❝we were together. i forget the rest❞
ｗａｌｔ ｗｈｉｔｍａｎ
___
ＴＨＩＮＧＳ you shouldn't be thinking about when trying to read a sixty-year old book about the war: what your sort-of, sort-of-not boyfriend is doing at that specific moment in time.
It's on a Saturday morning, a few days after Cole finds me 'hero'-ing (or thrill-seeking as he prefers to call it) and we go on our impromptu first date, when I first come to the conclusion that Cole and I spend far too much time together. Lately, I find I can't think about anything for very long before my thoughts come back to him. It's not always a bad thing — but with the number of things I have to worry about, it's not always a good thing either.
The situation with Andrew and his dad, the safety of my aunt and uncle, the weird letters and clues Professor Horowitz left behind before going missing, Morgana's recent odd behaviour. There are so many questions left unanswered. It makes me worry that perhaps Cole has become more of a distraction than a help to me.
I let out a sigh, running a hand through my bedraggled hair. I shouldn't be having these sort of thoughts so early in the morning.
To distract myself, I return my attention to the book I 'borrowed' from the school library. Sleep doesn't come easy to me these days. After waking up for the fifth time overnight, I gave up and decided to do something more practical with my time — namely read the book.
The Hidden Allies, the title reads. The first few pages is comprised of a long list of names and statistics of all the people involved in a certain project, though all the data seemed inconsequential to me. There is a short summary of the time period, focusing primarily on World War II and it's after effects, but having already studied this in World History, I skim through the chapter quickly till I reach one I find relevant.
PREMISE & PRETEXT
There is a quotation under the heading, though there is no reference to the author or person who may have said it:
'Often, it takes silence to reveal the source of the noise'.
I furrow my eyebrows as I read it. To myself, I murmur: "What's that supposed to mean?"
Before I can read any further, my phone rings.
I detach my eyes from the sepia-toned pages of the book in my palms, staring resentfully at my phone as the ringtone continues to blast on. After a moment, I reach out to my nightstand and answer the call, briefly catching a glimpse of the caller ID as I press the phone to my ear.
'Home'. (Probably my aunt calling from the landline.)
"Hi, Aunt Vi," I greet, making an effort to sound more cheery than I actually felt.
As I speak, my eyes sweep the room. Cass isn't here. She was in the room when I last checked. Though that was a while ago. . . Did she say where she went? A half-dormant recollection of her announcing her departure resurfaces. Probably.
"Actually it's me, Ted."
My attention switches back to the phone call. "Uncle Ted? Oh, I'm so sorry! I just assumed..." My voice trails off. "It's usually Aunt Vic that calls first."
"It's okay, you aren't wrong — your aunt does usually call first."
"Is she alright?"
"Yes, don't worry. She's fine, and so is Cleo."
"And you? Are you alright too? Are you... safe?"
The line goes silent. For ten seconds, then thirty.
"Are you?" he finally replies. "Your aunt and I are worried about you, Emmy. What happened with the Masters' kid? We've been keeping away but I don't like this. If you're in trouble you should tell us."
"I'm not in trouble, Uncle Ted." Not yet anyway. "You don't have to worry about me."
Uncle Ted is quiet again, almost as if he heard the unvoiced part of my response. He sighs.
To fill in the silence, I change the subject, "How are things back in Haven? Everything alright there as well?"
The silence extends. 30 seconds, then 40, then...
"Still the same old same old." Uncle Ted finally breaks it. "Richard Masters won the election — not exactly much of a surprise — so can't say there are any big changes coming to Haven any time soon."
Hearing Mayor Masters' name fills me with dread. Despite everything, the mere reminder of his existence instantly makes me queasy. I know it shouldn't. There's no point spending so long convincing Uncle Ted I'm safe if I can't convince myself. Richard Masters and his machines are far away from me. There's nothing for me to worry about.
And yet... when I close my eyes, I imagine I'm back there, strapped down and struggling. Alone. Helpless. Powerless.
