This was requested by olympicriding101
I have to say I really did try my hardest to really understand from deep down the feeling of neglect and loneliness. This ones a bit in the blues but I'm proud of it.
Warning⚠️: The mentions of cutting and depression. Blood warning as well (but not that detailed❗️)
If y'all ever need a sista to talk to im here. Plus I'm all ears, hugs, and
random meme sends.🤷🏾♀️😊
-Yinkous❤️
The void
Even when you were growing up with T'challa, many people have told you that you weren't worthy of his time, a terrible friend, and simply a beggar. Ironically people started calling you that when school started. You were raised with a verbally abusive family not to mention you've always, for as long as you've known, had self doubt.
As you two became teenagers, you've always had a secret crush on T'challa. You, to trusting friend, told her and the word got around like wild fire.
The beggar had a crush on the prince, the future king.
You have to admit, telling that friend about your crush was your biggest mistake of your life. Everyone, including T'challa's good friend, W'baki, threatened you to immediately stop seeing T'challa.
Even if you two were just friends.
At first, you ignored their threats, you two have been best friends ever since you guys were babies, you were never going to step down from that.
So you lied to them. You told them that he couldn't have liked you. Since you were almost like his sister, and he's like your brother, but they saw right through your lies. They knew you were close, but not in a sibling type.
They hit you and kicked at your stomach after school on a rainy day. Nakia, T'challa girlfriend at the time, laughed along with everyone and even gave her own little kick at you. You looked at her, thinking that they were friends, but after the second kick with her heels, you guessed not. After an hour of that pain, you got up and coughed up blood from deep within your throat. You hobbled back into your house, feeling very defeated but knowing the purpose of why you were beat. You came home to be greeted by your mother and father. They explained to you that you missed dinner so they didn't have enough food to feed you, and that you were failing your classes. They told you that you were an embarrassment , and chose to ignore the bruises that we're all over your body, even your black eye.
You promised to yourself that exact night that he was no longer your person, that he was off bounds, and to keep yourself alive is to leave him alone.
One day he asked you if you guys could hang out after school and you gave him the cold shoulder. You've done this several times, ignoring his call and texts, canceling plans last minute. And over time, you guys all together stopped talking. Not even a hello or glance.
But you were pained. You were scared for your own self being and convinced yourself that you indeed were not worthy of love, of him. You were pained that he didnt question your distance. You were pained that he moved on so fast.
So on the first year of high school your were falling deeper into the deep void of sadness. People still made fun of you, for being a so called beggar, for not having a lot of friends and for lacking the Wakanda beauty everyone held. And when your family tells you every single day that you are embrasssing them and that you were selfish you were hitting the bottom. Hitting the final blow of what you had left and he final drop of self love was finally gone. It was up to your mind to take over and fill in your you.
In your second year of high school, you came back home in tears. There were a new round of insults and each every time it hit home, it hit your heart, you turned numb. You ran into the bathroom with tears streking down your cheeks you picked dip your fathers razor and lined it up at the skin of your wrists. You took a breath trying to find a reason not to do it. But what? No one loved you, your parents hated you, absolutely no one cared for at school, and your rock, your friend, your inner peace didn't even have the time of day to even ask what happened to what was lost.
You sighed and with a swift movement you gripped the razor and pulled downward marking your sensitive skin. You winced not at the pain but the leaking blood falling onto the tiles on the bathroom.
'This doesn't even hurt.' You thought moving down your arm making more and more marks, your blood now coating your arm with a deep sorry red. Your crying got harder and you fell to the floor holding your arm, rocking your body to ease yourself to stop.
'Good job.' A distant sound in your head told you. It scared you that you didn't care about the cuts but about how worthless that you have become.
You finished your two years of high school with a white bandage around both of your arms. No one questioned it, even when blood seeped through mailing it visible that everyday you always managed to fall off your bike, on your arms, for two years.
On the last day of high school, while everyone was excited and partying, you sat on the toilet in the last stall behind the school. Since no one ever went into the back on the school it was the perfect place to do the deed and be alone. But today as you were pulling out the razor crying that the loneliness your heart felt and the fear of your future that bathroom door swung open making you jump. You hurriedly stuffed the razor in your abused bag and cleared your throat.
"Y/N?" T'challa yelled in the bathroom pushing open each stall one by one.
'T'challa?' You thought looking down revealing his shoes.
'T'challa.' You concluded dropping you face.
He got to your stall and basically kicked the door down.
"What are you doing?" He asked looking at your unbandaged arm and gasping. He grabbed your arm gently and brought it up to his eyes. They started to water.
"Why are you doing this?" He asked dropping his graze from your arm over to your red eyes.
You pulled your arm out of his grasp and swinted your eyes. You pulled down on your sleeves and wiped your nose.
"Since when did you care?" You asked trying to make your wobbly voice cold.
"Since I found out today that my best friend is depressed! Since I just found out that you hurt yourself and you didn't tell me!" He looked down at your face in which fell.
"Best Friends don't just ignore each other..." you said under your breath.
" What do you mean? You were the one pushing me out of your life! I thought I did something wrong so I gave you you're space. I didn't... I wish..." he sighed and sat down on the bathroom floor now by your feet.
"Why did you stop, why did you not wan tot talk." He asked leaning his head on the bathroom wall and glanced over at you. You sniffled and looked up at the ceiling.
"Reasons, at the time but,.." you paused. "Reasons." You finalized.
"I know there are reasons but what are they?" He asked his head now perked up.
"Your stupid ass Friends okay?" You said grabbing your bag and standing up. "They fucked up my life and I get in now. I get why they did it."
You started to walk away but he grabbed your wrist them quickly let go making you turn.
"Why did they do it?" He asked you.
"Because I'm trash, worthless, a fat ugly pi-" he cut you off and pulled you into a hug.
He started to cry into your shoulder and hug you tighter with each breath he took. You stood there in shock telling him hold you and lightly hugged bac.
"Please don't do this anymore im begging you Y/N. I love you okay? I care for you and I wont allow you to be alone anymore Okay? I promise to be by your side for now on." He mumbled into your shoulder. He mumbled other loving things into your shirt and you started to tear up.
"So all those times you have bangles on you were-" you nodded and started patting his head.
"Please stop this okay there are so many things a pretty person can be doing ." He cried out.
"Okay T." You said nodding again.
"I promise but we have to talk about this." You said mounting in between you two.
"Yes, of course." He said holding your hand and looking down at you.
"I care about you okay? I always had so please just let me take care of you as we venture together Y/N. I've always cared and loved you since we were young. And when you hurt yourself like this, your hurting me was well so please, believe me and I'm sorry."
You nodded shedding a tear and going for another hug.
"Okay I trust you." You said holding his hand and walking out of the stall. As you walked out you grabbed the razo from out your bag and threw it away.
'Thank you Bast for T'challa.' You thought walking out, saying your goodbyes to high school.