That gif makes me sad :(
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CHAPTER FIFTEEN
That night, the unsettling feeling in my stomach greatens. Even though I received the slip of paper explaining the excuse from my presentation on Thursday, I still feel anxious. I have never felt this anxious since Abby, Sophie and Chase confronted me of something so unnecessary and hurtful. Though this time, I realize that I am not anxious for myself, but for Harry.
I am so worried about him. I haven't heard from him since his good night text I received in English class today which was more than twelve hours ago. I would text him or call him but I don't want the risk of waking him up because he needs his sleep. But each second that passes, makes me more anxious than the previous.
It is eleven at night right now. And I am rolling around in my bed.
I am dying to text him but I can't. I really don't want the risk of waking him up but what if Harry is awake and is waiting for my call. It could be something that Harry wants at the moment. This is honestly so messed up.
I hear my phone ding on my bedside table. I quickly snatch it in a millisecond and see it's from Harry. I open the text not a second after.
Hi, love. Are you awake? .xx
The text makes me relieved that I finally heard from him after all this time. But it worries me. How long was he awake? I feel a bit bad now that I didn't contact him sooner.
Hey, Harry. Yeah, can't sleep, everything alright? xx.
This is a time where people would bite their nails to the brim but since I don't bite my nails, thank god I have never went on that habit, I bite on my duvet.
Could I call you? .xx
He replies after a minute. My anxiety builds up as I reply yes and wait for his call. A few seconds after I sent the text, the call comes.
"Harry." I breathe out. "Is everything okay?" My heart is beating so fast right now.
"Joey." He let's out a shaky breath.
"Are you okay?" I can't help but ask him again.
"I managed to have some sleep." He says not really answering my question. I take that as he isn't really alright. I just want to be with him right now.
"How long?" I ask while sitting up. I can't lay down with this anxiety.
"Five hours." He's been home for more than twelve hours and he only got five. "I can't sleep." He says in a sad tone. I frown and squeeze my eyes shut. "I-could you-umm."
"What is it? Do you need anything?" Harry stays silent for a few moments. I could hear his hitched breathing and I become scared that he is having another panic attack. "Harry." I say quietly.
"Could you come over?" He says twice as slow. I look at the screen of my phone and see it is almost 11:30 at night. "Sorry, that was a stupid question." Harry rushed out when I didn't answer.
"No. I want to come over so badly. Wait one sec." I put the phone down on my bed and quietly tiptoe down the hall to my mum's room. I wait at her door and hear regular deep breathing come out of her mouth. I tiptoe back to my room and put the phone against my ear. "I'll be there in 5, could you meet me at your back fence?"
"Of course."
"Okay see you then, bye, Harry."
"Bye, Joey. Thank you, love." I smile.
"Anything for you?" I hang up shortly after and grab a duffel bag from under my bed.
I turn on the light to my room and open my closet choosing clothes for tomorrow. I pick out light blue skinny jeans and a grey knit cropped sweater. I fold them up quickly and put them into my bag. I put socks in my bag too, before going to my washroom and grabbing mascara, moisturizer my comb and toothbrush and toothpaste into my bag as well. I zip the zipper up, grab my school bag and start heading downstairs with my phone. I make sure to turn my light off and close the door before going down the stairs. I write a quick note for my mum, putting it on the table in the kitchen before putting on my jacket and boots. I head to the back door leading to my back yard and exit before walking across the grass.
"Harry." I whisper, not being able to see much from the lack if lights.
"Joey." I hear him say on the other side of the fence. I run the rest there and take off my bags.
"I'm going to throw my bags over." I state.
"Okay." I hear him move to the side. I throw both over at the same time and cringe when they crash onto the ground. I wish I could use my flashlight on my phone but that could wake people up.
"I'm going to climb over now." I say slightly nervous. I have never climbed up a fence before.
"I'll catch you if you fall, don't worry." I hear Harry say. But what if I fall backwards and not forwards. But I climb anyways. I would do anything for Harry and this is proving it.