Was it really the right idea to leave my aunt and uncle alone with him in charge?
"Emma?"
Uncle Ted coaxes me out of my reverie and I manage to force myself to continue the conversation until he is convinced that I'm well and happy. We talk about school and exams, my aunt and Cleo's hijinks, then he asks after Cass and Cole (and again about me and Cole...), then we say our goodbyes and Uncle Ted ends the call, leaving me alone to my thoughts again.
The quote from that page is still in my mind, so I go back to read it again.
'Often, it takes silence to reveal the source of the noise.'
The writer goes on to explain its meaning.
'To be truly able to get to the root of a problem, one needs to filter out all other distractions: all the red herrings, all the false friends. Rather than in the chaos, it is in the calm that the true problem can be identified and the best solution begin to be found.
This, in essence, is the principle which led to the formation of The Superhuman Project.'
I brush my hand over the words in bold. Now I'm beginning to understand why Professor Horowitz wanted me to read this book.
I reach out to turn the page when the sudden sound of the door slinging wide open startles me enough to drop the book in my lap and lose the page.
For a moment, I stay seated, stunned frozen in position. In a way, it reminds me of the quotation. A different interpretation of it. My interpretation.
The silence isn't the solution. The silence is now. It's the present, the past, the slowly-building, chaos-concealing calm. And after the calm, you get a storm. It's a tempest. It's a loud, glaringly obvious noise, screaming straight in your face about how wrong you've been all along. It's the sound of Cass bursting in through the door, distraught and teary-eyed, chest heaving and lips trembling when she says:
"She's missing."
❧
"Who's missing?"
That's the question Willow asks an hour later when Cass repeats the same phrase. All heads are turned towards me and Cass, the last to arrive on our table for breakfast.
I turn to Cass. She looks like she's about to burst into tears again. With a sigh, I take my seat and tell Willow, "Morgana."
"Morgana?" Markus says, sitting up straighter. "Are you sure? Didn't she only come back like a week ago?"
"Maybe she just went on another of her business trips to the other islands," Logan suggests.
"Don't you think I've already thought about that?" Cass cuts in irritably. "I've checked her office twice, she—she left too much behind to go on a business trip, and even if, she'd be back by now."
"She's right," I agree. "I went with Cass to Morgana's office just now. There was something off about it. Even if she meant to go somewhere, I don't think she planned to be gone this long."
"I haven't heard anything from her in three days. She'd have called by now..." Cass continues sullenly. She runs her hands through her hair, gripping it tightly. Looking down at the table, she whispers, "God, I'm such an idiot."
I rest a hand comfortingly on her shoulder. "You couldn't have known."
She turns to me. "Couldn't I?" she says, sending me a knowing look. "Maybe if we'd told her earlier..."
"What are you guys on about?" Logan says, eyes drifting between me and Cass.
"You think we should've trusted her?" Cole asks, frowning. All eyes turn to him.
"I think we made a mistake," Cass says. "It's my fault. I shouldn't have been so quick to suspect her — it didn't even make much sense: if Morgana wanted to hurt Emma why would she have waited till we were out of the DA when she'd have plenty of opportunity here?"
Markus' eyebrows furrow. "Hurt Emma? What's this about?"
Cole's gaze flickers from Markus over Cass to me. "We should tell them. The full story."
I nod. Cass shrugs indifferently, muttering, "I've already endangered at least one person by not telling them the truth. Why not?"
"So, as you guys know, Cole and Cass came to my town over the break, and we went to a sort of formal hosted by a ... friend of mine," I say. "What I didn't tell you all was what happened after."
"Of course." Markus rolls his eyes. The table breaks out in grumbles.
Cole rests his hand atop mine. "You sure you're okay talking about it?" he says worriedly. "Especially out here." I follow the direction of his gaze, only just acknowledging our proximity to the other tables.
"You're right. Maybe here's not the best place to talk about it..." I say.
"Write it down, maybe?" Willow suggests. "On your phone. And then we can just read it instead."
