the only good news in the whole story. He was the ray of sunlight in this darkness. And maybe he could get her out.