Chapter 17
Christina paces behind me as we follow Tobias to who knows where.
"Tobias, stop." I say. Why would we leave and be scared of Evelyn. It's not right to the people of Chicago. We need to help them before it's too late.
"I think it would be best if we stay in town." I say, not knowing what his reaction to my comment will be. He stops walking and turns to look at me. We stop right behind him. Nothing but building walls surround us.
"Tris, we can't just stay. Don't you understand? If we stay and try to save everyone from Evelyn then you, me, or both of us are most likely going to... going to die." He doesn't get mad at me for what I said.
"Tobias I-" Christina cuts me off from me about to blow up at Tobias for him not listening to me.
"Wait you guys. Let's say that we do leave town." Great, now Christina is on Tobias's side.
"If we leave town then we can go out and find help." She says.
"Christina, I died last time we went out of town. Remember?" I say.
Tobias looks down at the ground with his hands behind his back as if trying not to remember the time where he lost me. His mouth opens and he try's to speak.
"Tris," he says, "we would probably lose you here too if we stay any longer." I don't think of it that way. My mind is too busy and I'm too stressed out to think. Without even thinking it through I reply.
"Fine, but hear me out. One thing for sure is that we aren't going back to the government compound even though everyone's mind is blank there now. I don't want to encounter the place where I once died again." It's a fair enough statement. It's the truth. Both Christina and Tobias nod.
"Trust me," Christina says, "I wouldn't want to go back there either. That place gave me nightmares after losing Uriah and you."
"Then I guess we should go then." Tobias, Christina and I, all walk in unity to where I'm thinking the train is. That would be the only reason for why we would be walking there to get out of town. I jog a little to catch up with Tobias. Christina still lingers behind.
I walk next to him and grab his hand.
"Tobias," I say, "how long do you think we will be traveling for?" He continues walking, still keeping our hands together.
"I don't know Tris. Hopefuly not too long." He smiles at me. I smile back at him.
The train is pretty far from where we are so we have a few more blocks to walk. The city looks empty. It's almost scary to me. Who knows where everyone is.
As all three of us keep walking towards the train, silence in the city is broken.
"Oh no." Says Tobias in a low whisper.
He lets go of my hand and he freezes in place. Christina and I do the same.
Another bomb from what sounds like the Abnigation part if town, has just gone off.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We all run far from the sounding of the bomb. It makes me shiver when I hear it. We arrive at the train and jump on it as quickly and as safely as we can. I take a moment to breath, gasping for air but the cold air around me makes my lungs burn.
"Tris, you should sit down." Tobias said, looking concerned for me.
"Yeah... sure." Sitting in the corner of the train car, I slump down and put my knees to my chest and put my head in between them. I never had time to put my hair up so it just falls on my legs. Tobias sits down next to me.
"I'm going to let you two be alone. I'll be in the next car if you need me." Said Christina, who is also gasping for air. I want her to stay but time with Tobias is precious to me. Tobias doesn't say anything back to her and nither do I. He just nods. The bitwarm sunlight beams down onto the train car.
"Here, you need this more than I do." Tobias lends me his jacket. He puts it over my shoulders.
"Thanks." I say. His jacket makes me feel warmer instantly. "So..." I say in curiosity. "Tell me about how you escaped the spys." I hold on to his hand.
"Oh, um... sure enough it actually was pretty easy escaping but..." He studders. He lets go of my hand and puts it on his knee. Ever since the spys caught him, hes been acting weird. Hes been unormaly quite too.
"Remember how I said they put me under Truth serum when they caught me."
"Uh-ha, and.."
"I told you I couldn't fight it, but I remember what they asked me." His eyes are cold and meaningless. It scares me to think what they asked him. Last time they put us under Truth serum, it almost broke us apart. I don't want that to happen again.
"One of the things they asked me was where I was off to. I replied to them that I was just out to get food for us. Luckely it was before we all thought of this plan to escape on the train. They shouldn't know where we are right now."
"Well that's good. I'm guessing you were forced to tell them where I was. Weren't you?" I keep my voice calm, not wanting to upset him because really it wasn't his fault.
"Ah... yeah I was. Sorry 'bout that. I'm glad your safe though. I'm also glad I told Christina to check on you." He scratches the back of his head.
"I'm glad too." I say. He doesn't smile back at me when I look at him. Something's still bothering him. There has to be.
"Tobias, what's bothering you? You've been acting odd... tell me. You can trust me. I promise." I kind of sound demanding a little. I don't mean to be but I can tell when something's upsetting him. He lifts his head from looking at the ground and looks at me.
"Nothing. Nothing... is bothering me." He takes his hand from his knee and places it on my stomach. He reaches over to kiss me.
"Okay... if you say so." Still, I think somethings bothering him, but I have trust in him. He shows a faded smile at me. I kiss him back, for as long as I want to. He keeps his hand on my stomach as I move over to sit closer to him. Just as I start to lay my head on his shoulder he takes his hand away from me and gets up.
"Tobias?" I say confused.
"I'm sorry I... I can't do this!" He becomes fustrated and starts to walk in circles. I knew something else was bothering him.
"What do you mean you can't do this? Do what?"I squint my eyes at him.
"There was one more thing they asked me. It killed me to answer it but the Truth serum was too strong and I was forced under it. He throws a punch to the wall.
"I didn't want to tell you but I thought it would be best if you knew." He says.
"Tobias, what is it?" I become stiff. What if he... no he couldn't have. Could he?