I nod, pulling out my phone. In my notes, without going into too much detail, I explain getting abducted by Andrew and his father later on that night, who were running tests on me like they already knew all about my powers. I mention how it seemed they were talking to someone higher than them, and how we mutually assumed it was Morgana. At the time, the ambiguous questions Morgana asked me when she finally returned from her trip seemed to be proof she was behind it, but now...
"But do you know for sure that... well, Morgana's not behind it?" Markus says, staring at Cass uneasily.
Cass sighs and takes an item out of her pocket. "I know my mother and I are not always close — I mean, I accused her of running a sinister underground organisation that kidnapped and experimented on kids with powers — but there are still traditions we never break."
"Is that a Christmas ornament?" Markus asks.
"Dude, just let her explain," Logan admonishes.
Cass stares solemnly at the ornament before breaking it into two.
"Whenever my mother goes away for longer than two days, she takes one of these halves with her. She started it when I was younger, as a promise that she'd always have a part of me with her when she travels and that she'd always return to make it whole. Whenever she's around, she leaves both pieces with me. I'm not always there when she takes away a piece or returns it — she knows where I keep it, so it's easy for her to find. I went to Emma's with only one half but last week, when she came back, she returned the other half to me."
Cass rejoins the two halves together, looking up. "If she planned on being gone for this long, she'd have taken a half with her."
"So... What do you think happened to her?" Willow asks.
"That's the worst part," Cass replies, "I have no clue."
"We managed to log on to one of Morgana's accounts on the computer in her office," I elaborate. "It looked like she took one of the jets with her, but it went offline a day ago. The last transmission that came through was an SOS alert but the last log-in said it was answered."
"She'd be back by now if it was really answered," Cass interjects.
"So you think it's still an inside job," Cole realises. "You think someone intercepted the SOS call before it could be properly answered?"
Cass nods.
"But who would it be?" Willow asks.
"And if not Morgana, who else would have enough power to orchestrate this entire thing?" Markus questions.
The table falls silent. A name flashes through my head, and I wonder if the others have the same thought. Yet no one dares to voice their suggestions. Not out here. Not yet.
Cass slumps onto the table, head in her folded arms. A soul-sucking air of despair hangs above us, dampening our spirits. The situation can't be this hopeless, could it?
From the corner of my eyes, I notice Logan hasn't taken his eyes of Cass. He cautiously lifts a hand, reaching to comfort her, but at the last moment he decides against it.
"You know what?" he says instead, his voice drawing Cass's attention. "I think that's enough doom and gloom for one morning. It's Saturday, we should take a break from this and do something fun — clear our minds a little before we go back to thinking. We deserve that at least."
He looks at Cass worriedly until a watery smile appears on her tired face. "I guess taking a break might help. I've been worrying all morning, I don't think I've actually thought much about what I could do to help."
"What do you have in mind?" Cole asks Logan.
"I was thinking..." Logan replies, eyes still trained on Cass, "the planetarium?"
❧
The planetarium, I am told, was originally built for scientific research to aid a project conducted by Beta's residentiary basement scientists. However, having recently built an observatory with a 10m aperture super-telescope yards away from the school, and being so close to the student block, it was eventually donated and became an extension of the Rec Room. Nowadays, it's apparently used for organised students' entertainment and the occasional Physics lesson.
"Did you know about this place?" I ask Cole as we trail in after Logan, Willow and Cass.
"You never know about any place, Emma, let's be real," Markus says, suddenly creeping behind us to add his thoughts to the conversation.
It has been over two hours since Logan made his suggestion, and subsequently delegated tasks to each of us in preparation for our small 'chill-out Saturday'. After twenty further minutes of eating, arguing and suggesting alternatives we eventually all give in and agree to visit the planetarium (more because it was the only suggestion that seemed to cheer Cass up, less because we believed Logan actually had good ideas).
Now, as we step into a large-ish, dark, dome-ceilinged room, I get the urge to ask, "Why the planetarium of all places?"