My boots, sweats and jacket make it harder for me to climb but I try my best. One step at a time I go higher up. Luckily the fence isn't that high. I make it up to the top and carefully put one leg over the fence. I do the same with the other so I am sitting on the top. I see Harry smiling below.
"It's okay." I tell him since he has his hands out. "I'm going to jump." I say. He moves aside and I leap down, making sure to bend my knees when I land to soften the landing. "Harry." I rush to Harry and tackle him into a hug. Harry falls backwards from the force I put onto him making him fall back, with me on top.
"Joey, I missed you." He says hugging me tightly.
"I missed you too, Harry."
I hide my face in his neck, liking warmth his skin has. I pull away slightly and lean down, pressing my lips to his. Our lips move together as my stomach does flips. I missed this boy so freaking much. I missed his warmth, his touches, his voice, his hair, his presence, his everything. We pull away and I give him another kiss on the cheek.
"Are you okay?" I ask still hugging him tightly.
"I am now."
Most people would be disgusted at how cheesy that line sounds, but for me, it just warms my heart. I know Harry is going through such a difficult time right now and hearing that I make him feel better is just a feeling I cannot explain.
"I love you." I say.
"I love you more, Joey." Harry presses his lips onto my lips once more before we pull away and stand up. It's freezing outside.
"Here, I'll get that." Harry says and grabs my bags for me.
"Thank you." I smile at him. He's such a gentlemen.
We walk side by side and enter his house. The heat coming from inside instantly warms my skin. I sigh in content. I slip off my boots and take off my jacket. Harry does the same before we quietly walk up the stairs and go inside his room. Harry closes the door behind him. Harry has his lamp on giving the dark room a bit of light.
It's really comforting because I am not able to see the depressed state his room gives off. Instead of the white, black and brown colours, I see orange and yellow from the light. I make a mental note to give his room a makeover.
"How anxious are you from 1 to 10?" I dare to ask while sitting down on the side of his bed. I know Harry is super anxious and he needs comfort, that's why he called me.
"Nine." He says and sits besides me, resting his head against mine.
"Not ten?" I ask. I am happy it isn't that high up but truth is I was expecting it.
"I'm saving my ten." He whispers. I look at him with sad eyes and hug him tightly. It just shows how strong he is.
I think back to the nine he said. He must be really anxious then. I look at Harry, with both hand on his cheeks, and observe his face. His eyes are bloodshot, his eyes are swollen, his nose is redder than ever, his face looks haggard and pale. My heart quenches. He looks horrible. He looks like he has been crying for a long time.
"Harry, you should have called me sooner." I bite my lip to try to stop myself from feeling extremely emotional.
"I didn't want to bother you. I didn't want to be a burden." He says the last sentence just below a whisper. This makes my heart shatter into a million pieces.
"Harry." My eyes water. "You would never ever be a burden, don't even think that." I cry and hug him as tightly as I could. "When I say I love you, it means not only do I love every feature about you, but because I want to be here for you every second of the day. I love you because I get to be there for you at your extreme lows and at your extreme highs. I love you because I get to be there for you when you need it, when you feel like you are breaking so I could help you through it. And I love you because I get to make you smile and do all these exciting things with you. So you, Harry Styles, do not have the right to say you are a burden because you aren't."
I am full on sobbing. The pain in my chest radiates through out my whole body. How could Harry think that? It hurts me so much that he did because it just shows how unconfident he is with himself. And it hurts so fucking much.
"I'm sorry." Harry says. I wipe my tears and see he is sobbing too. We are both a sobbing mess. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Joey." He cries.
I quickly try to calm myself, taking deep breaths. I realized my crying is not helping Harry in anyway. I manage to stop my sobs and slow my tears. I immediately bring my hands up to his face and wipe his tears. He looks so sad and vulnerable right now. He look like he is going to break in any second.
"It's okay. It's alright, Harry." I rub one hand on his chest to calm him down. I could feel his torso going up and down from his fast breathing. "It's alright." I whisper and hug him. Harry hugs me with all his might.
"You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. Thank you so much for always being by my side. Please don't ever leave." He sobs making my face wet with his tears.