"They asked me if you were... if you were pregnant and I said yes." He stops walking in circles but doesn't look at me.
"You told them? How could you! I... I.." I don't care about how mad or how I'm yelling right now. My world just stops. Now I want to punch a wall. He turns and looks me in the eye, he's just as mad as I am at what I said. I have to remember that it's not his fault but I sense that whos fault is it doesn't matter to me anymore.
"Tris.... you realise how hard it was for me to say that? I tried to fight the question! I tried!" He's yelling loud at me and I shutter at his tone.
"You didn't try hard enough!" Opps. I didn't want to say that but the words slip out before I can even think twice about saying them. Now I'm just adding logs to the fire.
"You know what? It's not always that easy at life when you're constantly being put down at all the time. You think it was easy for me to say that?"
I curl up into a ball and don't reply at anything he says. Tears roll down my cheeks and can't help myself but to start pouting. I'm not pouting or crying for him yelling at me, but only because now our baby is in danger. I don't want to lose something so special to me... to us.
"Tobias," I say in a shallow voice, "I don't want this situation to come between us." He calms down once I start sounding simpathic and him probably thinking that I am forgiving him. I don't think I'm ready to forgive yet knowing that my baby and me are in harms way.
"I... think you're right. I'm mad at myself though. I take full responsibility for what ever happens. But hopefully, nothing happens." He says, and sits back down next to me. "I still don't know if I can forgive. I try to protect myself from everything and here it is, danger always being thown in my face."
I try to comprehend myself.
"I will keep my promise to make sure you are safe. I will always." He then grabs my hand and holds on to it tightly.
"Thanks." I choose not to say anything more than that.
Hours and hours pass by with Tobias and I talking about silly things. The train continues at a moderate speed. Every once-in-a-while Christina walks in and checks on us. She kept saying that she was bored and I wouldn't blame her. It was pretty boring on this train once you're on it for a while. She talks with us about what she thinks is out there in the unexpected. It scares me to know. Day turns into night as we pass time with nothing. Christina says she was going to sleep and that she would see us in the morning. I tell her good night and she leaves to the other train car next to us. Tobias and I are still crouched up againt the wall of the train. My back has been hurting so I decide to get up. Once I'm up, a surge of pain shoots down to my legs. They're numb from me not using them for a while and my feet feel like they have little needles stuck in them. Regardless, I move around in circles to get the blood in me moving. It has gotten a little bit more chilly at night but Tobias's jacket helps a little. I look out of the train door and see that pure darkness engolfs what I see beyond. I look at Tobias who is resting in the corner of the train car. His arms folded and his legs out in front of him. Nothing but the moon gives us light to see in the night but not even the moons light can shine its way through the darkness.It's just enough to help me see where I'm steping in the train. Now that I'm alone in my thoughts, I have time to think. Think about what fear I might have to face. I almost forgot about Peter. Tobias shot Peter at the Eruidite compound. He was still alive but I wonder if he knew that Tobias shot him. A part of me whises he was dead because instead, Peter...he saw me. Saw me with the gun and not Tobias who was on top the building at the time. Great, now I have to watch out for another problem.
My nose starts throbing once I lean my head onto the side of the train door. I lightly touch my purple nose. It's terribly swollen and hurts tremendosly.
I ignore the pain and carry on in my thoughts. That's the least I can do now.
Other things scare me in this world that I haven't discovered yet. I remember David showing me a map of the world and showing that Chicago was just one of so many other places out there. Has those people been watching us too or have they created their own society like we have? If so then I hope it's a much better place then where Chicago is. Somedays I just wish for our old clan to get back together agian too. When Tori was still alive and when Uriah made us all laugh when times where hard. And to smell Al's sweet sage sope smell when he slept next to me when we were in the Dauntless, but cruley killed himself in the chasm. He deserved his death in a way. He almost took my life but still tried to forgive. I never forgave him. I will never forget Will too. Somedays he lingers in my mind evertime I pick up a gun and shoot someone, I think of him. That will never go away. Or how Caleb revived me but died when he was captured by Evelyn. What ever happened to Zeke, Cara and Mathew? I hope their still okay despite all the troubles in Chicago. Matthew's probably still in the government compound though. Most likely trying to help the ones who where effected by the Memory serum. If anything Zeke would be caught working for Evelyn. There's always that probability as if anything. Cara's strong and she could take care of herself. I never worried much about her.
"Tris?" I turn around to see Tobias yawning and putting his arms up to stretch.
"What are you still doing up?" He asks me still yawning.
"Oh, couldn't sleep. That's all." I said.
He motions me to come sit with him. I leave the train door and walk to him. I sit next to him with his jacket still around my sholders. I take it off and wrap it around both of us. He puts his arm around my shoulder as I move closer to him. He looks at me with his glistening eyes. It's embarrising to look back at him when I have a huge purple nose on my face. It doesn't matter to him though, he gildes his other hand across my face. It stings a little but I won't say anything to ruin the moment. "I love you." I say to him.
"I love you too Tris." He says back. I nuzzle my head on his chest and let my thoughts lay to rest. I'm not tired so my eyes stay open the entire night. It's wired that I'm not tired but tonight not even an ounce of me wants to sleep. With my eyes open the whole night, I see a glimps of daybreak peeking through the emptyness that lies beyond us. For once in my life I feel calm and relaxed. I wish this moment would never end but at every point in time, all good things must come to an end.