"Yeah, I was going to ask as well," Cole concurs. "I half expected you to say the swimming pool."
Markus snorts. "Right?!"
Logan raises a half-amused brow at Markus before turning to me and Cole pensively. "Oh, right. That's true. You guys wouldn't know the story, would you."
"What story?" I ask.
"To be honest," Willow admits, "I've heard the story but I'm not sure I'm really all that familiar with it myself."
Logan turns to Cass. "Want to tell the story, or should I?"
Cass smiles softly. "You can start," she says. "I'll go toggle with the controls of this at the back. Maybe I can get it to work."
Logan nods. Then turning to Willow, he gives her and expectant look, like he was waiting for her to do something.
Willow's eyebrows knit together. "Wait. You weren't joking about that?"
Logan attempts a puppy-dog pout, giving Willow a pleading look. "Please Wil, it'll be much easier if you get it."
"I swear..." While grumbling under her breath, Willow reaches into the bag slung at her side. She opens it, sighing in exasperation as it emits an ethereal glow the moment she sticks her hand in it. She rummages inside it for a moment before finally pulling out a bean bag that is far to large to have been sitting at the bottom of her bag this whole time.
Markus grins, taking the bean bag from her as she proceeds to pull out another 3 more. "Thanks, Poppins," he says humorously.
Willow sends him a withering look. "Don't," she warns, right before she pulls out another six blankets from inside her bag.
As the four of us begin to organise the stuff Willow had teleported in for us, Willow takes a seat on one of the bean bags, tilting her head back so she could stare at the black ceiling. After another moment, Logan's expectant gaze is back on her. This time, accompanied by Markus'.
"What?" she questions exasperatedly.
"The snacks?" Markus asks.
"We just ate two hours ago!" she protests.
"Yeah, and now it's midday. A.k.a. Lunch time," Markus replies.
Cole rolls his eyes. "At this point, I think they just really like arguing."
"We should sit," I suggest. Cole nods in agreement, settling on one of the outstretched blankets and pulling me down with him.
"How about Logan just tells his story first, and Willow can teleport us food later," Cole suggests once he grows tired of the argument.
Logan considers this, turning to his other two friends. "That could work. Right, guys?"
Willow and Markus grudgingly agree.
Logan waits until everyone is settled down (except Cass, whose presence comes in the form of the room flooding with short burst of lights that flicker out seconds later, shortly followed by her cursing the control panel and trying again), and then begins his tale.
"This story starts far back in the beginning, in Cass's and my town. Way before Cass moved, way before the DA, just shortly after we discovered we both had abilities," he begins. "It was summer. We were 14 and bored. By this point in the summer, we'd done everything that could be done. Everything that kids our age thought could be done, anyway. Except... young Cass only had one interest: the stars."
As if on cue, the ceiling lights up in a myriad of constellations. Clusters of twinkling white stars are dotted across every corner, hues of purples and pinks embellish the inky-blue sky. I stare mesmerised as Logan continues his story.
"Of all the places she loved to go, she loved to visit the local planetarium the most. Particularly the new astronomy and astrology exhibit they'd set up for that summer. Yet even with all this, Cass still felt something was missing." Logan's eyes raise up for a split-second and a playful look takes over his features. "She'd had her eye on a particular object for a while, and no number of free shows and exhibits could ever substitute for what she really needed: cold, hard cas—"
"Hey," Cass says appearing beside Logan and ruffling his hair. "You're making it seem like I was getting the money for myself. I was using it to buy you a birthday present, you goof."
Logan arches his head towards her with a grin slapped on his face, "I was going to get to that part... eventually."
"Right..." she says sarcastically, rolling her eyes in a good-natured manner then dropping her arm. "To be honest, I thought you'd be done with the story by now," she adds as she looks for a place to sit. "It's not that long."
Initially, Cass settles down on the blanket beside me before she notices Cole at my other side, narrows her eyes and shifts to the next, shaking her head at the two of us.
"Nice set up, by the way," she says. "Willow's work?"