"I will never leave you." I honestly say and rub his back. With my other hand, I stroke it through his hair. I could both feel and hear him calming down by the second. "I'll always be here, Harry. I love you."
When he manages to stop crying, I could see he is so exhausted. I honestly don't even think he slept for five hours. I don't think he slept at all. He looks so bad. I am definitely not letting him go to school tomorrow. I look at the clock and see it's almost one in the morning.
Harry pulls away and puts his hand to his chest. I furrow my eyebrows looking at him. Something doesn't seem right. His breathing quickens and just as I am going to put a hand on his shoulder, he bolts to the washroom. I hear a gagging sound along with liquid hitting liquid.
"Fuck." I swear and rush to his washroom, flicking on the light.
I see Harry kneeing besides the toilet looking as sick as ever. I feel like this wasn't the first time he threw up today. Harry wipes his mouth and flushes the toilet, leaning back again the bathtub. I sit besides him and run my hands through his hair to calm him down.
"What number was that?" I asked while squeezing my eyes shut.
"It was the...third." My eyes squeeze shut even more as I lay my head on his shoulder. I let out a shaky breath.
"Let's get you cleaned up."
I stand up and flush the toilet before flicking on Harry's bedroom lights. I go to his dresser and open it, grabbing a pair of boxers, sweats and a plain white tee shirt. I go back to the washroom and put it on top of the closed toilet. Harry stands up.
"Take a shower." He nods and gives me a small smile. I give one back before leaving the washroom. closing the door behind me.
I turn off Harry's bedroom light and carefully open his bedroom door, not wanting to wake up Anne. I head down the stairs and into the kitchen, turning on the light. I wash my hands and see a kettle on the counter. I poor some water inside and plug it in the wall socket. I know Harry probably didn't eat or drink anything the whole day.
I open the fridge in search of something to make for Harry. My cooking abilities is very limited so when I see a box of pancake mix, I jump with joy. I take a pan out and put it on the stove, turning it on. I take the box out, poor some in a bowl from the cabinet and mix it with water from the tap. I mix the contents together until it is nicely blended.
I successfully cook three perfect looking pancakes, and put them on a plate. I hear the kettle whistling so I quickly unplug it and poor the water into a mug along with a tea bag. I put some sugar in it and mix it together. I grab some whip cream from the fridge along with blueberries and nicely out it on the stack of pancakes. I quickly wash the dishes, not wanting to make a mess in Harry's house.
After putting a fork and knife on the plate, I start going back to Harry's room with the mug if tea on my other hand. I use my elbow to turn the light off while making sure not to drop or spill the food and drink I've made for the anxious boy I love.
When I enter Harry's room, I place the tea and plate of pancakes on his clean, organized desk. I close the door to his room right after and sit on the side if his bed while I wait for Harry to be done.
Shortly after, I hear the shower stop running and the sound of curtains being puller aside. I sit more upright than in my previous slouched position. After another few minutes, the door opens and I see Harry looking freshly showered. I stand up and walk towards him, giving him a hug. He hugs me back and kisses my head. I look up at him and see he looks a lot better physically. His eyes are not as red and the bags under his eyes seemed to have lessened. I grab his hand and make him sit on his bed.
"I made food for you. I bet you must be hungry." I get the mug of tea and give it to him first. "It's hot." I give him caution before getting the plate of pancakes. Harry puts the mug on his beside table and holds the plate. "I just want you to have something in your stomach." I say while sitting besides him.
"That's very sweet of you, thank you, Joey." He gives me a small smile. Even though the end of his mouth curves up the slightest, I know he means it.
"Anything for you."
Harry places the plate on his lap and slowly cuts a piece of the pancake. I sit back against the headboard as I watch Harry eat it. He chews slowly, for sure not having an appetite, but forces it down for me. I mentally thank him. He takes a sip of his tea before eating another piece of the pancake.
"It's really good." Harry speaks up. "Thank you." He tells me and turns around so he is facing me sitting crossed legged on his bed, placing the plate between us.
"I'm glad you like it." I smile at him. "And it's no problem." I say honestly.