"Actually, I'm the one who arranged most of it, Willow just Mary Poppins'ed it into the room," Markus informs her.
"For some reason, I doubt that 'Poppins'ed' is verb." Cass replies.
"Well—"
"Back to the story!" Logan announces. "Anyway, so outside the astrology exhibit, Cass is struck with money-making inspiration. With help of a cloth, table, a fake crystal ball and her trusted sidekick, namely her dashing debonair neighbour—"
"Logan. Stop. Get on with the story."
"— to set the mood by providing an eerie foggy atmosphere, Cass sets up shop outside the astrology exhibit, offering to tell the future of all those coming to and fro the gates, convincing even management that she was part of the exhibit. The visitors were amazed. For someone her age, Cass's fortune telling skills were unparalleled. Of course, what they didn't realise was that Cass did indeed have powers of the supernatural. Kind of. Each time Cass touched their palms for a 'palm reading', she really did get glimpses of their future, which she wound into a flowery tale in order to get more money out of her unwise customers."
I turn to Cass, "You can really do that?"
"Swindle large sums of money out of people," Logan asks. "You know our girl Cass, of course she can."
"No," I say, amused, "I meant see people's futures just from a single touch."
Cass suddenly looks bashful. "I guess, technically yeah. Though I haven't done it in a long time. It's easier to do it with strangers because you kind of get desensitised to the touch from people you see on a regular basis. Plus I've gotten better control of it than I used to, so I generally avoid doing it in case I see something I'm not meant to."
"I guess it is kind of an invasion of privacy, so I understand why you wouldn't," Markus reasons.
"But could you read our palms now if you wanted?" Willow asks curiously.
"We're getting off point again," Cass says hastily. "Logan is dragging this story so I'll finish it off quickly," she adds despite Logan's cries of protest. "End of story: I made the money, bought Logan his birthday present, then my mother found out, got mad and made me give the rest of the money back to the planetarium. Then she decided if I was old enough to make a business out of abilities, I may as well enrol in the DA a year early. The end."
"You ruined the magic of the tale," Logan laments. "I'm obviously a much better storyteller than you."
"Let's be real, Logan. You were never going to end that story," Cass says. "You babble too much."
Without waiting for a reply from Logan, Cass lies flat on her back, staring intently at the artificial night sky we created in the middle of the day.
For a moment, it's completely silent.
Then I sense a flash of bright white light and a glass of some sort of beverage being thrusted at me.
I glance sideways and get a glimpse of long, red hair and bright green eyes. "Lemonade?" Willow offers.
Markus visibly perks at the sound. "Aw, yes! Food time." After Cole and I receive ours, he eagerly accepts his own. "Do you know would taste even better with this? Mugicha."
"I don't know how your digestive system even still functions," Willow says shaking her head. "Though if that's was a genuine request, no, I am not teleporting to Japan to get you tea."
"Bummer." Markus sighs, though not looking terribly surprised. I have a feeling he's asked her this before.
After Willow finishes passing around drinks, she pulls out a large pre-prepared picnic basket and urged everyone to help themselves go whatever's inside. The conversation runs dry so we decided to focus our attention on our food, wordlessly munching as we stared at the stars, each engrossed in our own thoughts, encapsulated by our individual worries.
"We should figure out how to open the roof to this place so when it gets properly dark we can see the real stars," Logan comments.
I take a slow sip out of my straw. "Are we even really allowed in here?" I ask.
"You're only just wondering that now?" Cole says.
"Who cares?" Markus interjects. "It's not like there's any sort of rules being imposed anymore. The freaking head of the school is missing."
Silence.
Realising his slip-up, Markus's face immediately twists with guilt. We all cautiously turn to gage Cass's reaction.
She doesn't meet our eyes. She keeps her gaze trained to the ceiling, tense and unmoving.
I clear my throat to dispel some of the awkwardness. "Do you..." I speak slowly, hesitantly, watching her movements, still and rigid, "Do you really think she's gone? Like, properly, properly missing?"