"Are you hungry? Have some." He offers me, cutting a piece and bringing the fork to my mouth. I laugh and open my mouth, eating the delicious food.
"Thanks." I smile at him. Before I wasn't hungry, but after eating a piece of the pancake I start to feel the need to eat more.
I stretch my legs out to the side and lean back while watching Harry eat. He is eating slowly, for sure probably trying not to feel sick when forcing down food. He would have a sip of tea every few bites to help the food settle. I continue watching him and let out a yawn every few minutes. It is probably almost two in the morning now.
"Do you want more?" He asks when he is halfway finished. "I can't eat anymore." He says.
"Sure."
I smile at him and get the plate, placing it on my lap. Harry get his tea and sits besides me. I take a bite and groan. Harry lightly chuckles. I take another bite and feel Harry looking at me. I turn my head and see his eyes watching my every move. His cheeks start turning pink and he gives me a smile.
"What is it?" I ask him and wipe my mouth, feeling like he is looking at me because I'm a messy eater.
"You're beautiful and I just couldn't help but stare." He says. I blush in awe.
"Harry." I lean my head on his chest. He runs his hand through my hair.
"You are amazing, Joey. Sometimes I just think to myself and ask how this happened. How I was able to have someone so smart, gorgeous, and so incredibly caring and sweet into my life." He says. I take a deep breath with my eyes closed. "I love you."
"And I love you." I look up at him and lightly peck his lips. I can never get used to the feeling of his lips on mine. How soft and smooth they are and how delicately Harry touches me.
I finish the pancakes and put them on his bedside table. Harry finishes his tea and puts the mug on top of my plate.
"Thank you again for the food and tea." Harry says wraps a hand around my belly, pulling me towards him. I do the same on him.
"I would do anything for you." I brush Harry's hair out of his face and smile.
Harry let's out a big yawn and covers his mouth. I look at him with awe. When he closes his mouth, I feel a yawn coming and I yawn a second after.
"Let's go to bed." I tell Harry. He pouts and shakes his head. I rub his arm. "You're tired."
"No." He shakes his head. I know he's tired. He has to be. But I totally understand why he said that. When you are so anxious, not only is it hard to sleep, but you don't want to sleep also because when you wake up, you are going to be facing the thing that is making you anxious and it is a scary feeling.
"We aren't going to school tomorrow, okay." This makes him look into my eyes. "You definitely aren't fit for it and I want to be with you too."
"But you are going to miss classes and be behind." I shake my head.
"English I will be missing nothing. I bet I could catch up with Chemistry, I am already ahead in Maths and the others are just easy courses so don't worry." I smile at him liking the idea of skipping school tomorrow.
"Are you sure?" He asks.
"Yes." I smile. "I would choose you over school any day." I honestly say. He wraps his arms around me and hugs me tight. I lay my head on his chest and close my eyes.
"Okay, let's go to bed."
Harry let's go of me and climbs off of the bed, turning off the light. I pull back his duvet and get underneath the warm material, laying down on the left side of the bed. After Harry climbs in next to me, on my right. Harry pulls the duvet over us and I automatically turn towards him and lay my head down on his chest with one of my legs over top his. Harry puts his right hand on my back and I put my left on his stomach. It's so warm and comfy.
"We keeping the lamp on?" I mumble since I am so tired.
"Is it alright if we do?" He asks. I nod into his chest.
"Of course." I wonder if he needs the light on every night or if it is because of his anxiety and the light gives him some sort of security. "I find the light comforting when I have trouble sleeping." He says in a whisper. I look up at him with pure admiration. I give him a reassuring smile.
"Try to sleep, okay?" I say and lay back down stroking my thumb over top where his ribs are.
"Okay." He breathes out and kisses my head. I kiss his clothed chest.
"Good night, Harry."
"Good night, Joey."
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Long update to make up for the long wait! Sorry about that!
Please vote vote vote! I really love seeing that there are more than 25 votes for the chapter, they make me happy.
I just had to put a TFIOS reference. I just had too.
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Thank you for reading,
~ May <3