Cass swallows hard, breathing in sharply.
"After Logan and I pulled that stunt all those years back, my mother didn't speak to me for a full week," she begins. "Right now, I'd give anything for even just that. I wouldn't even care if she didn't acknowledge me, just as long as I could still see her everyday and know that she was okay."
We are quiet. When no one says anything, Cass sits up, pulling her knees towards her. "Is she really missing? I can't say I know for sure. Maybe this is just her being aloof. Maybe it's just her sick idea of a joke. Or maybe she really is just evil. . . But. I don't think that's it. I feel like all along she's been trying to reach out for help, reach out to me. You. Anyone. And I closed her off. I mistrusted her. And now she's gone. And all I can wonder is if she's in danger right now, and if it's my fault."
Cass isn't staring at the stars anymore. Her eyes are trained to her lap. Vacant, lifeless eyes. She's trembling. She's isn't crying anymore, but somehow, this feels worse.
Silence ensues once more. Then to my surprise, this time it's Markus clearing his throat and breaking the silence.
"Hey," he cautions, "this is a depressing thoughts free zone. I thought we were leaving that all to after?" When this gets him no response, he presses further. "Besides, you guys are asking all the wrong questions. The question we should all be asking is what's going on with those two over there."
Looking up, I realise his finger is pointed straight at me and Cole.
We look to each other then back at him. "Us?" I say, stunned.
"Yes, you," Markus replies. "Don't think I haven't seen you guys sneaking off all the time. I ignored it last term, but these days you guys are all over each other."
I facepalm.
"Jeez, Markus," Cass mumbles.
"Let them be," Logan sighs.
"He's just saying what we've all been thinking," Willow says casually, agreeing with a nonchalant shrug.
"Exactly!" Markus continues. "If you guys aren't even going to bother to be conspicuous, you might as well make it official already, instead of sneaking around all the time and acting all mysterious about it. Not everything has to be kept a secret, you know."
Cole props himself on his elbows, tilting his head sideways as he regards Markus with an amused expression. "What's the problem, Markus? You jealous of Emma?"
I shoot Cole a deadpanned look. He grins in response.
"It's exactly that," Markus says jokingly without skipping a beat. "Honestly, I thought we had a bit of a bromance going on."
"Whoa, dude. I thought that was us?" Logan says.
Cass's brows draw together, "Are you seriously getting offended by that?"
"Well—"
And just like that, the spark is lit. The tap is open and the conversation flows. It runs with no purpose and no end until it's dark and the roof is open and we fall into a sea of stars. It's pointless, it's forgettable. And yet it's not. It's a means to forget, to distract ourselves from the serious thoughts that plague us, those questions we know we'll have to get answers to, sooner or later — whether we want them or not.
Where is Morgana? Is she really missing? And if so, who's behind it all? Who's the real mole?
And just as these thoughts begin to overwhelm me, I hear the sound of pure, unbridled laughter coming from beside me, and I forget again.
It's a distraction.
But I'm learning to realise that sometimes, distractions are okay.
:: 💫 ::
They say good things come to those who wait. Unfortunately, you're waiting for me to update, so the only thing that's coming is disappointment and a poor apology.
I really am sorry, and I do have multiple excuses for why I haven't updated for over a month (even now, I have other very-important-things I'm putting off to write this) but they are so multiple, I can't even begin to explain, so I won't. (Though obviously, if anyone really cares, you can ask and I'll answer).
Now, story time: Morgana has joined the roster of missing people and now it seems like she isn't the evil mastermind behind it all. Do you guys think Cass is right? And if so, what are your theories on who's really in charge?
On a brighter note: THANKS FOR 17K READS AND #1 IN #SUPERHERO AND #SUPERPOWERS (well it's no. 2 now but shh). I clearly don't deserve it for my negligence but I'm so grateful to you all for all your votes and lovely comments and support and— 💖💖💖
Okay, I'm done now.
Thanks for reading!
♕ Carmen ♕